Yaiba didn't like not knowing what was going on, ever since coming home everything felt wrong to him. He felt like he was living in someone else's skin for several months now, and he had a lingering fear that was never going to leave. How would you feel if your entire world had been shattered. They told Yaiba he had only been gone a year, but how could he believe that? He had grown up, felt strength, even had a wife and child...how was he supposed to accept that all of this was just some lie? It scared Yaiba, as he feared that he'd never be able to know what was real and what wasn't anymore.
His family was being patient, understanding that something horrible had happened to their son. His mother only hated how he said 'I love you', as she knew it wasn't his old voice saying it. It sounded more like he was saying it out of obligation rather than actual feelings anymore. It was hard for the boy to make connections with anyone or anything, as his mind was now questioning everything. They told him that some bad people had put him in a genjutsu and tortured with his mind...but what if this was the genjutsu? Sometimes Yaiba went to bed and just hoped he'd wake up with his life again.
There was no going back though.
Yaiba's father had gotten the word out, hoping that a teacher would be found that could help Yaiba. They needed someone with a specialty of genjutsu to break past the barriest and help Yaiba realize who he was. The boy was still decently talented and he couldn't be a quivering mess the rest of his life. They needed to fix this while they could. That was why as soon as someone was chosen they had decided to arrange this meeting. Yaiba only came because his father assured him that these men were loyal to the village and would take him somewhere safe. They took away his weapons, holding his chains and bow in another room while he talked to Ai. Depending on the conversation, Yaiba was known to get suddenly angry and violent, and while Ai could definitely handle herself, they decided to just be extra safe.
Yaiba waited in a nice room, lots of windows to allow for a view of the village. He felt safe with windows, it allowed him to feel less trapped. Yaiba just waited in a chair, only looking up as he heard the door open...
Picking up the Pieces
Picking up the Pieces
Ai had to admit the first thing that had popped into her mind after reading the file Hayate had shoved at her had been along the lines of "What sort of technique did they use?" and "how did they manage the chakra upkeep for a year?". She'd of course felt plenty guilty after they'd passed and realized this wasn't a test subject she was reading about, it was a hurt child. Abused by the art she'd dedicated her whole life to perfecting. If that wasn't cause for terrifying self reflection then she wasn't sure what was, but Ai had never been the type to deal with that sort of grey area.
In truth she'd probably done worse, and most likely at least once (definitely more) to someone this boys age or younger. That was the thing about genjutsu, you could tell yourself it wasn't real and that you weren't really hurting anyone if you wanted to, but that was as much of an illusion as what you were throwing out in the end. She considered the victims she'd actually killed might have been the lucky ones in the end.
Ai reached the door, reaching out for the knob and hesitating for just a moment. Was she really the right person for this? Maybe, or maybe not, but hell for some reason she had agreed already and had no plans of backing out on this kid. Taking in a deep breath she plastered on her best carefree smile and slumped posture walking in with her hands carefully tucked in her pockets.
"Yaiba I'm guessing?" she asked with a soft hum before shaking her head. "Actually don't answer that, stupid questions only get stupid answers, of course you are. Guess you've already been told who I am, nice to meet you kiddo." She glanced out a window and back at the boy. He was so tense, like the world's weight was on his shoulders. Or like he was living a nightmare.
Shit...how was she supposed to do this?
In truth she'd probably done worse, and most likely at least once (definitely more) to someone this boys age or younger. That was the thing about genjutsu, you could tell yourself it wasn't real and that you weren't really hurting anyone if you wanted to, but that was as much of an illusion as what you were throwing out in the end. She considered the victims she'd actually killed might have been the lucky ones in the end.
Ai reached the door, reaching out for the knob and hesitating for just a moment. Was she really the right person for this? Maybe, or maybe not, but hell for some reason she had agreed already and had no plans of backing out on this kid. Taking in a deep breath she plastered on her best carefree smile and slumped posture walking in with her hands carefully tucked in her pockets.
"Yaiba I'm guessing?" she asked with a soft hum before shaking her head. "Actually don't answer that, stupid questions only get stupid answers, of course you are. Guess you've already been told who I am, nice to meet you kiddo." She glanced out a window and back at the boy. He was so tense, like the world's weight was on his shoulders. Or like he was living a nightmare.
Shit...how was she supposed to do this?
Picking up the Pieces
Yaiba watched the woman as she came in. He had never seen her before, though her father said that she came highly recommended for this kind of work. She apparently would help him to get over his "issues" and go back to being normal. Yaiba wasn't certain if she'd be able to do anything, but he had seen enough to know that his parents should at least be trusted. It was hard for him to do so, but he was getting better at it with time. Hopefully Ai would be able to find something that the others hadn't yet, as an expert on genjutsu she might find something that Yaiba could hold on to.
"My name is Yaiba, please don't call me Kiddo" the boy spoke as he put his hands together and laced his fingers. His body was slouched over slightly, his anxiety already showing. Interacting with new people was always hard for Yaiba, as he didn't know who wanted to hurt him and who wanted to help him. The genjutsu technique had recreated so many aspects of Yaiba's life, to the point where he didn't know if anything was real. He even continued to dream vividly at night, only making his suffering even worse.
Yaiba finally looked up at Ai again. "Am I in trouble for something? I don't think I've hurt anyone in the last while, so why did they send you?" Yaiba asked as his eyes seemed to focus completely on Ai now. He wasn't looking around at the room around him as he had before, his entire focus was now dedicated to learning why Ai was there and what she hoped to do. Was she friend, enemy, accomplice? Yaiba didn't know, and that unknown was now the most terrifying thing for him. Yaiba likely wouldn't loosen up until he had determined whether or not to trust Ai.
Yaiba's father vouched for her, but Yaiba had a lot of mental scars to sift through before he'd be easily trusting anyone.
"My name is Yaiba, please don't call me Kiddo" the boy spoke as he put his hands together and laced his fingers. His body was slouched over slightly, his anxiety already showing. Interacting with new people was always hard for Yaiba, as he didn't know who wanted to hurt him and who wanted to help him. The genjutsu technique had recreated so many aspects of Yaiba's life, to the point where he didn't know if anything was real. He even continued to dream vividly at night, only making his suffering even worse.
Yaiba finally looked up at Ai again. "Am I in trouble for something? I don't think I've hurt anyone in the last while, so why did they send you?" Yaiba asked as his eyes seemed to focus completely on Ai now. He wasn't looking around at the room around him as he had before, his entire focus was now dedicated to learning why Ai was there and what she hoped to do. Was she friend, enemy, accomplice? Yaiba didn't know, and that unknown was now the most terrifying thing for him. Yaiba likely wouldn't loosen up until he had determined whether or not to trust Ai.
Yaiba's father vouched for her, but Yaiba had a lot of mental scars to sift through before he'd be easily trusting anyone.
Picking up the Pieces
The shift in posture was the first note Ai took. Honesty she found it to be expected, the unknown was the enemy to someone like Yaiba. She analyzed his every motion, gesture, and tone of voice in each word. Putting together a full picture of a very traumatized young man whose sense of reality had been utterly crushed. This wasn't her field of expertise, but she wanted to at least try and help the poor kid.
"Sorry nicknames are just a habit of mine," She said with a smile. He looked away at first, then waited until he was looking at her again before speaking. He wanted to see her reaction. If she wanted to, she could probably put out any emotion or image of herself she wanted, and the kid would probably believe it. Everyone did, and it didn't even take genjutsu. She felt like maybe this kid had enough lies in his life however.
She sighed letting her face soften, showing her genuine sympathy and more so frustration. Damn if that didn't feel vulnerable. "Nah kid, you haven't done anything wrong. You've had something pretty shitty happen to you though, and for some reason people are expecting me to be able to "cure" that." She leaned back against the wall noting that he was trying to read her. If she wanted to help this kid, she needed his trust. Which meant doing something she wasn't even sure she knew hot to fully do anymore. Being completely honest. The empty room made her feel claustrophobic all of a sudden.
"I'll be honest with you, Yaiba," Ai said unsure if this was wise, but he deserved the truth. "What they're hoping I can do isn't even a miracle, it's just plain impossible. I can't just lock my fingers together and Kai you out of this, you've been psychologically traumatized as an after effect of a bad experience, not put under a lasting side effect of any genjutsu."
Not wanting to end things on a pessimistic note, she piped up again before he could respond watching the boy closely. "But...what I think I can do is be there for you and teach you how to keep going, how to keep your feet in reality and start your own path to healing," the last part was the most important. In the end, it would be up to Yaiba if he recovered, but she could guide him. "And kick anyone's ass who tries to pull you back in and pull you right back out. That work for you?"
"Sorry nicknames are just a habit of mine," She said with a smile. He looked away at first, then waited until he was looking at her again before speaking. He wanted to see her reaction. If she wanted to, she could probably put out any emotion or image of herself she wanted, and the kid would probably believe it. Everyone did, and it didn't even take genjutsu. She felt like maybe this kid had enough lies in his life however.
She sighed letting her face soften, showing her genuine sympathy and more so frustration. Damn if that didn't feel vulnerable. "Nah kid, you haven't done anything wrong. You've had something pretty shitty happen to you though, and for some reason people are expecting me to be able to "cure" that." She leaned back against the wall noting that he was trying to read her. If she wanted to help this kid, she needed his trust. Which meant doing something she wasn't even sure she knew hot to fully do anymore. Being completely honest. The empty room made her feel claustrophobic all of a sudden.
"I'll be honest with you, Yaiba," Ai said unsure if this was wise, but he deserved the truth. "What they're hoping I can do isn't even a miracle, it's just plain impossible. I can't just lock my fingers together and Kai you out of this, you've been psychologically traumatized as an after effect of a bad experience, not put under a lasting side effect of any genjutsu."
Not wanting to end things on a pessimistic note, she piped up again before he could respond watching the boy closely. "But...what I think I can do is be there for you and teach you how to keep going, how to keep your feet in reality and start your own path to healing," the last part was the most important. In the end, it would be up to Yaiba if he recovered, but she could guide him. "And kick anyone's ass who tries to pull you back in and pull you right back out. That work for you?"
Picking up the Pieces
The kind of damage was something that was really unseen, at least in someone so young. The shinobi world dealt with child soldiers, but normally they were eased in to situations and helped through their missions and battles until they were ready. No one knew exactly what Yaiba had done in the genjutsu state, but it had clearly bothered his younger mind and he wasn't able to cope well with it at all. He was trying, but that only yielded so many results.
Yaiba was quiet after Ai asked her question, she wondered if he'd be willing to work with her. It seemed like everyone was trying to help him these days. Everyone said that they understood, but what the hell did they know? Yaiba didn't fully understand the extent of what happened to him, but he knew this was no common occurence. How couldn't anyone just hope to fix him and act like nothing ever happened to him? How could anyone expect him to just revert back to normal and act like everything was okay.
"Have you ever woken up from a really good dream?" Yaiba finally asked as his gaze turned back out to the window and he started to overlook his home. "You were taking a test, accomplished a mission, maybe even kissed someone...and then you woke up and that idea, everything you went through was just gone?" Yaiba asked quietly before shutting his eyes. Several images started flashing through his minds, the experiences, the people and everything else he experienced under the course of that experiment. They had been real to him, and now that he was out all of those people he had grown to love and care for might as well be considered dead.
"My mom and dad are trying to help, but mom isn't even a shinobi and dad has very little experience with genjutsu. They're trying to help but they don't get it...and they just want me to be quiet and go back to the way things were. I don't...I don't think I ever can go back though" Yaiba said before opening his eyes and turning back to Ai. "So tell me, what's your plan? What makes you able to help me when others have failed...do you even think you can fix this?"
Yaiba was quiet after Ai asked her question, she wondered if he'd be willing to work with her. It seemed like everyone was trying to help him these days. Everyone said that they understood, but what the hell did they know? Yaiba didn't fully understand the extent of what happened to him, but he knew this was no common occurence. How couldn't anyone just hope to fix him and act like nothing ever happened to him? How could anyone expect him to just revert back to normal and act like everything was okay.
"Have you ever woken up from a really good dream?" Yaiba finally asked as his gaze turned back out to the window and he started to overlook his home. "You were taking a test, accomplished a mission, maybe even kissed someone...and then you woke up and that idea, everything you went through was just gone?" Yaiba asked quietly before shutting his eyes. Several images started flashing through his minds, the experiences, the people and everything else he experienced under the course of that experiment. They had been real to him, and now that he was out all of those people he had grown to love and care for might as well be considered dead.
"My mom and dad are trying to help, but mom isn't even a shinobi and dad has very little experience with genjutsu. They're trying to help but they don't get it...and they just want me to be quiet and go back to the way things were. I don't...I don't think I ever can go back though" Yaiba said before opening his eyes and turning back to Ai. "So tell me, what's your plan? What makes you able to help me when others have failed...do you even think you can fix this?"
Picking up the Pieces
Right there she saw a pretty big problem already. The people around this kid were doing just as much damage as the actual incident. Her face became stony and she looked out the window towards the village while the kid gave his spiel. Innocence was a fragile thing, easily lost and impossibly to get back. No shinobi kept it intact forever, Yaiba simply had his stolen more tragically than some.
She turned her head back to the boy after he finished speaking and narrowed his eyes. "Fix you? You're not a broken piece of porcelain, people don't work that way, they can't be "fixed". She doubted this was what the kids parents or even her superiors wanted her to say. But to hell with it, she wasn't doing this for them. Sighing she pinched the bridge of her nose. "Simple answer to your question, I'm not going to try and do what they failed at...they failed for a reason."
She shook her head. Hayate had certainly left her with a hell of a mess to clean up. With every bit of sincerity she could muster she kept going. "Acting like everything is okay and trying to be like whoever you were before isn't going to help you. You're already stuck in the past and pushing you further back isn't going to help."
"Maybe that's not what you want to hear, but it's what I'm offering," she said softly. "I don't expect you to act okay, in fact I'd prefer you were honest so I can know when things are rough, and help you focus on accepting the present and looking forward to the future." A knowing look crossed her face and her mouth twisted into a frown. "People change, sometimes not for the better, but they don't have to stay that way. They can always change again and become something more. This event changed you Yaiba, there's not going back from that, but it doesn't have to break you. I want to make sure it doesn't."
She turned her head back to the boy after he finished speaking and narrowed his eyes. "Fix you? You're not a broken piece of porcelain, people don't work that way, they can't be "fixed". She doubted this was what the kids parents or even her superiors wanted her to say. But to hell with it, she wasn't doing this for them. Sighing she pinched the bridge of her nose. "Simple answer to your question, I'm not going to try and do what they failed at...they failed for a reason."
She shook her head. Hayate had certainly left her with a hell of a mess to clean up. With every bit of sincerity she could muster she kept going. "Acting like everything is okay and trying to be like whoever you were before isn't going to help you. You're already stuck in the past and pushing you further back isn't going to help."
"Maybe that's not what you want to hear, but it's what I'm offering," she said softly. "I don't expect you to act okay, in fact I'd prefer you were honest so I can know when things are rough, and help you focus on accepting the present and looking forward to the future." A knowing look crossed her face and her mouth twisted into a frown. "People change, sometimes not for the better, but they don't have to stay that way. They can always change again and become something more. This event changed you Yaiba, there's not going back from that, but it doesn't have to break you. I want to make sure it doesn't."
Picking up the Pieces
They had failed for a reason? That comment caught Yaiba's attention, and Ai would see a new look cross the boy's face. He was curious, and very much focused on what she had to say. She was the only one that had been so honestly open about everything. Yaiba recognized that everyone was trying to help, but they kept dancing around him like a piece of broken glass while trying not to damage any other pieces more than they already were. Ai seemed to share a different belief though, a belief that instead of removing what was done, that it should be embraced and used for Yaiba's benefit, the village's benefit.
Some might say that was manipulative, but to Yaiba it was the first hopeful thing he had heard. No one else had wanted to hear Yaiba talk about what happened in the genjutsu, they wanted him to forget, to suppress...but how could he forget what he thought was thirty years of his life? How could he forget the people he loved, those he saved, those that died in his arms. He witnessed it all, and even if it wasn't real it had been real to the boy. The kid was fighting PTSD and hadn't even been officially promoted. He wnated to be strong again, and maybe the genjutsu and not forgetting it was the way to become strong?
Yaiba turned his chair to look at Ai directly. Doubt seemed gone from his eyes, the hesitation too. He took a deep breath and looked up at Ai. "You're the only person to ever say something like that to me...maybe they did know what they were doing when they sent you" Yaiba said with a feint smile. "I'll be honest about everything, but I need you to do the same for me. I'll only get better if I trust you. If you're lying to me, I won't work with you anymore. I've been deceived my whole life apparently, and I just don't have room for that in my life right now" he said before reaching up and extending his hand to her. "I'll do everything you ask...but don't use kiddy gloves with me. Whatever you need me to do or want me talk about, I'll do it. I swear that to you"
Some might say that was manipulative, but to Yaiba it was the first hopeful thing he had heard. No one else had wanted to hear Yaiba talk about what happened in the genjutsu, they wanted him to forget, to suppress...but how could he forget what he thought was thirty years of his life? How could he forget the people he loved, those he saved, those that died in his arms. He witnessed it all, and even if it wasn't real it had been real to the boy. The kid was fighting PTSD and hadn't even been officially promoted. He wnated to be strong again, and maybe the genjutsu and not forgetting it was the way to become strong?
Yaiba turned his chair to look at Ai directly. Doubt seemed gone from his eyes, the hesitation too. He took a deep breath and looked up at Ai. "You're the only person to ever say something like that to me...maybe they did know what they were doing when they sent you" Yaiba said with a feint smile. "I'll be honest about everything, but I need you to do the same for me. I'll only get better if I trust you. If you're lying to me, I won't work with you anymore. I've been deceived my whole life apparently, and I just don't have room for that in my life right now" he said before reaching up and extending his hand to her. "I'll do everything you ask...but don't use kiddy gloves with me. Whatever you need me to do or want me talk about, I'll do it. I swear that to you"
Picking up the Pieces
It was far from where the kid needed to be to move on, but it was a step in the right direction. The small smile was reassuring at least, she returned it with one of her own looking him directly in the eyes. Taking a few steps forward she extended her own hand and gripped his, giving it a firm shake.
"Deal," she said. "I haven't always been the most straightforward person, genjutsu tends to breed liars. I can make you an exception though." She winked as she released his hand.
"First things first, you're officially part of a team now, so I guess that makes me Ai-Sensei." She said feeling old just from having to say it. "You have one other teammate you'll meet and be assigned your first mission with in a week, until then I want you to consider what I've told you and complete a little assignment for me..." She crossed her arms and looked back out over the village again. "Find a dream...not like the one you were trapped in, I mean something to aspire to. Nothing to do with either of your old lives or your recovery process. Something to work towards in your new life and keep you moving forward."
That was how Ai had kept going. Taking care of her father had helped her realize the need for change, but that dream of serving the village and becoming a Bannin were what drove her to stay on the right path. Yaiba needed to find his own, it wasn't a fix all, but it was one of many connections to the life he was in now he would need to connect.
"Deal," she said. "I haven't always been the most straightforward person, genjutsu tends to breed liars. I can make you an exception though." She winked as she released his hand.
"First things first, you're officially part of a team now, so I guess that makes me Ai-Sensei." She said feeling old just from having to say it. "You have one other teammate you'll meet and be assigned your first mission with in a week, until then I want you to consider what I've told you and complete a little assignment for me..." She crossed her arms and looked back out over the village again. "Find a dream...not like the one you were trapped in, I mean something to aspire to. Nothing to do with either of your old lives or your recovery process. Something to work towards in your new life and keep you moving forward."
That was how Ai had kept going. Taking care of her father had helped her realize the need for change, but that dream of serving the village and becoming a Bannin were what drove her to stay on the right path. Yaiba needed to find his own, it wasn't a fix all, but it was one of many connections to the life he was in now he would need to connect.
Picking up the Pieces
Genjutsu was the art of creating illusions, so he supposed that it might make someone more deceptive by nature. After all, how many genjutsu users created an illusion and ended up just punching someone in the face? Yaiba actually laughed at the imagery, something he didn't do frequently. Ai might not know that, but seeing the boy in a good mood was far closer to what everyone wanted of him. It was a step, but it wasn't enough to be a cure on its own.
Yaiba looked up in surprise. A team, they were putting him on a team? Ever since Yaiba got back he had only been allowed to train but hadn't been allowed to go on missions or train with others. His...episodes had become a bit of a problem depending on who talked to him. They village seemed to be concerned that Yaiba might kill someone, and they couldn't just ignore that. Still, Yaiba was already excited by the idea. "Thank you sensei...I've been wanting to do something useful ever since I got back. Being at home or in my room has been too stagnant for me" the boy acknowledged.
When asked about a dream, Yaiba already had something in mind. He hesitated saying it, but he had asked her to be completely honest with him, the least he could do was be honest back. "There is something I've been wanting to look in to, though I have to admit I don't know how you get selected for it" Yaiba said a little hesitantly. "I...I want to be an investigative shinobi. I want to make sure that the shinobi who go out on missions are following the rules, I want to stop shinobi from becoming missing nin before it even happens. I know that shinobi tend to not like investigators, but they have an important job right?" Yaiba questioned.
"I think that's what I'd like to do someday"
Yaiba looked up in surprise. A team, they were putting him on a team? Ever since Yaiba got back he had only been allowed to train but hadn't been allowed to go on missions or train with others. His...episodes had become a bit of a problem depending on who talked to him. They village seemed to be concerned that Yaiba might kill someone, and they couldn't just ignore that. Still, Yaiba was already excited by the idea. "Thank you sensei...I've been wanting to do something useful ever since I got back. Being at home or in my room has been too stagnant for me" the boy acknowledged.
When asked about a dream, Yaiba already had something in mind. He hesitated saying it, but he had asked her to be completely honest with him, the least he could do was be honest back. "There is something I've been wanting to look in to, though I have to admit I don't know how you get selected for it" Yaiba said a little hesitantly. "I...I want to be an investigative shinobi. I want to make sure that the shinobi who go out on missions are following the rules, I want to stop shinobi from becoming missing nin before it even happens. I know that shinobi tend to not like investigators, but they have an important job right?" Yaiba questioned.
"I think that's what I'd like to do someday"
Picking up the Pieces
Ai listened to the boy, growing more assured with each moment. He'd been through hell and back, the fact that he was this Resiliant was impressive in itself. If she could tweet that and turn this around into a strengthening experience, no doubt he could do great things someday. Maybe this isn't what Hayate had in mind, but she'd always been more of a practical woman than a sensitive one.
"What you're speaking of is a branch in special ops," she informed him. She crossed her arms leaning back against the wall with a challenging smirk. "I'll make you a deal actually..." Giving someone a reason to push themselves and strive was the best way to motivate growth.
"Work hard and prove yourself to this village and on my team, and once you reach Jounin rank, I'll reccomend you to the Raikage myself for special ops if you prove you're worthy," she offered. It was more than just a way to get the kid to work, it was a genuine promise.
"What you're speaking of is a branch in special ops," she informed him. She crossed her arms leaning back against the wall with a challenging smirk. "I'll make you a deal actually..." Giving someone a reason to push themselves and strive was the best way to motivate growth.
"Work hard and prove yourself to this village and on my team, and once you reach Jounin rank, I'll reccomend you to the Raikage myself for special ops if you prove you're worthy," she offered. It was more than just a way to get the kid to work, it was a genuine promise.