[Lonely] Crestbroken

Awakening alive and mutilated. Mondai finds himself considering retirement, but battles inner demons as he rehabilitates.

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Mre-face
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[Lonely] Crestbroken

Post by Mre-face » Mon Oct 07, 2024 10:03 pm

First day of rehabilitation and retirement:
phpBB [video] Following his humiliating defeat, Mondai had found himself a couple weeks prior waking up in a hospital with his limbs missing. Mutilated and broken was a nice way of putting it. That day when Kozan had won Mondai had thought himself dead only to later awake realizing that he was in a lower pit then he thought possible, Part of him was grateful but part of him wanted Naohiro to fail Chiane's prosthetics certainly helped but his body and nervous system was playing tricks on him. It was obvious that the surgery had been done in an emergency and while attended to quite skillfully, it wasn't quite so simple that he would simply stand up and walk as if nothing happened. The surgery was only the start. The prosthetic itself required multiple smaller modifications to even unlock it's more complex functions.

His body and mind had to adjust to his new limbs, which were provided by Chiane's leftover parts. A little poetic and ironic. Poetic considering that she was the one who anointed him to become a dagger in the first place, and ironic because she saw him as lowborn scum and herself had been killed for her poor performance. And he considered his performance at the bottom of the barrel. It was a miracle that Mondai wasn't killed in the same way, but perhaps Shinjiro's cousin in Yuuto was what allowed this mercy, or let fate be the decider. Mondai didn't even have the chance to fight her in a rematch... Either way, Mondai could at least begin to start returning to some kind of normalcy. That was the idea, at least with his resurrection and prosthetic.

The first day back home he didn't do much aside from be at home and let his mother and sister take care of his weakened state. Nothing quite feels humiliating as once being a protector only to find himself being taken care of.

He walked around some with crutches, but mostly slept in his bed, not even dreaming in his stints with slumber.

Third day of rehabilitation and retirement:
Mondai found himself mostly alone away from his few friend's. Yuuto especially, after his breakdown. Wishing to be left alone for a while. Only being accompanied by his family, but he was even distant from them.

The seventh swordsmen found himself leaning on crutches still, but had started to gain some light mobility with extra modifications thanks to going to the artisan on his second day, Today he was doing his best to assist his sister and mother's shop. H
aving dragged him out from his solitude of restlessness, which was in stark contrast to his first day. He couldn't find sleep when his own mind was attacking him in ways he didn't expect. His 'help' within the shop was very little, at best he could move and clean a few things, but after that he would often fall and rest on a chair. Becoming more fatigued than what should happen for someone of his power. The phantom pain of his nonexistent limbs searing into his flesh like Kozan had done to him. After a short while, even with the assistance of his crutches. He was weak despite his stubbornness. It was difficult to even move, to say the least.

Every single time a new customer would recognize him, and he could tell that judgement was cast upon him if they are alone, a quick glance or sneering stare would tell him enough. If they were accompanied by someone or a group, they would whisper among themselves and talk. He was untouchable and if that wasn't enough to cast judgement, he was now a useless cripple. No matter how many times he risked his life for them, it didn't matter he was a dull sword, a swordsmen in title only because no one had challenged him yet. Maybe it was for the better that he quit now? For what use was a weak soldier? Perhaps they really were right 'bout me? Everyone has always been right about me all along...
First week of rehabilitation and retirement:
Cigarette's... He needed cigarette's. In his isolation Mondai had forgotten to resupply, and his stress was running rampant, Mondai had meet Yuuto a few time but couldn't muster any words as he was particularly infuriated on what he had become. Blaming Yuuto for it. Interpersonal drama didn't matter as of now he needed those cigs. Mondai had graduated from crutches to limping on his own. Progress in a sense, but after a short while of walking he would need to catch his breath as if he had fought a battle. It was shameful. This time there was no hiding in his family's shop or room now it was public.

The gazes were maybe a hundred times worse. At least when they were buying something, they would mostly come whisper to themselves then leave. But this time everyone was staring at him. The young the old, the weak. It didn't matter they had something to say whether they outright told him or not, judgement, disgust or pity were the most common ones. Each emotion was something that Mondai heard or felt from a distance, and it could deeper than any blade that had gone past his shield and meet his flesh.

Is this what ya are? Woddlin' for a fix like a junkie... Pathetic man.

Once he had arrived at his shop they charged extra for some odd reason, curious since everyone else had paid the same as he did earlier, but now they had jacked up the price. Even his favorite places wasn't safe. It wasn't unfair treatment like this as well, some places he was a regular he would find himself kicked out or at least pushed to not stay as long as he normally did. They praised ya for when you did well but 'membered everythin' ya did wrong tenfold. How grateful...
Third week of rehabilitation:
Rehab was going better for each day, probably thanks to his strong physicality. Now he could walk for longer stretches of time, even being able to run for a short while. Lightly exercising helped as well. Which felt good and far better than he did in the past three weeks. He couldn't quite fight with a sword but at least he wasn't completely broken he could even help his family which was something that went appreciated and people didn't seem to be quite as judgemental, but there was still an aura of disgust from most around him. More admired him for his returning to normalcy, but they were fewer. Today was a good day. It felt a little better than the rest had been up to this point.
A month and a week of rehabilitation:
He was able to fight and spar lightly recently. His fatigue and phantom pain still remaining but to a far lesser degree. Instead, coming in bursts for when he pushed himself too hard or for too long. From the outside that seemed like a good thing Mondai was willing to push himself harder but if you peered into his mind, it came from a darker place, more from a place of great shame and disgust then from a desire to improve. Being closer to something akin to self-harm through physical training. He wasn't pushing himself to become stronger by itself or to speed up his rehab, exercise was one of many habits he had in his life. Especially now that his ability to use his body has improved, so that couldn't be it. No... The thought in his head with how he trained was to almost beat his demon's swirling in his head. With enough self-inflicted suffering, he could regain his strength and reputation... Right? Come on ninja! Just a lil more and you'll be back! And ya'll show these ninjas what ya are 'bout yeah!?
A month and three weeks of rehabilitation
The nightmares that haunted Mondai consistently were getting to him more and more, his dreams vivid with violence. Mostly to his enemies or rivals, but very often to himself. The stress from his injuries was enough, but the lack of quality sleep made this far harder than what was worth, he needed an outlet of some kind somewhere to vent.

Sword clashes rang through the compound as Mondai was crushing his sparring partners. They couldn't quite keep up with his fury, as he had gotten stronger along with the sleek new prosthetic upgrades. He was closer to operating to his peak, which the ninja that were sparring him were feeling as of right now. With them treating it closer to a fight, whereas Mondai was treating his peers as living targets. His resentment of everyone around him and of himself being used to vent by projecting a mental image of every person that had mocked him at this point. Every time a ninja stepped forward to duel him they would be meet with an unusual aggression that was quite unbecoming of Mondai who was a defensive and calm counter fighter. Either he would blitz forward and fight like a man with no survival instinct, or explode with a dangerous ferocity when he found a counter opening. It was closer to how he was when he was a youth fighting in the slums.

If he couldn't beat his mental evils by training them out, then these up jumped shinobi who thought too highly of themselves, could be used as target practice so that his thoughts could finally disappear. This time it would work... Or so he thought. They love to talk and whisper but none of these ninjas can hold a candle to ya. Show's what they're really 'bout! Fuckin' losers!
Two months and a day of rehabilitation:
Again, The ninja kept continuously training but this time it was neither resentment aimed at himself or frustration just pure apathy. The days of beating on his comrades did nothing to quell his feelings of worthlessness. It offered a temporary respite only to come home and breakdown from his distress, which was twice as severe as his training could ever hope to match. Eating rather irregularly, or sometimes not caring to eat on some days at all. So now all he did was train, go home sleep repeat. Stuck in what felt like a looping genjutsu of the same gray days, It was monotonous and the past days or weeks he couldn't quite tell since they all felt like one. I'm just swingin' my sword accomplishing nothing. Tha fuck am I even doin'? Tha fuck I do 'ta deserve this? You should 'ave let me died 'uuto...
Two months and two weeks of rehabilitation:
Repetition... It came in cycles... One day he was apathetic one day he was sad one day he was angry rarely was did he feel something that resembled happiness but it wasn't enough to save the rest. Nothing changes it seems.
Three months of rehabilitation:
phpBB [video] Why is it that every move I make turns out to be a bad one? Every day felt exactly the same as the rest and nothing he did helped his state of mind, no amount of rest, training or even indulging in drink and food helped. He felt worthless, no matter how much he tried nothing seemed to work. Every second and every time he tried, something came along and took everything away from him. He was always in a perpetual battle that never ended. From the slums to the great war, to the heart invasion to the swordsmen challenges where almost died. As soon as progress was made a landslide followed to push him down the mountain, and every time he would lie to himself that maybe the next time it would be better. Which was true in the beginning but now he felt stuck ankle deep in the snow. Each step being harder to free from the ice beneath him than the last. In part this was his own self to blame but also in part his circumstance. The more he fought, the more he felt as if fate itself would intervene. He was stronger than the absolute majority of shinobi. He used to be a part of one of the most feared and elite organization in the ninja world, yet the stench of being untouchable followed him.

He was doomed from the start, it seemed. From the mud of the slums, to now not even being able to pull himself from the pit he was currently in. There was only one way out, and he knew what it was...

Mondai didn't even say goodbye to his family, the guilt of what he was about to do was too much. Mondai went to an isolated part of a tower in Kirigakure where no one would see him immediately. Mondai loaded his canon, his hand would fold and reveal the deep barrel. Mondai stared into the cold barrel, the mist enveloped him, similar to his challenge. Opening his mouth and trying his best to bite down on it, only being able to aim it slightly down his mouth.

Every time he pressed it against him, doubt crept to his mind and he began passing around. Half of the time, he thought that if he just went through with it, he wouldn't have to worry about anything. No care for his reputation, no care for how he failed himself or his family.

After what felt like an eternity, he finally decided to go through with it. Same deal again, and he was shaken still, petrified... He remembered how he felt when he nearly died and his body did as well if not better than even he did. It was as if he couldn't bring himself to fire, but he knew that if he did, he would be done with all of his problems. No more fighting, no more pain. He only needed to fire. No one's got pity for you, come on! Pull the trigger bitch! DO IT! Quit arguing with yourself, I'm sick of talkin!
BOOM

The cannon blast reverberated violently. All he could hear was a high-pitched screech like a bat out of hell, his ears rang painfully. He had pulled the canon away at the last moment. His incredible perception allowed him to see the flash fire down the barrel at the bottom of his eye. That was enough to put the fear of the gods in him. Perhaps it was cowardice, perhaps it was that he regained reason at the last second, but unbeknownst to him, it was probably just simple self-preservation. No matter how worthless he felt, he couldn't do it. His body didn't allow him to, he was frozen in place. He was really considering ending his life at that moment, and he even failed in that...

Someone came to check on what the noise was, but Mondai gave a half-baked excuse on testing his prosthetics, which left him alone. Alone with his thoughts where he found no answer.

Mondai wondered if there was anything he could truly succeed in? Well as a matter of fact there was, after a good while of staring blankly into the misty village below him, he finally gained the courage to move and go home. And about half-way home he was meet by a lower ranking ninja, who would deliver him a message.

"You have been selected as a top candidate to help in the assist in the defense of Iwagakure, do you accept?" Or perhaps it wasn't luck it may have been fate or some kind of divinity... What were the chances that he would pull away, and on the same night he was given a top level mission. "I accept!" Mondai said quite apathetically, his voice as cold as the misty air around them. Part of him wanted to pull away and give the mission to someone else, but no, he had an opportunity here. A good shinobi died on the battlefield, after all. If he wanted to die, then he would do so it with honor, dying like a man was far better than living as a coward. This was what every kiri ninja almost dreamed of. If they came with their best and Mondai found his opportunity to die over there, then there was no shame, no pity. There he could ignite his latent pride again and die with dignity in a final blaze of glory. Die in a way that the village, his family, his friends, his fatherbut most important of all himself... Die in a way he could be proud of.
Last edited by Mre-face on Sun Oct 13, 2024 12:31 pm, edited 6 times in total.
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