Otonoko, Kirinotaka

Slave

Kirinotaka
Posts: 8
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2022 3:30 am

Otonoko, Kirinotaka

Post by Kirinotaka » Mon Nov 28, 2022 6:28 pm

Kirinotaka, Otonoko
Vexus, Needlehead

[Nindo]

General Information Age: 21
Gender: male
Height: 6 feet
Weight: 210 lbs
Physical Features:
  • Body: Vexus is represented as a tall blond man, about 180 centimetres tall, with blue-green eyes. V's hair looks like needles, which sometimes betrays him, or gives his friends a chance to come up with nicknames for him (example: Needlehead). As a result, his entire body is a kaleidoscope of large scars, pieces of lost flesh replaced with metal plates, metal seams.

    V's typical ensemble includes a long, crimson trenchcoat with a high collar, assorted straps, and black buttons. It has slits on both sides from the waist down, which allow for ease in running, jumping, and climbing. His right sleeve is simply part of the trenchcoat, but his left sleeve is secured by a series of black straps and buckles.

    Underneath his coat, he wears form fitting dark pants and knee-high combat boots with retractable knives in the toes and circular metal plates at the knees. His top is black and sleeveless, and is also tight to his body. Occasionally he will wear a pair of light amber-colored glasses, although they are not prescription or used specifically for use in bright sun.
  • Notable Features:----
Clothing/Accessories: described
Picture:
Personality: optimistic and goofy, but not nearly as carefree as he acts. Long ago, V "made a promise" to never "put out even one flame of life," and he's steadfastly held onto his pacifistic ideals ever since. Fun-loving and fond of loudly declaring that, "this world is made of Love and Peace," V might come off as an airhead, but as many would-be villains have painfully learned, it's not a wise to underestimate the O.G. For all his idealism, V has seen a lot of tragedy, and he's hell-bent on preventing any more. However, in moment's of physical conflict, he is serious .
  • General:
  • Hopes/Dreams: Secretly to end slavery and introduce a more working system. However, fascinated by Iwagakure, that would be plan B.
  • Fears: Killing someone by accident. Becoming restrained.
  • Combat Mentality:------------

Battle Information Village: Kirigakure
Rank: Slave
  • Chakra Pool: 1
  • Endurance: 38
  • Control: 1
  • Strength: 35
  • Speed: 50
  • Willpower: 50
  • Power Rank:
Equipment: Nothing but pockets
Companions: (0/1)
Affinity/Specialization: Taijutsu
Abilities and Concentrations
Abilities

Explosive Gun. His right hand can become a weapon of mass destruction, and forms into an angel arm. His hand blast equals attack of the median of control and chakra pool.

Intuition. Can read people's intentions through body language.
Third Ability
Concentrations
Ninjutsu[
Perception:
The fundamental skill of [Perception] describes the user’s practiced methods of more keenly focussing their senses for a short time. This facilitates their use of related Taijutsu.
Stealth:
The fundamental skill of [Stealth] describes the user’s proficiency in remaining silent, unseen and unnoticed as they go about tasks. This facilitates their use of related Taijutsu.
Rigid Structure:
The fundamental skill of [Rigid Structure] describes the user’s ability to adeptly position and lock in their skeletal structure to efficiently absorb blows with minimal damage to their person. This facilitates their use of related Taijutsu.
Acrobatics:
The fundamental skill of [Acrobatics] includes the user’s ability to contort their body into unfamiliar positions in order to avoid attacks, as well as the user’s ability to fall safely and perform Ukemi and other feats of gymnastics. This facilitates their use of related Taijutsu.
Deft Hands:
The fundamental skill of [Deft Hands] indicates the user’s proficiency with using their hands in very specific and complex movements, like sleight of hand and targeting very small and specific points on an opponent’s body. This facilitates their use of related Taijutsu in various ways.
Hafted Weapons:
The fundamental skill of a Hafted Weapons indicated the user’s proficiency with various axes, blunt weapons, flails and the like. This facilitates their use of related Taijutsu.
Polearm Weapons:
The fundamental skill of [Polearm Weapons] indicates the user’s proficiency with staves, spears, halberds, pikes, scythes and other like weapons. This facilitates their use of related Taijutsu.
Heavenly Body Control:
The fundamental skills of [Heavenly Body Control] cannot be mastered by those with less than 35 Endurance, , Strength and Speed. These skills include those required to create almost ninjutsu-equivalent effects simply from the movement of one’s body such as animal shaped blasts of compressed air from especially positioned hands and other similar feats which are beyond reality. This facilitates their use of related Taijutsu.
Close Quarters Combat:
The fundamental skill of [Close Quarters Combat] indicates the user's proficiency to efficiently utilize martial arts and advanced combat moves involving the body, for example but not limited to, advanced kicks, grapples, advanced punches, etc.


]
Taijutsu[
Perception:
The fundamental skill of [Perception] describes the user’s practiced methods of more keenly focussing their senses for a short time. This facilitates their use of related Taijutsu.
Stealth:
The fundamental skill of [Stealth] describes the user’s proficiency in remaining silent, unseen and unnoticed as they go about tasks. This facilitates their use of related Taijutsu.
Rigid Structure:
The fundamental skill of [Rigid Structure] describes the user’s ability to adeptly position and lock in their skeletal structure to efficiently absorb blows with minimal damage to their person. This facilitates their use of related Taijutsu.
Acrobatics:
The fundamental skill of [Acrobatics] includes the user’s ability to contort their body into unfamiliar positions in order to avoid attacks, as well as the user’s ability to fall safely and perform Ukemi and other feats of gymnastics. This facilitates their use of related Taijutsu.
Deft Hands:
The fundamental skill of [Deft Hands] indicates the user’s proficiency with using their hands in very specific and complex movements, like sleight of hand and targeting very small and specific points on an opponent’s body. This facilitates their use of related Taijutsu in various ways.
Hafted Weapons:
The fundamental skill of a Hafted Weapons indicated the user’s proficiency with various axes, blunt weapons, flails and the like. This facilitates their use of related Taijutsu.
Polearm Weapons:
The fundamental skill of [Polearm Weapons] indicates the user’s proficiency with staves, spears, halberds, pikes, scythes and other like weapons. This facilitates their use of related Taijutsu.
Heavenly Body Control:
The fundamental skills of [Heavenly Body Control] cannot be mastered by those with less than 35 Endurance, , Strength and Speed. These skills include those required to create almost ninjutsu-equivalent effects simply from the movement of one’s body such as animal shaped blasts of compressed air from especially positioned hands and other similar feats which are beyond reality. This facilitates their use of related Taijutsu.
Close Quarters Combat:
The fundamental skill of [Close Quarters Combat] indicates the user's proficiency to efficiently utilize martial arts and advanced combat moves involving the body, for example but not limited to, advanced kicks, grapples, advanced punches, etc.
]
Genjutsu[Place them here]

Jutsu
NinjutsuShow
Place Ninjutsu in here
TaijutsuShow

1. Jab.
Extend your lead hand straight out in front of you, turning your palm down to face the floor as you shift your weight forward.

2. Cross.
Extend your back hand straight out in front of you (not across your body, despite the name of this move) as you pivot on your back foot and shift your weight forward.

3. Lead Hand Hook
Imagine punching around a barrel directly in front of you, using your back hand to take a chin-level swing as you pivot on your back foot.

4. Back hand hook.
Imagine punching around a barrel directly in front of you, using your back hand to take a chin-level swing as you pivot on your back foot.

5. Lead Hand Upper Cut
Imagine punching through a vertical tube in front of you, starting low and driving upward your lead hand, finishing with your elbow pointing toward the floor as you pivot with your front foot.

6. Back Hand Upper Cut
Imagine punching through a vertical tube in front of you, starting low and driving upward your back hand, finishing with your elbow pointing toward the floor as you pivot with your back foot.

7. Shoulder Slip
Imagine dodging a punch that's coming straight at you. Turn your left shoulder in toward your right side as you pivot on the left foot, then return to boxer's stance. Turn your right shoulder toward your left side as you pivot on your right foot, then return to boxer's stance. Continue to alternate.

8. Roll Under
Imagine dodging a punch that's coming straight at you. Shift your weight into your left foot and bend your knees to lower your body toward the ground. Shift your weight into the right foot as you come back up to boxer's stance and continue to alternate sides.

9. Duck Under
Imagine someone punching through the air above your head while you duck for cover. Bend both knees to take a deep squat, keeping your fists up the entire time.

Hammer punch - This punch relies on the body weight to power it through to your opponent. It combines semi-circular and vertical movements.

Elbow - An elbow strike uses the elbow instead of the fist and can be quite powerful.

Knee - Knee strikes typically come from below up, but can also come from an angle.

Push kick - The push kick is your basic front kick, effective for landing a blow to the face or chest with the heel of the foot.

Side kick - This kick pushes out laterally and begins with a knee lift.

Back kick - This kick pushes back toward the rear, behind the person kicking.

Crescent kick - This kick draws on a chopping motion, striking with the top of the foot or the shin area.

Roundhouse kick - This kick comes from behind and involves a swing forward of the hip.

Parrying - This defensive maneuver basically relies on a kickboxer's hands to deflect blows by meeting the punch halfway and redirecting the movement.
Slip - If you learn no other defensive kickboxing move, this is the one to know. When you give your opponent the "slip," you rotate your body just in time for the punch to "slip" past you.

Defensive stance - If you are right-handed, your left foot will be in ahead of you and your right foot slightly behind. Knees are soft and ready for movement, while your core is engaged in anticipation. Hands are in a "ready" stance, up toward your cheeks as you prepare to fight. Note that varying kickboxing styles may dictate a different defensive stance.

Single Leg Attacks
Probably the most common shot you’ll see taken is a variation on a single leg attack. The wrestler targets the frontmost leg, lowers their level, and shoots in on a leg. Most often, this is a shot to outside of the forward leg, almost swinging the attacking wrestler behind his opponent. There is also the high-crotch single leg, also called a hi-C, which is done by dropping the opposite side knee and sliding into the forward leg, grabbing above the knee and then moving up to finish. There’s also sweep singles and low singles and all sorts of fancy stuff, but those two are maybe the most common shots you’ll see in college wrestling.

Double Leg Attacks
A more aggressive attack is the blast double, which involves a rapid level change and explosion forward, resulting in nearly a football-like tackle. They’re fun to watch, and even more fun to do.

Wrist tilts
Another excuse to show a DPS video, and a Spencer Lee match. Wrist tilts are the capturing of the wrist towards the body, then flipping the opponent over without the interference of that arm. Because it is a tilt, it isn’t really designed to pin. But if a wrestler is more focused on fighting that grip than getting off their back, they could get caught flat.

Arm bars
An arm bar is the locking of the offensive wrestler’s arm under one of the defensive wrestler’s arms, trapping it and using the advantageous position to roll the foe onto their back. There’s variations on this, too, but this Adam Coon pin shows the basics.

Cradles
If you’re like me, cradles were probably the only move you knew before you watched wrestling. They are achieved by lacing one arm over the opponents head and far shoulder, and into the body, and the other through the legs, aiming to lock your two arms together and flip your opponent over. A tight cradle is nearly inescapable and will almost certainly result in a pin. There are multiple kinds of cradles, such as a standing cradle which is achieved in neutral position, or a suicide cradle, which I think that Eierman fall qualifies as since he has to roll his own body to lock it. Again though, don’t fret the differences, as the fundamentals are the same.

GenjutsuShow
Place Genjutsu in here

History
Historical AccountsShow
Background
V is not human, but a human-like Plant, inter-dimensional beings that are tapped as a source of power and energy. As a Plant, his body does not physically age past his mid-twenties, though he is 150. As "independent" plants, he and his twin brother K are capable of consciously using their immense energy to perform incredible destructive feats, although V was bopped on the head as a kid, he doesn't remember how to use said feats.

V and his twin brother K were discovered aboard a spaceship ship by Remmy seemingly born from one of the Plants powering the ship. Rem raises them over the course of one year, where they quickly grow from infants to young children.

While experimenting with the ship's databases, K accidentally disrupts the navigation system, triggering an alarm and waking the dormant passengers aboard. Rem quickly corrects the system and sends the passengers back to sleep, but one awakened crewmember, Dr. Willy discovers V and K. He agrees to keep their existence a secret after talking with Rem. The ship exploded and they escaped. V landed in water and floated to shore. He was picked up by a slave owner.

.

Username: memberlist.php?mode=viewprofile&u=4065628
Ryo: 0/0
Prestige Perks: 0/0
Stat Trainings: (15/75)

User avatar
Valkier
Posts: 3333
Joined: Sun Jan 04, 2015 7:00 pm
Location: U.K.

Otonoko, Kirinotaka

Post by Valkier » Fri Dec 02, 2022 6:27 am

Let's take a crack at this one. From a quick scan I can see a fair bit to work on, so let's start there and see where it develops before getting into the smaller details:
  • 'Slave' is not a ninja rank in Kirigakure. If a slave became a ninja it would be a big deal, and should have a decent explanation in the character's history
  • The Power Rank field is blank
  • Your stats do not meet any of the beginning stat totals - considering also the above two points I have no idea what rank/power level your character is and so can't determine what would be the correct amount
  • I thought his Physical features were well written, but it turns out you've just copy & pasted from Vash the Stampede on the Trigun wiki and tweaked the name. Please use your own words/work.
  • 'Taijutsu' is too broad for a specialisation - please choose a single concentration instead of a whole jutsu style/category.
  • The two abilities need a lot more description and mechanical detail please. How did the abilities manifest, how are they used, what limitations or effects do they have - please be thorough and consider it from the viewpoint of someone you could be fighting against and what info they would need to fairly understand them.
  • All of the concentrations you have listed under 'Ninjutsu' are Taijutsu concs, and doubled up from the set below. You can remove the ones under Ninjutsu
  • I don't think you meet the requirements for the Heavenly Body Control pinnacle Taijutsu concentration, though this could depend on the below points about your jutsu
  • All of your jutsu appeared to be copy & pasted from a list of kickboxing moves, and none are formatted into jutsu for this site. Please refer to the jutsu archives for a reference and format your techniques - in your own words - suitably.
  • Your background/history is a copy & pasted chunk from Vash the Stampede on the hero.fandom wiki with tweaks to the names and one sentence added on the end. None of it seems relevant to our site or setting. Please create your own character and story.
CharactersShow
Aisu NaohiroJouninKirigakure no Sato[Unit 12] [HHD] [#BAE0E2] [#70CEE2]
Hachiya KotoriGeninIwagakure no Sato[Ukiyogenma Jinchuuriki] [H.N.K.][Gold] [#BF8040][Thread Tracker]

Kirinotaka
Posts: 8
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2022 3:30 am

Otonoko, Kirinotaka

Post by Kirinotaka » Mon Dec 05, 2022 4:01 pm

o.o

User avatar
Valkier
Posts: 3333
Joined: Sun Jan 04, 2015 7:00 pm
Location: U.K.

Otonoko, Kirinotaka

Post by Valkier » Mon Dec 12, 2022 6:08 am

Any updates on this?
CharactersShow
Aisu NaohiroJouninKirigakure no Sato[Unit 12] [HHD] [#BAE0E2] [#70CEE2]
Hachiya KotoriGeninIwagakure no Sato[Ukiyogenma Jinchuuriki] [H.N.K.][Gold] [#BF8040][Thread Tracker]

User avatar
HogoshaHa
Posts: 172
Joined: Wed May 06, 2015 8:00 pm

Otonoko, Kirinotaka

Post by HogoshaHa » Fri Dec 23, 2022 1:59 am

Why the fuck would it matter if i copy and pasted vash the Stampedes story.

Who fucking cares.

I make my own and you complain about "you can't be a literal god" but yet it says when you reach a certain stat you become God level 🤯

I can't take y'all fucking serious. I get more mad at myself for coming back to this failure of a roleplaying website. It's a waste of damn time every damn time.

Y'all hypocritically contradicting. Mind your fucking business about where i get my mothafuckin stories.

By the way, that was the only time i ever did that so don't get too jealous about my ideas you fucking monkey brain ass niggas.

I see some of y'all be doing the same fucking shit and no one ever says shit.

Fuxk outta here. This website is a waste of goddamn time.

I just wanted to bring Vash into Naruto world since he technically could be multi verse.

Y'all just had to let your pride and ego get in the way.

God damn this is ducking annoying someone just kill me already for fuck sakes

Y'all suck the fun and life outta every ducking thing in the world. That's what people like yall do, you drain and steal everything and then wonder why no one wants to come around. Fuxk outta here. I'm out
Hogosha, HageninKonohagakure
Awai SensuGeninKonohagakure no SatoMember of Team 20
Yamai, HidekiChuninKirigakure no Sato

User avatar
Valkier
Posts: 3333
Joined: Sun Jan 04, 2015 7:00 pm
Location: U.K.

Otonoko, Kirinotaka

Post by Valkier » Fri Dec 23, 2022 5:31 am

Denied on request
CharactersShow
Aisu NaohiroJouninKirigakure no Sato[Unit 12] [HHD] [#BAE0E2] [#70CEE2]
Hachiya KotoriGeninIwagakure no Sato[Ukiyogenma Jinchuuriki] [H.N.K.][Gold] [#BF8040][Thread Tracker]

REPLY

Return to “Completed”

×