Contemplation [Lonely]

[KiKage]

The room was dark. The entire apartment was dark. Akimi had come home after the small confrontation at the Teahouse and drawn all the blinds shut, locking out even the moonlight. She decided to go right to bed; there was really nothing else she had to do that didn't involve leaving the safe solitude she had laid out for herself. She couldn't even fix up a snack, since she had already eaten. Damn. What a shitty ending to such a great day.

Slowly, every motion oozing dread, the young woman crawled into bed. 'Fuck. I'm not even tired.' Thought Akimi. She began to blink rapidly, hoping the ol' 40 Winks method would help her fall asleep. It didn't. So, she would have to lie there and think. Of course she would have to think about the day. Today's events were certainly food for thought. Especially those that related to her team.

'She can't even keep herself under control for five minutes. It's complete bullshit.' She spat about Ikimono Baako. The girl had kicked her out of her seat without a second thought for the sake of fawning over her little crush, who was also their team mate. It was unacceptable behavior for a grown woman, let alone for a shinobi. Sure, Akimi had attacked her a bit more harshly than necessary, but she should have thought about that before she acted so inappropriately. But it was quite an emotional reaction...

Was Baako the real problem here? It was unquestionable that her little outburst, and all of the other ones, were not acceptable for a Chuunin, but were she, and formerly the insatiable flirt Rai, the root of the team's dysfunction? Could it be that Masuyo Akimi was the main part of the problem? No, no. She was the one who cared the most about succeeding and being professional and doing the best she could do. The only thing ever on her mind is getting done what needs to be done. If that couldn't happen, she failed herself, and she failed Hoshika.

Yes, she was doing this for Hoshika. She was keeping her team in line for Hoshika. She was eliminating anything that could stand between her team and success for Hoshika. She emotionally assaulted a girl for not knowing any better than to behave how she always had, for Hoshika.

The one thing that kept Akimi going was her promise that she would always do her best. Had she broken that promise?

She had sworn to do her best, but was she really doing that? Was hurting Baako and insulting Rai and treating her team mates like inferiors doing that? Hoshika wouldn't have wanted that. he would have wanted the team to get along; he would have wanted Akimi to be a friend to her comrades, not a foe. Her attack of Baako broke the promise.

But she could still make it up to him.

She could be understanding instead of oppressive. She could be a shoulder to cry on instead of the one who draws out the tears. She could accept her team mates, and work with them. And while doing all of that, Akimi could still always do her best. Maybe that was the only way she could do her best. 'Alright, then,' she thought, 'that's what I'll do. I'll... apologize to Baako-chan, and I'll... accept her behavior--even if it is completely outrageous and inappropriate.'

The Special Jounin had to correct herself, then. 'No. No more criticisms. I'll just encourage. No matter what.' After reaching this conclusion that put before her a seemingly impossible task, Masuyo Akimi was able to push herself into sleep. That night, she dreamed that she was standing before her younger self; she was the age she was when Hoshika died. And she killed her.