[Denied]Jinrai Honoka "The Geisha"

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Luna Eclipsed
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[Denied]Jinrai Honoka "The Geisha"

Post by Luna Eclipsed » Sat Oct 08, 2016 3:06 pm

Username: Luna Eclipsed
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Jinrai Honoka
Muse, Maiko

[Nindo]

General Information Age: 16
Gender: Female
Height: 5'4
Weight: 120 lb
Physical Features:
  • Face/head: Baby blue eyes, long black hair with two curls that go down over the front of her ears, a blue dot on her head. She has some freckles on her cheeks, and fake glasses to make it seem like she isn't as strong as she is.
  • Body: very slender body, short, almost like she doesn't eat.
  • Notable Features: Blue dot on head and Light Blue eyes
Clothing/Accessories: Glasses, long sweat pants with boots that go up to almost her knees. A Blue gi that leaves her sleeves up to her shoulders.
Picture:
Personality: Sucluded, to herself, lonely, but strong and a fighter like that of an army warrior always ready to fight and she is excellent at it. Smart much like her country.
  • General:
  • Hopes/Dreams: To be free, to not be alone, to be able to do what's she thinks is right and have a family of her own.
  • Fears: Being locked away again, claustrophobic.
  • Combat Mentality:Unfased by blood, killing others, feelings, she is very intelligent which comes to tatics, not hastey

Battle Information Village: Kumogakure no Sato
Rank: Chunnin

Stats: (0/50)
  • Ninjutsu: 20
  • Taijutsu: 10
  • Genjutsu: 5
  • Stamina: 10
  • Control: 13
  • Strength: 5
  • Speed: 10
  • Instinct: 7
Equipment: 10 Shiriken, 15 Explosive Tags, 8 Kounai, Gabuki (Shamisen)(When happy)(Electric Guitar)(When Angry) 20 Needles All held in a backpack.
Companions: (0/1)
Affinity: Fuuton
Abilities and Concentrations [/url]
Abilities
First Ability Jinrai Clan
Second Ability---------
Third Ability-------------
Concentrations
Ninjutsu[Ninpou]
Taijutsu[Stealth, Deft Hands, Medicine]
Genjutsu[Place them here]

Jutsu Art of the Slumbering Pearl
A subtle form of taijutsu, the Art of the Slumbering Pearl focuses on slight movements, disguises, and stealth in order to disable a target without them realize that an enemy is even in their wake.
Prerequisites: Stealth, Deft Hands, Medicine
Art of the Slumbering PearlShow
Art of the Slumbering Pearl • Fluttering Steps
D-Ranked Taijutsu Discipline
The user has learned to move silently, and does not produce any sound when walking. They cannot be heard unless a person listening for them has a specialized hearing technique

Art of the Slumbering Pearl • One of the Crowd
D-Ranked Taijutsu Maneuver
Through the use of make up, actions, and stealth, the user is able to seemlessly blend into a crowd, being near unnoticeable, unless being viewed upon constantly and with a higher ranked Perception technique.

Art of the Slumbering Pearl • Drunken Actress
D-Ranked Taijutsu Maneuver
Through the use of sleight of hand, the user is able to appear as if she is drinking a substance, while not actually consuming any of it.

Art of the Slumbering Pearl • Prized Locations
D-Ranked Taijutsu
The user has learned all appropriate pressure points on a body. In the event of bleeding, they know where to apply pressure to slow the bleeding while treatment is administered.

Art of the Slumbering Pearl • Covering the Blemish
D-Ranked Taijutsu Maneuver
Whenever the user notices a flaw with their own disguise, they are able to fix it, using sleight of hand, to make it seem as if nothing is out of the ordinary. Those with a higher ranked Perception skill, however, can see through the movements.

Art of the Slumbering Pearl • Neck Whispers
C-Ranked Taijutsu
Through subtle body movements and against either unaware combatants or those impaired in some way, the user is able to move into someone's personal space without them realizing that the space has been breached and, additionally, without it feeling off or wrong. Those with a higher skilled Perception check are able to notice this, however.

Art of the Slumbering Pearl • Silent Steps
C-Ranked Taijutsu Discipline
While moving at their at half of their maximum speed or less, the user is completely silent, as they make sure to not only avoid anything that would make noise, but also place their feet silently and carefully.

Art of the Slumbering Pearl • Seventy Thousand Faces
C-Ranked Taijutsu Discipline
Using their skills as a geisha, the user has mastered the art of quick change. With a small amount of time, the user is able to either fix up a disguise (1/2 post) or make a completely new one (1 post), and adopt whatever persona they wish for the disguise.

Art of the Slumbering Pearl • Cowed By Beauty
C-Ranked Taijutsu Maneuver
Through the use of needles, the user will target a series of pressure points, hoping to stun their nervous signals and preventing movement in a single limb. This paralysis lasts for 2 posts before fading, which require the needles to be replaced in order to sustain it.

Art of the Slumbering Pearl • A Blessed Slumber
C-Ranked Taijutsu Maneuver
Having studied a target for at least a post, the user will use their hand to put pressure on a pressure point near their carotid artery. A quick pinch, if successful, will cause any targets with under 10 strength and stamina to faint and lose consciousness for a full post.
JinraiShow
[Melody in Forte]
D-rank Ninjutsu
Prerequisite: Gabuki
After channelling chakra into their Gabuki, the Jinrai clan member is able to cause sounds made by the instrument to reach further than regularly, ensuring those within 150 meters can hear the music clearly. This technique lasts up to 3 posts unless ended early.

~[Melody in Piano]
D-rank Ninjutsu
After performing the required hand seals, the user surrounds themselves in chakra, preventing their voice's vibrations from travelling as far as usual. This causes their voice to begin to fade and begin to distort after a distance of 30 meters. This technique can last up to 3 posts if not ended earlier.

~[Quaver]
D-rank Ninjutsu
Prerequisite: Gabuki
After channelling chakra into their Gabuki, the jinrai clan member will play a single eighth note. The vibrations from this note will cause intense pain in the ears of those who hear it excluding the user, as if they were stabbed by a kunai.

~[Tuning Fork]
D-rank Ninjutsu
After performing the required hand seals, the user can cause a weapon that they're holding to emit vibrating sound waves for 3 posts. The next strike made with the weapon will be accompanied by a second strike of 5 strength from the vibrations.

~[Undulating Blows]
C-rank Nintaijutsu
After performing the required hand seals the Jinrai clan member will cause their chakra to produce vibrations to surround their hands for the next three posts. Any time the clan member comes into physical contact with a human body, the vibrations will enter the body and cause some of the minor blood vessels within to vibrate themselves apart, causing intense bruising. This causes considerable pain and discomfort. This technique can be stopped at will.

~[Hymn of Valor]
C-rank Ninjutsu
After performing the required hand seals, the user will take a deep breath before emitting a high pitched scream. The user's Jinrai chakra will enhance the sound waves, creating a cone which expands to 15 meters wide out to 20 meters from the user's body of sound that vibrates so intensely it can be felt physically. The enhanced sound travels much slower than normal, at 10 speed, and strikes as if with 10 strength. This technique only lasts for a post maximum.

~[Crescendo]
C-rank Ninjutsu
After performing the proper hand seals, the user is able to amplify their hearing by empowering faint vibrations that reach it. This enables the user to hear exceptionally well, able to perceive sounds on the level of normal conversations from up to 300 meters away. This technique lasts for up to 5 posts.

~[Ballad of Blunder]
C-rank Ninjutsu
Prerequisite: Gabuki
While channelling chakra into their Gabuki, the user will emit a short string of notes. These music notes assault the ear drums and throw off the coordination and balance of those that hear it. Those within the range of the chakra enhancement of the sound, 20 meters, will find themselves unable to keep their feet or hold of what they're holding if they have a taijutsu lower than 10. This technique can last up to 1 full post, but occupies the user's hands the whole time to keep playing.

~[Maestro's Stroke]
B-rank Nintaijutsu
Prerequisite: Gabuki
After channelling chakra into their Gabuki, the Jinrai clan member will cause it to vibrate and give off vibrations for one post. If the Gabuki strikes something made of metal or glass no bigger than your average door, so long as it has a strength equal to or less than 20 it will begin to vibrate. At the end of the next post, the object will violently vibrate itself apart, throwing metal shards everywhere as if also with 20 strength.

~[Minim Madness]
B-rank Ninjutsu
Prerequisite: Gabuki
After channelling chakra into the Gabuki, the user will then begin to play a song on their instrument which lasts up to 3 posts. Any who come within 30 meters of the user while they are playing will be affected by the chakra enhanced vibrations. Once a victim is within the designated area, they will experience a crushing headache for three posts. This will result in -3 Instinct per post that they remain in the area, decreasing by the same amount per post spent outside the area.

~[Echolocation]
B-rank Ninjutsu
After performing the required hand seals, the Jinrai user will convert their chakra into vibrations which will emanate from their body for a maximum distance of 35 meters for 5 posts. These vibrations are strong enough to be felt as though there were waves of soft breeze floating on the air. The benefit of these vibrations is that upon making physical contact with a solid, they will return to the user and brush up against their skin, effectively allowing them to know the distance between themselves and that object or person. The down side of this technique is that those detected can also feel the vibrations, as they are perceivable by regular human senses.
GenjutsuShow
Place Genjutsu in here

History
Historical AccountsShow

Honoka grew up with her father Josuke, who was a diplomat in the city being a business man he didn't have a lot of time for her, sending a nanny to watch or take care of her. Though most of the time they didn't care for her for she was just another child with an uncared parent, but have her all she need as far as the best education, the best living situation. Honoka didn't care about any of that stuff, she wanted the love of her father. He would give her everything, but love which she desperately needed without the love of her mother who died at birth. Honoka would always have a great grades and listened well to what she was told. As she grew up into going into school she started to show some potential in being smarter than others and being great in hand to hand combat. Being top in grades, trying to show her father she is worthy of his time and being strong in protection for her father and filling in for the missing mother.

During the chunnin exam the mission was to protect a man from being attacked by a group of men, she succeed with flying colors not only protecting the man from harm, but also defeating all the men however killing the men in the end. She was injured with a broken leg and stitches for her arm. She was well known after that for being able to take on more than one men on than others, her father yet still didn't notice and to her that hurt her more than the pain of fighting. Honoka decided that being a ninja wasn't quite for her though she was good at it, she decided to go in list in the army.

Honoka always knew she was great with hand to hand combat, she was assigned to be an under cover assassin in the army to go into enemy forces and take out there leaders. The war was terrifying and the loss of the one person she found fancy in perished in the war in the battle front. With the drama of the death and killing and lose of her love Tamaki, she quite the army and decided to take a break, for the first time in years her father invited her to a dinner.

Honoka dashed for the restaurant to meet up with her father which happened to be a geisha expensive place to eat. She was just happy to be there with him, as he was drinking he would get overly excited watching those geisha dance. It was then she knew that this might be the way to get her fathers attention. She studied the art of dance and the technique. Once she was ready she bowed before the head of the geisha dancers in charge and asked if she may join there beautiful ceremonies, the lady wasn't sure about her so she asked to perform live in front of the private party.

To Honoka this was her chance. Slowly entering the main stage, she bowed before them and danced elegantly infront of them they say it was almost like she was as light as a feather. The head mistress was pleased by this not only was she but they were as well and told her she had to let her work for her she was perfect for her company. She agreed. After a couple of years of being a ninja she decided to become a professional geisha dancer and singer very well known in the city as "Maiko"(Dancing Child) being famous for the best dancer and have quite a lovely voice when she chooses to sing.

Yet still in the end her father never came to watch her dance, but she knew someday the day would come when he would come around with her name changed and being elegant he would never know it was her. He would come one day to watch her dance and get apprase even though he didn't know it was his own daughter. For the love of men falling for her made her not feel so alone and empty from the hole in her heart that ther father left.

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[Denied]Jinrai Honoka "The Geisha"

Post by Kabu » Sat Oct 08, 2016 8:22 pm

Probably a coincidence but first thing I thought of here was Love Live School Idol Project

You need to link back to your user profile.

You did good in linking back to the clan but rather than that it should look like this: Jinrai Honoka

[url=https://www.narutosaigen.com/forums/viewtopic.php?&t=6200348/1/#new]Jinrai[/url] Honoka

You need to remove the mastery stat for now as you don't yet have the Genma and when you do you'll start at 1

You need to copy/paste the Jinrai ability into the app.

You need to add in the necessary concentrations for your style, those being found here: viewtopic.php?&t=5944677/1/#new

Bunch of minor things but once you fix them you should be good to go.
NPCsShow
Shinsen Kyoko - #99840A
Kyomu Nozomi - #5960A8
Ibakuro Rin - #9E4FA5
Nakiya Hotaru - #9E540A
Nakano Kiyomi - #8E47AD], Nakano Ayaka - #0C1C8C
Fukusha Nezumi - #E00747
Karagata yamada - #CE1126, Makura Ayame - #7251BC
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[Denied]Jinrai Honoka "The Geisha"

Post by Luna Eclipsed » Sun Oct 09, 2016 4:47 am

XD LOL Yea I am afraid I haven't seen that anime before doesn't QUITE look like my thing but yea, I think fixed?

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[Denied]Jinrai Honoka "The Geisha"

Post by Ace Trainer » Mon Oct 10, 2016 2:11 pm

I would reread Kabuto's post and double check your code. Most of the changes he suggested weren't made, and I think it might have just been a coding error.
Mistaki ShioShiimu KozanGekko IndraShoshiki HeiyaHizashi Ikinari
Kirigakure No Sato
Kemurigakure no Sato

Taishou of Iron Country
Kirigakure No Sato
Genin
Experiment 81 v2
Sunagakure No Sato
Genin
The Soul Host
Iwagakure No Sato
Special Jounin
The Tungsten Princess
Sunagakure No Sato
Jounin
The Revolutionary
Past CharactersShow
[Kenketi Tenteki :: Kumogakure No Sato – Special Jounin]
[Setsuya Inka :: Sunagakure No Sato – The Soul Host – Special Jounin]
[Kaikyo Kohon :: Kirigakure No Sato – Jounin]
[Shinwa Basuta no Suihouheki Yasahii :: Kirigakure No Sato – Mizukage :: Spirit of Capricorn, Topenga]
[Futokutei Hitoare :: Konohagakure No Sato – Pestilence (Four Horsemen) – Jounin]
[Aisu Koiji :: Kirigakure No Sato – Jounin]
[Shitagane Sakki :: Kumogakure No Sato – Genin]
[Batsu Betsuni :: Iwagakure No SatoJounin A Rank Missing Ninja]
[Futokutei Yasunari :: Konohagakure No Sato – Genin]
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[Denied]Jinrai Honoka "The Geisha"

Post by Luna Eclipsed » Tue Oct 11, 2016 12:15 pm

Is that what you meant?

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[Denied]Jinrai Honoka "The Geisha"

Post by Director » Tue Oct 11, 2016 5:22 pm

Okay first off I'm gonna list all whats wrong.
  • Your username section needs to be linked back to your user profile on the forums. I.E, DirectorPr like so.
  • Second your characters last name, the Jinrai portion should link back to the clan like such. I.E, Jinrai like so.
  • As a Jinrai you need 3 above average control and 3 above average genjutsu. Average stat number for a Chuunin is 10, so these stats should at least be 13+.
  • Please define your Gabuki better, I can't quite understand what you mean by (when soft) and (when angry
  • You have way too many explosive tags, you can have a max of 15 explosive objects on a character. This includes but is not limited to, smoke bombs, flash tags, explosive tags, and etc.
  • I don't see how all your equipment can fit in a little arm purse, that seems a little extreme.
  • Your taijutsu concentrations should not be the style of jutsu, but the individual concentrations required to preform the style.
  • Jinrai style is a kekkei genkai requiring an ability slot, it does not function as a concentration.
  • You are way past the points allocated for jutsu, you're allowed to have 60 points of jutsu. Not 80, trim it down some.
  • Your pure ninpou pyramid doesn't function, you need 4 D-ranks to support 3 C-ranks. Jutsu rules, pyramid rules are near the bottom.
  • You mention shes mentally unstable. If that were the case I presume Kumogakure psychological evaluation would discover real quickly shes unfit for shinobi duty, and put her on permanent village lock down.
  • Is your character still a ninja or just a geisha. I'm not following this history at all.
Jutsus
Quote:
Art of the Slumbering Pearl • Fluttering Steps
D-Ranked Taijutsu Discipline
The user has learned to move silently, and does not produce any sound when walking. They cannot be heard unless a person listening for them has a specialized hearing technique
I'm gonna go ahead and say no to this as a D-rank. Should probably be a C-rank minimum.
Quote:
Art of the Slumbering Pearl Style
I'm currently discussing stealth mathematics with other moderators so give me some time to work this out.
Quote:
Art of the Slumbering Pearl • Seventy Thousand Faces
C-Ranked Taijutsu Discipline
Using their skills as a geisha, the user has mastered the art of quick change. With a small amount of time, the user is able to either fix up a disguise or make a completely knew one, and adopt whatever persona they wish for the disguise.
Time length should be an entire post to change a disguise. To fix one that is in current use should be 1/2 a post.
Quote:
Art of the Slumbering Pearl • A Blessed Slumber
C-Ranked Taijutsu Maneuver
Having studied a target for at least a post, the user will use their hand to put pressure on a pressure point near their carotid artery. A quick pinch, if successful, will cause any targets with under 10 strenght and stamina to faint and lose consciousness for a full post.
Please fix the wording, I'm having trouble understand if the target requires 10 strength and 10 stamina to resist, an average of the two over 10. Alternatively just either or.
Character: Awai, Fanho | Rank: Hokage | Village: Konoha | Color Code: [b][color=#682860]
Character: Konshi, Yuichi | Rank: Jounin | Village: Kumogakure | Color Code: [b][color=#0051BA]

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[Denied]Jinrai Honoka "The Geisha"

Post by Luna Eclipsed » Wed Oct 12, 2016 5:36 pm

I am done fixing It I am both a ninja and a geisha that is just my job for society that is why I have geisha jutsu.

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[Denied]Jinrai Honoka "The Geisha"

Post by Director » Wed Oct 12, 2016 5:55 pm

  • Your username section needs to be linked back to your user profile on the forums. I.E, DirectorPr like so.
  • Second your characters last name, the Jinrai portion should link back to the clan like such. I.E, Jinrai like so.
  • Please define your Gabuki better, I can't quite understand what you mean by (when soft) and (when angry
  • You mention shes mentally unstable. If that were the case I presume Kumogakure psychological evaluation would discover real quickly shes unfit for shinobi duty, and put her on permanent village lock down.
  • Please mention why shes a Geisha and a ninja in her history somewhere.
  • You have 62 points worth of jutsu, you still need to be at 60.
Quote:
Art of the Slumbering Pearl • Seventy Thousand Faces
C-Ranked Taijutsu Discipline
Using their skills as a geisha, the user has mastered the art of quick change. With a small amount of time, the user is able to either fix up a disguise or make a completely knew one, and adopt whatever persona they wish for the disguise.
Time length should be an entire post to change a disguise. To fix one that is in current use should be 1/2 a post.
Quote:
Art of the Slumbering Pearl • A Blessed Slumber
C-Ranked Taijutsu Maneuver
Having studied a target for at least a post, the user will use their hand to put pressure on a pressure point near their carotid artery. A quick pinch, if successful, will cause any targets with under 10 strenght and stamina to faint and lose consciousness for a full post.
There's a typo in strength.
You still need to make these changes.
Character: Awai, Fanho | Rank: Hokage | Village: Konoha | Color Code: [b][color=#682860]
Character: Konshi, Yuichi | Rank: Jounin | Village: Kumogakure | Color Code: [b][color=#0051BA]

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[Denied]Jinrai Honoka "The Geisha"

Post by Luna Eclipsed » Wed Oct 12, 2016 7:23 pm

I did it was because she was great in the art of dancing and a beautiful singer. Also the jutsus are hand made I didn't make them, what should I take out as far as jutsu's go? a 2 jutsu is D right?

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[Denied]Jinrai Honoka "The Geisha"

Post by Luna Eclipsed » Sun Oct 16, 2016 4:01 am

I have to wait for the person who does the jutsu to fix it then i'll let you know

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[Denied]Jinrai Honoka "The Geisha"

Post by Luna Eclipsed » Tue Oct 18, 2016 9:04 am

Fixed

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[Denied]Jinrai Honoka "The Geisha"

Post by Ace Trainer » Tue Oct 25, 2016 3:01 am

Your ability needs to come from the Jinrai clan, not just say "Jinrai" sorry for that being unclear.

I can't open spoilers on my work computer, so I cant' check the rest, sorry.
Mistaki ShioShiimu KozanGekko IndraShoshiki HeiyaHizashi Ikinari
Kirigakure No Sato
Kemurigakure no Sato

Taishou of Iron Country
Kirigakure No Sato
Genin
Experiment 81 v2
Sunagakure No Sato
Genin
The Soul Host
Iwagakure No Sato
Special Jounin
The Tungsten Princess
Sunagakure No Sato
Jounin
The Revolutionary
Past CharactersShow
[Kenketi Tenteki :: Kumogakure No Sato – Special Jounin]
[Setsuya Inka :: Sunagakure No Sato – The Soul Host – Special Jounin]
[Kaikyo Kohon :: Kirigakure No Sato – Jounin]
[Shinwa Basuta no Suihouheki Yasahii :: Kirigakure No Sato – Mizukage :: Spirit of Capricorn, Topenga]
[Futokutei Hitoare :: Konohagakure No Sato – Pestilence (Four Horsemen) – Jounin]
[Aisu Koiji :: Kirigakure No Sato – Jounin]
[Shitagane Sakki :: Kumogakure No Sato – Genin]
[Batsu Betsuni :: Iwagakure No SatoJounin A Rank Missing Ninja]
[Futokutei Yasunari :: Konohagakure No Sato – Genin]
ChatangoShow
HonchkrOnu
ArticOnu
RichardUnknown
RichardGreen
RichardRed
RichardBlack
RichardGold
AlienHostRichardGold
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[Denied]Jinrai Honoka "The Geisha"

Post by Kabu » Sat Oct 29, 2016 11:52 pm

2 days
NPCsShow
Shinsen Kyoko - #99840A
Kyomu Nozomi - #5960A8
Ibakuro Rin - #9E4FA5
Nakiya Hotaru - #9E540A
Nakano Kiyomi - #8E47AD], Nakano Ayaka - #0C1C8C
Fukusha Nezumi - #E00747
Karagata yamada - #CE1126, Makura Ayame - #7251BC
Kabu's Test Thread

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[Denied]Jinrai Honoka "The Geisha"

Post by Luna Eclipsed » Tue Nov 01, 2016 1:39 pm

I believe I fixed it I did fix the thing about the Jinrai Clan thing hope that it all looks good?

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[Denied]Jinrai Honoka "The Geisha"

Post by Luna Eclipsed » Thu Nov 03, 2016 2:36 pm

?

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[Denied]Jinrai Honoka "The Geisha"

Post by Luna Eclipsed » Sat Nov 05, 2016 5:12 pm

Well? Is it good

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[Denied]Jinrai Honoka "The Geisha"

Post by Suzuri » Sat Nov 05, 2016 5:54 pm

(As I post this, I am relying on the rule that allows non-mod members to post in apps. If that was changed, I apologize)

Although I emphatize with your wish to get writing quickly, bumping a thread repeatedly might not help. Mods are, like us, human beings, and their lives can be quite hectic, so sometimes they can't get to apps quickly even though they do your best. Also, from what I know, they start checking from the bottom of the thread list, so bumping a thread unneccesarily would delay the process. However, you might be happy to know that roleplaying is allowed prior to a character being accepted (you just can't cash in points).

As for suggestions (I am not a mod, but these are my two cents; you are free to ignore them), while mechanics are not my thing, I enjoy your idea of a ninja having another job. But I would love it if that bit of her background was expanded. What prompted her to make such a decisive decision? Is it that she enjoys the art of her performance? Is she after a feeling of power by having men fall for her? Is it a way of seeking affection? Is it because she wants to be financially independent, and likes this work a bit more than assassination? Is it because she was disilusioned by her father not appreciating her fighting? Is it because she got a friend/mother-/aunt- figure in someone from a local okiya/ ochaya? (okyia - places where geisha can live; ochaya, or tea house - places where most geisha work) etc etc. None of these have to be right, but I would appreciate more insight into Honoka's mind. As of now, her becoming a geisha comes out of nowhere for the reader.
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[Denied]Jinrai Honoka "The Geisha"

Post by Kabu » Sat Nov 05, 2016 10:13 pm

I actually think all that is fine. I would however like a little bit of information on her time as a Genin.
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[Denied]Jinrai Honoka "The Geisha"

Post by Luna Eclipsed » Mon Nov 07, 2016 10:10 am

Oh okay also sorry about the bump I didn't actually know what that was. I fixed your recommendation on her I hope that fills in some gaps. Where do I go from here?

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[Denied]Jinrai Honoka "The Geisha"

Post by Taiga » Sun Nov 20, 2016 6:30 am

You have a broken link at the top of your app causing the whole top part to become one thing. I edited your app and fixed it for your convenience. I know it can be really tricky- that coding. And code of any kind is my specialty so I don't mind helping :)

First, can we get more descriptions all around? The Jinrai clan itself offers quite a bit of stuff that can help beef up your physical description, clothing, etc. There's a lot that gives a person their physical appearance and you haven't touched on much of it. Same for personality, it's a bit vague.

I'm going to disagree with Kabu and agree with Onu. Please actually copy over the Jinrai ability instead of saying [Jinrai]

"[Melodic Dissonance]
The Jinrai clan uses the style of Melodic Dissonance to make use of music and sound in the course of combat. The production of vibrations from chakra is only possible through the use of the Jinrai's unique chakra, which their ancestors received from interbreeding with a spirit of seduction. As such, the Jinrai can use their chakra to create or manipulate vibrations that have already been imbued with their chakra. This allows them to produce various sound and vibration related effects. This takes an ability slot for the Jinrai's unique chakra."


This bit.

Also, you're going to need to describe your Gabuki. Give some dimensions. I know for the most part, Shamisen and guitars are standardized in size, but we need to have a locked in size to avoid trouble later on.

Sorry for the wait- on behalf of all staff by the way. A lot of us are in college/school and right now is a pretty wild/crazy time.


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[Denied]Jinrai Honoka "The Geisha"

Post by Director » Thu Dec 01, 2016 6:53 pm

2 days to make edits
Character: Awai, Fanho | Rank: Hokage | Village: Konoha | Color Code: [b][color=#682860]
Character: Konshi, Yuichi | Rank: Jounin | Village: Kumogakure | Color Code: [b][color=#0051BA]

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[Denied]Jinrai Honoka "The Geisha"

Post by Lace » Sun Dec 04, 2016 3:27 pm

Timed.

Denied

This application has been denied. Most often because the user requested or has taken too long to reply to the moderators. If you would like a nocode for this application, please notify a moderator and they can get it for you.

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