Tsubaki woke with a sharp gasp, her hands knotted in the sheets at her sides. Her mouth hung slack as she desperately panted, her lungs unable to hold onto a breath for more than a moment. It had been a dream, she told herself, silently begging her heart to slow down. A dream. It was all one horrible dream. She looked around the room, grounding herself in what was reality. Her stuff piled by the desk, a sealed letter sitting on the surface. Her necklace laid next to her on the nightstand. She was in the inn where she and Tousha had been staying for days. They had decided it was time to move on, it was why she had made sure to get the letter written. She knew she wouldn’t have time in the morning as they always met for breakfast early. Tsubaki always woke up early.
Which was why it didn’t make any sense that it was the middle of the afternoon.
“Oh, dear, your hand is going to start bleeding again. Sit back, sit back.” The owner of the inn, the sweet old woman whose name Tsubaki couldn’t remember, rushed towards her. Her warm, wrinkled hands pressed against Tsubaki’s shoulders and gently guided her back into a lying position.
“Why are you in my room?” Her head ached but when she reached her hands up to rub her temples, the bandages around her left hand stopped her. Sure enough, blood was blossoming from the center of the bandages on both the front and back of her hand. And as soon as she saw it, the pain started to set in. But it wasn’t just the pain in her hand. It was everywhere. Like she had been blocking it all out but seeing the injury had brought it all back to the surface.
“I thought you might be waking soon so I sent him out for some air. He hasn’t left your side at all, you know.” Tsubaki’s eyes followed the woman as she poured a small cup of water, pressing it into her hands. “I didn’t want you to be overwhelmed. Drink slowly.”
Tsubaki’s hands trembled as she accepted the cup of water. As reality set in. “Can yo-,” her voice broke, but she quickly brought the cup to her lips to hide it. “Can you go get him? Please?” She may have been able to hide the tremble in her hands by holding the cup tighter but she couldn’t do anything to hide the tremble in her voice. She was so grateful when the inn owner didn’t mention it though. She simply patted Tsubaki’s knee and shuffled out of the room, leaving Tsubaki alone for at least a brief moment.
She quickly downed the rest of the water and set the cup aside. She threw the covers back and jumped out of the bed, collapsing instantly to her knees. Tsubaki didn’t dally though, immediately pushing herself up and limping over to the mirror. A chill raced down her spine as her eyes took in her own body. It had most certainly not been a dream. Her clean, fresh nightclothes did little to hide the bruises and cuts that littered her body. It seemed that the only serious injury she had sustained was the one to her hand - from an arrow, she remembered. Her hands clasped and unclasped rapidly as she turned swiftly away from her own reflection, crawling back into her bed. She propped the pillows up behind her and pulled the covers up to cover her lap.
The memories of the last few days taunted her from the corners of her mind. She could feel them pushing to be seen. An empty gravel road, manacles, a certain man's face. But she couldn’t think of them yet. Not now, not alone. Not until she saw Tousha. She should have gone to find him instead of sending the old woman. But she couldn’t. She just couldn’t. She needed to see Tousha, to check on him. Make sure that he was okay. But somehow, she couldn’t deny that she was nervous to see him. She didn’t know what was real or what wasn’t. And there was no pretending that she wasn’t afraid to find out.
Fix Me Up, Sell Me Hope
Amy & Cody
Fix Me Up, Sell Me Hope
My CharactersShow
B-Rank MN • Katō, Tsubaki #A32638
Sp. Jounin • Kirigakure no Sato • Araki Kiyo #DDA0DD
Akibushi • Heart Empire • Kimura, Misaki #FF80BF
Genin • Iwagakure no Sato • Kazuma #00BF80
Sp. Jounin • Kirigakure no Sato • Araki Kiyo #DDA0DD
Akibushi • Heart Empire • Kimura, Misaki #FF80BF
Genin • Iwagakure no Sato • Kazuma #00BF80
Fix Me Up, Sell Me Hope
The day was alive with birdsong. Afternoon sunlight poured through the gaps in the white, fluffy clouds lazily passing by overhead, blanketing the world below in a mottled patchwork of shade and sunrays. That sunlight sparkled playfully across the surface of a nearby lake where a single goose paddled this way and that without a care in the world.
A soothing, crisp breeze swept across the lake, trees, and grass before enveloping a man sitting cross legged on the inn's back porch. It ruffled his long, black hair, which has been pulled back into a loose ponytail. It tugged mischievously at his freshly laundered cloth kimono shirt.
Nara Tousha closed his tired, thin eyes and breathed in the wind tossed air, trying to center himself. He kept breathing slowly, evenly, as he eased into something resembling a meditative state. In doing so he allowed his mind to wander freely, hoping it would eventually tire itself out with the recounting of the past couple of days.
He saw himself arriving at the inn late in the evening, carrying Tsubaki's battered and unconscious body. The elderly innkeeper who had doted over them with such warmth and kindness looked so heartbroken to see them both in such a poor state. She had sent Tousha to fetch the town's healer while she saw to getting Tsubaki as comfortable as she could in her old room.
Tousha had watched, feeling immensely useless, as the healer's practiced hands cleaned Tsubaki's wounds and wrapped the puncture marring her hand. Tousha helped where he could, such as handing the healer supplies when she asked, and supplying fresh, clean water.
Still, Tousha lamented in his inability to save Tsubaki in the ways she had him so many times.
He remembered the relief that washed over his soul when the healer said the Kunoichi was stable, and that she just needed to rest. Tousha and the innkeeper had thanked the healer as she left them with Tsubaki, the old woman had gone to bed, but Tousha had pulled up a chair and sat by his friend's side. The night passed slowly and quietly, but Tousha refused to let sleep take him. He had important work to do, after all.
Stalwart, Nara Tousha sat by Tsubaki's bed guarding her from whatever the world decided to throw at them next.
The hours trickled by largely unnoticed. The innkeeper would check in on them regularly, growing increasingly concerned at the dark rings growing under the former Hokage's eyes. She brought him homemade food and tea, saying that it would make an old woman very happy if he ate and got some rest. Tousha gladly accepted the food, and the tea of course, but it would be many hours yet before Tousha's head dropped, heavy with sleep.
He awoke a handful of hours later, swathed in a heavy, warm quilt.
Later that day, the second day of Tsubaki's deep sleep, the innkeeper had asked him to go outside for a spell. She would watch over Tsubaki while he got some fresh air. It would do him good, she said. He had smiled at the elderly woman when she'd said that he was looking a little pale and that the sun would do him some good as well.
And so there Tousha sat, trying to meditate and feeling himself slipping clumsily out of tranquility. The Nara sighed deeply, fingers rubbing at his tired, worry stricken face. Tousha opened his thin, dark eyes and stared out across the inn's well kept back yard and settled on the shimmering waters of the small lake.
It was going to be another long day, but he was ready to endure it. After all, Tsubaki was stuck with him. For better or worse. Nothing was going to change that.
"Young man?" The innkeeper said from a nearby doorway, her tone touched with urgency. "Your friend is awake. She's asking for you."
Tousha was already on his feet at 'awake.' He tersely thanked the innkeeper and moved past her, his bare feet thudding along the wood paneled floor with polite haste. He'd forgotten to breathe, his entire being consumed by the need to return to Tsubaki's side.
The former Kage would appear in Tsubaki's room, taking a careful step into it and closing the door behind him with a soft thunk. Tousha stared at Tsubaki as she sat in bed, propped up by several pillows, looking healthier than a couple days ago but not completely healed by any means. There was a strange look in her eyes, as if she didn't trust anything they were taking in.
Sensing an uneasy air about the Kunoichi, Tousha slowly walked across her bedroom, grabbed the chair, and sat as closely as he could to the edge of her bed.
"Hey," Tousha said quietly, a cautiously optimistic and gentle smile touching his lips.
A soothing, crisp breeze swept across the lake, trees, and grass before enveloping a man sitting cross legged on the inn's back porch. It ruffled his long, black hair, which has been pulled back into a loose ponytail. It tugged mischievously at his freshly laundered cloth kimono shirt.
Nara Tousha closed his tired, thin eyes and breathed in the wind tossed air, trying to center himself. He kept breathing slowly, evenly, as he eased into something resembling a meditative state. In doing so he allowed his mind to wander freely, hoping it would eventually tire itself out with the recounting of the past couple of days.
He saw himself arriving at the inn late in the evening, carrying Tsubaki's battered and unconscious body. The elderly innkeeper who had doted over them with such warmth and kindness looked so heartbroken to see them both in such a poor state. She had sent Tousha to fetch the town's healer while she saw to getting Tsubaki as comfortable as she could in her old room.
Tousha had watched, feeling immensely useless, as the healer's practiced hands cleaned Tsubaki's wounds and wrapped the puncture marring her hand. Tousha helped where he could, such as handing the healer supplies when she asked, and supplying fresh, clean water.
Still, Tousha lamented in his inability to save Tsubaki in the ways she had him so many times.
He remembered the relief that washed over his soul when the healer said the Kunoichi was stable, and that she just needed to rest. Tousha and the innkeeper had thanked the healer as she left them with Tsubaki, the old woman had gone to bed, but Tousha had pulled up a chair and sat by his friend's side. The night passed slowly and quietly, but Tousha refused to let sleep take him. He had important work to do, after all.
Stalwart, Nara Tousha sat by Tsubaki's bed guarding her from whatever the world decided to throw at them next.
The hours trickled by largely unnoticed. The innkeeper would check in on them regularly, growing increasingly concerned at the dark rings growing under the former Hokage's eyes. She brought him homemade food and tea, saying that it would make an old woman very happy if he ate and got some rest. Tousha gladly accepted the food, and the tea of course, but it would be many hours yet before Tousha's head dropped, heavy with sleep.
He awoke a handful of hours later, swathed in a heavy, warm quilt.
Later that day, the second day of Tsubaki's deep sleep, the innkeeper had asked him to go outside for a spell. She would watch over Tsubaki while he got some fresh air. It would do him good, she said. He had smiled at the elderly woman when she'd said that he was looking a little pale and that the sun would do him some good as well.
And so there Tousha sat, trying to meditate and feeling himself slipping clumsily out of tranquility. The Nara sighed deeply, fingers rubbing at his tired, worry stricken face. Tousha opened his thin, dark eyes and stared out across the inn's well kept back yard and settled on the shimmering waters of the small lake.
It was going to be another long day, but he was ready to endure it. After all, Tsubaki was stuck with him. For better or worse. Nothing was going to change that.
"Young man?" The innkeeper said from a nearby doorway, her tone touched with urgency. "Your friend is awake. She's asking for you."
Tousha was already on his feet at 'awake.' He tersely thanked the innkeeper and moved past her, his bare feet thudding along the wood paneled floor with polite haste. He'd forgotten to breathe, his entire being consumed by the need to return to Tsubaki's side.
The former Kage would appear in Tsubaki's room, taking a careful step into it and closing the door behind him with a soft thunk. Tousha stared at Tsubaki as she sat in bed, propped up by several pillows, looking healthier than a couple days ago but not completely healed by any means. There was a strange look in her eyes, as if she didn't trust anything they were taking in.
Sensing an uneasy air about the Kunoichi, Tousha slowly walked across her bedroom, grabbed the chair, and sat as closely as he could to the edge of her bed.
"Hey," Tousha said quietly, a cautiously optimistic and gentle smile touching his lips.
Last edited by Toshi on Tue Apr 09, 2024 10:56 am, edited 1 time in total.
CharacterShow
Former Hokage • Konoha • Nara Tousha
Fix Me Up, Sell Me Hope
The only sound in the room was the ticking of the clock on the wall and the birds chirping outside. She thought that she had been ready to see Tousha but the silence that pounded through her head suggested that she might have been wrong. When he had entered the room she had managed to briefly lift the corners of her mouth at his careful greeting but she hadn’t been able to say anything back. All of the things she had thought of to say and do when she saw him had disintegrated as soon as he had set foot in the room. The longer she was awake the more she remembered and the more she remembered the less sure she was about what was actually going on.
She didn’t know what day it was or how she had gotten back to the inn. She didn’t know where her ruined clothes were or who had cleaned and dressed her and somehow that was worse. But the worst of it all was the swirling pit of memories that refused to sort themselves into any sort of timeline that made sense. Even as she looked at Tousha, he wasn’t the only thing that she saw.
After what felt like hours but was likely closer to minutes, Tsubaki shifted, her hands clasping tightly together on top of the sheets. Her eyes drifted from where they had been locked onto Tousha’s face, scanning over the room, looking for anything that might help her. But there was nothing. There was only her and there was only Tousha and the words that she needed to say before they suffocated her.
“I’m not sure I’m not dreaming.” As soon as she spoke, her eyes cut back to Tousha, a sudden intensity to them. Not quite panic but teetering on the edge. The dam now broken, Tsubaki pressed on. She had to know, even if it wasn’t what she wanted to hear. “Is this a dream? Is there even any point in asking? If this was a dream, would you be able to tell me?”
Tsubaki had been through more terrifying experiences than any one person should have to experience. She didn’t know what it was, that was so different about this time, why she couldn’t believe that she was out of it. Her jaw trembled as she stared earnestly at Tousha, her hands clasping and unclasping each other in her lap. They had been strangers just a short time ago. A passing medic and a struggling traveler becoming tentative friends.
But that wasn’t the case anymore, not after everything they had been through. They had been through a lifetime together, pulled each other back from the brink of death, and made it out on the other side. Together. So somehow, she had to believe that he would tell her the truth. That if this was all some horrible trick of those drugs and she was simply trapped in another lifelike dream, he would tell her.
And if he told her that they had really made it out, both of them alive and relatively healthy, then she would find a way to believe that too. And hopefully, she would find some way to pull herself together again.
“Please, Tousha,” she whispered, imploringly. “Convince me this is real.”
She didn’t know what day it was or how she had gotten back to the inn. She didn’t know where her ruined clothes were or who had cleaned and dressed her and somehow that was worse. But the worst of it all was the swirling pit of memories that refused to sort themselves into any sort of timeline that made sense. Even as she looked at Tousha, he wasn’t the only thing that she saw.
After what felt like hours but was likely closer to minutes, Tsubaki shifted, her hands clasping tightly together on top of the sheets. Her eyes drifted from where they had been locked onto Tousha’s face, scanning over the room, looking for anything that might help her. But there was nothing. There was only her and there was only Tousha and the words that she needed to say before they suffocated her.
“I’m not sure I’m not dreaming.” As soon as she spoke, her eyes cut back to Tousha, a sudden intensity to them. Not quite panic but teetering on the edge. The dam now broken, Tsubaki pressed on. She had to know, even if it wasn’t what she wanted to hear. “Is this a dream? Is there even any point in asking? If this was a dream, would you be able to tell me?”
Tsubaki had been through more terrifying experiences than any one person should have to experience. She didn’t know what it was, that was so different about this time, why she couldn’t believe that she was out of it. Her jaw trembled as she stared earnestly at Tousha, her hands clasping and unclasping each other in her lap. They had been strangers just a short time ago. A passing medic and a struggling traveler becoming tentative friends.
But that wasn’t the case anymore, not after everything they had been through. They had been through a lifetime together, pulled each other back from the brink of death, and made it out on the other side. Together. So somehow, she had to believe that he would tell her the truth. That if this was all some horrible trick of those drugs and she was simply trapped in another lifelike dream, he would tell her.
And if he told her that they had really made it out, both of them alive and relatively healthy, then she would find a way to believe that too. And hopefully, she would find some way to pull herself together again.
“Please, Tousha,” she whispered, imploringly. “Convince me this is real.”
My CharactersShow
B-Rank MN • Katō, Tsubaki #A32638
Sp. Jounin • Kirigakure no Sato • Araki Kiyo #DDA0DD
Akibushi • Heart Empire • Kimura, Misaki #FF80BF
Genin • Iwagakure no Sato • Kazuma #00BF80
Sp. Jounin • Kirigakure no Sato • Araki Kiyo #DDA0DD
Akibushi • Heart Empire • Kimura, Misaki #FF80BF
Genin • Iwagakure no Sato • Kazuma #00BF80
Fix Me Up, Sell Me Hope
Watching Tsubaki fumble for understanding in silence was a torment. Tousha sat there at the edge of her bed, his expression desperately clinging to gentle patience under the weight of his need to ease his friend's suffering in any way he could, waiting for Tsubaki to break the frantic quiet that plagued the room. Internally, Tousha was a man at war with himself. It would have been so easy to tell the Kunoichi that everything was going to be okay, and that she was safe now, and nothing like the past handful of days would ever happen to her again. Tousha wanted to reach into her mind and shut off the confusion and fear that was washing over her, even if he had to take it all on to himself.
But what would those words mean to her now? Tsubaki was a reasonable and capable person, she was too pragmatic to find comfort in something as intangible as more than a moment's safety and protective intentions. So instead of filling the silence between them with the worried ramblings of a doting old man, Tousha allowed Tsubaki to grapple with her discontent for as long as she needed. Healing would take time for them both, as it always did. If this was the first step towards her recovery then Tousha would just have to make peace with it.
After what felt like hours Tsubaki turned back to him, her kind eyes growing severe with uncertainty, and asked if she was dreaming. Tousha's thin eyes widened, wavering with naked concern for his friend. The Kage's mouth parted to speak, but the Kunoichi continued on, half asking herself if it was even worth asking him at all.
'Not an unfair question.' Tousha thought, still scrambling for a way to put Tsubaki's addled mind at ease. 'I'd probably ask the same thing if I was the one sitting there.'
Then the Kage looked down at where her hands were clasping and unclasping in her lap. A splotch of red was blooming through the bandages. Quietly, slowly, Tousha reached out and touched her left forearm, the one closest to him.
As carefully as he could Tousha said, "You're hurting yourself," The hand still resting on Tsubaki's forearm gave it a comforting squeeze. Nara Tousha looked into Tsubaki's eyes with such a need for the Kunoichi to believe him that he thought it would shatter his mind all over again with the slightest misstep.
"You're here, Tsubaki. You're real," Tousha said, his voice threatening to crack. "I'm here, too. I'm here with you."
Tousha remembered the brave face Tsubaki had worn when she'd pulled the toxins out of his body. He tried to wear it as well in that moment, for her. He needed her to believe she wasn't about to wake up and find herself caught in that same horrible nightmare.
But what would those words mean to her now? Tsubaki was a reasonable and capable person, she was too pragmatic to find comfort in something as intangible as more than a moment's safety and protective intentions. So instead of filling the silence between them with the worried ramblings of a doting old man, Tousha allowed Tsubaki to grapple with her discontent for as long as she needed. Healing would take time for them both, as it always did. If this was the first step towards her recovery then Tousha would just have to make peace with it.
After what felt like hours Tsubaki turned back to him, her kind eyes growing severe with uncertainty, and asked if she was dreaming. Tousha's thin eyes widened, wavering with naked concern for his friend. The Kage's mouth parted to speak, but the Kunoichi continued on, half asking herself if it was even worth asking him at all.
'Not an unfair question.' Tousha thought, still scrambling for a way to put Tsubaki's addled mind at ease. 'I'd probably ask the same thing if I was the one sitting there.'
Then the Kage looked down at where her hands were clasping and unclasping in her lap. A splotch of red was blooming through the bandages. Quietly, slowly, Tousha reached out and touched her left forearm, the one closest to him.
As carefully as he could Tousha said, "You're hurting yourself," The hand still resting on Tsubaki's forearm gave it a comforting squeeze. Nara Tousha looked into Tsubaki's eyes with such a need for the Kunoichi to believe him that he thought it would shatter his mind all over again with the slightest misstep.
"You're here, Tsubaki. You're real," Tousha said, his voice threatening to crack. "I'm here, too. I'm here with you."
Tousha remembered the brave face Tsubaki had worn when she'd pulled the toxins out of his body. He tried to wear it as well in that moment, for her. He needed her to believe she wasn't about to wake up and find herself caught in that same horrible nightmare.
Last edited by Toshi on Tue Apr 09, 2024 10:48 am, edited 4 times in total.
CharacterShow
Former Hokage • Konoha • Nara Tousha
Fix Me Up, Sell Me Hope
She had forgotten about her hand. The old woman had pointed it out to her right when she had woken up. Tousha’s own hand was warm on her arm. Soft, gentle, and somehow familiar enough that she didn’t so much as flinch away from him. She kept her hands clasped together but she stopped squeezing them together, instead simply rubbing her thumb against the bandages. After another beat of silence, Tsubaki dragged her eyes back up to Tousha’s. Anxiety swirled in her stomach as she waited for him to change into someone else. To fade away into darkness before her eyes opened to whatever reality awaited her. Her nightmares always seemed to have a way of presenting her hope before stealing it away. But this time, neither of those things happened.
“I guess I knew that much,” she said quietly, waiting for the rush of relief to hit her. But it didn’t come. It wasn’t just the relief that was missing though. She didn’t feel anything. She tried to roll the tightness out of her shoulders but it didn’t help. Tsubaki didn’t understand what was happening, this had never happened to her before. The sense that time was moving around her instead of with her, like she couldn’t catch up to it. Her wide, dull eyes drifted around the room as she considered her options. Instinct screamed at her to push it all down, throw on whatever semblance of a smile she could, and live with it. Just like she always had. Eventually, the numbness would fade and settle into something manageable, just like it always did. But this time it was different and she couldn’t ignore that.
Because this time, it wasn’t something she experienced alone. And if she shoved it all down and ignored it and pretended everything was fine then she would be forcing Tousha to do the same. She knew that the way she dealt with things, or rather didn’t deal with things, wasn’t healthy. It didn’t take a genius or a medic to know that trauma would never resolve itself that way. It weighed her down with a silence that she didn't know how to break. A silence that drowned her with her every breath she took. Again and again, she adjusted and learned how to live without air. But she couldn’t, wouldn’t, ask Tousha to do the same.
She patted Tousha’s hand lightly before squeezing it. Solidifying that he really was there next to her. Nothing about this was going to be easy. “It doesn’t feel real.” She took a deep breath, steadying herself. “I mean, I believe it’s not a dream. But it still doesn’t feel…real.” There was so much more that her mind screamed at her to say but everything fizzled out before the words could form in her mouth. Change was never easy, after all, especially not when certain habits had followed her for so long. All she could do was try.
“Oh,” she said suddenly, forgetting about herself as another memory came to the front of her mind. Her hand shot from Tousha’s hand up to his head. The back of her hand pressed against his forehead and then his cheek. “How’s your head? If you’re experiencing any side effects it's important to treat it as soon as possible.” The smallest spark of life had re-entered Tsubaki’s eyes as she gazed upon Tousha with concern.
“I guess I knew that much,” she said quietly, waiting for the rush of relief to hit her. But it didn’t come. It wasn’t just the relief that was missing though. She didn’t feel anything. She tried to roll the tightness out of her shoulders but it didn’t help. Tsubaki didn’t understand what was happening, this had never happened to her before. The sense that time was moving around her instead of with her, like she couldn’t catch up to it. Her wide, dull eyes drifted around the room as she considered her options. Instinct screamed at her to push it all down, throw on whatever semblance of a smile she could, and live with it. Just like she always had. Eventually, the numbness would fade and settle into something manageable, just like it always did. But this time it was different and she couldn’t ignore that.
Because this time, it wasn’t something she experienced alone. And if she shoved it all down and ignored it and pretended everything was fine then she would be forcing Tousha to do the same. She knew that the way she dealt with things, or rather didn’t deal with things, wasn’t healthy. It didn’t take a genius or a medic to know that trauma would never resolve itself that way. It weighed her down with a silence that she didn't know how to break. A silence that drowned her with her every breath she took. Again and again, she adjusted and learned how to live without air. But she couldn’t, wouldn’t, ask Tousha to do the same.
She patted Tousha’s hand lightly before squeezing it. Solidifying that he really was there next to her. Nothing about this was going to be easy. “It doesn’t feel real.” She took a deep breath, steadying herself. “I mean, I believe it’s not a dream. But it still doesn’t feel…real.” There was so much more that her mind screamed at her to say but everything fizzled out before the words could form in her mouth. Change was never easy, after all, especially not when certain habits had followed her for so long. All she could do was try.
“Oh,” she said suddenly, forgetting about herself as another memory came to the front of her mind. Her hand shot from Tousha’s hand up to his head. The back of her hand pressed against his forehead and then his cheek. “How’s your head? If you’re experiencing any side effects it's important to treat it as soon as possible.” The smallest spark of life had re-entered Tsubaki’s eyes as she gazed upon Tousha with concern.
My CharactersShow
B-Rank MN • Katō, Tsubaki #A32638
Sp. Jounin • Kirigakure no Sato • Araki Kiyo #DDA0DD
Akibushi • Heart Empire • Kimura, Misaki #FF80BF
Genin • Iwagakure no Sato • Kazuma #00BF80
Sp. Jounin • Kirigakure no Sato • Araki Kiyo #DDA0DD
Akibushi • Heart Empire • Kimura, Misaki #FF80BF
Genin • Iwagakure no Sato • Kazuma #00BF80
Fix Me Up, Sell Me Hope
Tousha squeezed Tsubaki's hand in kind and smiled, relieved that the Kunoichi was beginning to believe that this wasn't a cruelly comforting dream that she could get pulled out of at any moment. His tired eyes refused to waver from Tsubaki's face as she regarded the room with dull acknowledgment. It was a small victory, watching his friend take the first step towards confronting what had happened. Tousha knew all too well that there were many, much more painful steps on the road to making peace with such hardships but he'd be with her every step of the way if she let him. He'd carry her to the end if he had to, and he'd do it with a smile on his face.
Bonds forged in shared suffering were stronger than most, as unfortunate as that truth was. If the affection and kinship he felt towards Tsubaki was the only dim, flickering flame he could find in their dark run in with the bounty hunters, Tousha would take great care in nursing that warmth into something that would help them both.
"It's okay, Tsubaki," Tousha said gently, the Kage's other hand wrapping around the one still holding his. He cradled her hand like an injured bird, hoping the gesture was comforting even if by an ounce. "Take your time. I'll be right here."
Then Tousha's eyes widened ever so slightly as Tsubaki's hand slipped out of his only to press itself against his forehead. He watched something wholly Tsubaki spark to life in the Kunoichi's eyes as she focused her attention on his wellbeing instead of her own. She asked about his head and any side effects he might be feeling as her hand gently moved to his cheek, her voice finding its strength again.
Tousha paused for a breath, tears welling in his tired eyes. Those eyes were forced closed as he smiled at is friend. Tousha's own healing began in that moment. Watching the thing that made Tsubaki Tsubaki come out of hiding, unscathed by Yuji's best efforts to snuff out the goodness in her, set something in Tousha's soul at ease.
The former Hokage also quietly decided how he was going to help Tsubaki find peace in herself. Tousha might not ever be able to wield healing chakra himself to help others, but he could help Tsubaki by letting her help him.
"My head?" he asked, his expression falling into one of pride and admiration for the Kunoichi. "There's still quite a bit of pain," Tousha lied, hoping his words were convincing. He'd never been a great liar. One of his many failings as a Shinobi. "I haven't been getting a lot of sleep. Probably isn't helping anything, huh?"
Then Tousha raised his left hand, where Tsubaki had only mostly healed his broken fingers. They still ached a bit, but seemed to be healing fine on their own. She didn't need to know that, though. "These are still bothering me. Could you look at them? Please?"
Bonds forged in shared suffering were stronger than most, as unfortunate as that truth was. If the affection and kinship he felt towards Tsubaki was the only dim, flickering flame he could find in their dark run in with the bounty hunters, Tousha would take great care in nursing that warmth into something that would help them both.
"It's okay, Tsubaki," Tousha said gently, the Kage's other hand wrapping around the one still holding his. He cradled her hand like an injured bird, hoping the gesture was comforting even if by an ounce. "Take your time. I'll be right here."
Then Tousha's eyes widened ever so slightly as Tsubaki's hand slipped out of his only to press itself against his forehead. He watched something wholly Tsubaki spark to life in the Kunoichi's eyes as she focused her attention on his wellbeing instead of her own. She asked about his head and any side effects he might be feeling as her hand gently moved to his cheek, her voice finding its strength again.
Tousha paused for a breath, tears welling in his tired eyes. Those eyes were forced closed as he smiled at is friend. Tousha's own healing began in that moment. Watching the thing that made Tsubaki Tsubaki come out of hiding, unscathed by Yuji's best efforts to snuff out the goodness in her, set something in Tousha's soul at ease.
The former Hokage also quietly decided how he was going to help Tsubaki find peace in herself. Tousha might not ever be able to wield healing chakra himself to help others, but he could help Tsubaki by letting her help him.
"My head?" he asked, his expression falling into one of pride and admiration for the Kunoichi. "There's still quite a bit of pain," Tousha lied, hoping his words were convincing. He'd never been a great liar. One of his many failings as a Shinobi. "I haven't been getting a lot of sleep. Probably isn't helping anything, huh?"
Then Tousha raised his left hand, where Tsubaki had only mostly healed his broken fingers. They still ached a bit, but seemed to be healing fine on their own. She didn't need to know that, though. "These are still bothering me. Could you look at them? Please?"
Last edited by Toshi on Tue Apr 09, 2024 12:03 pm, edited 2 times in total.
CharacterShow
Former Hokage • Konoha • Nara Tousha
Fix Me Up, Sell Me Hope
The sheets slipped off of Tsubaki’s lap as she pulled herself forward onto her knees. She inched forward until she was on the edge of the bed closest to Tousha where she eased herself back into a sitting position, her legs crossed in front of her. Her brow had settled low over her concerned but confused eyes. “You shouldn’t be having much pain at all, maybe from a headache but that shouldn’t feel unusual.” Her hands came together to form a single seal before green chakra spread over them. Tousha would feel her fingertips press against the sides of his head gently before her chakra flooded into him. It wouldn’t take long for the chakra to circulate through his body and come back to her, giving her all of the information she needed.
“There’s definitely no poison left,” she said firstly, a tinge of relief to her voice. “But you went through a lot, so.” Tsubaki paused, wrinkling her nose slightly, her eyes darting to the side. “We went through a lot,” she said, much quieter. The night they escaped was still fuzzy to her. But she remembered how out of it Tousha had been. She didn’t think that she would ever forget the look that had been in his eyes that night. “So, a headache wouldn’t be surprising. Especially if you haven’t been sleeping.”
Reaching behind her, Tsubaki dragged one of the pillows over to her lap before resting Tousha’s hand on it. She took a deep, steadying breath as she gently picked up his fingers and examined them, bending them softly at each joint. She could still hear the sound of them snapping.
“When mine were broken I couldn’t fix them, I wasn’t that skilled yet. We had to wrap them and they didn’t heal quite straight.” She lifted her right hand and wriggled her fingers lightly at Tousha. “Luckily for you, that’s not the case any more. Your fingers are fine. And straight.” She set Tousha’s hand back on the pillow, rubbing at her face with the back of her hand. Despite the fact that she no longer felt like she was floating through space, she still didn’t know what to say. There was so much and there was nothing. What had happened had happened and she didn’t see how talking about it would make anything any different.
“What about the other wounds? From the ar-,” Tsubaki cleared her throat when she felt her voice begin to tremble. She breathed out heavily through her nose, trying to force the images out of her mind. Of Tousha punctured through with what had to have been at least a dozen arrows. She couldn’t remember for certain, but it had been a lot. Because he had been protecting her. He had used his own body to shield her, with no regard for his own safety. She didn’t want to talk about that yet, she couldn't. “Why aren’t you sleeping? How long since we got back here? Have you slept at all?”
“There’s definitely no poison left,” she said firstly, a tinge of relief to her voice. “But you went through a lot, so.” Tsubaki paused, wrinkling her nose slightly, her eyes darting to the side. “We went through a lot,” she said, much quieter. The night they escaped was still fuzzy to her. But she remembered how out of it Tousha had been. She didn’t think that she would ever forget the look that had been in his eyes that night. “So, a headache wouldn’t be surprising. Especially if you haven’t been sleeping.”
Reaching behind her, Tsubaki dragged one of the pillows over to her lap before resting Tousha’s hand on it. She took a deep, steadying breath as she gently picked up his fingers and examined them, bending them softly at each joint. She could still hear the sound of them snapping.
“When mine were broken I couldn’t fix them, I wasn’t that skilled yet. We had to wrap them and they didn’t heal quite straight.” She lifted her right hand and wriggled her fingers lightly at Tousha. “Luckily for you, that’s not the case any more. Your fingers are fine. And straight.” She set Tousha’s hand back on the pillow, rubbing at her face with the back of her hand. Despite the fact that she no longer felt like she was floating through space, she still didn’t know what to say. There was so much and there was nothing. What had happened had happened and she didn’t see how talking about it would make anything any different.
“What about the other wounds? From the ar-,” Tsubaki cleared her throat when she felt her voice begin to tremble. She breathed out heavily through her nose, trying to force the images out of her mind. Of Tousha punctured through with what had to have been at least a dozen arrows. She couldn’t remember for certain, but it had been a lot. Because he had been protecting her. He had used his own body to shield her, with no regard for his own safety. She didn’t want to talk about that yet, she couldn't. “Why aren’t you sleeping? How long since we got back here? Have you slept at all?”
My CharactersShow
B-Rank MN • Katō, Tsubaki #A32638
Sp. Jounin • Kirigakure no Sato • Araki Kiyo #DDA0DD
Akibushi • Heart Empire • Kimura, Misaki #FF80BF
Genin • Iwagakure no Sato • Kazuma #00BF80
Sp. Jounin • Kirigakure no Sato • Araki Kiyo #DDA0DD
Akibushi • Heart Empire • Kimura, Misaki #FF80BF
Genin • Iwagakure no Sato • Kazuma #00BF80
Fix Me Up, Sell Me Hope
Even half distraught by the fear she was struggling to keep from breaching the surface of her stoicism, Tsubaki began treating him with abilities Tousha admired deeply. He watched her eyes scanning him, suddenly focused by the task at hand. Her need to help those around her could overcome just about anything else, and Tousha knew she would need to be reminded of that goodness in her in the days to come. The Kage would remain still and quiet while the Kunoichi evaluated him, her chakra streaming through his body with gentle, practiced ease.
He'd been healed by many Medical Shinobi over the years. Too many to remember. Still, Tousha could recall the best of them as if they'd mended his wounds yesterday. Watching Tsubaki work, now completely in her element, Tousha saw remarkable talent in each movement and in every word. Not just expertise, either. The young woman had a soothing quality about her that couldn't be taught. A kindness that was a true rarity in the world of Shinobi and something that needed to be protected at all costs.
"Thank you, that's a relief," Tousha said, smiling at the Kunoichi as he pulled his hand back from her. He rubbed at the fingers Yuji had snapped, remembering the shock of pain that had lanced through him.
Despite his own health, Tousha wished she had found something wrong with him. Something that would pull her further away from the mire of misery he had just watched her wading through. The Kage watched as Tsubaki was about to mention the arrow wounds before stopping herself, nearly overcome by the memories that surely swirled through her mind. He remembered staring across the muddy gap of forestland between them, his body growing numb from his injuries and screaming at him to stop siphoning his chakra into the manacle's seal. The look in her eyes, realizing what her safety had cost, had carved its way into him deeper than any arrow could.
Thankfully, Tsubaki pulled herself away from her question and the memories that dwelt within it. Instead, she asked about his apparent lack of sleep.
Uh oh.
"Well..." started, breaking eye contact with Tsubaki and suddenly looking very frightened. He scratched at the stubble lining his jaw, attempting to look nonchalant. It wasn't working. "I wanted to be here when you woke up. Plus I couldn't just leave you here all alone, not after..."
Tousha paused, and sighed. "It's only been a couple of days," he explained, smirking at the Kunoichi. He hoped it drew attention away from the dark rings weighing down his thin eyes. "Got an hour or two this morning. I'm fine, Tsubaki."
He'd been healed by many Medical Shinobi over the years. Too many to remember. Still, Tousha could recall the best of them as if they'd mended his wounds yesterday. Watching Tsubaki work, now completely in her element, Tousha saw remarkable talent in each movement and in every word. Not just expertise, either. The young woman had a soothing quality about her that couldn't be taught. A kindness that was a true rarity in the world of Shinobi and something that needed to be protected at all costs.
"Thank you, that's a relief," Tousha said, smiling at the Kunoichi as he pulled his hand back from her. He rubbed at the fingers Yuji had snapped, remembering the shock of pain that had lanced through him.
Despite his own health, Tousha wished she had found something wrong with him. Something that would pull her further away from the mire of misery he had just watched her wading through. The Kage watched as Tsubaki was about to mention the arrow wounds before stopping herself, nearly overcome by the memories that surely swirled through her mind. He remembered staring across the muddy gap of forestland between them, his body growing numb from his injuries and screaming at him to stop siphoning his chakra into the manacle's seal. The look in her eyes, realizing what her safety had cost, had carved its way into him deeper than any arrow could.
Thankfully, Tsubaki pulled herself away from her question and the memories that dwelt within it. Instead, she asked about his apparent lack of sleep.
Uh oh.
"Well..." started, breaking eye contact with Tsubaki and suddenly looking very frightened. He scratched at the stubble lining his jaw, attempting to look nonchalant. It wasn't working. "I wanted to be here when you woke up. Plus I couldn't just leave you here all alone, not after..."
Tousha paused, and sighed. "It's only been a couple of days," he explained, smirking at the Kunoichi. He hoped it drew attention away from the dark rings weighing down his thin eyes. "Got an hour or two this morning. I'm fine, Tsubaki."
Last edited by Toshi on Sat Apr 13, 2024 2:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.
CharacterShow
Former Hokage • Konoha • Nara Tousha
Fix Me Up, Sell Me Hope
“A couple of days?!” He had been cagey as soon as she asked about his sleeping. She expected him to say he had only been sleeping a couple of hours a night at worst. Or, maybe that he was getting a lot of sleep but was being plagued by nightmares that either kept him from feeling rested or woke him up constantly. Those are the things that she would have expected. She knew that in the coming days, in the coming months, that was what she could expect. It would be bad, for a while. But just like before it would get easier. After all, the human brain and body were strong and resilient. As long as you were treating it well.
“We’ve been back here for a couple of days and you only just slept a few hours this morning?!” Tsubaki held her hands up, palms facing towards Tousha. She opened her mouth to say something but clamped it shut almost as fast, throwing the pillow off of her lap with such force that it flopped to the floor of the other side of the bed. Her bare feet slapped against the floor with more force than necessary as she began pacing back and forth. Nobody was fine. Nothing was fine. She wasn’t fine. Every time she thought she knew what she was feeling or how she was doing it changed. And it changed quickly like a turning page.
She had felt like she was drowning in despair as she treated Tousha and now she felt like there was fire in her blood. “You have to rest, Tousha. Do you have any idea what your body has been through?” Her fingers drummed rapidly against her thighs. “And yes, I healed you, mostly. But you do realize that I’m still using your body’s resources to do that, right? So that means, after major injuries you still have to rest.” Tsubaki rubbed at her face again, the heel of her hand grinding into the side of her head.
Time refused to come together for her. How long had it been since they were first taken? At least a week, for sure. But was it two? Three? She didn’t know. But she knew that it had been long enough that her own body was weak from lack of food and water. And she knew that Tousha had been treated the same. And here he was, refusing to let his body rest or recover. How was he so willing to just throw away everything she had done for him?
“You almost died!” She practically shouted at him as she stopped on the opposite side of the bed. “Twice,” she said, quieter but with more bite. “When I woke up in that wagon I was covered in your blood. It was in my hair. Under my fingernails. Soaked into my clothes. I can still smell it.” She wondered if she would ever stop smelling it. “And then you almost died again from whatever they injected into you. I’m not sure if you realize that. But it would have killed you well before we ever made it back to this town.” Her voice shook with more than just rage as she slid her foot backwards, distancing herself from Tousha a little more.
A familiar guarded look crossed over her eyes. “I didn’t save you, twice, so that you could throw it all away by being stupid. For me. Again.” Tears pooled in the corners of her eyes though she refused to let them slide down her pink cheeks. “You almost died for me twice and I can’t watch you almost do it again. I can’t. I won’t.”
“We’ve been back here for a couple of days and you only just slept a few hours this morning?!” Tsubaki held her hands up, palms facing towards Tousha. She opened her mouth to say something but clamped it shut almost as fast, throwing the pillow off of her lap with such force that it flopped to the floor of the other side of the bed. Her bare feet slapped against the floor with more force than necessary as she began pacing back and forth. Nobody was fine. Nothing was fine. She wasn’t fine. Every time she thought she knew what she was feeling or how she was doing it changed. And it changed quickly like a turning page.
She had felt like she was drowning in despair as she treated Tousha and now she felt like there was fire in her blood. “You have to rest, Tousha. Do you have any idea what your body has been through?” Her fingers drummed rapidly against her thighs. “And yes, I healed you, mostly. But you do realize that I’m still using your body’s resources to do that, right? So that means, after major injuries you still have to rest.” Tsubaki rubbed at her face again, the heel of her hand grinding into the side of her head.
Time refused to come together for her. How long had it been since they were first taken? At least a week, for sure. But was it two? Three? She didn’t know. But she knew that it had been long enough that her own body was weak from lack of food and water. And she knew that Tousha had been treated the same. And here he was, refusing to let his body rest or recover. How was he so willing to just throw away everything she had done for him?
“You almost died!” She practically shouted at him as she stopped on the opposite side of the bed. “Twice,” she said, quieter but with more bite. “When I woke up in that wagon I was covered in your blood. It was in my hair. Under my fingernails. Soaked into my clothes. I can still smell it.” She wondered if she would ever stop smelling it. “And then you almost died again from whatever they injected into you. I’m not sure if you realize that. But it would have killed you well before we ever made it back to this town.” Her voice shook with more than just rage as she slid her foot backwards, distancing herself from Tousha a little more.
A familiar guarded look crossed over her eyes. “I didn’t save you, twice, so that you could throw it all away by being stupid. For me. Again.” Tears pooled in the corners of her eyes though she refused to let them slide down her pink cheeks. “You almost died for me twice and I can’t watch you almost do it again. I can’t. I won’t.”
My CharactersShow
B-Rank MN • Katō, Tsubaki #A32638
Sp. Jounin • Kirigakure no Sato • Araki Kiyo #DDA0DD
Akibushi • Heart Empire • Kimura, Misaki #FF80BF
Genin • Iwagakure no Sato • Kazuma #00BF80
Sp. Jounin • Kirigakure no Sato • Araki Kiyo #DDA0DD
Akibushi • Heart Empire • Kimura, Misaki #FF80BF
Genin • Iwagakure no Sato • Kazuma #00BF80
Fix Me Up, Sell Me Hope
Tousha sat quietly in his chair while Tsubaki reprimanded him. His expression settled into a mask of self loathing, the lines on his face darkening with each word. The Kage might have defended himself against the Kunoichi's onslaught of frustrations if he had a leg worth standing on. There wasn't an ounce of dishonesty or falseness in anything she was saying, and Tousha deserved all of it. Hell, she was probably letting him off easy.
He managed to hold her furious gaze for a time but when she mentioned waking up in the bounty hunters' wagon covered in his blood, Tousha's eyes fell. His hands clutched at the fabric of his pants near the knees, his knuckles groaning and as they blanched.
After Tsubaki was finished he allowed himself a few breaths. The ugliness in him wanted to yell and scream and rage that he wasn't being stupid by watching over her through the night, he just wanted to protect his friend. Tousha had so few left now, and he'd seen so many die that he was terrified he'd see their pained, bloody faces again if he fell into a deep enough sleep. He was afraid that he'd see Yuji's inhuman, stony stare setting its sights on Tsubaki before hurting her again while he was powerless to help.
With another long, deep breath, Tousha worked up the nerve to hold Tsubaki's gaze again. He saw the tears gathering in them, but more painfully he saw the same familiar look she'd given him countless times before he'd earned the Kunoichi's trust. A wall was growing between them and it broke his heart.
Before he realized what he was saying Tousha said, "They took you because of me." His voice was small and quiet and raw. He let his words hang in the air for a moment, lingering with the birdsong that flitted quietly into the room. He kept staring at Tsubaki, a man defeated soundly by himself. He sat there across the bed from Tsubaki, suddenly looking much older, without a scrap of the fierceness or strength he was capable of drawing from the dark depths within him.
Tsubaki would see nothing more than a worried old man staring back at her.
"They took you away from me, Tsubaki," he continued, trying to contain the grief he felt clawing up his throat. "I couldn't... I can't let that happen again." A tear fell down Tousha's pale cheek, his eyes growing hollow and distant. "I'm not strong enough."
He managed to hold her furious gaze for a time but when she mentioned waking up in the bounty hunters' wagon covered in his blood, Tousha's eyes fell. His hands clutched at the fabric of his pants near the knees, his knuckles groaning and as they blanched.
After Tsubaki was finished he allowed himself a few breaths. The ugliness in him wanted to yell and scream and rage that he wasn't being stupid by watching over her through the night, he just wanted to protect his friend. Tousha had so few left now, and he'd seen so many die that he was terrified he'd see their pained, bloody faces again if he fell into a deep enough sleep. He was afraid that he'd see Yuji's inhuman, stony stare setting its sights on Tsubaki before hurting her again while he was powerless to help.
With another long, deep breath, Tousha worked up the nerve to hold Tsubaki's gaze again. He saw the tears gathering in them, but more painfully he saw the same familiar look she'd given him countless times before he'd earned the Kunoichi's trust. A wall was growing between them and it broke his heart.
Before he realized what he was saying Tousha said, "They took you because of me." His voice was small and quiet and raw. He let his words hang in the air for a moment, lingering with the birdsong that flitted quietly into the room. He kept staring at Tsubaki, a man defeated soundly by himself. He sat there across the bed from Tsubaki, suddenly looking much older, without a scrap of the fierceness or strength he was capable of drawing from the dark depths within him.
Tsubaki would see nothing more than a worried old man staring back at her.
"They took you away from me, Tsubaki," he continued, trying to contain the grief he felt clawing up his throat. "I couldn't... I can't let that happen again." A tear fell down Tousha's pale cheek, his eyes growing hollow and distant. "I'm not strong enough."
Last edited by Toshi on Sat Apr 13, 2024 9:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.
CharacterShow
Former Hokage • Konoha • Nara Tousha
Fix Me Up, Sell Me Hope
Tsubaki shook her head more and more violently the longer Tousha talked. She could see him wilting before her eyes as her words sunk in and she wanted to feel bad about it but she didn’t let those feelings rise to the surface. She grabbed a hold of them and dragged them down, deeper and deeper beneath the sea of regret and anger and misunderstanding that filled her soul. She didn’t want to feel badly for Tousha. She didn’t want to feel badly for herself. For so long she had felt badly, for herself, and for everyone around her. For all of the suffering they had all been through. And she had never once let herself think that it wasn’t fair because what good would that have done. It wasn’t fair that some people had such easy lives while others suffered at every turn. But as she stood in that room, separated from Tousha by nothing more than a couple meters, and watched him start to fall apart she knew that it wasn’t fair. And she knew that she was angry.
Something between a snarl and a grimace lifted the corner of Tsuabki’s mouth as she finally stopped shaking her head. “No. They took us because they were criminals. Because they were terrible, disgusting people who cared more about money than our lives. If it had just been me, if they had seen me in that stupid fucking book, you think they would have let me go on my merry way?” Tsubaki took another step back, crossing her arms in front of her to hide the way they shook. “No. They wouldn’t have. And you know it. Because people like that don’t care about anyone else. And I don’t know what it is about me but I attract people like that like it’s my fucking job. If anything, the whole thing is probably my fault for letting you travel with me in the first place.”
No amount of bitterness was easy to swallow but Tsubaki was choking on hers. It was a rash decision in a different small town with a different man that had brought her to this point in her life. Away from her family, from the man she loved, from everything that she had claimed as her own. And now, even if she got back to them, even if she could fix it, she didn’t get to return as the same person. This would change her, forever. It already had and there was no going back. Even if she managed to turn it into something positive, a force that she could use to do more good in the world, it wouldn’t be the same. She wouldn’t be the same, not ever.
“We could talk about this all day,” she said, her eyes darting to the ceiling as she swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. “About whose fault it is and what could have been done differently. How we could have been safer. But what’s the point, Tousha?” Tsubaki shrugged as she tried to take another step back but bumped into the wall instead. “They took you away from me too, you know. And they told me that you were gone, forever. That whatever they were doing to you was already completed.” A tear slipped away from Tsubaki’s self control and made a fast trail down her face, quickly brushed away by the back of her hand. “And the-, he told me it was my fault. That I had put in all of that time and effort to save you and that I had succeeded and because I had, you would just be a puppet for the rest of your life. Forced to kill and probably do worse.”
She didn’t turn her eyes from Tousha but she wasn’t seeing him anymore. She wasn’t seeing anything, her eyes unfocused and empty. “The one thing I’ve always been good at and I used it to sentence you to a life of pain and suffering.” Her shoulders fell as she dropped her body weight against the wall, heavy enough to suggest she couldn’t hold herself up on her own anymore. “So if you really want to have a competition about who let who down more, fine. But I’d rather not.”
Something between a snarl and a grimace lifted the corner of Tsuabki’s mouth as she finally stopped shaking her head. “No. They took us because they were criminals. Because they were terrible, disgusting people who cared more about money than our lives. If it had just been me, if they had seen me in that stupid fucking book, you think they would have let me go on my merry way?” Tsubaki took another step back, crossing her arms in front of her to hide the way they shook. “No. They wouldn’t have. And you know it. Because people like that don’t care about anyone else. And I don’t know what it is about me but I attract people like that like it’s my fucking job. If anything, the whole thing is probably my fault for letting you travel with me in the first place.”
No amount of bitterness was easy to swallow but Tsubaki was choking on hers. It was a rash decision in a different small town with a different man that had brought her to this point in her life. Away from her family, from the man she loved, from everything that she had claimed as her own. And now, even if she got back to them, even if she could fix it, she didn’t get to return as the same person. This would change her, forever. It already had and there was no going back. Even if she managed to turn it into something positive, a force that she could use to do more good in the world, it wouldn’t be the same. She wouldn’t be the same, not ever.
“We could talk about this all day,” she said, her eyes darting to the ceiling as she swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. “About whose fault it is and what could have been done differently. How we could have been safer. But what’s the point, Tousha?” Tsubaki shrugged as she tried to take another step back but bumped into the wall instead. “They took you away from me too, you know. And they told me that you were gone, forever. That whatever they were doing to you was already completed.” A tear slipped away from Tsubaki’s self control and made a fast trail down her face, quickly brushed away by the back of her hand. “And the-, he told me it was my fault. That I had put in all of that time and effort to save you and that I had succeeded and because I had, you would just be a puppet for the rest of your life. Forced to kill and probably do worse.”
She didn’t turn her eyes from Tousha but she wasn’t seeing him anymore. She wasn’t seeing anything, her eyes unfocused and empty. “The one thing I’ve always been good at and I used it to sentence you to a life of pain and suffering.” Her shoulders fell as she dropped her body weight against the wall, heavy enough to suggest she couldn’t hold herself up on her own anymore. “So if you really want to have a competition about who let who down more, fine. But I’d rather not.”
My CharactersShow
B-Rank MN • Katō, Tsubaki #A32638
Sp. Jounin • Kirigakure no Sato • Araki Kiyo #DDA0DD
Akibushi • Heart Empire • Kimura, Misaki #FF80BF
Genin • Iwagakure no Sato • Kazuma #00BF80
Sp. Jounin • Kirigakure no Sato • Araki Kiyo #DDA0DD
Akibushi • Heart Empire • Kimura, Misaki #FF80BF
Genin • Iwagakure no Sato • Kazuma #00BF80
Fix Me Up, Sell Me Hope
This was the last thing Tousha had wanted. He knew Tsubaki would carry resentment in her after everything that had happened, anyone in their right mind would. But he'd hoped the young woman wouldn't direct any of it back at herself. Tousha could see the goodness in Tsubaki becoming more tarnished by the moment, haunted by the grim specter of Yuji and his men. The Kage felt dread creeping into the back of his mind as the Kunoichi spoke of how saving his life had been a mistake, that she'd doomed him to a life of murderous servitude.
Tousha stood from his chair, knocking it back with a loud clatter. He looked across the bed at Tsubaki, where she was leaning against the wall. There was a cold fury hiding behind the man's eyes that he was desperately trying to snuff out. Tsubaki had already seen him at his ugliest, and he never wanted her to see him like that again. Not if he could help it.
"Those bastards," he spit out like venom from a wound. Tousha once again allowed himself a few calming breaths, his hatred simmering enough to keep contained for the time being.
Quietly, slowly, Tousha strode over to Tsubaki. As gently as he could, Tousha wrapped his arms around the Kunoichi, pulling her into a close hug and supporting her body so she didn't have to. The Kage's eyes clamped shut, his breath became ragged and uneven. His body shook with the effort to keep his grief for his friend from pouring out of him and making the situation worse.
"I'm not gone forever, I'm right here," Tousha said, hoping his words would help. "They tried to break me. I'd never been so scared and alone, but when my mind was crumbling around me all I could think about was getting back to you. Making sure they paid for what they'd done to you, and to me. It kept me from turning into their plaything."
If Tsubaki didn't shove him away from her, Tousha would continue.
"It's not your fault," he said, still holding his friend close. "You couldn't have known what they were going to do to me. You just wanted to help because that's who you are."
Tousha pulled away from the Kunoichi so he could look her in the face. "You're better than this, Tsubaki," he said sternly. He'd never been more serious with the Kunoichi. "Don't let that fucker take anything away from you. Don't let him win. You're too good."
Tousha stood from his chair, knocking it back with a loud clatter. He looked across the bed at Tsubaki, where she was leaning against the wall. There was a cold fury hiding behind the man's eyes that he was desperately trying to snuff out. Tsubaki had already seen him at his ugliest, and he never wanted her to see him like that again. Not if he could help it.
"Those bastards," he spit out like venom from a wound. Tousha once again allowed himself a few calming breaths, his hatred simmering enough to keep contained for the time being.
Quietly, slowly, Tousha strode over to Tsubaki. As gently as he could, Tousha wrapped his arms around the Kunoichi, pulling her into a close hug and supporting her body so she didn't have to. The Kage's eyes clamped shut, his breath became ragged and uneven. His body shook with the effort to keep his grief for his friend from pouring out of him and making the situation worse.
"I'm not gone forever, I'm right here," Tousha said, hoping his words would help. "They tried to break me. I'd never been so scared and alone, but when my mind was crumbling around me all I could think about was getting back to you. Making sure they paid for what they'd done to you, and to me. It kept me from turning into their plaything."
If Tsubaki didn't shove him away from her, Tousha would continue.
"It's not your fault," he said, still holding his friend close. "You couldn't have known what they were going to do to me. You just wanted to help because that's who you are."
Tousha pulled away from the Kunoichi so he could look her in the face. "You're better than this, Tsubaki," he said sternly. He'd never been more serious with the Kunoichi. "Don't let that fucker take anything away from you. Don't let him win. You're too good."
Last edited by Toshi on Fri Apr 19, 2024 4:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.
CharacterShow
Former Hokage • Konoha • Nara Tousha
Fix Me Up, Sell Me Hope
Even though she was the one who had put distance between them, Tsubaki didn’t back away when Tousah approached her with open arms. Hugging, or physical touch of any kind, had never been what she sought out for comfort. In fact, it usually had the opposite effect. But she didn’t mind when it was him even though she didn’t return the embrace. She wanted to, knowing that people who hugged often wanted to be hugged back, but she couldn’t find the energy to lift her arms. So instead she simply rested the side of her head against his chest and stared blankly across the room.
The raw emotion she had been feeling started to ease back down into something more manageable as Tousha spoke to her. The vibrations of his voice and the beating of his heart against her ear were almost as soothing as the words he was saying. Maybe it was weird to be comforted by what he was telling her, but there was something about knowing that they had been going through the same thing separately but together that eased her soul. She realized though, as he pushed away from her, that she had somewhat misled him with her outburst.
“Of course it isn’t my fault,” she said, her head tilting slightly to the side. “In the moment it messed me up to hear that but I know that things are only over when you’re dead. As long as you’re alive there’s still hope, there’s still a chance.” She walked by him and sat on the edge of the bed with a heavy groan laced with a sigh. Yuji had been a lying sack of shit. He had said what he could while they were alone to hurt her as much as possible and to throw her off her game. She had known that then and she knew that now.
“I’m not better than anything. I’m not worse, either. I’m different.” She wanted to explain. She wanted to explain that there was no way for her to remain unchanged after what she had gone through. She could know that Yuji was lying and was trying to hurt her but she also couldn’t pretend the idea hadn’t taken root. She had always saved everyone without hesitation. Without second thought. She had even managed to save Yuji when she needed to even when she wanted nothing more than to watch him bleed to death. Saving him had been a necessary evil.
But even that didn’t encompass the real fear that had settled in her heart about what she did. About how she had always operated. She took a deep breath, her eyes glued to the floor between her feet.
“When we met, I found you dying in the woods. I didn’t know who you were or where you had come from. I didn’t know anything about you. And I saved your life. And I’m very glad that I did.” Tsubaki swallowed heavily, her hands gripping the edge of the mattress so hard her knuckles blanched. “But what if that had been Yuji instead? Or one of his henchmen? It might not be my fault what other people do, Tousha, but you can’t tell me that I don’t hold any responsibility. If I hadn’t-” Tsubaki cleared her throat and stared even harder at the floor.
“If I hadn’t killed him, whatever he did after that, part of it would have been on me. Because I saved his life and I let him loose on the world.”
When Tsubaki looked up from the floor, Tousha would see that her eyes were clear, not an ounce of self-pity or fear to be seen. Only pure, unadulterated honesty. “I haven’t decided yet, how it’s going to change me. But it will change me. And I will be the one to decide how it does.”
The raw emotion she had been feeling started to ease back down into something more manageable as Tousha spoke to her. The vibrations of his voice and the beating of his heart against her ear were almost as soothing as the words he was saying. Maybe it was weird to be comforted by what he was telling her, but there was something about knowing that they had been going through the same thing separately but together that eased her soul. She realized though, as he pushed away from her, that she had somewhat misled him with her outburst.
“Of course it isn’t my fault,” she said, her head tilting slightly to the side. “In the moment it messed me up to hear that but I know that things are only over when you’re dead. As long as you’re alive there’s still hope, there’s still a chance.” She walked by him and sat on the edge of the bed with a heavy groan laced with a sigh. Yuji had been a lying sack of shit. He had said what he could while they were alone to hurt her as much as possible and to throw her off her game. She had known that then and she knew that now.
“I’m not better than anything. I’m not worse, either. I’m different.” She wanted to explain. She wanted to explain that there was no way for her to remain unchanged after what she had gone through. She could know that Yuji was lying and was trying to hurt her but she also couldn’t pretend the idea hadn’t taken root. She had always saved everyone without hesitation. Without second thought. She had even managed to save Yuji when she needed to even when she wanted nothing more than to watch him bleed to death. Saving him had been a necessary evil.
But even that didn’t encompass the real fear that had settled in her heart about what she did. About how she had always operated. She took a deep breath, her eyes glued to the floor between her feet.
“When we met, I found you dying in the woods. I didn’t know who you were or where you had come from. I didn’t know anything about you. And I saved your life. And I’m very glad that I did.” Tsubaki swallowed heavily, her hands gripping the edge of the mattress so hard her knuckles blanched. “But what if that had been Yuji instead? Or one of his henchmen? It might not be my fault what other people do, Tousha, but you can’t tell me that I don’t hold any responsibility. If I hadn’t-” Tsubaki cleared her throat and stared even harder at the floor.
“If I hadn’t killed him, whatever he did after that, part of it would have been on me. Because I saved his life and I let him loose on the world.”
When Tsubaki looked up from the floor, Tousha would see that her eyes were clear, not an ounce of self-pity or fear to be seen. Only pure, unadulterated honesty. “I haven’t decided yet, how it’s going to change me. But it will change me. And I will be the one to decide how it does.”
My CharactersShow
B-Rank MN • Katō, Tsubaki #A32638
Sp. Jounin • Kirigakure no Sato • Araki Kiyo #DDA0DD
Akibushi • Heart Empire • Kimura, Misaki #FF80BF
Genin • Iwagakure no Sato • Kazuma #00BF80
Sp. Jounin • Kirigakure no Sato • Araki Kiyo #DDA0DD
Akibushi • Heart Empire • Kimura, Misaki #FF80BF
Genin • Iwagakure no Sato • Kazuma #00BF80
Fix Me Up, Sell Me Hope
Relief softened the Kage's features when Tsubaki spoke on how she knew none of their ordeal had been her fault. Especially her instinct to mend the damage the bowman had done while Tousha fought to defend the Kunoichi. Knowing Tsubaki wasn't questioning the part of her that needed to help others eased some of the tension he'd felt building in the back of his mind, like a muscle that ached to be stretched. Tousha would remain standing as the Kunoichi pulled away from him to sit on the edge of her bed, exasperated.
Just as he had when Tsubaki had first woken up, Tousha remained quiet as she spoke. He allowed her room to breathe and talk and explore at her own pace. Tousha knew all too well that pushing a thread of conversation even a little too far with the Kunoichi would cause her to shy away from him, to build more walls between them. Maybe that's what she needed now more than ever, to distance herself before feeling comfortable with him again. Before feeling comfortable at all.
When Tsubaki seemed to falter with acknowledging that she'd killed Yuji, Tousha's brow twitched in recognition. It was difficult for her to confront what she'd done, no matter how justified she'd been in ending that monster's life. Tousha couldn't bring himself to feel remorse for the lives he'd taken to save himself and his friend, that part of his humanity had grown dark and cold over decades of service as a Shinobi. But he could see plain as day that Tsubaki was grapping with something new to her, something that refused to be ignored or dismissed.
'He was her first,' Tousha thought quietly as Tsubaki looked back up at him, brutal self honestly dominating her gaze.
Tousha returned that look, his eyes genuine and free of judgment. Moving quietly, Tousha sat down on the bed next to Tsubaki. He gave her plenty of space knowing she'd appreciate the gesture. Tousha sighed and stared at the wall, scratching absentmindedly at the stubble riddling his jaw.
"I know you won't believe me when I say this," Tousha said slowly, carefully, "but I'm going to say it anyway, because you deserve to hear it and you're a few days shy of rest to stop me."
He looked over at Tsubaki and smiled at her, a special smile he reserved for friends he respected. "You're an incredible person," he said, his eyes unwavering. "One of the best I've met."
After a breath or two Tousha looked back at the wall, his hands folded in his lap. "Whatever you decide... However this is going to change you, I don't think that'll change at all."
The former Hokage would keep staring at the wall, the same admiring smile on his lips. Then he added, "If you ever want an old fool's help with any of it, I'll be around."
Just as he had when Tsubaki had first woken up, Tousha remained quiet as she spoke. He allowed her room to breathe and talk and explore at her own pace. Tousha knew all too well that pushing a thread of conversation even a little too far with the Kunoichi would cause her to shy away from him, to build more walls between them. Maybe that's what she needed now more than ever, to distance herself before feeling comfortable with him again. Before feeling comfortable at all.
When Tsubaki seemed to falter with acknowledging that she'd killed Yuji, Tousha's brow twitched in recognition. It was difficult for her to confront what she'd done, no matter how justified she'd been in ending that monster's life. Tousha couldn't bring himself to feel remorse for the lives he'd taken to save himself and his friend, that part of his humanity had grown dark and cold over decades of service as a Shinobi. But he could see plain as day that Tsubaki was grapping with something new to her, something that refused to be ignored or dismissed.
'He was her first,' Tousha thought quietly as Tsubaki looked back up at him, brutal self honestly dominating her gaze.
Tousha returned that look, his eyes genuine and free of judgment. Moving quietly, Tousha sat down on the bed next to Tsubaki. He gave her plenty of space knowing she'd appreciate the gesture. Tousha sighed and stared at the wall, scratching absentmindedly at the stubble riddling his jaw.
"I know you won't believe me when I say this," Tousha said slowly, carefully, "but I'm going to say it anyway, because you deserve to hear it and you're a few days shy of rest to stop me."
He looked over at Tsubaki and smiled at her, a special smile he reserved for friends he respected. "You're an incredible person," he said, his eyes unwavering. "One of the best I've met."
After a breath or two Tousha looked back at the wall, his hands folded in his lap. "Whatever you decide... However this is going to change you, I don't think that'll change at all."
The former Hokage would keep staring at the wall, the same admiring smile on his lips. Then he added, "If you ever want an old fool's help with any of it, I'll be around."
Last edited by Toshi on Fri Apr 19, 2024 4:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.
CharacterShow
Former Hokage • Konoha • Nara Tousha
Fix Me Up, Sell Me Hope
A smirk was still lifting the corners of her mouth when she glanced down the bed at Tousha. Of course he thought she was incredible. He had always thought the best of her. Maybe it was because his first experience with her was one that involved saving his life. Or maybe he just saw past all of the everything else that tended to plague her and bury all of the good beneath the surface. She didn’t know why he could do it or why he bothered but…it was nice, somehow. Despite the fact that disaster seemed to follow them wherever they went, she didn’t regret meeting Tousha and she certainly didn’t regret letting him stay with her.
In fact, quite the opposite, she was very grateful that things had turned out the way they did. Her life had been going nowhere fast when their paths crossed. She had been giving up, had already given up for the most part. And yes, she had resented Tousha’s presence at first but not because she didn’t like him. But because she did like him and because he cared about her. And she had hated that. But not anymore.
“You’ll be around, huh?”
For the first time since waking up, Tsubaki felt a little bit like herself. Not who she was before they were taken and not who she was when she met Tousha. But the real her, the her who had a family waiting for her. She knew that it wasn’t this easy, that the painful memories and emotions would pop up when she most and least expected them. But that only made it more important to be appreciative of the times they weren’t at the forefront of her mind. She was about to speak again when a short knock echoed through the room with hardly a pause before the door opened.
“Hopefully, I’m not inter- what are you doing young lady?!” The old woman’s voice had been a whisper at first, maybe under the assumption that Tsubaki would have fallen back asleep. When she had seen the two shinobi very much not sleeping and both balanced on the edge of the bed her voice had risen to slightly higher than normal levels.
Tsubaki widened her eyes slightly at Tousha, her smirk turning just a little sheepish. “I’m okay, ma’am, we recover fa-”
“Absolutely not. And you call me granny like all the kids in this village do. Now lay down. And you, young man, you get into that chair right now.”
Tsubaki shrugged lightly at Tousha as she swung her legs back onto the bed, settling her back against the pillows once more. She watched as the woman set down a tray with several dishes on it before fussing with the blankets on the bed. Once she was done with that she took an extra blanket to Tousha and settled it across his lap.
“You two can pretend everything is fine tomorrow and do what you need to do. Today though, you’re going to let me take care of you. Understood?” As she spoke she delivered the dishes to the duo. A bowl of clear broth soup accompanied by a small bowl with some noodles in it. Even after the dishes were delivered, she stood and looked back and forth between them.
“Uh, yes ma- granny. Thank you. For everything.”
The woman smiled at them, softer this time, before leaving them alone once more. Tsubaki laughed slightly, lifting the bowl of soup to her mouth.
“Guess the ramen will have to wait til tomorrow. You’re buying this time.”
In fact, quite the opposite, she was very grateful that things had turned out the way they did. Her life had been going nowhere fast when their paths crossed. She had been giving up, had already given up for the most part. And yes, she had resented Tousha’s presence at first but not because she didn’t like him. But because she did like him and because he cared about her. And she had hated that. But not anymore.
“You’ll be around, huh?”
For the first time since waking up, Tsubaki felt a little bit like herself. Not who she was before they were taken and not who she was when she met Tousha. But the real her, the her who had a family waiting for her. She knew that it wasn’t this easy, that the painful memories and emotions would pop up when she most and least expected them. But that only made it more important to be appreciative of the times they weren’t at the forefront of her mind. She was about to speak again when a short knock echoed through the room with hardly a pause before the door opened.
“Hopefully, I’m not inter- what are you doing young lady?!” The old woman’s voice had been a whisper at first, maybe under the assumption that Tsubaki would have fallen back asleep. When she had seen the two shinobi very much not sleeping and both balanced on the edge of the bed her voice had risen to slightly higher than normal levels.
Tsubaki widened her eyes slightly at Tousha, her smirk turning just a little sheepish. “I’m okay, ma’am, we recover fa-”
“Absolutely not. And you call me granny like all the kids in this village do. Now lay down. And you, young man, you get into that chair right now.”
Tsubaki shrugged lightly at Tousha as she swung her legs back onto the bed, settling her back against the pillows once more. She watched as the woman set down a tray with several dishes on it before fussing with the blankets on the bed. Once she was done with that she took an extra blanket to Tousha and settled it across his lap.
“You two can pretend everything is fine tomorrow and do what you need to do. Today though, you’re going to let me take care of you. Understood?” As she spoke she delivered the dishes to the duo. A bowl of clear broth soup accompanied by a small bowl with some noodles in it. Even after the dishes were delivered, she stood and looked back and forth between them.
“Uh, yes ma- granny. Thank you. For everything.”
The woman smiled at them, softer this time, before leaving them alone once more. Tsubaki laughed slightly, lifting the bowl of soup to her mouth.
“Guess the ramen will have to wait til tomorrow. You’re buying this time.”
My CharactersShow
B-Rank MN • Katō, Tsubaki #A32638
Sp. Jounin • Kirigakure no Sato • Araki Kiyo #DDA0DD
Akibushi • Heart Empire • Kimura, Misaki #FF80BF
Genin • Iwagakure no Sato • Kazuma #00BF80
Sp. Jounin • Kirigakure no Sato • Araki Kiyo #DDA0DD
Akibushi • Heart Empire • Kimura, Misaki #FF80BF
Genin • Iwagakure no Sato • Kazuma #00BF80