[Accepted]Yamai, Kangetsu 病間月

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HozukiKangetsu
Posts: 20
Joined: Wed May 24, 2017 8:00 pm

[Accepted]Yamai, Kangetsu 病間月

Post by HozukiKangetsu » Fri Nov 24, 2017 1:27 pm

Username: HozukiKangetsu
Points: 0/0
Prestige Perks: 0/0
Stat Trainings: (0/50)
Yamai,Kangetsu(病間月)

"Protect your friends and your foes so that your foes will one day become your friends"

General Information Age:14
Gender:Male
Height:6 Feet
Weight:160
Physical Features
Kangetsu has white hair that is between medium and long length, he has purple eyes as a somewhat slim body build. He does not look very scrawny but he does not look very buff, he is somewhere in the middle. He has pale skin and can barely every tan even though he loves to be outside. Being part of the Yamai Clan he also has 2 red dots on his forehead that are permanently there.
Clothing/Accessories:
Kangetsu wears dark clothes that are like robes or jackets, his style changes quite often so there is never really one certain thing that he wears. No matter what he chooses to wear though it will almost always have a high collar and features of a robe or a jacket like mentioned before. He prefers to wear blue colors and blacks. He hates to wear red, green, and yellow so you will almost never see him wear any colors that resemble red yellow or green.
PicturesShow

Personality:
Kangetsu is very prideful which is one of his flaws, he however is very intelligent and has a knack for learning techniques if he is not too lazy to learn them. He acts kind of like a jerk at sometimes but he always has his comrades in mind with whatever he chooses because he wants to protect anyone that he loves. He wants to be strong enough to protect anyone which is his dream or goal. He often thinks about what he is doing while or before he fights but if he is provoked he will just storm into a fight without thinking. He is not easily provoked though and will often attempt to make friends as well as he is very flirty and will also keep attempting to flirt with someone he likes even if they hate him. He is strong-willed and can also be independent at times. Even though he is cocky he does not show off what he has (He doesn't flex) he would rather someone like him for who he is rather then for what he has which is the reason he doesn't flex. He loves to eat food and his favorite foods are sweet foods, candy, basically anything that can get you diabetes. He is like a child with his eating habits because he hates anything that is healthy for you. Being made fun of as a child affected his view on life as he wants to help people because he doesn't want them to be like him even though this idea could easily change with a push to the wrong side.
Battle Information Village:
Kirigakure no Sato
Rank:
Genin
  • Ninjutsu:(10/50)
  • Taijutsu:(1/50)
  • Genjutsu:(1/50)
  • Stamina:(10/50)
  • Control:(8/50)
  • Strength:(5/50)
  • Speed:(4/50)
  • Instinct:(1/50)
Equipment:
Kangetsu carries around a katana that his brother used to have before dying. Before his brothers death he told Kangetsu to "never unsheathe the sword because bad things will happen to you" so he never takes the sword out of its sheathe because of what his brother told him. He carries the sheathed sword on his belt, he has the sword on the back part of the belt. Full Sword Size 28.5 Inches, Blade Size 23.5 Inches, Hilt Size 5 Inches

Companions: (0/1)
Affinity:
Suiton
Abilities and Concentrations [/color]
Abilities
First Ability
Death Bone PulseShow
A byproduct of the treatment for a congenital disorder, Death Bone Pulse is a Yamai’s ability to control the ossification of their bodies to rapidly replace, grow, or produce bone from their bodies. This allows the Yamai to not only turn any part of their bodies into bone, but to grow new bones, or additional bones, or simply fashion things out of bone. All jutsu utilizing Death Bone Pulse are channeled.[/center]
Second Ability---------
Third Ability-------------
Concentrations
Ninjutsu
Suiton:
Suiton Affinity
A character with this concentration is able to utilize Suiton, and can make and use any custom or archived jutsu that require the Suiton affinity. Suiton has a passive enveloping effect.
Passive (Enveloping)Show
Suiton's effect is enveloping, meaning that suiton passively surrounds anything that it makes contact with. Suiton techniques that do not last over periods of times (i.e, exploding techniques) drench their opponents, but long term techniques will envelop anything they come in contact with and maintain a hold on it with the 3/4th strength of the technique, rounded down. This means that if a suiton wave is shot forward with 17 strength, it will envelope and move anything with it that does not have more than 12 strength to resist it. This allows Suiton to fill a very powerful role in eliminating tools from opponent's access and capturing targets.
Taijutsu[Nothin here mate]
Genjutsu[Nothin here mate]

Jutsu
Ninjutsu 忍術Show
Suiton 水遁Show
*Suiton • Defensive Barrier
D-Rank Ninjutsu
After performing the correct hand seals the user will spray water created from the inside of their chest through their mouth. Once the water is expelled, it will form an umbrella shape that is concave to the user and about two meters in diameter. This defense is somewhat solid and can be formed in any direction the user can spit, up to five meters away. The defense is shot at a speed of 5 and has a strength of 5 and unless completely destroyed it lasts for three posts before falling lifelessly to the ground.
*Suiton • Water Shuriken
D-Rank Ninjutsu
After performing the correct hand seals the user will form a shuriken of water that can be thrown approximately 6 centimeters in diameter in their hand. When kai'd, this shuriken explodes with a force equal to a D-Rank explosion and covers the immediate area in water. If not consumed, this technique lasts for three posts.
*Suiton • Water Orb Technique
D-Rank Ninjutsu
After performing the correct hand seals the user will form a dense ball of water approximately 6 centimeters in diameter in their hands. Upon lurching forward, they will release the ball towards an opponent up to 10 meters away at a speed of 6 and with a strength of 4.
*Suiton • Propel Leap
D-Rank Ninjutsu
After channeling chakra into their hands the user will fire two jets of water from their hand, essentially hurling and propelling themselves in the opposite direction of their jets as if thrown by a strength of 5. Can be used once to throw themselves with 5 strength.
*Suiton • Clone
C-Rank Ninjutsu
After performing the correct hand seals the user creates a clone of themselves comprised completely of suiton chakra. This clone is incapable of jutsu, however it's liquid nature makes it a very capable taijutsu combatant. This clone lasts for 5 posts.
  • Taijutsu: 6
  • Stamina: 8
  • Strength: 7
  • Speed: 6
*Suiton • Crashing Wave
C-Rank Ninjutsu
After performing the correct hand seals the user expels a massive tidal wave of water 10 meters wide and nearly 5 meters tall. This wave travels forward at a speed of 10 and with a strength of 10 for up to 15 meters before losing it's steam and failing.
Shikotsumyaku (Death Bone Pulse) 支笏脈Show
~Death Bone Pulse • Bone Kunai
D-Ranked Ninjutsu
The user channels chakra onto any part of their body, causing it to ossify on the surface and create a kunai made out of bone that can be broken off the body and used as a weapon.
~Death Bone Pulse • Hand Knife Edge
D-Ranked Ninjutsu
The user channels chakra into their hand causing it to ossify and creating a straight blade of bone that extends just past the fingertips, resting on the back of their hand. While it can be used to strike with the user's strength it will break if struck with more than 5 strength.
~Death Bone Pulse • Proximal Phalanx Bone Senbon
D-Ranked Ninjutsu
The user will channel to ossify the tip of their fingers, then force it forward with a burst of chakra, sending forward 3 blunt bone pieces at 5 speed with 5 strength.
~Death Bone Pulse • Dead Bone Shackles
C-Ranked Ninjutsu
By channeling chakra into their handsh te user is able to form a layer of bone that is then sent towards a target at a speed of 10. This bone will attempt to wrap around the target's wrists, keeping them close to each other and restraining the target with a strength of 10.
~Death Bone Pulse • Mend
C-Ranked Ninjutsu
By channeling chakra throughout their own body or that of another the user causes the bones of those affected to ossify, completely fixing minor breaks and fractures over the course of a single post.
Taijutsu 体術Show
Nothin here mate.
Genjutsu 幻術Show
Nothin here mate.

History
Historical AccountsShow
Being part of the Yamai Clan Kangetsu often struggled making friends as he was picked on for having red marks on his head as a child so he grew up with no friends but he still had a good heart because he knew if he had friends he would protect them with his life. As years passed he often hid the red marks on his forehead with bandanas, bandages, and anything that he so it appears as if he was not in the clan except for the fact that his white hair stuck out like a sore thumb in Kirigakure because of most people having black or dark hair. He loved his family though as for some time they were the only reason that he lived, they were his nindo before he could find his own way. He never had any specific dreams like "Im gonna rule my village" or things along that line, all he really wants it to be strong enough to protect himself and everyone around him.

His Academy Experience was rather hard as he basically learned how to fight there from all of the bully's he had to protect himself someway so he went beyond what he was learning and trained his Water Style for that purpose. He wanted to protect himself from the constant assholes messing with him. He was often known as a trouble maker even though it was only because of him defending himself, teachers did not want to teach him,
girls did not want to talk to him, even the outcasts wanted nothing to do with him.

User avatar
Gara
Posts: 3399
Joined: Fri Jan 28, 2011 7:00 pm

[Accepted]Yamai, Kangetsu 病間月

Post by Gara » Fri Nov 24, 2017 5:25 pm

Hey so I am not a mod, but I want to help you out. Just going to go over your profile and point out something for you to fix.


Firstly, I need you to create a hyperlink out of his last name that links back to the clan page.

Second, I need you to remove all references to any cannon characters. They do not exist here and character pages are sort of a dossier of your character. Think of it as their bingo book entry.

Please give as much detail as you can for his physical, and clothing, descriptions. Everything helps.

Also, please put your pictures in a spoiler. It just makes everything easier. :)

Also, please give some more info on his personality. Think about how he would approach girls, what foods he likes and hates, anything that affects the way he thinks and acts.

Your picture for his sword is amazing. Really. However, please put a written description of it, and where he keeps it on his person. Does he keep it in a sheath? Maybe he just uses a rope to hang it from his back, or his waist?

For his affinity Suiton is fine. The extra information goes under your Ninjutsu concentrations section.

The Kekkei Genkai of the Yamai needs to be listed under abilities.

And for your history, I need you to add some more here too please. What was his home life like? You mention that he didn't have any friends growing up, you could describe his interactions with the other children in the clan, and village. Also, the red dots are required for all clan members, meaning that even as a child he would have them painted on. Also, please try to make sure your grammar and punctuation are correct. Look up Grammarly, it is super helpful for writing.

If you need any help at all feel free to send me a pm. :)
Kirigakure CharactersShow
Aisu, FuyuhiroAisu, Hatsuyuki
Kirigakure GeninKirigakure Special Jounin
  • Chakra Pool: 7
  • Endurance: 7
  • Control: 7
  • Strength: 7
  • Speed: 7
  • Willpower: 5
  • Power Rank: D
  • Chakra Pool: 22
  • Endurance: 20
  • Control: 20
  • Strength: 20
  • Speed: 23
  • Willpower: 20
  • Power Rank: B
Hyouton SpecialistSword Specialist
TealDarkorchid
Other CharactersShow
Tiānhuǒ "Xiao" ZhīzǐThe Mimic
Sunagakure Iaido Specialist GeninD-Rank Nukenin
  • Chakra Pool: 8
  • Endurance: 8
  • Control: 8
  • Strength: 8
  • Speed: 8
  • Willpower: 8
  • Power Rank: D
  • Chakra Pool: 5
  • Endurance: 5
  • Control: 5
  • Strength: 10
  • Speed: 10
  • Willpower: 5
  • Power Rank: D
Tenkujutsu Trainee - Sword SpecialistStealth Specialist
BrownLightgreen

User avatar
HozukiKangetsu
Posts: 20
Joined: Wed May 24, 2017 8:00 pm

[Accepted]Yamai, Kangetsu 病間月

Post by HozukiKangetsu » Sat Nov 25, 2017 3:26 am

thank you Gara. i tried my best to make my post better

User avatar
Yura
Posts: 4616
Joined: Wed Dec 24, 2008 7:00 pm

[Accepted]Yamai, Kangetsu 病間月

Post by Yura » Sat Nov 25, 2017 7:20 am

Points: 40/40 <—� This would actually be 0/0 at start. This denotes how many points you have to spend on things (almost like forum currency) which all characters start at 0 and earn through socials lovelies and plot boards.

Basic Ninjutsu <— these don’t need to be listed on your character as all village ninja are considered to already know them inherently. So if you were counting these towards the amount of Hutus you could have (which it looks like) you can replace these with other jutsu that you want.

Also, just a note about the sword: you allud to the fact that it has some sort of hidden power, which is fine, but just know that until you actually specify what that special power is on your character’s app (and likely pay for it as a special weapon) you won’t be able to use it’s secret or special power in a lonely/social/plot board. Basically, we need to know what kind of power it supposedly has before you use it to make sure it’s balanced and that it fits into our system.
CharactersShow
NameRankVillageTeamColor
SadakoGeninIwagakureTeam 13[color=#90D2D8]
Enkouten, MitsuoBanninIwagakureTeam 18|Jousai[color=#ff2200]
Retired CharactersShow
NameRankVillageTeamColor
Nara, ShikariBanninKonohagakureMamorinuku[color=#fb8a00]
Takara, MorikoGeninIwagakure[color=#ffeb66]
Inji, AyakoC-RankWaterfall[color=#8080ff]

User avatar
HozukiKangetsu
Posts: 20
Joined: Wed May 24, 2017 8:00 pm

[Accepted]Yamai, Kangetsu 病間月

Post by HozukiKangetsu » Sat Nov 25, 2017 7:25 am

Thank you a lot I changed the points and I wont use the swords power until much later when I make another one for probably jounin

User avatar
Niro
Tsuchikage
Tsuchikage
Posts: 9886
Joined: Fri Dec 11, 2009 7:00 pm

[Accepted]Yamai, Kangetsu 病間月

Post by Niro » Sat Nov 25, 2017 10:11 am

You've only spent 8 out of your 20 allocated points for jutsu, you can get 6 more D-ranks or 4 C-ranks (depending on pyramids). You don't get to keep them after registration and have to earn more points to get more jutsu, so be sure to use them now! :)
#MakeIwaGreatAgain
NameVillageRankTeam
Tatsuo [color=#940839][b]IwaTsuchikageTeam 18 Jousai
Kinomichi [color=limegreen][b]IwaBanninJousai
Kotetsu [color=slategray][b]IwaGeninTeam 7
Ashura [color=coral][b]SunaGenin
Sai [color=#FF14A1][b]Kiri - MND-Rank
Yamato [color=#C71585][b]KiriA-Rank

User avatar
Nick
Posts: 4418
Joined: Sat Jul 10, 2010 8:00 pm
Location: Strat's mom's house

[Accepted]Yamai, Kangetsu 病間月

Post by Nick » Sat Nov 25, 2017 10:31 am

A helpful word on the build of your stats:

You currently have no C-rank jutsu (though that could be fixed as suggested by Niro above), so a 10 in ninjutsu isn't helping you at all. You also have a 10 in taijutsu, and while taijutsu also effects how well you aim/balance/bodily functions, when you have no taijutsu techniques, it's doing you essentially no good.

Meanwhile, neglecting stamina and leaving it at 1 means you're likely to be tired out after just a few D ranks, or even 1-2 C rank ninjutsu, even with your relatively high control. A 1 in instinct means your character has basically no battle acuity at all.

You're absolutely free to leave your stats as is, especially since your "build" doesn't matter much as a starting out genin, and you've lots of room to grow and balance it out, but just figured I'd butt my head in with some information.
"It's so sad!" the reader said to the writer with a frown. "The character in my book just died!" The author turned to her and burst out into tears, "I know!" he said, "So did mine!"
Ninja Info CardsShow

Grand Shogun of River
Suzuko
Just another girl

User avatar
HozukiKangetsu
Posts: 20
Joined: Wed May 24, 2017 8:00 pm

[Accepted]Yamai, Kangetsu 病間月

Post by HozukiKangetsu » Sat Nov 25, 2017 12:03 pm

Thank everyone again for taking time out of their lives to help me. I have taken all into consideration

User avatar
Yura
Posts: 4616
Joined: Wed Dec 24, 2008 7:00 pm

[Accepted]Yamai, Kangetsu 病間月

Post by Yura » Sat Nov 25, 2017 12:29 pm

Now that I'm on my computer (and not my phone) I can look this over a bit more.

You still have only used 16 points worth of jutsu (you get up to 30 points worth) which means you can get more jutsu, essentially for free, if you want them. You could use those points to get some of the Yamai clan jutsu (you don't automatically know them just because you are in the clan) since you are part of the clan and have the ability for it. Just a suggestion though, entirely up to you.

Physical Features <---- I know you mention them in other places in the app, but the red marks of the Yamai clan should be listed under here since they are technically a physical feature.

Equipment: <--- Where on his person does he carry the sheathed sword? I know the picture has it carried on the hip, but we like to have it listed here as well.

Also, I notice that you don't have any kunai/shuriken/exploding tags listed under equipment either. You don't have to have any of these, but if you want any of them later you will end up having to pay a small amount of points for them. As a note, the maximum number of exploding tags you can have is 15.

History <--- You mention a decent amount about his early childhood, but I would like to see another paragraph (doesn't have to be anything huge) that just details his academy life, how he grew, if it was easy/hard for him, things like that. Like I said though, doesn't have to be huge.
CharactersShow
NameRankVillageTeamColor
SadakoGeninIwagakureTeam 13[color=#90D2D8]
Enkouten, MitsuoBanninIwagakureTeam 18|Jousai[color=#ff2200]
Retired CharactersShow
NameRankVillageTeamColor
Nara, ShikariBanninKonohagakureMamorinuku[color=#fb8a00]
Takara, MorikoGeninIwagakure[color=#ffeb66]
Inji, AyakoC-RankWaterfall[color=#8080ff]

User avatar
HozukiKangetsu
Posts: 20
Joined: Wed May 24, 2017 8:00 pm

[Accepted]Yamai, Kangetsu 病間月

Post by HozukiKangetsu » Sat Nov 25, 2017 12:43 pm

Thank you I think I finished now

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Kao
Posts: 8252
Joined: Fri May 21, 2010 8:00 pm

[Accepted]Yamai, Kangetsu 病間月

Post by Kao » Sat Nov 25, 2017 1:20 pm

Your yamai pyramid is off. In order to have 2 C ranks, you need at least 3 D ranks
Kao's CharactersShow
Akari KotaruBanninIwagakure no Sato Team 18 Jousai [color=#1fb8a3]
Komiya ShizuoJounin Iwagakure no Sato [color=#209DD3]
Yanagida Yukino Special Jounin Iwagakure no Sato [color=#a07ac2]
Ishiwara SetsunaChuunin Iwagakure no Sato[color=#E81D1D]
Enkouten Mai Jounin Iwagakure no Sato [color=#CE5412]
Aisu Namie Chuunin Kirigakure no Sato [color=#5bc2d4]
Awai FusaeA-Rank MNKonohagakure no Sato[color=#D95FEA]
Important NPCsShow
Akari Kanehara Akari clan elder [color=#80A0FF]
Sakata KannaIwagakure Councilwoman [color=#3DA43B]
Hazuki Shuran Jinchuuriki researcher [color=#E854C0]
Enkouten Kaizen Iwagakure councilman, clan leader [color=#C65871]
Rock Country Daimyo [color=#AC4A4A]

User avatar
HozukiKangetsu
Posts: 20
Joined: Wed May 24, 2017 8:00 pm

[Accepted]Yamai, Kangetsu 病間月

Post by HozukiKangetsu » Sat Nov 25, 2017 1:30 pm

Now im done lol thanks.

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Yura
Posts: 4616
Joined: Wed Dec 24, 2008 7:00 pm

[Accepted]Yamai, Kangetsu 病間月

Post by Yura » Sat Nov 25, 2017 2:22 pm

Quote:
~Death Bone Pulse • Hand Knife Edge
~Death Bone Pulse • Proximal Phalanx Bone Senbon
D-Ranked Ninjutsu
The user will channel to ossify the tip of their fingers, then force it forward with a burst of chakra, sending forward 3 blunt bone pieces at 5 speed with 5 strength.
D-Ranked Ninjutsu
The user channels chakra into their hand causing it to ossify and creating a straight blade of bone that extends just past the fingertips, resting on the back of their hand. While it can be used to strike with the user's strength it will break if struck with more than 5 strength.
It looks like you accidentally posted one jutsu (~Death Bone Pulse • Proximal Phalanx Bone Senbon) between the name and description of another one (~Death Bone Pulse • Hand Knife Edge).

To help you out a bit, assuming you want the fully coded and formatted forms of all of your Yamai jutsu, I've gone ahead and posted a nocode of them below. Feel free to just copy and paste into the Yamai section of your app.
Quote:
[color=white][b]~Death Bone Pulse • Bone Kunai[/b][/color]
D-Ranked Ninjutsu
The user channels chakra onto any part of their body, causing it to ossify on the surface and create a kunai made out of bone that can be broken off the body and used as a weapon.

[color=white][b]~Death Bone Pulse • Hand Knife Edge[/b][/color]
D-Ranked Ninjutsu
The user channels chakra into their hand causing it to ossify and creating a straight blade of bone that extends just past the fingertips, resting on the back of their hand. While it can be used to strike with the user's strength it will break if struck with more than 5 strength.

[color=white][b]~Death Bone Pulse • Proximal Phalanx Bone Senbon[/b][/color]
D-Ranked Ninjutsu
The user will channel to ossify the tip of their fingers, then force it forward with a burst of chakra, sending forward 3 blunt bone pieces at 5 speed with 5 strength.

[color=white][b]~Death Bone Pulse • Dead Bone Shackles[/b][/color]
C-Ranked Ninjutsu
By channeling chakra into their handsh te user is able to form a layer of bone that is then sent towards a target at a speed of 10. This bone will attempt to wrap around the target's wrists, keeping them close to each other and restraining the target with a strength of 10.

[color=white][b]~Death Bone Pulse • Mend[/b][/color]
C-Ranked Ninjutsu
By channeling chakra throughout their own body or that of another the user causes the bones of those affected to ossify, completely fixing minor breaks and fractures over the course of a single post.
CharactersShow
NameRankVillageTeamColor
SadakoGeninIwagakureTeam 13[color=#90D2D8]
Enkouten, MitsuoBanninIwagakureTeam 18|Jousai[color=#ff2200]
Retired CharactersShow
NameRankVillageTeamColor
Nara, ShikariBanninKonohagakureMamorinuku[color=#fb8a00]
Takara, MorikoGeninIwagakure[color=#ffeb66]
Inji, AyakoC-RankWaterfall[color=#8080ff]

User avatar
HozukiKangetsu
Posts: 20
Joined: Wed May 24, 2017 8:00 pm

[Accepted]Yamai, Kangetsu 病間月

Post by HozukiKangetsu » Sat Nov 25, 2017 2:31 pm

Thank you im kinda stupid sometimes. fixed

User avatar
Yura
Posts: 4616
Joined: Wed Dec 24, 2008 7:00 pm

[Accepted]Yamai, Kangetsu 病間月

Post by Yura » Sat Nov 25, 2017 2:44 pm

I've got nothing else.

1/2 approved.
CharactersShow
NameRankVillageTeamColor
SadakoGeninIwagakureTeam 13[color=#90D2D8]
Enkouten, MitsuoBanninIwagakureTeam 18|Jousai[color=#ff2200]
Retired CharactersShow
NameRankVillageTeamColor
Nara, ShikariBanninKonohagakureMamorinuku[color=#fb8a00]
Takara, MorikoGeninIwagakure[color=#ffeb66]
Inji, AyakoC-RankWaterfall[color=#8080ff]

User avatar
Niro
Tsuchikage
Tsuchikage
Posts: 9886
Joined: Fri Dec 11, 2009 7:00 pm

[Accepted]Yamai, Kangetsu 病間月

Post by Niro » Sat Nov 25, 2017 2:59 pm

Accepted

This application has been accepted. Congratulations! Any necessary changes will be handled by the moderating team.
#MakeIwaGreatAgain
NameVillageRankTeam
Tatsuo [color=#940839][b]IwaTsuchikageTeam 18 Jousai
Kinomichi [color=limegreen][b]IwaBanninJousai
Kotetsu [color=slategray][b]IwaGeninTeam 7
Ashura [color=coral][b]SunaGenin
Sai [color=#FF14A1][b]Kiri - MND-Rank
Yamato [color=#C71585][b]KiriA-Rank

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