[Accepted]Hayasu 4.0

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Zasadel
Posts: 1035
Joined: Mon Mar 18, 2013 8:00 pm

[Accepted]Hayasu 4.0

Post by Zasadel » Tue Jul 25, 2017 9:06 pm

Application: Zasadel / Hayasu Juko
Change: Check change log for details. General Jutsu additions, rankups, etc.
Payment: 93 points + threads listed below
Change LogShow

Hayasu 4.0 Change Log

Changed basic stats, upgrades to post Jounin stats + Jounin rankup. (190 to 208)

New Photo reference

Added Doton Katon to secondary affinity

Deleted Old Ghost/Black raiton

Split Bio/Stats and Jutsu into two ezpz posts

Taijutsu Specialist Added

Added Perks:

Connections
Cosmetic
Beast Master : Ape Summon

Note : Adding the summon in another post, this is all for Hayasu atm)

Links for Rankup Proof :

viewtopic.php?&t=5821975/1/#new

viewtopic.php?&t=5845699/1/#new

+Kumo OOC approval for rankup before finishing rankup thread.

PB For stats + rankup = viewtopic.php?&t=8126337/1/#new

Jutsu Added:

A-Rank Sage Pyramid = (5 + 8 + 12 + 12 = 37 points w/ Connections perk. 1 A rank, 2 B Rank, 3 C rank, 4 D rank jutsu.)

Converting Black Raiton = 28 points

(Deleted 1 BR B Rank Jutsu)

Raiton Added :
D Ranked Raiton = 1 points
C Ranked Raiton = 2 points
3 points total

Taijutsu
1 B Rank Drunken Monkey = 4 Points
2 A Rank Drunken Monkey = 12 points
1 S Rank Drunken Monkey = 9 points

Total point cost = 65 + 28(conversion) = 91/93 = 2/262

Username: Zasadel
Points: 2/262
Stats : 208 (0/50 T)
Companions: 1/5 Kureiji
Ninja Way
”Nothing is more important than my village, my country, and protecting those who cannot defend themselves.”
Prestige Perks : [Raiton Color: Black] [Connections] [Beast Master : Ape Summons]
Age :24
Gender: M
Height : 6'8"
Weight : 260 lbs
Hair : White, extremely long
Eyes :Deep Blue
Physical Features:
Hayasu is absolutely gigantic in comparison to regular humans, with muscle to match. His torso and legs are scarred from the many training accidents and battles he's faced. The usual days of grinning happily as an idiot have not been forgotten, but due to his position and recent years, Hayasu has taken on a more serious tone. A lightly tannish skin tone, with light colored hair. Clothing/Accessories: A white open karate gi with a black cloud matched with two black lightning bolts on the back, with black slacks, and a black undershirt. Black sandals, and a white cloth belt with the Kumogakure Cloud symbol on his belt buckle. Hopes/Dreams To one day achieve the rank of Bannin and serve his village until retirement. He seeks to be someone Kumogakure calls upon in need, and a reliable shinobi to his Raikage. He dreams of the day where the world knows his name, his allies cheer it, and his enemies shake in fear at the mention of it.
FearsSpiders, Premature Death, Losing his memory, Letting down his village and or those that he cares about.
Personality: Hayasu use to feel that not everything had to be so serious as a shinobi, and was often is the culprit of small practical jokes amongst his comrades. Still loud, open, and energetic, Hayasu used rarely cares about anyone else's opinion of him and never backs down from a fight. He's remarkably intelligent for someone who acts as he does. This has all dramatically changes as a result of his promotion, age, and the recent wars in his bloodied history. In fights, he has an internal switch he hits, causing him to go from a light hearted goof, to a deadly serious combatant. He has a love for comedy based manga, and often isolates himself deep within the mountains of Kumogakure to train. His desire to protect has caused him to harden, making him a formidable ally in all walks of life. [/center][/center][/center][/center][/center][/center][/center][/center]
[/center]
HistoryShow
Hayasu Juko, Born on the 15th day of Spring during a stormy evening of Kumogakure. His parent's weren't Shinobi, but they were both comedic entertainers, a likely reason for his general comedic attitude as a child. Hayasu loved to be the center of attention and entertainment, As a result of his wild, goofy humor, they threw him into the academy in hopes to keep him disciplined and to “hone” his comedic talents. And although it worked for the most part, Hayasu often laid several pranks on his teachers and fellow students. This lead him into multiple chases by angry denizens, who noticed generally after something outrageous happened Hayasu would be choking from trying to hold back his laughter.

Most would chalk his attitude and prankster demeanor as simply attention, when the reality of it was that Hayasu simply loved to laugh. After somehow managing to graduate the Academy, he was an excellent candidate as a shinobi, specializing in Taijutsu and Raiton based Ninjutsu, quickly adjusting his natural affinity for it into an impressive growing mastery over the element. He constantly trains his styles and jutsu , something he eventually ingrained due to boredom of pranking becoming stale as he grew older.

Eventually, Hayasu even found a teacher, whom began to hone his abilities and impressive amounts of physical strength and stamina. It was abundantly clear that Hayasu was meant for great things in his life, and even over time Kumogakure villagers began to respect him..This was coupled with the adornment of his Sensei, who dragged Hayasu around on various adventures until Hayasu was ready for his Chuunin Exam.

Kumogakure had assigned Hayasu to protect a key supply outpost on the border of their greatest Civil war, and heroically, outnumbered near three to one, Hayasu overcame and through a brilliant display of heroism and strength killed the enemy commander and routed enemy forces. This satisfied his requirement and made him an official independant shinobi.

Throughout the rest of the war, Hayasu time and time again proved himself in countless battles and skirmishes until the village further promoted him into the rank of Special Jounin, and every day Hayasu grows closer to achieving his goal. As the war grew closer to it’s final chapter, Hayasu has been given a great opportunity; he’s training with the great Monkey Sages of Kaisaru Jungle.

As of his most recent event, Hayasu has achieved one crucial step of his ascendency. Having obtained the rank of Jounin, Hayasu now has both the reputation, strength, and ability to finally carry his goals out. Having discussed his position both to the Raikage and the Village, Hayasu has left his usual life of isolation and returned as staffing to the Lord Raikage himself, serving as a personal guard, warrior, and escort, a position Hayasu treats with the utmost pride and respect.

His burning desire to achieve Bannin has not been forgotten, as it’s nearing the end of Hayasu’s journey to fame and power. He feels his duties as one of the Raikage’s direct agents will present himself the opportunity to not only grow stronger, but to serve the just causes of a new age of Kumogakure.
EquipmentShow
Kunai x 15 (Upper Left Pocket of Gi) Shuriken x 20 (Right Upper Pocket of Gi) Roll of Wire x 2.5 feet (Right Lower Pocket of Gi) Explosive Tag x 15 (Lower Left Pocket)
Abilities 2/3Show
Companion Master : Kaisaru Jungle ([iShow
Unclaimed[/i])]



The Great Apes of Kaisaru Jungle have had their respect given to Hayasu Juko of Kumogakure, while the Monkeys have given their approval in his comedic tactics. His perseverance, strength, and willingness to take on any challenge has given him the opportunity to sign the Great Ape contract, allowing him to summon/host up to four Kaisaru Primates, making him now one of the few humans ever privileged with the primal strength of Kaisaru to back himg. In addition to the summons,
the Great Monkey Sage bestowed Hayasu their secret Senjutsu techniques.
SenjutsuShow



Senjutsu is a specialized field of techniques that allows the user to sense and then gather natural energy. Senjutsu practitioners learn to draw the energy of nature inside of them, blending it with their own chakra. This adds a new dimension of power to the practitioner's chakra, resulting in the creation of "senjutsu chakra".Those that can absorb or manipulate senjutsu chakra are known as Sages. Generally, Senjutsu chakra cannot be used by those untrained in Senjutsu. Those who can, enter a form called Sage Mode, allowing access to sage techniques for as long as the mode is active. Once sage form is activated, the user gains half of their un-augmented chakra in Natural Chakra, but is only useable once per thread due to how long it takes to recharge. Sage Form lasts for posts based on the user's stamina divided by 2, rounded down. Senjutsu chakra is neither stronger nor weaker then normal or elemental chakra, the only key difference is the method in both collecting and utilizing it.

Hayasu's sage form may is utilized if he holds the following requirements:


Above average in 3 of the following : Ninjutsu, Taijutsu, Stamina, Control, or Instinct

Minimum of 20 Control + Ninjutsu

Monkey Summoning Techniques

One Ability slot + 2 Concentrations (Senjutsu + Summons are required and 2 of either 1 Ninjutsu Concentration + 1 Taijutsu concentration.)


Sage Form lasts for the user's stamina divided by 3 in post count, rounded down. Additionally, due to the tax the Senjutsu chakra can have on the body, the user must have at least a quarter of their own chakra supply to enter Sage Form. Senjutsu Chakra includes a Senjutsu Chakra pool, which adds half of the user's own stamina in augmented Chakra Supply.

Ninjutsu Concentrations 3/5Show
RaitonShow
Raiton (Black)
Raiton, the elemental affinity of lightning, is an electrical element that poses itself as a powerful offensive and supplemental element. While it seems straightforward, Raiton has a variety of uses that makes it appealing to both close and long range users of many types. Raiton has the effect of shocking, which means causes it's effect to be diffuse upon impact. In organic material, this causes nervous stimulation which results in numbness, tingling, loss of sensation, and sometimes paralysis. In inorganic material, this means that the strength of the jutsu diffuses across an area 2x the size of the attack. In a jutsu that creates a lightning ball 2m in diameter, if it struck a wall the size of the attack would cover a 4m area.

Requires One Ninjutsu Concentration Slot
KatonShow
Katon
A character with this concentration is able to utilize Katon, and can make and use any custom or archived jutsu that require the Katon affinity. Katon has a passive ignition effect.
Passive (Ingition)Show
Katon's effect is ignition, which means that all katon jutsu, regardless of effect, start and spread fire from their source. Once a jutsu has been performed, the fire from the jutsu spreads at 1/3rd the speed of the technique, rounded down. That means a C-rank katon jutsu that moves at 13 speed would create subsequent fires that spread at 4 speed. These secondary fires require flammable material to continuously spread, otherwise they will burn out on their own.

Additionally, the strength of burns on organic material from katon jutsu is determined by the ninjutsu stat requirement.
  • 1-10 Ninjutsu Requirement : 1st Degree Burns
  • 11-20 Ninjutsu Requirement: Second Degree Burns
  • 21-35 Ninjutsu Requirement: Third Degree Burns
  • 36+ Ninjutsu Requirement: Fourth Degree Burns
Requires One Ninjutsu Concentration Slot
Sage ReleaseShow
Sage Release Ninjutsu
In addition to unlocking Senjutsu, while in Sage form the user masters the ability to sense Natural Chakra in all things, the Sage is able to sense presences as many meters as they have ranks in Control. They can view to much greater distances compared to a normal sensor, but their ability to differentiate between people starts to become muddled, meaning multiple people in close proximity will appear simply as a large chakra mass, without the users being able to distinguish how many people are there. By sitting down and meditating, they are able to start to sense further and further away. For each post of meditating, they are able to see one third of a mile out, up to a max of posts equal to 1/2 their control (rounded up).

Requires One Ninjutsu Concentration Slot


Taijutsu Concentrations 7/8Show
Drunken Monkey Taijutsu
Similar to the famed Drunken Fist, this style is uniquely made to Hayasu, whom created the style after drinking late one night and observing Kureiji. The style is generally impractical for most and requires extreme flexibility, strength, and the willingness to look like an idiot. Hayasu gains no special traits other than being completely unpredictable in combat. The brutality, unpredictability, and goofiness of the style are not for everyone. The strikes are primarily fixated on wrists, elbows, knees, and acrobatics. Below lists the concentrations necessary


[Upper Body]
[Lower Body]
[Acrobatics]
[Deft Hands]
[Stealth]
[Rigid Structure]
Sage Release Taijutsu When using Sage Form the natural energy used by the practitioner to create Senjutsu chakra also surrounds the user in an aura of that same natural energy. This aura can act as an extension of their body and cannot be seen by anyone other than those who have trained in Senjutsu. By utilising the aura, the user can extend the range and force of their physical attacks. Strikes that seemingly or would normally miss will actually make contact with the target. The strength of this technique cannot exceed the user’s own strength stat. Additionally, the user's skin hardens, allowing a natural armor for up to 1/3rd of the user's Stamina for both physical or energy based attacks.

Requires One Taijutsu Concentration Slot


Village Title / Nickname
Rank[/center]
Kumogakure The Simian Sage Jounin
Ninjutsu Taijutsu Genjutsu Stamina Control Strength Speed Instinct 35 35 10 20 30 33 25 20
Primary Chakra AffinitySpecializationSecondary Chakra AffinityRaitonTaijutsu
TAI/STAM/STR/SPD
Katon[/center]
[/center]

[/center][/spoiler]
Hayasu Juko "The Simian Sage" Jounin of Kumokagure The Black Book

User avatar
Zasadel
Posts: 1035
Joined: Mon Mar 18, 2013 8:00 pm

[Accepted]Hayasu 4.0

Post by Zasadel » Tue Jul 25, 2017 9:06 pm

Ninjutsu: BasicShow
Basic Ninpou
D - Ranked *Ninjutsu • Chakra Burst
D-Rank Ninjutsu
After channeling chakra into one of their fists, the user will then attempt to strike their target and if successful, they will release additional concussive force in the form of an outward explosion at D-Rank force from their fist. If the user does not strike a target within 3 posts the jutsu dissipates.

*Ninjutsu • Wall
D-Rank Ninjutsu
After performing the correct hand seals the user causes a thin 3x3 meter flat barrier to form directly in front of them at a speed of 5. This barrier can take a hit of up to 5 strength before shattering, otherwise it lasts for 3 posts.

C - Ranked

*Ninjutsu • Multiple Chakra Kai
C-Rank Ninjutsu
Despite requiring both hands and more time than Basic Jutsu • Chakra Kai, Multiple Chakra Kai allows the user to activate up to five objects simultaneously, up to 20 + (Control/2) meters away.
[/center]
Ninjutsu: Raiton ReleaseShow
Raiton Ninpou
D - Ranked *Raiton • Shock Double
D-ranked Raiton Ninjutsu
After performing the correct hand seals, the user will create a copy of themselves out of Raiton chakra. The clone will be able to move with the stats labelled below, while also exploding with the force of a single exploding tag upon death (which also applies the raiton passive effect). The clone will only last for 3 posts. Taijutsu: 2 Stamina: 1 Strength: 1 Speed: 2

*Raiton • Bright Bolt
D-ranked Raiton Ninjutsu
Jutsu After performing the correct hand seals the user will extend two fingers toward a target. A bolt of lightning will jump up to 10 meters from their fingers at a speed of 6, striking with a strength of 4.

*Raiton • Static Shroud
D-ranked Raiton Ninjutsu
After performing the correct hand seals the user covers their body in a layer of visible static which crackles around them for 4 posts. Anything which comes within 6 inches of their body will be repelled with a force of 5 strength and have the Raiton Shocking effect applied.


*Raiton • Conductor
D-ranked Raiton Jutsu
After performing the correct hand seals, the user will coat a weapon they are holding in Raiton electricity for 5 posts. This causes the shock effect to be produced on any contact with a target, while also granting blunt weapons the ability to cut through skin to produce shallow wounds. This also works for thrown weapons, however if the projectile remains out of contact with the user for more than 2 posts the technique will dissipate early.
*Raiton • Stun Gun
D-ranked Raiton Jutsu
After performing the correct hand seals, the user will channel Raiton chakra to two of their fingers. They will then be able to fire up to three total bullet sized balls of concentrated lightning from their fingertips. These bullets will travel at 5 speed, but will not have any physical force. Instead, they will apply light electrical burns similar to a sun burn and will apply Raiton's shocking effect.

Raiton • Shock Talon
D-Rank Raiton Ninjutsu
Hayasu will perform the needed hand seals and a kunai made of Raiton will form in his hand. Hayasu will be able to generate up to 5 of these kunai that last 3 posts before the technique dissipates. They are able to be thrown based on the user’s strength, with a durability of 5.


Raiton • Sphere Shot
D-Rank Raiton Ninjutsu
Making the neccessary seals then holding it to charge, the user concentrates his chakra into an orb six inches in diameter, and forming it into a Lightning ball, before finally throwing it at his opponent as if it was an electrically charged baseball. It hits with a force of 5 strength and lasts for three posts or until impact for up to 10 meters away.

Raiton • Minor Armament
D-Rank Raiton Ninjutsu
Similar to it's Raiton counterpart, Hayasu generates a length of arching Raiton in the shape of a small blade after prepping the neccessary hand seals, up to the size of a standard steel kunai, from the middle of his hand after performing the necessary hand seals. This 'blade' of Lightning can strike with up to 5 strength. If this blade isn’t used or destroyed, it stays for up to 3 posts.


Raiton • Storm Tears
D-Rank Raiton Ninjutsu
After performing the correct hand seals Hayasu will form a shuriken of Raiton approximately 6 centimeters in diameter in their hand with a strength of 5 and durability of 5. When kai'd, this shuriken explodes with a force equal to one explosive tag. If not consumed, this technique lasts for three posts.



C - Ranked

*Raiton • Sky Spear
C-ranked Raiton Ninjutsu
After performing the correct hand seals, the user will create a two meter long rod of lightning in their hand. They are then able to launch it at 15 speed in a single direction. Upon contact the spear will explode with the force of a single explosive tag and apply the Raiton shocking effect. If it has not been launched by the end of the second post it will dissipate.

*Raiton • Galvanic Zone
C-ranked Raiton Ninjutsu
After performing the correct hand seals, the user will seep Raiton chakra in an area around them with a 20m diameter. The user's Raiton techniques will travel 5 points faster when they travel through this zone for 3 posts. This technique ends the moment the user leaves this area. They also return to normal speed upon leaving the area. This technique does not apply the shocking effect.

*Raiton • Jamming Pulse
C-ranked Raiton Jutsu
After performing the correct hand seals, the user emits a wave of electricity from their palm in a single direction. This is produced as a 10m wide line which extends 2m into the air and travels up to 25m from the user at 10 speed. The wave will apply the shocking effect and reduce the speed of any living thing it strikes by 5 points for 3 posts by electrically interfering with the brain's nervous signals.

Raiton • Enhanced Raiton Clone
C-Rank Raiton Ninjutsu
fter Hayasu does the needed hand seals, Hayasu creates an enhanced version of the standard Raiton Clone. The clone lacks substance and the ability to interact with its environment and are destroyed after coming into contact with any energized or physical object. As these clones have no free will, they are unable to do more than mimic the user's movements. However, unlike normal clones, these are filled with Raiton chakra, and will shock on contract. The clone has the following stats and lasts for 5 posts:


Taijutsu: 5
Stamina: 7
Strength: 5
Speed: 10


Raiton • Gorilla Fist
C-Rank Raiton Ninjutsu
Prepping the proper hand seals, Hayasu charges his fist with Raiton allowing him to throw a single punch that protrudes a spike of Raiton on impact with the force of 10 strength outward from his fist. The spike that protrudes is created at 10 speed, with the spike reaching up to one meter. The fist can be channeled for up to two posts.



Raiton • Static Bullet
C-Rank Raiton Ninjutsu
Prerequisite: 15 Ninjutsu
By channeling chakra into his finger-tip and continuing to do so, Hayasu will fire a single shot of Raiton from his index finger. The shot is 1 foot in diameter and 1 meter long, and leaves a 2-inch diameter trail of Raiton as it travels, the trail decaying after a post. The Raiton bolt travels for up to 20m at a speed of 10 and strength of 10


Raiton • Greater Armament
C-Rank Ninjutsu
Prerequisite: 15 Ninjutsu
By channeling Raiton into a weapon he is holding, Hayasu will cover it in a hue of Raiton at a speed of 10, extending the weapon's range by 1.5m while not adding anything to its weight. This causes the weapon to also gain an edge as sharp as an average sword. This applies the Raiton passive at a strength of 20 on contact with an opponent. Lasts 5 posts or until cancelled. The blade has a durability strength of 10.


B - Ranked

*Raiton • Thunderous Lightning Cannon
B-ranked Raiton Ninjutsu
After performing the correct hand seals, a beam of lightning will erupt from the user's hand. The lightning will travel 50m at 20 speed and explode with the force of 4 explosive tags on contact, while applying the Raiton shocking effect throughout the explosion's area.

Raiton • Howler Monkey's Roar
B – Rank Raiton Ninjutsu
The user will first perform the correct hand seals, and then fire a cone of Raiton which begins at 5m wide closest to them and then 30m wide at the furthest point. The cone extends 40m from the user's body at a speed of 20. This cascade of Raiton roars tremendously loud, and strikes all caught within 15 meters for 20 strength and may stun an opponent at.

Raiton • Lariat
B – Rank Raiton Nintaijutsu Manuever
Requires above Average Speed
Hayasu charges up Raiton throughout his arms after priming hand signs, rushing forward as fast as possible. The Raiton chakra is infused into his arms, and Hayasu attempts to essentially clothesline them. Assuming it hits, the opponent is hit with the user's strength plus four explosive tags worth of force.


A - Ranked

Raiton • Shade Shuriken Cloud
A-Rank Raiton Ninjutsu
Prerequisite: 30 Ninjutsu
Grabbing hold of a shuriken, Hayasu will channel Raiton into it then toss it towards a target within 3 posts. Upon kai'ing the projectile, it will rapidly duplicate until it forms a densely packed 30 meter diameter cloud of that object, made completely of Raiton Shuriken. The cloned projectiles will propel forward from the origin shuriken at a speed of 25 simultaneously. Each Shuriken can go no further then a hundred yards or for two posts before totally dissipating. The shuriken double every 1.5 seconds until reaching 50.

Raiton • Raijin's Sacred Blade
A-Rank Raiton Ninjutsu
Hayasu forms the necessary seals to create a full sized of arching Raiton. The Scythe forms at the speed of 20 with a durability of 30 and forms into a two handed greatsword equal to six foot in size. If this blade isn’t used or destroyed, it stays for up to 5 posts. The strength of the weapon varies by user, but generally sits at 25 strength 25 durability.


S - Ranked [/center]


[/center]
Ninjutsu: Katon ReleaseShow
D - Ranked

C - Ranked




B - Ranked


A - Ranked


[/center]
Ninjutsu: Sage ReleaseShow


D - Ranked
Senjutsu Technique - Sage Barrier Technique
D - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
The user forms the necessary hand seals, creating a basic rectangular shield approximately 1m of nature based chakra directly onto the arm of the user. The chakra functions like a normal chakra barrier, however, it’s utilized with nature chakra. The barrier is formed at a speed of 5 and a strength of 5.


Senjutsu Technique - Plant Ward Technique
D - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
The user can take a plant of any size and inject nature chakra, allowing it to function as a ward (sentry based). Should anything disturb it through vibrations from movement, the ward flares up and emits a high pitched frequency that anyone within the 25 meters can hear.

Senjutsu Technique - Purification
D - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
Utilizing natural chakra, the Sage can purify the contents of liquids to their most pristine state, as well as stall tainted blood of poison given enough time (though it cannot totally cleanse, only slow). Due to the concentration required, this cannot be used effectively in combat nor on any poisons of similar rank or below.


Senjutsu Technique - Thunderclap
D - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
The user charges natural chakra into his palms before slamming them together. While this jutsu does not cause physical damage, the sound created can be as loud as thunder, booming and catching opponents off guard, causing a ringing sensation in the ears, or used as a signal for silence. The ringing lasts for 2 posts, weaking by half after the first, with a range of 5 meters for optimal effect.

Senjutsu Technique - Sage Eye Technique
D - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
This allows the user to see in total darkness through night vision, up to 20 meters as long as the jutsu is fueled by chakra.

C - Ranked

Senjutsu Technique - One with Nature
C - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
The user has trained into Sage form and thus has unlocked the ability to sense natural occurrences. The user when concentrating can lead themselves to water supplies, comprehend animal emotions (Such as pain without needing to speak to them), and also see slight but generally unnoticeable changes in weather such as participation drops, dryness, or early signs of natural disasters.


Senjutsu Technique - Sage Healing Technique
C - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
Utilizing natural chakra, the Sage is able to passively heal and block small wounds inflicted onto their body. This cannot be effectively used in combat and cannot heal higher then the chakra rank utilized by the jutsu. Fatal injuries, deep wounds, or grievous injuries cannot be healed without serious concentration and over the period of several days.

Senjutsu Technique - Gate of the Great God
C - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
The user manifests a select number of massive red torii (approximately 20 by 10 feet in height) that fall down from above, in order to pin an intended target between the gate and the ground. The size and strength of these torii is such that they can even be used to immobilize opponents. These torii are quite versatile and can be used in several different ways. The gates have a durability of 15 strength per gate, and fall at a speed of 5 per torii gate, up to a limit of 3 per jutsu for up to 3 posts before disappearing. The range of jutsu extends out to approximately 25 meters.

Senjutsu Technique - Minor Jutsu Enhancement
C - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
The user manifests Senjutsu Chakra into their Jutsu. Any ninjutsu affected by this bonus chakra adding +5 to it's strength at the cost of draining their Senjutsu Chakra Supply. This bonus cannot be used for anything but a same ranked jutsu, and can only be used for offensive based attacks.

B - Ranked
[ce
Senjutsu Technique - Sage Extension
B - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
The user has gained control over extensive use of natural chakra. So long as the user can concentrate, the user charges his fists with Senjutsu, allowing him to extend punches and kicks approximately six inches out. This allows a user to catch opponents off guard while simultaneously allowing them to fight elemental chakra with his hands instead of solely jutsu. However, this jutsu does not enhance the strength or speed of their hits.

Senjutsu Technique - Sage Great Barrier Technique
B - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
The user forms the necessary hand seals, creating a basic rectangular shield approximately 1m of nature based chakra directly onto the arm of the user. The chakra functions like a normal chakra barrier, however, it’s utilized with nature chakra. The barrier is formed at a speed of 10 and a strength of 20.

Senjutsu Technique - Moderate Jutsu Enhancement
B - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
The user manifests Senjutsu Chakra into their Jutsu. Any ninjutsu affected by this bonus chakra adding +10 to it's strength at the cost of draining their Senjutsu Chakra Supply. This bonus cannot be used for anything but a same ranked jutsu, and can only be used for offensive based attacks.


A - Ranked

Senjutsu Technique - Giant Gates of the Great God
A - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
The user manifests a select number of massive, hardened red torii (approximately 20 by 10 feet in height) that fall down from above, in order to pin an intended target between the gate and the ground. The size and strength of these torii is such that they can even be used to immobilize opponents. These torii are quite versatile and can be used in several different ways. The gates have a durability of 35 strength per one, and fall at a speed of 15 for a maximum of three gates, up to a limit of 3 per jutsu for up to 5 posts before disappearing.

Senjutsu Technique - Major Jutsu Enhancement
A - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
The user manifests Senjutsu Chakra into their Jutsu. Any ninjutsu affected by this bonus chakra adding +15 to it's strength at the cost of draining their Senjutsu Chakra Supply. This bonus cannot be used for anything but a same ranked jutsu, and can only be used for offensive based attacks.


S - Ranked


[/center]
Taijutsu: Drunken MonkeyShow

D - Ranked
Maneuvers Drunken Monkey: Dancing Monkey Feint
D-Rank - Taijutsu Maneuver
The user aims for a kick or punch at the opponent before purposely overextending into a spin or roll. The user angles another kick or punch as they spin, or moves out of the way as they roll against the ground.

Drunken Monkey: Monkey Mojito Hook
D-Rank - Taijutsu Maneuver
The user, bent at the knees, intercepts an opponents fist or jab at the forearm, grabbing it and twisting it to deflect it away from the user's body before slamming their wrist straight at the opponent's ear. The user must be at least 1 points higher in strength for this move to work.

Drunken Monkey: Liquid Courage Rush
D-Rank - Taijutsu Stance
The user appears highly intoxicated and fumbles around, when in reality, they are gauging their opponent and devaluing their own ability as the opponent perceives them.

Drunken Monkey: Banana Boomerang Bazooka
D-Rank - Taijutsu Maneuver
The user rushes forward and aims a feint at the opponent, but instead, spins away in the opposite direction creating a counter kick with a high amount of torque at the opponent. Every point of strength sends the opponent back on hit 1 meter.


Drunken Monkey: Shiny Monkey Distraction Technique
D -Rank - Taijutsu Stance
The user does comedic poses, spins, and general idiocracy in an attempt to keep their opponent confused, taunted, or distracted. The benefit to this is to be able to catch an opponent off guard should they attack head on, or to prepare a strategy under the guise of nothing going on at all.

Drunken Monkey: Lazy Ape
D -Rank - Taijutsu Stance
The user simply flops to the ground and pretends to either be asleep, or outright ignoring an opponent in an attempt to anger or cause them to preemptively attack without considering the consequence of it being a trap or designed to anger them. However, laying on the ground puts them in a much more vulnerable position, and can backfire if the user underestimates their opponent.

Drunken Monkey: Squirrel Monkey Climbing Technique
D -Rank - Taijutsu Discipline
The user has trained with the apes of Kaisaru jungle, and as a result has grown extremely adept at climbing various terrains and trees. The user is able to traverse obstacles with minimal effort and at normal speeds for the cost of a -3 penalty to Taijutsu.


C - Ranked

Drunken Monkey: Ape Attitude Adjustment
C - Rank - Taijutsu Maneuver
The user uses this as a counter to their own arm being grabbed. The user quickly twists their arm upward and grasps their opponent's wrist. The user then spins around towards their opponent, sliding his leg around the back of the opponent's knee whilst simultaneously slamming their wrist on the back of the opponent's head. The user then hold's tightly onto the joint locked arm, rolling over the opponent, to force both users are crouched position. Finally, the user applies tremendous pressure to the forearm to make the opponent submit or face joint injury.

Drunken Monkey: Twisted Monkey Cannon
C - Rank - Taijutsu Maneuver
Used to exit a fight or evade an attack, the user performs a front flip motion, landing onto their palms in a hand-stand before instantly flinging themselves forward into the air in a somersault motion. Shortly before reaching their target, they unwind their body performing a heel drop on the target. The original springing motion allows the user to accelerate forward at an alarming rate and mixed with their spinning, their body gains a powerful amount of momentum before coming down and releasing it onto the target. If the target has less strength than the user the move is usually powerful enough to slam them down into the ground.


Drunken Monkey: Assault And Monkkery
C - Rank - Taijutsu Maneuver
Must have greater tai then opponent
If the user anticipates a punch, extending their forearm to deflect it to the side, grasping it at the elbow. The user then takes their free hand, slams it into their opponent's groin, then lurches forward to place their bicep under the opponents arm that was used to punch. They then take their wrist from the arm locking their opponent's at the bicep/shoulder and slams their wrist behind the opponent's head. The user then follows by locking the arm used to hit their opponent around the opponent's head to keep it lowered before finishing the opponent with a flurry of knees to the opponent's chest and stomach.


Drunken Monkey: Strength of the Chimp
C -Rank - Taijutsu Stance
The user tenses their muscles and keeps more control of their movements, allowing for more precise striking and adding better control of their strength into each blow, but they lose the unpredictability of the style. (+4 Strength +2 Taijutsu, / -3 Ninjutsu , -3 Control during the duration, up to five posts)

Drunken Monkey: Dance of the Tarsier
C -Rank - Taijutsu Stance
The user fights in a very loose stance, mistakable for a monkey, or a drunk, or both. By keeping their body loose, they can react to incoming damage by moving with the incoming force as well as tense their muscles, minimizing damage. This works to lessen damage moderately if the users tai is higher than the opponents speed, allowing them to react as each strike comes in. This does not work with sharp or bladed objects. ( +3 Taijutsu, +3 Speed / -3 Ninjutsu , -3 Control during the duration, up to five posts)

Drunken Monkey: Orangutan Climbing Technique
C -Rank - Taijutsu Discipline
The user has trained with the apes of Kaisaru jungle, and as a result has all but mastered the art of at climbing various terrains and trees. The user is able to spring from obstacles to obstacles or run on all fours in almost complete silence, up to 75% of his maximum speed. However, as with it's lesser Squirrel Monkey variant, the user has a harder time doing defensive postures or prepping jutsu.


B - Ranked

Drunken Monkey: Monkey Spring Technique
B-Rank Taijutsu Maneuver
Requiring a full post of charge time the user tenses their entire body in preparation, immobilizing themselves and moving into a crouched position. The user then looks for a destination before bracing. At the end of the post they will release all of this pent up energy with extreme force, leaping at a velocity of 1.5x their speed a number of yards equal to their strength through the air either in an arch or straight up. If their strength is high enough this can punch through obstacles on their path and create extreme damage to opponents who are hit by it. If used from the air, the user can use the momentum from falling and aim a punch or kick that may cause a small shockwave. Often used as an opening attack and cannot be done more than twice per thread.

Drunken Monkey: Strength of the Gorilla
B -Rank - Taijutsu Stance
Requires 25 Taijutsu
The user tenses their muscles and keeps more control of their movements, allowing for more precise striking and adding better control of their strength into each blow, but they lose the unpredictability of the style. The user has complete control over their own body’s strength and can adjust it accordingly for adding power into their strikes. This is an improvement against Strength of the Chimp, as the user has gained almost complete mastery of their movements, wasting almost no effort at every strike. (+7 Strength, +3 Tai / -5 Ninjutsu, -5 Control for the duration, up to 7 posts.)

Drunken Monkey: Troop Dominance
B -Rank - Taijutsu Manuever
Requires 25 Strength
The user attempts to grapple his opponent, grabbing his arms by their hands and pushing to overpower them. If successful, the user forces the bones to crumble into themselves, severely crushing and splintering the various bones inside of a standard humanoid arm. The user must have 10 more strength than the victim for this a effect to work.

Drunken Monkey: Dance of the Gibbon
B -Rank - Taijutsu Stance
Requires 25 Taijutsu
The user fights in a very loose stance, mistakable for a monkey, or a drunk, or both. By keeping their body loose, they can react to incoming damage by moving with the incoming force as well as tense their muscles, minimizing damage. This works to lessen damage considerably if the users tai is higher than the opponents speed, allowing them to react as each strike comes in. This does not work with sharp or bladed objects (+5 Taijutsu, +5 Speed / -5 Ninjutsu , -5 Control during the duration, up to seven posts)



A - Ranked

Drunken Monkey: Gorilla Spinebreak
A-Rank Taijutsu Maneuver
Pre-requisite: 25 Strength
The user grabs opponent by the back of the neck, and lower spinal area (preferably their waistband or belt) and hoists them high above their head. The user then takes a knee forward bringing their opponent down on their back onto the user's knee attempting to break the opponent's back entirely. The spinal cord and rib cage from the back are both near obliterated, causing lacerations and severe agony, along with possible permanent damage or paralysis. This injury can be repaired through the use of surgery or very strong Iijutsu. The user must have 5 higher Strength than the opponent's strength to be successful with this jutsu.


Drunken Monkey: Silverback Tantrum
A-Rank Taijutsu Maneuver Pre-requisite: 30 Strength The user attempts to grab his opponent by the elbows, firmly gripping them and pulling with all of his might while driving their knee or leg into their back. If successful, the user pulls the opponent's arms out of their sockets and begins to beat their opponent down with them in a brutal show of strength and aggression. The user must have 10 strength or higher for pulling off one arm by itself, or 15 if attempting to pull both arms with both of his own.



S - Ranked

Drunken Monkey: Strength of the Apes
S -Rank - Taijutsu Stance
The user maximizes their muscles to their full potential and keeps more control of their movements, allowing for more precise striking and adding better control of their strength into each blow, but they lose the unpredictability of the style. The user has complete control over their own body’s strength and can adjust it accordingly for adding power into their strikes. This is an improvement against Strength of the Gorilla, as the user has gained complete mastery of their movements, wasting no effort at every strike. (+10 Strength, +5 Tai / -10 Ninjutsu, -5 Control for the duration, up to 7 posts.)
[/center]



NEW STUFF
Abilities 2/3Show
Companion Master : Kaisaru JungleShow




The Great Apes of Kaisaru Jungle have had their respect given to Hayasu Juko of Kumogakure, while the Monkeys have given their approval in his comedic tactics. His perseverance, strength, and willingness to take on any challenge has given him the opportunity to sign the Great Ape contract, allowing him to summon/host up to four Kaisaru Primates, making him now one of the few humans ever privileged with the primal strength of Kaisaru to back himg. In addition to the summons,
the Great Monkey Sage bestowed Hayasu their secret Senjutsu techniques.

SenjutsuShow



Senjutsu is a specialized field of techniques that allows the user to sense and then gather natural energy. Senjutsu practitioners learn to draw the energy of nature inside of them, blending it with their own chakra. This adds a new dimension of power to the practitioner's chakra, resulting in the creation of "senjutsu chakra".Those that can absorb or manipulate senjutsu chakra are known as Sages. Generally, Senjutsu chakra cannot be used by those untrained in Senjutsu. Those who can, enter a form called Sage Mode, allowing access to sage techniques for as long as the mode is active. Once activated, the user gains use of Natural Chakra, but is only useable once per thread due to how long it takes to recharge. Sage Form lasts for posts based on the user's stamina divided by 2, rounded down. Senjutsu chakra is neither stronger nor weaker then normal or elemental chakra, the only key difference is the method in both collecting and utilizing it.

Hayasu's sage form may is utilized if he holds the following requirements:


Above average in 3 of the following for the shinobi's overall rank: Ninjutsu, Taijutsu, Stamina, Control, or Instinct.

Minimum of 20 Control + Ninjutsu

Monkey Summoning Techniques

One Ability slot + 2 Concentrations (Senjutsu + Summons are required and 2 of either 1 Ninjutsu Concentration + 1 Taijutsu concentration.)


Sage Form lasts for the user's stamina divided by 3 in post count, rounded down. Additionally, due to the tax the Senjutsu chakra can have on the body, the user must have at least a quarter of their own chakra supply to enter Sage Form.


KatonShow
Katon
A character with this concentration is able to utilize Katon, and can make and use any custom or archived jutsu that require the Katon affinity. Katon has a passive ignition effect.
Passive (Ingition)Show
Katon's effect is ignition, which means that all katon jutsu, regardless of effect, start and spread fire from their source. Once a jutsu has been performed, the fire from the jutsu spreads at 1/3rd the speed of the technique, rounded down. That means a C-rank katon jutsu that moves at 13 speed would create subsequent fires that spread at 4 speed. These secondary fires require flammable material to continuously spread, otherwise they will burn out on their own.

Additionally, the strength of burns on organic material from katon jutsu is determined by the ninjutsu stat requirement.
  • 1-10 Ninjutsu Requirement : 1st Degree Burns
  • 11-20 Ninjutsu Requirement: Second Degree Burns
  • 21-35 Ninjutsu Requirement: Third Degree Burns
  • 36+ Ninjutsu Requirement: Fourth Degree Burns
Requires One Ninjutsu Concentration Slot
Sage ReleaseShow
Sage Release Ninjutsu
In addition to unlocking Senjutsu, while in Sage form the user masters the ability to sense Natural Chakra in all things, the Sage is able to sense presences as many meters as they have ranks in Control. They can view to much greater distances compared to a normal sensor, but their ability to differentiate between people starts to become muddled, meaning multiple people in close proximity will appear simply as a large chakra mass, without the users being able to distinguish how many people are there. By sitting down and meditating, they are able to start to sense further and further away. For each post of meditating, they are able to see one third of a mile out, up to a max of posts equal to 1/2 their control (rounded up). Additionally, Senjutsu allows the ability through training to manifest Natural Chakra, allowing the use of nature itself to heal, create barriers, or utilize the chakra as they would normally. Natural Chakra is taken from the surrounding environments, allowing manifestations of nature itself, such as thunder, plant life, or other common elements within mother nature.


Requires One Ninjutsu Concentration Slot






Ninjutsu: Sage ReleaseShow


D - Ranked
Senjutsu Technique - Sage Barrier Technique
D - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
The user forms the necessary hand seals, creating a basic shield approximately 1m of nature based chakra. The chakra functions like a normal chakra barrier, however, it’s utilized with nature chakra. The barrier is formed at a speed of 5 and a strength of 5.


Senjutsu Technique - Plant Spy Technique
D - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
The user can take a plant of any size and inject nature chakra, allowing it to function as a ward should anything disturb it within 25 meters.

Senjutsu Technique - Purification
D - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
Utilizing natural chakra, the Sage can purify the contents of liquids to their most pristine state, as well as stall tainted blood of poison given enough time (though it cannot totally cleanse, only slow). Due to the concentration required, this cannot be used effectively in combat and only works on poisons of a similar rank or below.


Senjutsu Technique - Thunderclap
D - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
The user charges natural chakra into his palms before slamming them together, causing the natural chakra to ripple and boom. While this jutsu does not cause physical damage, the sound created can be as loud as thunder, booming and catching opponents off guard, causing a ringing sensation in the ears, or used as a signal for silence. The ringing lasts for 2 posts, weaking by half after the first, with a range of 5 meters for optimal effect.

Senjutsu Technique - Sage Eye Technique
D - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
This allows the user to see in total darkness through night vision, up to 15 meters as long as the jutsu is fueled by chakra.

C - Ranked

Senjutsu Technique - One with Nature
C - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
The user has trained into Sage form and thus has unlocked the ability to sense natural occurrences. The user when concentrating can lead themselves to water supplies, comprehend animal emotions (Such as pain without needing to speak to them), and also see slight but generally unnoticeable changes in weather such as participation drops, dryness, or early signs of natural disasters.


Senjutsu Technique - Sage Healing Technique
C - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
Utilizing natural chakra, the Sage is able to passively heal and block small wounds inflicted onto their body. This cannot be effectively used in combat and cannot heal higher then the chakra rank utilized by the jutsu. Fatal injuries, deep wounds, or grievous injuries cannot be healed but may be slowed for a time, up to a day.

Senjutsu Technique - Gate of the Great God
C - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
The user manifests a massive red torii (approximately 20 by 10 feet in height) that fall down from above, in order to pin an intended target between the gate and the ground. The size and strength of these torii is such that they can even be used to immobilize opponents. These torii are quite versatile and can be used in several different ways. The gates have a durability of 15 strength per gate, and fall at a speed of 5 per torii gate, up to a limit of 1 per jutsu for up to 3 posts before disappearing. The range of jutsu extends out to approximately 25 meters.

Senjutsu Technique - Minor Jutsu Enhancement
C - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
The user manifests Senjutsu Chakra into their Jutsu. Any ninjutsu affected by this bonus chakra adding +5 to it's strength at the cost of draining their Senjutsu Chakra Supply. This bonus cannot be used for anything but a same ranked jutsu, and can only be used for offensive based attacks.

B - Ranked
[ce
Senjutsu Technique - Sage Extension
B - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
The user has gained control over extensive use of natural chakra. So long as the user can concentrate, the user charges his fists with Senjutsu, allowing him to extend punches and kicks approximately six inches out. This allows a user to catch opponents off guard while simultaneously allowing them to fight elemental chakra with his hands instead of solely jutsu. However, this jutsu does not enhance the strength or speed of their hits.

Senjutsu Technique - Sage Great Barrier Technique
B - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
The user forms the necessary hand seals, creating a arm length shield approximately 5 m of nature based chakra. The chakra functions like a normal chakra barrier, however, it’s utilized with nature chakra. The barrier is formed at a speed of 15 and a strength of 25.


Senjutsu Technique - Moderate Jutsu Enhancement
B - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
The user manifests Senjutsu Chakra into their Jutsu. Any ninjutsu affected by this bonus chakra adding +10 to it's strength at the cost of draining their Senjutsu Chakra Supply. This bonus cannot be used for anything but a same ranked jutsu, and can only be used for offensive based attacks.


A - Ranked

Senjutsu Technique - Giant Gates of the Great God
A - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
The user manifests a select number of massive, hardened red torii (approximately 20 by 10 feet in height) that fall down from above, in order to pin an intended target between the gate and the ground. The size and strength of these torii is such that they can even be used to immobilize opponents. These torii are quite versatile and can be used in several different ways. The gates have a durability of 30 strength per one, and fall at a speed of 10 for a maximum of three gates, up to a limit of 3 per jutsu for up to 5 posts before disappearing. The range of jutsu extends out to approximately 25 meters.


Senjutsu Technique - Major Jutsu Enhancement
A - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
The user manifests Senjutsu Chakra into their Jutsu. Any ninjutsu affected by this bonus chakra adding +15 to it's strength at the cost of draining their Senjutsu Chakra Supply. This bonus cannot be used for anything but a same ranked jutsu, and can only be used for offensive based attacks.


S - Ranked









Drunken Monkey: Troop Dominance
B -Rank - Taijutsu Manuever
Requires 25 Strength
The user attempts to grapple his opponent, grabbing his arms by their hands and pushing to overpower them. If successful, the user forces the bones to crumble into themselves, severely crushing and splintering the various bones inside of a standard humanoid arm. The user must have 10 more strength than the victim for this a effect to work.



A - Ranked

Drunken Monkey: Gorilla Spinebreak
A-Rank Taijutsu Maneuver
Pre-requisite: 25 Strength
The user grabs opponent by the back of the neck, and lower spinal area (preferably their waistband or belt) and hoists them high above their head. The user then takes a knee forward bringing their opponent down on their back onto the user's knee attempting to break the opponent's back entirely. The spinal cord and rib cage from the back are both near obliterated, causing lacerations and severe agony, along with possible permanent damage or paralysis. This injury can be repaired through the use of surgery or very strong Iijutsu. The user must have 5 higher Strength than the opponent's strength to be successful with this jutsu.


Drunken Monkey: Silverback Tantrum
A-Rank Taijutsu Maneuver Pre-requisite: 30 Strength The user attempts to grab his opponent by the elbows, firmly gripping them and pulling with all of his might while driving their knee or leg into their back. If successful, the user pulls the opponent's arms out of their sockets and begins to beat their opponent down with them in a brutal show of strength and aggression. The user must have 10 strength or higher for pulling off one arm by itself, or 15 if attempting to pull both arms with both of his own.



S - Ranked

Drunken Monkey: Strength of the Apes
S -Rank - Taijutsu Stance
Requires 35 Taijutsu
The user maximizes their muscles to their full potential and keeps more control of their movements, allowing for more precise striking and adding better control of their strength into each blow, but they lose the unpredictability of the style. The user has complete control over their own body’s strength and can adjust it accordingly for adding power into their strikes. This is an improvement against Strength of the Gorilla, as the user has gained complete mastery of their movements, wasting no effort at every strike. (+10 Strength, +5 Tai / -10 Ninjutsu, -5 Control for the duration, up to 7 posts.)
[/center]
Hayasu Juko "The Simian Sage" Jounin of Kumokagure The Black Book

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[Accepted]Hayasu 4.0

Post by Taiga » Wed Jul 26, 2017 4:12 pm

Actually, I suggest you look at Katsu for your sage-mode.

There's a niche rule that allows you to, using an ability, gain back half of your un-augmented chakra/stamina. I think it'd be a pretty cool mechanic for sage mode (it effectively adds more chakra to your pool since you blend nature chakra)


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Gang Hua, Chihiro

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[Accepted]Hayasu 4.0

Post by Taiga » Mon Jul 31, 2017 3:42 am

Post any updates here hombre.


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[Accepted]Hayasu 4.0

Post by Director » Tue Aug 08, 2017 6:42 pm

2 days left to respond.
Character: Awai, Fanho | Rank: Hokage | Village: Konoha | Color Code: [b][color=#682860]
Character: Konshi, Yuichi | Rank: Jounin | Village: Kumogakure | Color Code: [b][color=#0051BA]

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[Accepted]Hayasu 4.0

Post by Zasadel » Thu Aug 10, 2017 4:52 pm

(I apologize, I forgot to post I was moving, please extend!)
Hayasu Juko "The Simian Sage" Jounin of Kumokagure The Black Book

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[Accepted]Hayasu 4.0

Post by Zasadel » Thu Aug 10, 2017 4:53 pm

All updates are current, I've adjusted a few things. Looking for feedback now.
Hayasu Juko "The Simian Sage" Jounin of Kumokagure The Black Book

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[Accepted]Hayasu 4.0

Post by Kabu » Wed Aug 16, 2017 6:04 pm

1/2
NPCsShow
Shinsen Kyoko - #99840A
Kyomu Nozomi - #5960A8
Ibakuro Rin - #9E4FA5
Nakiya Hotaru - #9E540A
Nakano Kiyomi - #8E47AD], Nakano Ayaka - #0C1C8C
Fukusha Nezumi - #E00747
Karagata yamada - #CE1126, Makura Ayame - #7251BC
Kabu's Test Thread

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[Accepted]Hayasu 4.0

Post by Willoria » Thu Aug 24, 2017 3:42 pm

Quote:
Changed basic stats, upgrades to post Jounin stats + Jounin rankup
-- I need you to state what his stats were before and exactly what ones changed.
Quote:
Deleted Old Ghost/Black raiton
-- Are you saying you removed jutsu or just a concentration? If the former, it costs points to swap jutsu out and last I knew you can't just drop jutsu and add others without paying the swap. I'll double check on that one but in the mean time I do need you to specify what you're dropping, conc or jutsu.

-- I will comment here and mention that yes, you are being allowed to rank up without finishing the thread. Conversations were had with both myself as OOC and Jesse as Raikage to approve this. (For future checks, so they are aware).

-- Your Cosmetic Prestige. What are you using that for? Or are you adding it pending using it later?
Quote:
Raiton Added :
D Ranked Raiton = 1 points
C Ranked Raiton = 2 points
5 points total
-- I see 3 points. Do you mean to say there are more than one D rank or more than one C rank you are adding?
Quote:
Converting Black Raiton = 28 points

(Deleted 1 BR B Rank Jutsu)
-- wat?
Quote:
A-Rank Sage Pyramid = (5 + 8 + 12 + 12 = 37 points w/ Connections perk)
-- Break this down please, not in point totals alone but in how many of each jutsu.

Overall I have to say your change log is really confusing and hard to sift through. I need you to go through it and make it easier to understand before I can really do a proper check beyond this.
The Tales of the Aes Sedai Fukusha Reina - Iwagakure No Sato - Jounin - #EF2B2D Atsushi Cho - Tea Country - D Rank Samurai - #A34402 Hanzo - Sunagakure No Sato - Genin - #35C4AF

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[Accepted]Hayasu 4.0

Post by Zasadel » Sun Aug 27, 2017 9:03 am

Quote:
-- I need you to state what his stats were before and exactly what ones changed.
Fixed.

Quote:
-- Are you saying you removed jutsu or just a concentration? If the former, it costs points to swap jutsu out and last I knew you can't just drop jutsu and add others without paying the swap. I'll double check on that one but in the mean time I do need you to specify what you're dropping, conc or jutsu.

-- I will comment here and mention that yes, you are being allowed to rank up without finishing the thread. Conversations were had with both myself as OOC and Jesse as Raikage to approve this. (For future checks, so they are aware).

-- Your Cosmetic Prestige. What are you using that for? Or are you adding it pending using it later?

I swapped out the old black raiton and converted it to a cosmetic, which was what I was trying to do from rank one. I paid the point costs as written.

The Cosmetic Prestiege turned all of my Raiton into Black with no special effects.
Quote:
-- I see 3 points. Do you mean to say there are more than one D rank or more than one C rank you are adding?
Typo, Fixed.

Quote:
-- wat?
I removed one BR jutsu but paid all of the costs to convert the rest.

Quote:
-- Break this down please, not in point totals alone but in how many of each jutsu.
A rank pyramid was added for clarification, but it was a simple D-->A rank Jutsu pyramid.



Is there any other confusions?


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[Accepted]Hayasu 4.0

Post by Niro » Sun Aug 27, 2017 11:34 am

Senjutsu Technique - Senjutsu Charging
D - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
This also allows the user to continuously gather natural energy for use in Senjutsu chakra as long as they have a clone or summon that’s able to do so, as they cannot do so himself while on the move, thus eliminating the weakness of exhausting all of their natural energy in battle. <-I feel like you need another jutsu as well to go with charging or can you instantly go into Sage Mode? How long does it take to charge? etc

Senjutsu Technique - Thunderclap
D - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
The user charges natural chakra into his palms before slamming them together. While this jutsu does not cause physical damage, the sound created can be as loud as thunder, booming and catching opponents off guard, causing a ringing sensation in the ears, or used as a signal for silence. <-How long does the ringing last?

Senjutsu Technique - Gate of the Great God
C - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
The user manifests a select number of massive red torii that fall down from above, in order to pin an intended target between the gate and the ground. The size and strength of these torii is such that they can even be used to immobilise opponents. These torii are quite versatile and can be used in several different ways. The gates have a durability of 15 strength per gate, and fall at a speed of 5 for a maximum of one. <-How large is 'massive'

Senjutsu Technique - Sage Healing Technique
C - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
Utilizing natural chakra, the Sage is able to passively heal and block small wounds inflicted onto their body. Deep or grievous wounds are able to be healed, but not without extreme concentration by the Sage themselves. This cannot be effectively used in combat. <-Isn't this regen? Ala an ability? You could technically heal an S-rank poison with this.

Senjutsu Technique - Minor Jutsu Enhancement
C - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
The user manifests Senjutsu Chakra into their Jutsu. Any ninjutsu affected by this bonus chakra increases it's size, temperature, or other quality by 25%. <-I'm not even sure increasing by percentages is allowed. Basic genma used to have it be so the jutsu used gets it's ranked bumped up by one so maybe look into that?


Senjutsu Technique - Sage Sealing Technique
B - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
By harnessing the power of natural chakra, the sage forms the appropriate hand seals and attempts to seal the target jutsu, entity, or object into a premade scroll. The user must concentrate and cannot fight during the ritual. <-This is pretty much shoving all of S&F into one jutsu?

Senjutsu Technique - Moderate Jutsu Enhancement
B - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
The user manifests Senjutsu Chakra into their Jutsu. Any ninjutsu affected by this bonus chakra increases it's size, temperature, or other quality by 50%. <-See C-rank version

Senjutsu Technique - Giant Gates of the Great God
A - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
The user manifests a select number of massive, hardened red torii that fall down from above, in order to pin an intended target between the gate and the ground. The size and strength of these torii is such that they can even be used to immobilize opponents. These torii are quite versatile and can be used in several different ways. The gates have a durability of 35 strength per one, and fall at a speed of 15 for a maximum of three gates. <-See C-rank comments

Senjutsu Technique - Major Jutsu Enhancement
A - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
The user manifests Senjutsu Chakra into their Jutsu. Any ninjutsu affected by this bonus chakra increases it's size, temperature, or other quality by 75%. <- See C/B-rank comments

Your Senjutsu seems to be mismashing fuuinjutsu, iijutsu, and the basic genma into one ability and none of them mention using hand seals or channeling.
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[Accepted]Hayasu 4.0

Post by Zasadel » Thu Aug 31, 2017 6:12 pm

I fixed all of the jutsu isuses.

As for the percentages, I think it's far more balanced that way instead of upgrading the jutsu itself, but if someone else also disagrees I'm all for that.

I put sealing and the charging to be more balanced out.

I also added some clarification to a couple jutsu.
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[Accepted]Hayasu 4.0

Post by Niro » Mon Sep 04, 2017 11:05 am

I talked with Cdf about it and he says it's too vague, he'd like to see it done in a far more specific way

i'm ok with the concept, but it would need to be far more specific, like a jutsu for x type jutsu and such <-him

My issue with percentages is that the boosts aren't static while other jutsu which boost are. So it'd give [example not fact] +5 to a C-rank ninjutsu while giving +25 to an A-rank while other C-rank boosting nin wouldn't have that much variation in their boosting.
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[Accepted]Hayasu 4.0

Post by Zasadel » Sat Sep 09, 2017 10:29 am

Ill see if I can get time to work on this today and fix up some more of the jutsu. Any other things that need to be fixed?
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[Accepted]Hayasu 4.0

Post by Zasadel » Mon Sep 11, 2017 5:09 pm

I fixed it up a bit more.

So what I'm having it do is a flat +5, +10, +15, but it takes Senjutsu Chakra and it cannot be used for anything but the same rank. IE you cannot use an A ranked to boost a C ranked jutsu and vice versa. Additionally, I gave Senjutsu Chakra a static number.

The TLDR;

If I'm in sage form and "boost" a jutsu, it takes the regular jutsu cost + the Senjutsu chakra cost.

Senjutsu chakra is half of the user's regular chakra pool.

So if I have 30 stamina for regular chakra, that means I have about 15 stamina worth of Senjutsu chakra for Senjutsu based jutsu.
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[Accepted]Hayasu 4.0

Post by CDF » Fri Sep 22, 2017 4:00 pm

I'd like you to edit in that this is but one of the many possible ways that Senjutsu can manifest, so it can make sense that there are and will be different versions by different members

I'd also like elaboration on what the gaining of half the unaugmented chakra means. they're gaining half of their remaining chakra worth of stamina?

I also say remove the special jounin requirement, doesn't make sense to have rank requirements for a chakra ability unless the village is awarding it to people. You can add another stat prereq though, like a minimum of 20 in ninjutsu as wel, which would make sense.

Your taijutsu concentrations are inside your ninjutsu concentrations spoiler. They're also a little confusing, there should be each tai concenration with their descriptions, and drunken monkey should just be a style description in the jutsu spoiler or somewhere that it won't get mistaken for a tai conc.

Your sage jutsu tai conc is the same actually. The tai conc should be much simpler and have less info, I.E: this concentration allows the user to incoprorate the benefits of senjutsu into their physical fighting style or w/e, and then the actual description of the style goes elsewhere.

Raiton • Shock Talon <--- these kunai need a strength value (for what it takes to destroy them). And reinder, these wont cut like regular kunai because this is a d-rank raiton creating a bladed weapon. It can pierce with the tip, but it won't cut with the edges, at least not as well as a normal kunai.

Raiton • Enhanced Raiton Clone <---- What happens if they come into physical contact with something not filled with energy? What happens if they touch people? How do they have strength if they're immaterial? How many can you create with one jutsu, 'cause it keeps switching between clone and clones. And lastly, if all they can do is mimic movement, does that mean they're essentially stuck in the position they're created unless the user moves?


Raiton • Greater Armament< --- since this is adding length to the blade that means it's creating a physical blade/surface, so it needs a material strength for breaking it.

Raiton • Shade Shuriken Cloud <--- max distance they can travel before dissipating? How long do they last if not destroyed? How fast do they duplicate?

Raiton • Raijin's Sacred Blade<--- size?

Senjutsu Technique - Purification <--- Take out the part about blood and make it just water. EVen if not in combat, this is a pretty low ranked jutsu for cleansing blood.

Senjutsu Technique - Thunderclap<--- range of the effect

Senjutsu Technique - Senjutsu Charging <--- this is on top of what's in the ability description? And even if it's just what's in the description of the ability put into a jutsu, this should be higher ranked. If it's o top of what's in the ability description, I don't think it should exist.

Senjutsu Technique - One with Nature <--- This does way too much and is way too vague. For example, sensing weather distrubances can mean you can feel changes in air pressure and currents and humidity levels, etc. etc. Feeling animals pain means you're sensing their sensations which can allow for other things. This jutsu should do a specific thing and be more rank appropriate.

Senjutsu Technique - Sage Healing Technique <--- this one jutsu is basically replacing the entire iijutsu archives with just adding the tagline that it doesn't work in battle. I'll alllow it, but remove the deep and grevious wounds. MAke it so this can heal wounds up to 6 inches deep or something like that, with a higher ranked jusu for bigger injuries, even if non-combat.

Senjutsu Technique - Gate of the Great God <--- The beginning makes it sound like he can make multiple with this one jutsu. Also what does max of one at the end mean?

enjutsu Technique - Minor Jutsu Enhancement <--- this is just a pretty flat no. It basically just buffs any tehcnique you're using an is super vague. The best I guess you could do is pick specific juts in an area, like senjutsu projectiles and buff them. Or another jutsu for buffing senjutsu chakra constructs (barriers, objects, etc)

Sorry go busy, will check the rest later
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[Accepted]Hayasu 4.0

Post by Zasadel » Sat Sep 23, 2017 11:31 pm

((I'll get to this tomorrow to rectify, just got back from out of town. Thanks for the Feedback!))
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[Accepted]Hayasu 4.0

Post by Zasadel » Fri Sep 29, 2017 4:00 pm

Fixed them up, take a look when you get a chance.

I'm not sure where else to put the concs, so I'm open to suggestions o nthat one.

I revised all of the jutsu you described and spiffed some of them up/elaborated.

The only one I want to discuss in detail is the enhancements. The idea behind it is to essentially dump senjutsu chakra into making a stronger attack. IE, Hayasu goes Sage form and buffs one of his offensive jutsu's strength ratings. I clarified that but it may be worth a more in depth discussion.
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[Accepted]Hayasu 4.0

Post by CDF » Fri Oct 06, 2017 12:40 pm


Raiton • Storm Tears <--- Is this a solid shuriken? If so, needs a strength/durability

Raiton • Howler Monkey's Roar <--- how far is close range for the stun to take effect?

Raiton • Shade Shuriken Cloud <--- this jutsu needs some serious reworking haha. A 30m^3 cloud of shuriken is a fuck ton of shuriken, and each one of them is striking with 20 strength and 30 speed, and it sounds like individual ones can be shot out from the cloud as well? Even for a-rank, it's a bit much. You're better off creating one raiton cloud and having it shoot out X shuriken at 20 strength and 30 speed. And include a speed/strength for the cloud itself (lower than the max allowed for A-rank, considering all it's doing.)

Raiton • Raijin's Sacred Blade <--- needs a strength/durability

enjutsu Technique - Sage Barrier Technique <--- size


Senjutsu Technique - Sage Eye Technique <--- Not really a fan of this either. How are they seeing? Like, what does it look like for them? Is it night vision or does it just look like daylight?

Senjutsu Technique - One with Nature <--- this is still way too vague, and basically each one of the things in here requires its own jutsu. One jutsu can do all the stuff related to detecting water and moisture, but you'll need another for communicating with animals and detecting other non moisture related weather stuff.

Senjutsu Technique - Sage Healing Technique <--- remove the passive part. Also remove the deep and greivious wounds, that'll require a higher ranked jutsu. I don't get what the last two sentences are saying, but this jutus should only be healing shallower wounds.

Senjutsu Technique - Gate of the Great God <--- how long do the gates last? And how long from casting it can the user bring down another gate? Best way to do it is probably have the jutsu last X posts, and be able to summon up to 3 gates within those posts, but once the jutsu's over, no more calling gates and any existing ones disappear.

Senjutsu Technique - Minor Jutsu Enhancement <--- Think you're better off removing the "size, temperature, or other quality" and just have the technique put more senjutu chakra into the jutsu, giving it +5. And instead of "offensive attacks" have it work on jutsu that create senjutsu constructs, meaning any senjutsu jutsu that create an actual thing of senjutsu.

random [ce at top of senjutsu b-rank section

Senjutsu Technique - Sage Sealing Technique <-- this is just a pretty flat no, it's fuuinjutsu without fuuinjutsu and no pyramid. It's also a pretty big extension of what your senjutsu is capable of.

Senjutsu Technique - Moderate Jutsu Enhancement <--- same as above

Senjutsu Technique - Giant Gates of the Great God <--- same as other gate jutsu

Senjutsu Technique - Major Jutsu Enhancement <--- same as above

Drunken Monkey: Liquid Courage Rush <--- This is a bit much for d-rank. I recommend making this a stance and removing the actual strike at the end, leaving the jutsu ending with "this stance allows the user to easily fumble into an attack once they see an opening."

Drunken Monkey: Shiny Monkey Distraction Technique <-- this is a stance

Drunken Monkey: Squirrel Monkey Climbing Technique<---- I'd just recommend removing the running on all fours and make that a higher ranking stance that lets you run faster but lowers your taijutsu while you're running or something.

Drunken Monkey: Ape Attitude Adjustment <--- I'm not really getting how they're getting into a position to be able to slam their wrist into the back of the opponent's head, or what you mean by rolling over the user.

Drunken Monkey: Twisted Monkey Cannon <--- You can remove the (-10 or greater) and just say this can usually slam weaker targets into the ground.

Drunken Monkey: Dance of the Tarsier <--even with this, the user has to be fast enough to actually dodge. Seeing an attack means nothing if you can't move fast enough to react to it.

Drunken Monkey: Orangutan Climbing Technique <--- For this to work while moving at full speed, it's got to be B-rank

Drunken Monkey: Monkey Spring Technique <--- This technique basically has to be s-rank, since it's taijutsu teleportation, effectively.

Drunken Monkey: Troop Dominance<-- "Grabbing his arms by their fists or hands" ?

Drunken Monkey: Gorilla Spinebreak <--- spacing error. I would also have this cause paralysis if I were you.

Drunken Monkey: Silverback Tantrum <-- Definitely going to need leverage for this to work, other wise you'll just pull the person.




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[Accepted]Hayasu 4.0

Post by Zasadel » Mon Oct 09, 2017 1:13 pm

I fixed all of the jutsu above. My god I must be on crack to of missed so much grammatically.

Anyway,

The only two I'm going to lightly push back on iiis;

Drunken Monkey: Orangutan Climbing Technique <--- For this to work while moving at full speed, it's got to be B-rank

I disagree, as he's not at fully speed, he's at about 75%. I'll clarify that.


Senjutsu Technique - One with Nature <--- this is still way too vague, and basically each one of the things in here requires its own jutsu. One jutsu can do all the stuff related to detecting water and moisture, but you'll need another for communicating with animals and detecting other non moisture related weather stuff.

Mmm it's all minor though. I, as a normal non shinobi, can tell if it's going to rain in the area or if an animal is distressed. This is just more in tune with it. Hayasu can't talk to the animal but he can understand and comprehend if it's pissed, in distress, pain, etc. It's understanding it, not conveying.




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[Accepted]Hayasu 4.0

Post by Valkier » Tue Nov 21, 2017 12:26 pm

First off, damn fine choice of song :wub: (Edit: Whoops, I meant the current one! Don't change it! ;) )

Apologies for the delay in getting to your mod, though. It can be a bit intimidating and hard to follow with big, comprehensive ones like this - but I think we're almost there! Usually we ask to keep the size down to ~75pts worth of changes, but given the time you've waited here I think that's unreasonable to ask... so go ahead!

Anyway, feedback in no particular order:

[Beast Master : Ape Summons] perk. Usually I would recommend that you don't take this perk until you add the companion (do it at the same time) because you can't change the perk once it's taken, and there's always the chance you might change your mind about the companion in the mean time. You're fully welcome to take it now anyway if you like - but please amend it to: [Beast Master : Ape Summons (Unclaimed)] (or words to that effect) so that it is obvious to us that you haven't already cashed it in.


By adding companion master, it would be good to write the companion line as "Companions (1/5): Kureiji" - to make it obvious that you have the extra slots.


Counting your converted BR jutsu, I see 13 changed = 26 point cost, not 28. Did you accidentally include the deleted B-rank in your conversion cost, or did I miss one? This brings the point cost to 91 total instead.



Drunken Monkey: Liquid Courage Rush - you dropped the final sentence of this one and converted it to a stance, which is great, but the remaining last sentence sounds unfinished now. Consider rewording “if the user finds an opening (meaning the user must have greater tai and speed than their opponent)…”. Could just be “the user attempts to find an opening (…)”?
I see CDF picked up on the same thing earlier so maybe it just got missed among the rest :)

Drunken Monkey: Squirrel Monkey Climbing Technique - This might just need a wording clarification. If it is increasing the user’s speed beyond their usual limit, it should specify a boost up to +3 (and the drawback only needs to be the same amount; -5 is more than necessary). If you mean that this tech just lets Hayasu move as quick as he usually could, even while running over terrain/climbing trees, then this is fine as is (though again, you can get away with a lower debuff IMO!). It's hard to tell which is intended with the current wording.

Drunken Monkey: Strength of the Apes - doesn’t need to specify 35 tai pre-requisite, as that’s the base for an S-rank tech anyway.


Senjutsu ability: “Above average in 3 of the following”: ‘average’ kinda lost its meaning when we shifted to the new, fluid stat system; there is no average stat for ranks now. Do you mean average for the base rank, I.e. average is (200/8)=25 for a jounin/A-rank char? Or average of the user's total stats?


Senjutsu Technique - Plant Revival Technique - unfortunately this encroaches on the Life genma copyright; this jutsu is a no-go I'm afraid!

Purification - I’m a little unsure on this one because you’re getting an iijutsu-esque effect without having that concentration. Although, your senjutsu ability does meet and exceed all the same requirements… So I think I’ll let it pass unless another mod disagrees. However, it should specify that it only works on poisons of a similar rank or below (to match how the iijutsu technique also works).

Sage Eye Technique - I think the range is okay, but can you specify it in metres too?

Gate of the Great God - What’s the range on this one? Same question for the greater A-rank version.

Sage Sealing Technique - As CDF commented earlier, this one won’t really fly because you’re essentially getting the bulk of the whole Fuuinjutsu: Storage & Force conc in one jutsu. It would need that conc as a pre-requisite, and would need to follow the rules for those types of fuuin, as laid out in that style archive description.


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[Accepted]Hayasu 4.0

Post by Legacy » Thu Nov 30, 2017 4:08 pm

One week to make necessary changes.
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[Accepted]Hayasu 4.0

Post by Zasadel » Fri Dec 01, 2017 7:54 pm

(I'm going to work on cleaning it all up and getting it polished this weekend! Thanks for the feedback Val, I'll reply when your changes have been fixed.)
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[Accepted]Hayasu 4.0

Post by Zasadel » Thu Dec 07, 2017 3:51 pm

Okay Valk!

I fixed the jutsu that just needed revisions;


Drunken Monkey: Liquid Courage Rush
Drunken Monkey: Squirrel Monkey Climbing Technique
Drunken Monkey: Strength of the Apes -
Senjutsu : Gate of the Great God


Remade;

Sage Sealing Technique into Sage Great Barrier Technique
Senjutsu Technique - Plant Revival Technique into Plant Spy Technique


And redid the others as specified. You were correct on the jutsu points and I noted the companions.

I also added all the "new" stuff into spoilers so Director could see directly what we were talking about.
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[Accepted]Hayasu 4.0

Post by Valkier » Fri Dec 15, 2017 9:25 am

For the new Plant Spy Technique, how does it react when disturbed? (i.e. what makes it a ward?)

Also please add the range in metres for Sage Eye Technique & Sage Great Barrier Technique.

Last thing is for Purification - as before, please amend to specify that it only works on poisons of a similar rank or below (to match how the iijutsu technique also works).

That's all I can see, I think we're pretty much there now :)

Whichever mod comes in next, please double-check the point counts for everything!
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[Accepted]Hayasu 4.0

Post by Zasadel » Wed Dec 20, 2017 3:28 pm

Edited in the main body itself, not the addons.
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[Accepted]Hayasu 4.0

Post by Kabu » Fri Dec 22, 2017 12:02 am

Not seeing any problems now but at some point you might want to run through and clean up the app a bit cause there are some broken tags and such.

1/2
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[Accepted]Hayasu 4.0

Post by Director » Thu Dec 28, 2017 6:04 pm

Quote:
Senjutsu Chakra includes a Senjutsu Chakra pool, which matches half of the user's own stamina in Chakra Supply.
What exactly does this mean? Because below it sounds like you're regaining chakra, but creating a separate pool with the line above.
Quote:
Once activated, the user gains half of their un-augmented chakra in Natural Chakra, but is only useable once per thread due to how long it takes to recharge.
Quote:
Sage Release Ninjutsu
In addition to unlocking Senjutsu, while in Sage form the user masters the ability to sense Natural Chakra in all things, the Sage is able to sense presences as many meters as they have ranks in Control. They can view to much greater distances compared to a normal sensor, but their ability to differentiate between people starts to become muddled, meaning multiple people in close proximity will appear simply as a large chakra mass, without the users being able to distinguish how many people are there. By sitting down and meditating, they are able to start to sense further and further away. For each post of meditating, they are able to see one third of a mile out, up to a max of posts equal to 1/2 their control (rounded up).
This seems like shoddy sensory, and doesn't explain how you're able to create barriers with it, heal, or etc. You just say its senjutsu energy, but never attribute a specific purpose past that other than sensory which then would make it a paid ability.
Quote:
Senjutsu Technique - Plant Spy Technique
D - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
The user can take a plant of any size and inject nature chakra, allowing it to function as a ward should anything disturb it within 25 meters.
Just word this as disturbing it. No need to put some arbitrary range on it because I can come within 25 meters of it without disturbing it.
Quote:
Senjutsu Technique - Thunderclap
D - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
The user charges natural chakra into his palms before slamming them together. While this jutsu does not cause physical damage, the sound created can be as loud as thunder, booming and catching opponents off guard, causing a ringing sensation in the ears, or used as a signal for silence. The ringing lasts for 2 posts, weaking by half after the first, with a range of 5 meters for optimal effect.
Too much eerily like the Jinrai. Also no explanation of how Senjutsu lets you do this. A question you need to ask yourself with every other senjutsu jutsu you have.
Quote:
Senjutsu Technique - Sage Eye Technique
D - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
This allows the user to see in total darkness through night vision, up to 20 meters as long as the jutsu is fueled by chakra.
No @ 20 meters, needs to be shorter.
Quote:
Senjutsu Technique - Sage Healing Technique
C - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
Utilizing natural chakra, the Sage is able to passively heal and block small wounds inflicted onto their body. This cannot be effectively used in combat and cannot heal higher then the chakra rank utilized by the jutsu. Fatal injuries, deep wounds, or grievous injuries cannot be healed without serious concentration and over the period of several days.
Fatal injuries, deep wounds, and grevious injuries would kill you before you could even do this.
Quote:
Senjutsu Technique - Gate of the Great God
C - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
The user manifests a select number of massive red torii (approximately 20 by 10 feet in height) that fall down from above, in order to pin an intended target between the gate and the ground. The size and strength of these torii is such that they can even be used to immobilize opponents. These torii are quite versatile and can be used in several different ways. The gates have a durability of 15 strength per gate, and fall at a speed of 5 per torii gate, up to a limit of 3 per jutsu for up to 3 posts before disappearing. The range of jutsu extends out to approximately 25 meters.
Your ability nor concentrations explain how you're able to summon these torii, and also its a multiple projectile jutsu so de-rank in stats.
Quote:
Senjutsu Technique - Sage Great Barrier Technique
B - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
The user forms the necessary hand seals, creating a basic shield approximately 5 m of nature based chakra. The chakra functions like a normal chakra barrier, however, it’s utilized with nature chakra. The barrier is formed at a speed of 10 and a strength of 20.
You have 10 stats to distribute to this.
Quote:
Senjutsu Technique - Giant Gates of the Great God
A - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
The user manifests a select number of massive, hardened red torii (approximately 20 by 10 feet in height) that fall down from above, in order to pin an intended target between the gate and the ground. The size and strength of these torii is such that they can even be used to immobilize opponents. These torii are quite versatile and can be used in several different ways. The gates have a durability of 35 strength per one, and fall at a speed of 15 for a maximum of three gates, up to a limit of 3 per jutsu for up to 5 posts before disappearing. The range of jutsu extends out to approximately 25 meters.
Same issue as the other Torii one.

No issues with the taijutsu other than formatting on one is a little messed up.
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Character: Konshi, Yuichi | Rank: Jounin | Village: Kumogakure | Color Code: [b][color=#0051BA]

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Zasadel
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[Accepted]Hayasu 4.0

Post by Zasadel » Sat Dec 30, 2017 12:56 pm

I fixed a lot of directors stuff/did some minor revisions.

Once the content is approved, I'll format it and clean up the rest of the app. Seems pointless to rewrite, break, clean, rewrite, break clean lol. Would rather rewrite until thumbs upped again then I'll sit and clean it up.
Hayasu Juko "The Simian Sage" Jounin of Kumokagure The Black Book

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Taiga
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[Accepted]Hayasu 4.0

Post by Taiga » Fri Jan 05, 2018 1:56 am

I don't get the point of it being an ability. The ability does nothing for you- but has lots of requirements.


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Gang Hua, Chihiro

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Zasadel
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[Accepted]Hayasu 4.0

Post by Zasadel » Mon Jan 15, 2018 3:02 pm

I'm open to suggestions, but I've been just cobbling stuff together as best as I can. Admittedly, this isn't as polished as I'd like, but I just want to get it through the door and doctor it up over time.
Hayasu Juko "The Simian Sage" Jounin of Kumokagure The Black Book

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Valkier
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[Accepted]Hayasu 4.0

Post by Valkier » Thu Feb 08, 2018 3:22 am

Above changes seem ok, aside from -
Quote:
Quote:
Senjutsu Technique - Plant Spy Technique
D - Rank Senjutsu Ninjutsu
The user can take a plant of any size and inject nature chakra, allowing it to function as a ward should anything disturb it within 25 meters.
Just word this as disturbing it. No need to put some arbitrary range on it because I can come within 25 meters of it without disturbing it.
I don't see any change to this tech - I think Director is suggesting that you revise the wording to say something like: "...allowing it to function as a ward should anything disturb it". Also, what qualifies as disturbing the plant - does it feel vibrations of movement/touch, etc.?
And:
Quote:
Quote:
Senjutsu Chakra includes a Senjutsu Chakra pool, which matches half of the user's own stamina in Chakra Supply.
What exactly does this mean? Because below it sounds like you're regaining chakra, but creating a separate pool with the line above.
Quote:
Once activated, the user gains half of their un-augmented chakra in Natural Chakra, but is only useable once per thread due to how long it takes to recharge.
Compare this with Hayate's initial feedback way up the topic:
Quote:
There's a niche rule that allows you to, using an ability, gain back half of your un-augmented chakra/stamina. I think it'd be a pretty cool mechanic for sage mode (it effectively adds more chakra to your pool since you blend nature chakra)
I'm not sure what Director wanted with the second quote - but I think the changes you've made now have removed the part about only gaining a maximum of (stamina/2) worth of nature chakra. That bit needs to return, to clarify that you gain a quantifiable amount of chakra and not limitless. Unless I'm wrong about the purpose of the ability?

Overall, I don't think there's anything else systematically wrong, so the next mod coming in can consider this 1/2'd providing the above points are fixed up (since it's taking way too long to get through reg). But please check it all thoroughly, because it's easy to miss stuff in this one!
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Zasadel
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[Accepted]Hayasu 4.0

Post by Zasadel » Mon Feb 19, 2018 8:00 am

It's taking forever because I went too big too soon tbh. I know to break it up into smaller chunks next time.

I clarified the above.
Hayasu Juko "The Simian Sage" Jounin of Kumokagure The Black Book

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[Accepted]Hayasu 4.0

Post by Valkier » Thu Mar 01, 2018 10:44 pm

I think you missed the Plant Spy feedback - but otherwise I think it looks all ok.

1/2

Whoever accepts, please give a thorough check too!
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Aisu NaohiroJouninKirigakure no Sato[Unit 12] [HHD] [#BAE0E2] [#70CEE2]
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Kao
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[Accepted]Hayasu 4.0

Post by Kao » Sun Mar 04, 2018 6:16 pm

Accepted

This application has been accepted. Congratulations! Any necessary changes will be handled by the moderating team.
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Akari KotaruBanninIwagakure no Sato Team 18 Jousai [color=#1fb8a3]
Komiya ShizuoJounin Iwagakure no Sato [color=#209DD3]
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Ishiwara SetsunaChuunin Iwagakure no Sato[color=#E81D1D]
Enkouten Mai Jounin Iwagakure no Sato [color=#CE5412]
Aisu Namie Chuunin Kirigakure no Sato [color=#5bc2d4]
Awai FusaeA-Rank MNKonohagakure no Sato[color=#D95FEA]
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Akari Kanehara Akari clan elder [color=#80A0FF]
Sakata KannaIwagakure Councilwoman [color=#3DA43B]
Hazuki Shuran Jinchuuriki researcher [color=#E854C0]
Enkouten Kaizen Iwagakure councilman, clan leader [color=#C65871]
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