Reacclimation to the Village

[FluffyGinja]

It was all so different. Almost akin to a culture shock, Amiya was hardly able to understand how everything had changed so wildly and vividly for her home while she was gone. In her mind, she could only ever see what was before. Family from before, friends from before. Now... It felt both lonely and overwhelming at the same time. The lonely part was getting to her more than she thought it would. It made sense to her, family and friends she had shunned her for her choice. Most had thought she had perished and now that she was alive, older and has returned, it was made all the more clear what she had truly done and most seemed to treat her with disdain and hostility. In her head, she thought back to the moments when she was a missing ninja, outside of village, where they had often welcomed her and treated her kindly. Unfortunately for her, those times were also short lived, all thanks to another shinobi from this village. Kenji... There was a temporary quiver to her breath as she was getting lost in her memory again.

However, there was a sharp reminder to come back to reality. One of the shinobi who watched over her during her probation cleared their throat. "The seal is holding. Keep your temper in check from now on, you're on a short leash." The masculine voice rang in her ears with a clear swathe of disgust coating each word. "You're lucky, don't ever fucking forget that." As she went to pull her shirt back down, there was a slight tensing of her muscles as he pressed against her back with a shove, using her to stand upright and go to leave her single room home. "You'll have a visitor, don't fuck it up, they are the one who gets to decide whether you live or not in the end." With a harsh slamming of the door, she tensed one of her fists, breathing in and out slowly before she went to stand up. "Asshole." As she muttered the words under her breath, she went to start her day with breakfast.

There was one thing she could be thankful for with her time away from the village. New food experiences that she enjoyed. Oatmeal had become a standard start to the day. Albeit, it was more difficult to procure while she was here, she had a small bit left over that she was permitted to keep and it made for savory morning meal to help begin the day strong and keep her body moving for longer.

[Kao]

Pale fingers, nimble and precise, moved with purpose as they flipped through a manila folder stuffed with papers. A few moments of silence would pass as the shinobi's grey eyes skimmed the neatly written words, those seconds finally punctuated by gentle rustling as he turned the pages. Komiya Shizuo wanted to read through this girl's file, which wasn't nearly as thick as he had expected, one more time before meeting with her face to face. When he was informed that there was an interesting case involving a missing ninja - a former missing ninja, of all things - and a curse mark, he'd been intrigued. The jounin was curious about how this girl had received an almost unheard of pardon for her crimes, but he was even more curious about this curse mark. There was maddeningly little information about it in her file. Most of the reports were about the nature of her crimes and of her partners in crime. Former partners in crime, he had to remind himself.

Each time he came across one particular infamous name, Shizuo shook his head slightly in disbelief. It was beyond him how this woman could be allowed back in the village back on mere probation. But the jounin wasn't one to question the Tsuchikage - even when he really, really wanted to. His thoughts were interrupted by a door forcefully snapping open. The man stomped towards him, and when he was only a few steps away Shizuo finally pulled his gaze away from his papers. He merely glanced at the guard with very little regard; he was far less interesting than who was behind the door. "She's ready," he huffed, "but I don't get why you even have to bother."

Shizuo turned back to the file, stepping around the man without giving him a second glance. "That's why you're tasked with guarding her and not with anything that involves thinking critically." The guard gaped, offended, but Shizuo didn't notice. "Thanks, I'll take it from here." The jounin finished what he was reading and then rapped his knuckled against the door. He hoped this meeting wouldn't prove a waste of everyone's time.

[FluffyGinja]

Mid bite, she has the spoon at her lips, and was given a rude interruption. There was a momentary pause as she truly debated on whether she wanted to stand up and actually answer the door but she ended up letting out a huff before standing up and going to answer the door. Before her stood another person she was fully unfamiliar with. Ghostly hair, sharp grey eyes that almost appeared like they had makeup on them, pale in complexion. There was something about him that was all too familiar in his look now that she had gotten a look at him... It made her gulp somewhat, a bad memory right in front of her even if it was not fault of his own. He would likely notice the hand that was resting on the door had clenched ever so slightly. "You're the visitor... Come in." Her voice was quiet as she went to step to the side to allow Shizuo into her abode. He'd get a good look around, since there was nothing to hide and there wasn't much inside of this room.

A small table where she was clearly eating breakfast, a small pot of water on the table that he could see steam escaping from in the colder room. A rough looking bed that looked more functional than pretty, but he could catch a small glimpse of an odd doll, a small rabbit that was resting near the pillow she had. A harsh looking metal staff, resting on the wall that looked well taken care of and well used at the same time. Without even asking him, she had gone to her small kitchen area and went to grab another cup she had and set it down on the table for him. It appeared hand carved from a wood not native to Rock Country, almost purple in color. "The tea is... as fresh as I could get if you'd like some." As she went to sit back down and take a quick bite of her food, she swallowed it somewhat quickly and cleared her throat. Whether he took the seat or the offer of tea, she would eat a few more bites of her breakfast before she spoke up again.

"So... Are you here to talk with me or are you here to snoop about the seal on my back?" It would be the only reason in her mind why someone would want to speak to her, especially considering her status and what she is known for around the village.

[Kao]

Shizuo snapped the folder shut before stepping into the room. It appeared to be a modest studio apartment, and though she hadn't been back in the village for very long she had a few personal effects here and there. Most interesting was the staff propped against the wall, well used and well taken care of. The only other thing that stood out to him was the table and its somewhat purple wood. But Shizuo was not the kind of scientist who was interested in botany, so he made no lasting mental note about it. The jounin sniffed the air then immediately furrowed his brow. There was something...sour about the tea's aroma. He'd have to turn down that offer.

Instead of sitting, Shizuo placed his hand on the back of the chair and drummed his fingers against it. "Both." The word hung heavily between the two for a long while. The only sound from him was from his fingers rhythmically tapping against the chair until he broke the silence with a question. "Have you ever looked at your file?" he asked her, his stormy gaze boring into her. The jounin dropped the file onto the table just in front of her before she could answer. He continued, "Probably not. It's usually not allowed. It might interest you to read about your...exploits from our point of view. You'll likely find the tone of most of these reports more neutral than the reception you've undoubtedly received."

Finally, Shizuo finally stopped his drumming and instead folded his arms across his chest. "Ah, how rude of me. I didn't introduce myself. My name is Komiya Shizuo. Jounin. I'm the current head of the Tenkujutsu Research Institute. I also research fuuinjutsu and medicine. Pleasure to meet you." It was anything but. His tone wasn't particularly harsh, but it had the firmness of authority and the slightest, almost imperceptible hint of superiority that came from a person who normally only flaunted his rank when necessary. "Normally I don't get involved in these sort of things. Dealing with missing ninja - sorry, former missing ninja - doesn't fall within my line of work. Not unless I'm allowed to experiment on them, but that's a rare ocurrrence. But I made an exception for you and your curse mark." He raised his brows and added, "If you can call it that. I've heard it doesn't do much nowadays. Is that right, Amiya?"

[FluffyGinja]

If it was any more clear that she didn't like him, it may have be an outright fight. One that she would unknowingly lose. As the file was tossed down onto the table in front of her, she set her breakfast aside and made sure to wipe her hands off with care before reaching down and grasping it up. As she flipped open the folder and looked over its contents. Name, parents, friends... That one made her pause and Shizuo would likely see a visible tensing at something she saw on the first page alone before cleared her throat and went to keep reading down. Standard information, showing her time as a genin and as a chuunin until she disappeared. There was a considerable gap before it started up again. It seemed to come from what she had given to the village when she was questioned. It was like he said though, a lot more neutral... This was an actual surprise to her as she was looking it over. "Huh... no kidding... This report is nicer to me than I am..." She muttered a little as she kept flipping through. Now that was a detailed drawing on her seal on her back. With that, she set the folder down open onto the table and looked at Shizuo with a blank expression. Not purposefully cold but simply neutral. Even during her look, she had been listening to him the entire time. "Ogata Amiya, although I get the fact that you know that, it isn't polite to not reciprocate an introduction. I am sorry though, I've not been given a formal rank yet. Something to do with... not inciting more issues."

Normally just a researcher... Now that was a unique choice. It was all the more clear why he had said both now and she gave a slight nod of her head to his last question. "Not in the slightest. It was... out of control before. When I first was 'given' it. It only got worse after Kenji experimented on it, modified it, changed its properties. I hid a lot more then... didn't want to hurt anyone. Tat-... The Tsuchikage saw it for himself, how bad it got. Practically changed me physically to the core. I'm sure you know, they have sealed it for now, prevent me from using it until they find I'm more loyal." As she said that, she tapped slightly onto the table, choosing her next words carefully as she was now getting to understand why he was even hear. It truly was both, which was making a lot more sense now. "Ah, I get it... Both... To test the seal and see its useful to the village or yourself... and like that jerk said... Decide whether I live or die." With that, she took a sip of her tea and set it back down, looking at him the whole time with a steady gaze. There wasn't any fear in her eyes, nor did she seem at all impressed. In fact, there was almost a relief. The thought that there was someone, even if it was a job for him, willing to possibly evaluate her in a way that wasn't full of outright malice.

[Kao]

The white haired jounin frowned deeply at the mention of that name. He thankfully never had the displeasure of meeting the infamous rogue, but he knew enough about him that every reference to him heated Shizuo's blood. He considered that man a failure of a shinobi, and a source of shame for the village. If this situation could give the man the opportunity to undermine and undo one of Kenji's experiments, he would gladly attempt to do so. Despite momentarily fixated on the mention of that man's name he didn't miss her near slip up, how she nearly called the Tsuchikage by his given name. Who the hell did this girl think she was? It must have been some sort of lingering arrogance that came from being a missing ninja, free from rules and respect. If so, Shizuo felt that part of her may need to be snuffed out.

Despite his thoughts being a storm of disapproval, he barely showed it on his face. His frown wasn't too deep, brows weren't too furrowed. The man mostly just looked displeased with her. Stern and critical. But then he snorted, and the corners of his lips twitched upwards in a hesitant manner. His brow furrowed in mild confusion, and his head tilted to one side. After letting out a tiny perplexed scoff he asked, "Decide whether you live or die? Is that what they told you?" He snorted again and nearly smirked. Nearly. The man still didn't like Amiya anywhere near enough to crack a genuine smile in front of her. Still, the thought of him being in charge of whether or not she lived was something he found amusing. Others might lean into that sense of importance, but it wasn't Shizuo's style. "How dramatic. The village council ultimately decides that. But I guess they'll give a considerable amount of weight to my evaluation and notes."

"Anyway." The brief return of his typical amiable disposition faded with a subtle shift in his jaw. He walked over to stand at her side "Take off your shirt." As soon as the last word left his lips Shizuo's eyes momentarily widened. He immediately hated the way that sounded. Barely able to hide how horrified he was at the way that sentence came out, and definitely not able to hide the flush creeping up his neck, he cleared his throat and added, "So I can examine your seal. It's on your back, right?" After noisily shuffling the papers on the table for a bit, he pulled out the drawing of her curse mark. "It won't take me long."

[FluffyGinja]

Inwardly, Aniya couldn't help but grin at his own choice of words. There was a snarky comment that flashed across her mind's eye for but a moment. Outwardly, she remained stone-faced and cold in her expression as she made sure that her back was to him when she removed her shirt and set it on her lap as he had commanded. "Take as long as you like, Komiya-sama. Most docs don't know a thing about it and you seem sharper than them."

The lighter skin across her toned back allowed for a clear view of two different marks on her body. One was clearly the Cursed Mark in question. The other was on her left shoulder, a small tattoo that had started to fade, one of a local flower within Rock Country and a popular one at that. It had been in her file but it was a minor detail on the page and wasn't likely his topic of concern.

What he had asked to see was far darker across her back as if it had never faded at all. It practically looked new. It was intricate, alien, and used different techniques from normal fuuinjutsu. Surrounding it was the extra layers of protection that allowed her to not access any of the power within this particular seal, or at least that was the intention. As he watched her back and examined her seal, it was almost like it pulsed with a malicious beat of it's own, like it was testing the bounds of its prison and attempting to break free from it. Rolling her shoulders for a moment from her leaned forward position, she took her breathes slow and deeply, making sure not to disturb his examination too much.

While he was examining her, he might notice that the beats seemed to almost align with her own heartbeat, attached to her in a way that seemed permanent and deadly. Along with all of this, part way into this, there looked to be a surge of violently black chakra from the seal and he'd immediately see all the muscles in her back tighten up and her head lean forward as it looked like pain was surging across her back, part of the fuuinjutsu protecting that seal from running rampant before it was stifled and laid dormant once more, her breathing now a little heavier and audible to him. "Fuuuuck that stings..." her voice was a little more ragged than before, showing she wasn't pleased at all by the measure but she didn't seem mad at them, just tired of the pain if anything.

[Kao]

When the cursed mark came into full view there was a moment where Shizuo's breath hitched. He had studied the drawing until he was very familiar with its design. Seeing it in person, however, was a different experience. His eyes widened slightly with a mix of awe and curiosity as he drew slightly closer to the kunoichi. The sinuous lines were dark and vibrant, the borders sharp and in stark contrast with her milky skin. His expression was a subtle blend of wariness and analytical focus as he gently prodded it with two of his fingers. The jounin coated his fingers in chakra and carefully traced the lines of the mark as he tried to get some understanding of how the array was constructed. It was truly malevolence inked into her skin.

"Interesting," he murmured to himself, punctuating the word with a long hum that reverberated in his chest. With his other hand, also covered in a layer of chakra, he traced the fuuinjutsu overlaid on the mark. It was curious the way the two arrays seemed to struggle against the other. Even though Shizuo wasn't completely familiar with this rare technique, he examined it with the trained eye of someone who had studied seals of all kinds for the better part of his life. Some of his chakra seeped into the seals so that he could better analyze the mark. Each time he drew his chakra back out, altered from the curse mark and the fuuin, it gave the jounin valuable information. Every shift and pulse was noted, and he frequently stopped to jot down some handwritten notes. He paused when she cried out in pain, but otherwise he didn't acknowledge it; once the tremors passed through Amiya's back and the muscles stopped rippling visibly, the researcher continued with his work. Finally after more than ten minutes passed, Shizuo dropped his hands to his sides and closed his eyes, contemplating.

The fuuin likely wouldn't hold for longer than a few months. It was powerful and well crafted, but the cursed mark was smart. He had never seen anything like it, but it seemed as though it had a will of its own. With the way it was interacting with the fuuin, he estimated it would need to be reworked and adjusted within three months. It was no wonder she had been treated like shit since she arrived. Not only was she back from her romp as a wanted criminal, but she returned with an enigmatic seal on her back that was clearly etched with evil intent. Shizuo still couldn't tell what kind of power it could unleash or if the village was in danger with her in it.

Still, he was itching to further test things. "Channel some chakra through your body. Elemental, ninpou - it doesn't matter what type. But only a small amount of chakra." The jounin took a few steps back, waiting to see firsthand how the mark, the seal, and her body would react.

Trained! :)Show

[Seal Analysis]
C-Rank Removal Fuuinjutsu
Fuuinjutsu is an extremely formulaic style of jutsu, the seal itself almost forming a "source code" of sorts to the actual purpose of the seal. After the appropriate hand seals, the user will touch the seal, scanning it carefully with their chakra and analyzing the handiwork of the seal. This will reveal the complexity and rank of fuuinjutsu casted or placed with less than or equal [Control] to the user.

498 words

[FluffyGinja]

"Hah... Alright... Whatever you say." There was a steadying breath or two from her as she readied herself for the strain that this was going to put her body through. 'A small amount of chakra... Man, this is going to hurt like hell...' There was some noticable hesitation in how she was preparing for this before he'd see the results of what he asked of her. As she focused her chakra through her body, he could see the muscles in her back tensing up and assisting in helping filter and funnel the chakra, doing her best not to allow any near that seal which was just about impossible. All at once, Shizuo could see the chakra she channeled. For a brief second, he might have seen a hint of a purple and black color before it went to the normal, neutral blue and lingered for a second. As she was allowing herself to let the reserves in her body work, she was hopeful. A hope that would come crashing down on top of her fast as Shizuo could see that seal reacting. It had been practically starved of chakra and with a source so close, it strained at the bounds of the fuuin that held it.

Her own body seemed to crave it too, in its own way. Shizuo for a moment could see how that small amount of chakra naturally wanted to funnel to that spot and utilize it. Even around just that little area, he could see the muscles grow denser, the flesh grow darker, and almost look like inky black, metal snake skin. The alien mark almost looked like it might break the fuuin with thethe small amount of chakra she was channeling, writhing and begging for release.

Shizuo could even see that right around that spot, that faint hint of purple and black was growing. Right up until the fuuin sealing that mark activated and sent a shock through her system. He'd get that same display of all the muscles in her body viciously flexing at the same time, her teeth gritting audibly as she let out a series of sounds from the electrical shock. It lasted for maybe ten seconds before she slumped her head forward and all was calmed down and quiet. Her breathing was hard, ragged and showing how much pain that has caused her but she slowly rose her head up. "That hurt a lot... Your fuuin specialist is... Good at this." Her voice was quieter while she recovered from what she had just subjected herself to, hoping he learned anything at all.

[Kao]

With her back turned to him Shizuo had full view of the curse mark and the fuiin. Amiya began to channel chakra and it immediately proved to be a difficult task for the woman. At first he seemed to care little about the way her muscles tensed and rippled as she tried to keep chakra away from the curse mark. The man could tell it was a largely futile attempt when her chakra took on a dark purple hue, bleeding into black before flickering back to the standard blue. The moment her chakra shifted strangely, Shizuo placed his left hand on her back over the markings. His slender fingers splayed over her skin and he inhaled deeply to both steady his excitement and to focus.

Then the curse mark itself reacted, and Shizuo’s eyes widened greedily. The mark began to hungrily attract her chakra while the fuuin strained to keep it in check. The jounin stepped to stand at her side, scanning her body as her flesh darkened and shifted to resemble a serpentine pattern. 'Fascinating. It's almost ali-' His grey eyes zeroed in on her exposed bare chest and he stared for perhaps a second or two too long. Though he normally wasn't so easily distracted, the sight was unexpected and he blinked his eyes rapidly several times before shaking his head in an attempt to refocus. As he did, the fuuin sent a shock through her body and the curse mark was finally restrained.

"He's decent," Shizuo retorted with an edge to his voice. "It certainly looks like he did his best, but it needs tweaking. Otherwise you won't last for very long." He dropped his hand from her back and began scribbling down notes and mumbling. Every so often he would violently cross out words and phrases he wasn't satisfied with. "Subject remained conscious...evidence of mild pain and discomfort. Hm...hm...musculoskeletal-mmm...strange colored, dark chakra...." As he made his notes the jounin absentmindedly felt for the teacup. When the liquid touched his tongue he gagged. It had gone ignored long enough that it had gone cold, and he was spot on when he noticed its sour smell earlier. Shizuo wasn't exactly a tea connoisseur, but this cup was shockingly disgusting. It was enough to pull him out of his trance.

He paused for a long time, lightly tapping his pen against his chin. Eventually the man said, "Until we figure out how to remove it or if we can control it, I recommend you don't attempt to use chakra without supervision. Understood?" The way he spoke was firm. Authoritative. But he made a point to not look at her until she put her shirt back on.

[FluffyGinja]

"Huh... We're on the same page... I was thinking that it wouldn't be smart of me to use chakra without someone watching me and that I'd rather not cause a scene... I'd rather learn to control this. It is useful, even if from a vile source." The sound of him sitting out the tea she made had her inwardly sighing. The fact that she agreed with him in the matter of that tea and still drank it showed how much she really needed to look into getting better tea when she could. Since he hadn't asked her to put her shirt back on, she didn't bother as she reached over and took her own cup and downed it in one quick sip, letting out a huff as she went to set the cup back down. "If the seal needs tweaking, are you good at fuuinjutsu? Maybe you can develop something to keep it at bay..." There was a slight pause as she was looking forward at the wall, one of her hands coming up to her shoulder to touch the tattoo there for a second and there was a deep twinge of pain, far in her gut.

"Komiya-sama... A personal question... Do you know where common folks might be buried... Specifically a former shinobi?" There was a little more seriousness to her voice as she took a deep breath. "Don't... Answer that. Sorry, forget I asked." The softness that coated her words there was a show of sudden realization that she overstepped her own boundaries and she rubbed the back of her neck a little bit from the feeling of foolishness that passed over her entire mind. "Are... You done examining me? So I can put my shirt back on? Little cold these days..." Even if she was making a small joke about her own state, she was thinking on her whole current situation and how lucky she was to even be this far. Then her eyes moved to Shizuo and watched him for several moments.

He was a lot nicer to her than she actually expected him to be. The last times anyone had done anything with this seal... Yaksha had placed it on her and she found out years later that it was meant to be used to revive him which she was fully adverse to at the time. Afterwards, Kenji had modified the seal, putting his mark on it in exchange for turning off that revival aspect and causing her to grow twice as violent whenever it was activated. All that made her do was hide away, do her best not to harm people, work a simply job... 'Why did I come back anyway... Safety... Family... Home... Not like I have any of it here really. Naniki... I'm sorry.'

[Kao]

“Yes, I’m good at fuuinjutsu,” Shizuo replied flatly, as if that should have been obvious. “I’m not the best in the village, but if I can crack this thing….” He folded his arms over his chest, frowning deeply. The curse mark was certainly an enigma but if he could best the work of two infamous missing nin he would be that much closer to being the leading authority on ninjutsu in Rock Country. Her question pulled him from his thoughts, and the jounin raised his brow. There were naturally several graveyards in Iwagakure, both above ground and below, and their eternal inhabitants were segregated by family, status, and rank. He would have told her that, but instead he immediately dropped it.

Shizuo was intimately familiar with that tone. Deep regret and heartache saturated the woman’s voice, and his shoulders tensed. The jounin internally grappled with what would have been his natural reaction - comforting her if he could, even if the gesture was small - and his current distaste for her. Eyes still glued to the table he decided to say nothing, to offer nothing in the way of comfort. He didn’t know her well enough for that anyway.

Her next comment made his neck turn a deep red. “Yes, yes please put your shirt back on. Despite himself he looked up, and it took every fiber of self control to keep his eyes locked onto hers. But her breasts were still in his peripheral and the flush on his neck raised to his cheeks. “Anyway. I’ll visit you here periodically, though I may just have you come to my lab or office.” There was actual good food and tea there so it seemed to him the better option. “Do you have any questions for me, besides you doubting how good I am at what I do?”

[FluffyGinja]

Even if the silence had been there for a moment after her awkward question, she was grateful for it. If there was one thing Yaksha had taught her was the ability to read people, if only a little bit. When it came to words, it was harder but in this instance, the message was loud and clear. He didn't actually hate her and that was good enough for her in this moment. It meant that Shizuo and, by extension, those within Iwagakure had a little more heart than she gave them credit for, even for those who did wrong. Without speaking more for a few moments and choosing not to keep eye-contact as she felt that she had nothing to be ashamed of, she slipped her shirt back on and tugged it down to fit better before rolling her shoulders. Her eyes did see his face growing more read but she didn't want to say anything at all, figuring she would spare him embarrassment for what she knew he was doing unintentionally.

"Honestly... I don't have a question. I get the jist of what is going on here and the less I know, the less I fuck it up. I'll practice my Taijutsu instead of any Ninjutsu until give approval and supervision." There was a momentary pause as she tapped her chin a little before going to speak up once more. "I do have a request though. Could you possibly get me some better tea? It would be appreciated for when you come here instead and well... You're about the only guest I have at this moment and I figured that asking you would result in a tea you enjoy." She shrugged slightly seeing as she was not sure what he even liked and this would be a good indicator of how to judge his tastes and interests.

That being said, she stood up and stretched her body out a little more, the soft pops, cracks, and creaks audible enough that she realized how sore she was. "Do you have any questions for me? The file tells a lot but... It can answer every conceivable question you've got and I get the feeling you've got a couple you want to ask me yourself." Even though he hasn't given an indicator of it, Amiya knew all too well there was always more, at least from her perspective and she got the feeling he wasn't afraid to speak his mind.

[Kao]

No one really called him Komiya-sama. It was much too formal, and every time she said it he nearly corrected her. But he didn’t. If he took the time to think about why, he’d discover the answer was simple: he liked it. Hearing it from this woman in particular made him square his shoulders and puff his chest with that feeling of importance that he would never admit he enjoyed.

Finally, mercifully, his blush faded and left his skin its normal pallid tone with only a small amount of pink lingering on his cheeks. He snorted softly at her request for better tea. “Of course. Honestly I’d planned to leave you with some ryo so you can buy it. But now that you say that, if that’s what you’re willing to drink it might be better if I just get it myself.” Shizuo began to gather and organize his new notes, and as he carefully placed them in the back of the already full-to-bursting folder, he looked up to meet her gaze. And then he looked away, brows furrowing in contemplation. When he looked at the woman again, the chill had returned to his gaze.

“What were you thinking?” It was purposefully open ended. Vague. But once he figured her thoughts were churning the jounin couldn’t help himself from adding, “Not many people would do what you did – leave and come back here willingly. The disgrace alone….” He shook his head, thinking of Ken’ichi and his recent demise. The man, a bannin, had abandoned the kage trials and his reputation had never recovered during his lifetime. Only after his sacrifice in the Wind Country Invasion did the villagers begin to once again see him in a positive light, however dim that light was. Again, that look of disappointment marred his expression. “Iwagakure is no stranger to taking in strays, so long as they’re powerful and useful. So even though I disagree,” he held on to that word and dragged it out, as if it were a curse, “it doesn’t surprise me that the Lord Tsuchikage is willing to give you another chance. What I want to know is why you’d even want it.”

[FluffyGinja]

"It would likely be better if you did get the tea... For the most part, they don't want to have anything to do with me. Not that I blame them for it." A simple fact to her, she knew the stakes and the problems at hand with what she did. Although, she was a little surprised to hear him ask that question to her. It caused her to pause as she did think, considering what he just asked. Honestly, it was less about the question itself and it was once more, a re-evaluation of it. "I ask myself that question every day. I... can't be sure. I'm an older generation of shinobi, it was... different back then. Harsher, if that makes sense to you at all. She... didn't make it through the exam... It broke me. It hurts even now. More now. Heh... She would be mad at me though. I couldn't handle it without her and she was gone so I left." There was a momentary pause as she rubbed that spot on her shoulder with the tattoo and slowly took a deep breath, looking towards the headband that laid on a nightstand. It had a red cloth for it and she nodded her head once at it, as if she was seeing Naniki once more.

"Outside the village is different. People really don't know chakra at all. Half of the time, they'd call what I did a miracle or magic of some such. However, it was calm out there. Until I met them... They made me feel safe, useful, strong... I wanna fucking kill all of them and I can't even do that because they are dead!" He could tell from her raised tone of voice and body language that that part in particular angered her to the core. "I'd slaughter them all if I could, but that foul fuck is dead as far as I know and that serpent disappeared without a fucking trace." There is a steadying breath as she can feel that anger trying to channel itself towards that seal of hers and she was keeping her eyes closed, unable to actually look at Shizuo without feeling more guilt.

"And why I came back... Well... I didn't want to hurt Rock Country civilians since the seal had been tampered with... But the real reason is that I wanted to do better for her. She would be furious with me for leaving. It almost hurts more knowing how much I failed. Honestly, the people here... It doesn't bother me all that much. It bothers me that I can't face her yet." There was a second of thought as she shrugged. It felt self defeating to admit to all this but she couldn't deny it either.

"Really... I wasn't thinking. I was acting. Selfishly, scared... But I was acting. Now, I hope to keep acting." There was that brief thought in the back of her head, the fact that someone might pity her... but he didn't seem to be that someone and she was grateful for that. In fact, she was grateful he was as harsh and yet not vicious as he was. Someone that was willing to examine her flaws, point out mistakes, find her usefulness... That was needed right now and she knew it. "That... Was stupid to dump all that on you but... Guess I couldn't stop when I started to really think on it again. Not many have... asked me that." There was another shrug from her as she was rubbing the back of her neck slowly over and over, debating how to proceed from her but she got the feeling he was about to leave since he had gathered up his stuff.

[Kao]

Shizuo found himself slightly dissatisfied with her answer, only because he personally couldn’t relate to her reasoning. He had also experienced loss and heartache, but not once did that make him falter. Still, it gave him a bit more insight on her as a person. His gaze flickered in the direction of her headband but not for long; he didn’t want to look away from her. The more he stared the more he could see that Amiya was essentially floating in the wind. No real direction, just following the current of her grief. She was a woman who did things for others’ sakes, and was constantly haunted by the specters of her past. Her controlled rage towards those rogues surprised him, causing his eyes to widen – though the expression was almost imperceptible.

The jounin let her talk, and talk. It seemed like she needed it, as if she had been desperate and bursting to say these things that weighed so heavily on her shoulders. On her chest. He cleared his throat to clear his head.

He too shrugged, unbothered by the influx of information. There was no need for the woman to second guess herself for telling him what was on her mind. “Not stupid since I asked. It’s…refreshing to get an honest answer.” The man tapped the folder on the table and added, “I’ll keep it between us for now.” Just before he moved to leave, he hesitated. Shizuo pursed his lips as he stared at the door, and after a long moment he looked back to her. “We’ve all lost someone. But that can’t get in the way of our duty to the village…and our duty to ourselves. We can’t waste too much energy on grief. We’d never be able to face them if we lose ourselves in it.”

With that he nodded his head in her direction, then waved his hand as he turned away. Just before he crossed the threshold he said, “It’s been a pleasure, Amiya-san.” This time there was a kernel of sincerity in his words.

[FluffyGinja]

There was a pause as she watched him. There was something... warm about him for a moment. Like she was seeing the more genuine side of him than the scientist that he seemed to be a moment ago. Especially as he was giving advice to her and as he was leaving. It was almost an automatic response to say back to him. "Likewise, Komiya-sama. I hope to meet again." It took her a few moments to process what he had just said to her after he had left and she took a second to walk towards her staff, placing a few fingers on it before slowly lifting it up and taking a deep breath. "To myself... Huh..." Her voice lingered in the quiet air as she was thinking over all the things she had truly done and she found herself lost in thought again. Shizuo did have a point and without a doubt, he was right and as she was now far older than she was back then... Those words seemed to remind her that maybe this pain was a lot of her own fault. Her fingers tightened around her staff as she went to walk with it, heading out several minutes after him. Training was in order, a way to focus her thoughts and realign herself spiritually. Although she was given permission to use training grounds, she did her best not be a disturbance and mostly practiced forms and did not ask for a partner in this activity.

As she thought and thought, his words circling her head... It all weighed a little less than before and she found that she was easily working through her routine without so much as breaking a sweat. "He had nice eyes..." She muttered to herself, finding it harder to think the more she focused on other things and she found she could straighten thoughts if she spoke them out loud. The rest of the day went as normal. Snide remarks, rude comments, threats to herself but it didn't hurt the same as before. For once, she had the idea that she could do some good for the village and she was going to, one way or another.