[Accepted]Yūgana, Mondai

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Mre-face
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[Accepted]Yūgana, Mondai

Post by Mre-face » Sun Mar 18, 2018 8:37 am

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,1
Mondai
Bring it!
Swordsman!

Yūgana, Mondai
Family contractShow
Bleeds for the karagata family
"It's rare for people like me to rise up, so I might as well rise up to the top and be the best I can be!"
General Information Age:13
Gender:Male
Height:162 cm (5'2 ft)
Weight:50 kg (111 Ibs)
Physical Features: Mondai is a brown and smooth skinned child, he is tall and muscular, he near constantly carries a serious expression on his face giving of a sight commanding, not to be messed with and focused aura but at the same time not looking so serious to scare people off. he also likes to make it obvious that he is joking breaking of his serious expression. He has small sharp eyebrows combined with piercing eyes makes him look observant and focused. He sports a well combed short Afro and carries a comb with him at all times, making him rather touchy about his hair.
Clothing/Accessories: In every day life he where's nice clothes as he came from a place where that was not all to available and he goes by the logic that if you are going to dress you might as well dress well. This most of the time being a white shirt with a symbol of kirigakure going from chest to stomach and each strand having a different color of red and blue, dark blue full length pants and black boots. On missions he where's sandals, knee length shorts with the head-protector wrapped around his thigh,finger-less gloves with small plating to protect his hands, a dark grey elbow length shirt. He also wears a gray bandana tied around his waist, with a light gray vest with three shoulder holes. And a balaclava with a shark like mask to complete his appearance.
Personality:
  • General:After his upbringing, discipline from his father and just a bit extra from the academy. Mondai has went from hot headed, crude and judging kid from the slums to a more calm, focused and serious child. While that aspect from his childhood still is very much part of him only it's been toned down majorly over the years. While not one to pick fights he has a quick temper if insulted or challenged always accepting, trash-talking and never backing down. While bit harsh and crude he believes that it's necessary toughen up the skin of his comrades and that it's all in good fun but it also a reminiscent from his past as toxic friendships and fighting were common.

    He always strives to be better and wants to join the seven swordsmen and become the greatest swordsman to ever have lived after hearing all the legends and their great feats.

    Despite all this Mondai is surprisingly empathetic whenever he actually revels his more softer side, He feels bad for the poor in the lowest cast being from there himself and wishes to help whenever he can and occasionally visits the slums to help children by giving them either money or food even fighting of criminals and ninja trying to get away with their crimes in the poor section. And he actually wants to get enough influence to actually help the people in a more major way. He prefers not to kill but isn't afraid to do what's necessary.
  • Hopes/Dreams:To become the Most powerful member of the Seven swordsmen to exist. And to be remembered throughout history as the greatest swordsman to ever have lived. He wants to change the lives of the poor for the better as he grew up in the slums. Wanting to prevent families from experiencing the harsh environment.
  • Fears:Dying not being able to help the poor people and dying at a young age not being able to experience life. He fear not being able to help the poor people of kiri.
  • Combat Mentality: He prefers wait for his opponents and then countering hard,fast and efficient while keeping his enemies at a further range. While mostly using his shield if it wore to be removed from his hand he will be quick to switch to his two handed blade.

Battle Information Village:Kirigakure
Rank:Chuunin
Stats: (0/50)
  • Ninjutsu:1
  • Taijutsu:20
  • Genjutsu:1
  • Stamina:16
  • Control:1
  • Strength:16
  • Speed:15
  • Instinct:10
Equipment:
SteelfinShow
While mostly used to chase down opponents by either throwing or chasing then using the range to cut as they run. Being a relativity short spear only being around 160 cm (5'2ft)
Falcon (Folding Falchion)Show
Falcon is a special razor-like blade made to cut trough flesh and clothing. The sword measures at 35 inches in total (90 cm) It's has a mechanic being able to fold in to a two-handed sword measuring 112 cm 48 (inches)
RazorshellShow
A Shield passed down from his family but unfortunately the shield has deteriorated due to age. The shield is about 90 cm (35 inches) high 90 cm (35 inches) wide and 2.5 cm (1 inch) thick The shield was made with blades on the side and a spike at the very top. With the spike being 20 cm (8 inches) Making it good for both offense and defense giving more versatility making bashing an useful offense. The shield and blades has a strength of 15 in defense and sharpness.
Nibui Tsukiakaridaiken/Moonlight greatswordShow
The dull moonlight sword is a large two-handed thrusting focused sword the blade itself is 180 cm (5.11ft) with the Hilt being 20 cm (8 In) With the sword being 2m (6.7ft) in total. Because of it size it slows down the bearer of the sword with 5- speed but makes the user hit harder with 5+ strength. It's a legendary sword with the blade being made of a glass like material and passed down trough the family but has lost it's power leaving a faint yellow celestial glow.
Companions: (0/1)
Affinity:Fuuton Affinity
Abilities and Concentrations
Abilities
First Ability
Second Ability
Third Ability
Concentrations
Ninjutsu
NinjutsuShow
Fuuton Affinity:
Fuuton Affinity
A character with this concentration is able to utilize Fuuton, and can make and use any custom or archived jutsu that require the Fuuton affinity. Fuuton has an cutting effect.
Passive (Cutting)Show
Fuuton has a natural cutting property to it, that exists in all jutsu unless otherwise stated. This gives fuuton a unique opportunity to strike with additional power, and to act as a offensive defense. Regardless of their purpose fuuton jutsu passively cut with no distinct pattern at 1/3rd the strength of the technique rounded down unless otherwise stated. This means if someone punched a 19 strength fuuton wall, they would get cuts on their hand applied with 6 strength. This also means that fuuton jutsu specifically designated to cut things can create devastating wound by essentially striking twice.
Taijutsu
TaijutsuShow
Upper Body:
The fundamental skill of the [Upper Body] indicates the user’s proficiency with using their arms, chest and head in various ways to facilitate their use of related Taijutsu.
Acrobatics:
The fundamental skill of [Acrobatics] includes the user’s ability to contort their body into unfamiliar positions in order to avoid attacks, as well as the user’s ability to fall safely and perform Ukemi and other feats of gymnastics. This facilitates their use of related Taijutsu.
Rigid Structure:
The fundamental skill of [Rigid Structure] describes the user’s ability to adeptly position and lock in their skeletal structure to efficiently absorb blows with minimal damage to their person. This facilitates their use of related Taijutsu.
Shielded armaments:
The fundamental skill of [Shielded armaments] indicates the user’s proficiency with shields and defensive arms. This facilitates their use of related Taijutsu.
Sword Weapons:
The fundamental skill of [Sword Weapons] indicates the user’s proficiency with swords and sword-like weapons such as knives, daggers, sword-breakers and the like. This facilitates their use of related Taijutsu.
Genjutsu

Jutsu
TaijutsuShow
Yūgana warfareShow
Quote:
A special style passed down from his which focuses on both duels and battlefield tactics. Incorporating sword and shield and solo sword fighting. As for the sword and shield style using near constant wall of defense this style incorporates bashing grappling and throws providing offense from both sword and shield. And for the solo sword using different stances and special cuts to bypass the opponents swords.
[Upper body, Shielded armaments, rigid body, sword]
D-rank
Skillful Wield
D-Ranked Taijutsu discipline
Prerequisite: 5 instinct
With a solid foundation of knowledge on their choice of weaponry, those with the Skillful Wield technique are able to utilize their weapon more fully. By knowing the weapon's weakest points, the user is able to avoid presenting these areas to damage during combat, thus making their weapon less likely to break by means of recklessness.

Seamless Skill
D-Ranked Taijutsu Discipline
Prerequisite: 5 instinct
A skill utilized by those on the path to mastery of their weapon, users of Seamless Skill are actively able to transition between offensive and defensive usage of the aforementioned weapon. By transitioning so seamlessly, the user is able to save a marginal amount of energy while attacking.

Perfect alignment
D-Ranked Taijutsu Discipline
Prerequisite: 9 instinct 9 Taijutsu
With extensive knowledge on sword Mondai has learned to perfectly align the edge of the blades. by doing this his sword cuts minimizing damage to the blade and increasing cutting power. He does by aligning the edge in the direction of the strike and he does this perfectly.

"Footwork is the most important part of fighting"
D-Ranked Taijutsu Discipline
Prerequisite: 9 instinct 9 Taijutsu
After learning over and over by his father on how important foot work is Mondai has learned to move gracefully with his legs maintaining balance, being able to redirect at moments notice and being in and out of striking range with his swords

Switching grip
D-Ranked Taijutsu Discipline
Prerequisite: 9 instinct 9 Taijutsu
Extensive knowledge has teached Mondai that switching between the edge forward and the flat forward can be critical. This helps with being able to cut more effectively by essentially freeing up the wrist making some slashes from certain guards more efficient bio-mechanically and less awkward as a consequence.

Wrath guard
D-rank Taijutsu stance
In this guard his shield is stretched out as far as possible at an angle. While keeping the elbows slightly bent to absorb blows. And the sword is raised above his head pointing over his shoulder. this helps in protecting his head as the sword could be used to protect his head.

Wall guard
D-rank Taijutsu stance
This guard has the shield close to his body at a slight angle to the left completely defending his left side and torso. His sword is lowered to his thigh protecting his lower and right side.

A great wall and you will pay for it all
D-rank Taijutsu discipline
After extensive training he has learned to keep the shield in a way to protect as much of his body as possible even when attacking keeping his hands and sides safe

Instant rotation
D-rank Taijutsu discipline
As his experience with shields depend he has learned to rotate the shield to his other side and move his weapon hand over or under to keep him free to attack or defense against other incoming attacks

Charge!
D-Rank Maneuver Taijutsu
Usually done from a distance he lowers his head puts the shield in front of his body at an angle and charges towards his opponent he then slams the shield over his enemies torso in an attempt to knock him over. if he has +3 strength more strength over his opponent will be knocked down.
C-rank
Big ass shield easy to wield
C-rank Taijutsu discipline
After extensive use of the shield his no longer encumbered by his shield. Essentially never tiring from holding the shield.

PARRY KING!!!
C-Rank Maneuver Taijutsu
If he sees an opponent wind up an attack he will cock his body and violently smack the attack away shaking his opponent balance leaving them wide open for counter attack. and if the opponent were to have a weapon smack it right out of their hand If he has more strength then the opponent the attack will successfully initiate. +3 more strength over his opponent to work.

Spike raider
C-Rank Maneuver Taijutsu
In this attack he launches two left jabs with the shield aiming to pierce the skull with the spike then he lowers other left jab to the stomach he then follows up with a hook to the neck attacking with the bladed rims.

Stab the sternum
C-Rank Maneuver Taijutsu
If Mondai can predict an attack or sees an attack he stops the attack before it has gained any momentum effectively stopping the attack before it has gained any power. As this is happening he smashes the hilt over his opponent head then unleashes a strike with the shields spike to the opponents sternum. He then launches a knee to the lower chest to release the spike.

Vicious viseration
C-Rank Maneuver Taijutsu
When Mondai sees an opening he will sweep an opponents legs with his shield then he bashes with his shields bladed rim three times to the opponent when they're on the ground aiming to disembowel or even split the opponent in half.
B-rank
Sword breaker
B-Rank Taijutsu Maneuver
Because of the unique design of the shield he will attempt to catch a blade in the spaces between the blades and the shield and then apply pressure to the foible (weak) of the sword between the middle to the point.

Raise da roof
B-Rank Taijutsu Maneuver
In this attack Mondai charges in with his shield but instead of knocking over his opponent he lifts his foe over his head with the flat of the shield, and slams the enemy down to the ground leaving the victim stunned this is usually followed up with another attack.

Riposte!!!
B-Rank Taijutsu Maneuver
Prerequisite:PARRY KING!!!
After parrying he moves in with a thrust to the heart and after that the receiver will be tripped by Mondai using the gravity to pull out the sword. This attack is deadly and could spell death for if they have no medic nearby.

Arm breaker
B-Rank Taijutsu Maneuver
a counter attack which involves him waiting for an opponent to attack he deflects the blow moves in with a slash above the knee making them drop to their knees he then puts the enemies arm to his armpit and then bashes it outward breaking the arm. He then ends his assault with a hilt bash to the head. Requires more strength over his opponent to work.

Bone-breaking brutal bashing
B-Rank Taijutsu Maneuver
In this technique Mondai puts his shield in front of his opponents face obstructing vision he then slams the shield on his opponents toes moves it up to split the nose he then follows up with a back handed bash to the jaw follows up with a bash towards the face and then moves his shield around the opponents head smacking him in the back of the head making them tilt their head and body down. Then he follows up with a bash towards the spine making the victim crouch down Mondai then knees the enemy in the chest making them fall to the ground he then ends it by grabbing the shield with two hands and slamming down with the blades towards the chest.

History
Historical AccountsShow
Mondai was an unlucky child being born in the slums of kirigakure. He lived with his father Sigemaru, his mother Makoto and his sister Naomi. Being raised in this environment was harsh often times having lite food or no food at all. His father had opened up a store, he would find and sell any good trinkets he could get his hands on. People would try to rob both the store and their home but his father was tough and warded off the thugs. But even the store was not enough so Mondai resorted to stealing, his father eventually found out and grew furious. So he punished him in an unusual way his father showed him that Mondai was part of an ancient shinobi family that had fallen centuries ago. Which were contracted to the karagata family, and played a smaller role working as guards, security or defense due to their use of shields. Yet they had somehow managed to pass down their ancient style of warfare which interestingly enough had sword and shield techniques which was incredibly uncommon. His family even had a cherished and legendary sword which was never seen again after the family was destroyed centuries ago. The moonlight greatsword had grown dull due to it's loss of power. His father trained him in a brutal almost no holds barred kind of way, which was actually apart of his fathers plan to get him in to the ninja academy.

He trained until he reached the age of 12, then his father would try to get him in to the academy. This proved to be difficult due to the cast they were so his father used their family history. His father had cleverly found their contact to the Karagata family and offer to resign. While also showing Mondai's skill in combat, successfully convincing a karagata member to vouch for them. This got him in to the academy and made him contracted to the karagata familiy. While Mondai excelled in taijutsu as a result of the training with his father, but was near hopeless in ninjutsu and genjutsu only learning the basics.

His rival was a student that was a noble named Yoshi wanting fame, fortune and glory, Not surprisingly Yoshi looked down on Mondai not believing he would ever be beat nor Mondai was ever going to become a shinobi this lead Mondai nearly constantly training and working on his techniques. This attempted bullying of Mondai continued trough the entire academy leading to multiple brawls between the two with Mondai always winning but Yoshi would never accept it and always say he went easy or did not take it seriously. Eventually came the Chunnin and Mondai passed the exams in flying colors, Yoshi was a surprisingly difficult opponent keeping him out of range with ninjutsu. But eventually Mondai would close the distance lift his opponent then slam him to the ground and bash him in the face ending the fight after that he was ranked up to Chuunin and was left to live in a better world.

While he knew he would have to fight for the rest of his life, it was that or starve. And from what he learned in the academy he could use his higher position to change the lives of the people in the lower cast. While the others who adhere to the cast system would look down on this he saw it as away to not only help people, but also improve the villages standing by bringing in more people who could potentially help the village. Either by work force or military force. He had heard of a unit know as the seven swordman of the mist their might in their sword styles and their legendary blades. They were revered and he wanted the same glory. So now he sets out to change kirigakure and become the strongest swordsman to have ever lived despite coming from such a low and harsh place.
The Scorpion

Jinsoku,Enzaragi S-Rank MN: Iwa Setsuzoku
Companion
The Swordsman

Yūgana, Mondai B-Rank : Kiri Seven swordsman
Companion
The Angry

Shaolóng, Gōkariki A-Rank : Konoha

Companion

User avatar
Kao
Posts: 8252
Joined: Fri May 21, 2010 8:00 pm

[Accepted]Yūgana, Mondai

Post by Kao » Tue Mar 20, 2018 2:26 pm

• Your Annihilation ability is essentially the same as Sankaton, and as it is written it is incomplete and imbalanced. After discussing with staff, you won't be able to have that ability/release.
Kao's CharactersShow
Akari KotaruBanninIwagakure no Sato Team 18 Jousai [color=#1fb8a3]
Komiya ShizuoJounin Iwagakure no Sato [color=#209DD3]
Yanagida Yukino Special Jounin Iwagakure no Sato [color=#a07ac2]
Ishiwara SetsunaChuunin Iwagakure no Sato[color=#E81D1D]
Enkouten Mai Jounin Iwagakure no Sato [color=#CE5412]
Aisu Namie Chuunin Kirigakure no Sato [color=#5bc2d4]
Awai FusaeA-Rank MNKonohagakure no Sato[color=#D95FEA]
Important NPCsShow
Akari Kanehara Akari clan elder [color=#80A0FF]
Sakata KannaIwagakure Councilwoman [color=#3DA43B]
Hazuki Shuran Jinchuuriki researcher [color=#E854C0]
Enkouten Kaizen Iwagakure councilman, clan leader [color=#C65871]
Rock Country Daimyo [color=#AC4A4A]

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Willoria
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[Accepted]Yūgana, Mondai

Post by Willoria » Tue Mar 20, 2018 4:56 pm

Kiri OOC here with a few notes.

Your history is missing a ton of punctuation to be honest so you may want to comb through it. In addition it just is not ready and reads like a work in progress. I say this because there is no mention of his time as Genin or his Chunin Fight or any time as Chunin. Some info to help you add what you need there:
  • Genin don't have teams in Kiri, they have a rivalry system in play. They are paired and train with their rivals, go on missions with them, always trying to better themselves and be stronger than their rival.
  • The Chunin Exam is a fight against one's rival. The winner is promoted, the loser retakes it against another opponent at a later date.
  • Another addition needed is his tie with a great family. In the What Kiri is Like thread you'll find information on these families. Every shinobi in Kiri has ties with one family or another and wears an insignia for them. Feel free to look through the info and see what family fits your best.
  • Lastly, I need more info on this supposedly great family they used to be apart of? Perhaps they are part of a sub-family of the great families. Feel free to PM me for more info so I can better explain this and help you flesh it out.
Welcome to Kiri, and I look forward to hearing from you.
The Tales of the Aes Sedai Fukusha Reina - Iwagakure No Sato - Jounin - #EF2B2D Atsushi Cho - Tea Country - D Rank Samurai - #A34402 Hanzo - Sunagakure No Sato - Genin - #35C4AF

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Mre-face
Posts: 841
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[Accepted]Yūgana, Mondai

Post by Mre-face » Wed Mar 21, 2018 9:41 am

Edited history describing his rival and the chuunin exams. And also is there no way we could work out the chakra/ability in any way? We could make it so instead of material it destroys it only destroys organic material and makes it weak against all other elements? Essentially making it anti-life instead of antimatter.
The Scorpion

Jinsoku,Enzaragi S-Rank MN: Iwa Setsuzoku
Companion
The Swordsman

Yūgana, Mondai B-Rank : Kiri Seven swordsman
Companion
The Angry

Shaolóng, Gōkariki A-Rank : Konoha

Companion

User avatar
Niro
Tsuchikage
Tsuchikage
Posts: 9872
Joined: Fri Dec 11, 2009 7:00 pm

[Accepted]Yūgana, Mondai

Post by Niro » Thu Mar 22, 2018 2:07 pm

The ability is the same thing as Sankaton except it works against everything and doesn't have a size limit, rather it has a speed of annihilating.
Annihilation:
Annihilation has the effect of Annihilation, Which causes it to completely destroy anything near instantaneously it comes in contact with gradually chipping away at the matter until it's eventually is completely erased. But this however also effects the Antimatter erasing it along with whatever it's destroying. When coming in contact with energy based elements it will stop dead in it's track and proceed to cover the element and begin to Annihilate it. The Speed of Annihilation is dependent on the users control. This makes it so Mondai [insert drawback here]
1-10 Control Requirement : 3 posts
11-20 Control Requirement: 2 posts
21-35 Control Requirement: 1 posts
36+ Control requirement Instant!
Sankaton Affinity:
Sankaton Affinity
A character with this concentration is able to utilize Sankaton, and advanced form of Katon, and can make and use any custom or archived jutsu that require the Sankaton affinity. Sankaton has an eroding effect. Those without the Elemental Specialization cannot make custom Sankaton jutsu.
Passive (Erosion)Show
Sankaton is an incorporeal element that comes in the form of a fine red haze, that exudes warmth, and has the ability to erode. Anything physical that comes in contact with Sankaton is eaten by the energy, which consumes the Sankaton. This gives Sankaton incredibly powerful offensive and defensive capabilities. Sankaton jutsu are notoriously draining, and are known to push the user to the absolute limit. Sankaton jutsu are limited in size by their control prerequisite, which can make them difficult to use effectively. Sankaton is unaffected by energy based elements, and the two simply pass through them. This makes Sankaton's strength, and it's weakness non-matter based elements.
The way to make your ability work on-forum with this character is to get Sankaton through a paid ability.
#MakeIwaGreatAgain
NameVillageRankTeam
Tatsuo [color=#940839][b]IwaTsuchikageTeam 18 Jousai
Kinomichi [color=limegreen][b]IwaBanninJousai
Kotetsu [color=slategray][b]IwaGeninTeam 7
Ashura [color=coral][b]SunaGenin
Sai [color=#FF14A1][b]Kiri - MND-Rank
Yamato [color=#C71585][b]KiriA-Rank

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Mre-face
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[Accepted]Yūgana, Mondai

Post by Mre-face » Fri Mar 23, 2018 3:40 am

Yes I understand that. But as suggested above could I potentially change it from Antimatter to Anti-life? Making it weak against every other element, but strong against organic matter such as animals, plants, people and summons.
The Scorpion

Jinsoku,Enzaragi S-Rank MN: Iwa Setsuzoku
Companion
The Swordsman

Yūgana, Mondai B-Rank : Kiri Seven swordsman
Companion
The Angry

Shaolóng, Gōkariki A-Rank : Konoha

Companion

User avatar
Niro
Tsuchikage
Tsuchikage
Posts: 9872
Joined: Fri Dec 11, 2009 7:00 pm

[Accepted]Yūgana, Mondai

Post by Niro » Wed Mar 28, 2018 4:22 pm

No. Your best chance is through a paid ability and acquiring Sankaton.
#MakeIwaGreatAgain
NameVillageRankTeam
Tatsuo [color=#940839][b]IwaTsuchikageTeam 18 Jousai
Kinomichi [color=limegreen][b]IwaBanninJousai
Kotetsu [color=slategray][b]IwaGeninTeam 7
Ashura [color=coral][b]SunaGenin
Sai [color=#FF14A1][b]Kiri - MND-Rank
Yamato [color=#C71585][b]KiriA-Rank

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Mre-face
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[Accepted]Yūgana, Mondai

Post by Mre-face » Thu Mar 29, 2018 3:34 pm

Removed the ability.
The Scorpion

Jinsoku,Enzaragi S-Rank MN: Iwa Setsuzoku
Companion
The Swordsman

Yūgana, Mondai B-Rank : Kiri Seven swordsman
Companion
The Angry

Shaolóng, Gōkariki A-Rank : Konoha

Companion

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Yura
Posts: 4616
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[Accepted]Yūgana, Mondai

Post by Yura » Fri Mar 30, 2018 3:39 am

"Steelfin" Three bladed harpoon <--- Needs a bit more description including measurements.

All of the rest of your weapons should probably be priced given the stat changes they provide which is something that Director handles. I'll forward it over to him, but you'll probably want to ask him about it.
CharactersShow
NameRankVillageTeamColor
SadakoGeninIwagakureTeam 13[color=#90D2D8]
Enkouten, MitsuoBanninIwagakureTeam 18|Jousai[color=#ff2200]
Retired CharactersShow
NameRankVillageTeamColor
Nara, ShikariBanninKonohagakureMamorinuku[color=#fb8a00]
Takara, MorikoGeninIwagakure[color=#ffeb66]
Inji, AyakoC-RankWaterfall[color=#8080ff]

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Mre-face
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[Accepted]Yūgana, Mondai

Post by Mre-face » Sat Mar 31, 2018 4:33 am

Fixed!
The Scorpion

Jinsoku,Enzaragi S-Rank MN: Iwa Setsuzoku
Companion
The Swordsman

Yūgana, Mondai B-Rank : Kiri Seven swordsman
Companion
The Angry

Shaolóng, Gōkariki A-Rank : Konoha

Companion

User avatar
Kabu
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[Accepted]Yūgana, Mondai

Post by Kabu » Wed Apr 11, 2018 10:38 pm

You need to list his elemental affinity

Charge! <- This should be something more along the lines of say, +3 strength over the opponent to knock them down.

PARRY KING!!! <- Same thing here

Arm breaker <- Would need more strength than an opponent to break their arm
NPCsShow
Shinsen Kyoko - #99840A
Kyomu Nozomi - #5960A8
Ibakuro Rin - #9E4FA5
Nakiya Hotaru - #9E540A
Nakano Kiyomi - #8E47AD], Nakano Ayaka - #0C1C8C
Fukusha Nezumi - #E00747
Karagata yamada - #CE1126, Makura Ayame - #7251BC
Kabu's Test Thread

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Mre-face
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[Accepted]Yūgana, Mondai

Post by Mre-face » Thu Apr 12, 2018 10:35 am

Fixed!
The Scorpion

Jinsoku,Enzaragi S-Rank MN: Iwa Setsuzoku
Companion
The Swordsman

Yūgana, Mondai B-Rank : Kiri Seven swordsman
Companion
The Angry

Shaolóng, Gōkariki A-Rank : Konoha

Companion

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Rain21199
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[Accepted]Yūgana, Mondai

Post by Rain21199 » Fri Apr 13, 2018 9:02 am

Your style uses shields fairly extensively. Even though it isn't a conc listed under the taijutsu concentrations page, you still should have a concentration for shields to show your character's mastery over it.

[quote=Shielded Weapons] The fundamental skill of [b][Shielded Weapons][/b] indicates the user’s proficiency with shields and defensive weapons. This facilitates their use of related Taijutsu.[/quote]

Mamoru Gerudo
Konohagakure - D-Rank

Resu
Owl Country - D-Rank

" A 7 for Zangy for example, is different from a 7 from Envy who is not quite a nuanced writer as Zangy is (sorry Envy), which is different from a 7 for Rain, who has English as his second language." - Onu 2016

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Kabu
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[Accepted]Yūgana, Mondai

Post by Kabu » Fri Apr 13, 2018 9:52 pm

You also forgot to fill in the Affinity: section but aside from that and the conc issue that rain mentioned this should be good to go.
NPCsShow
Shinsen Kyoko - #99840A
Kyomu Nozomi - #5960A8
Ibakuro Rin - #9E4FA5
Nakiya Hotaru - #9E540A
Nakano Kiyomi - #8E47AD], Nakano Ayaka - #0C1C8C
Fukusha Nezumi - #E00747
Karagata yamada - #CE1126, Makura Ayame - #7251BC
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Yura
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[Accepted]Yūgana, Mondai

Post by Yura » Sat Apr 14, 2018 11:04 am

Alright so I finally got an answer in regards to your weapons and their prices. Shield would be 2 points, First sword 10 points, Second sword 8 points which adds up to 20 points. So you should be fine there.

However, the way that you are doing the boosts on the weapons needs to be changed. You can't do "+4 strength when cutting -4 when thrusting" because you are essentially getting that strength boost with little to no negative. So long as you avoid thrusting the sword, you are getting a +4 str when slicing with no downside (which is practically any other movement other than thrusting). This needs to follow normal boosting rules in which either the boost and the negative happen at the same time or the boost happens first (with no negative) and then you take a harsher negative after the boost is over. The same goes for your other sword.
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SadakoGeninIwagakureTeam 13[color=#90D2D8]
Enkouten, MitsuoBanninIwagakureTeam 18|Jousai[color=#ff2200]
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NameRankVillageTeamColor
Nara, ShikariBanninKonohagakureMamorinuku[color=#fb8a00]
Takara, MorikoGeninIwagakure[color=#ffeb66]
Inji, AyakoC-RankWaterfall[color=#8080ff]

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Mre-face
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[Accepted]Yūgana, Mondai

Post by Mre-face » Sat Apr 14, 2018 12:07 pm

Removedu the stato boostu!
The Scorpion

Jinsoku,Enzaragi S-Rank MN: Iwa Setsuzoku
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The Swordsman

Yūgana, Mondai B-Rank : Kiri Seven swordsman
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The Angry

Shaolóng, Gōkariki A-Rank : Konoha

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Yura
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[Accepted]Yūgana, Mondai

Post by Yura » Sat Apr 14, 2018 12:46 pm

Quote:
Another addition needed is his tie with a great family. In the What Kiri is Like thread you'll find information on these families. Every shinobi in Kiri has ties with one family or another and wears an insignia for them. Feel free to look through the info and see what family fits your best.

Lastly, I need more info on this supposedly great family they used to be apart of? Perhaps they are part of a sub-family of the great families. Feel free to PM me for more info so I can better explain this and help you flesh it out.
I may be missing it, but I'm not seeing a part in your history addressing those two points that Kat made.
CharactersShow
NameRankVillageTeamColor
SadakoGeninIwagakureTeam 13[color=#90D2D8]
Enkouten, MitsuoBanninIwagakureTeam 18|Jousai[color=#ff2200]
Retired CharactersShow
NameRankVillageTeamColor
Nara, ShikariBanninKonohagakureMamorinuku[color=#fb8a00]
Takara, MorikoGeninIwagakure[color=#ffeb66]
Inji, AyakoC-RankWaterfall[color=#8080ff]

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Mre-face
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[Accepted]Yūgana, Mondai

Post by Mre-face » Sat Apr 14, 2018 1:59 pm

I am currently speaking with her in PM she just hasn't replied yet
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Jinsoku,Enzaragi S-Rank MN: Iwa Setsuzoku
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The Swordsman

Yūgana, Mondai B-Rank : Kiri Seven swordsman
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The Angry

Shaolóng, Gōkariki A-Rank : Konoha

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Yura
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[Accepted]Yūgana, Mondai

Post by Yura » Thu Apr 19, 2018 4:49 am

2 days to edit. If you haven't gotten the history worked out, I suggest talking with Jinan about it at the moment.
CharactersShow
NameRankVillageTeamColor
SadakoGeninIwagakureTeam 13[color=#90D2D8]
Enkouten, MitsuoBanninIwagakureTeam 18|Jousai[color=#ff2200]
Retired CharactersShow
NameRankVillageTeamColor
Nara, ShikariBanninKonohagakureMamorinuku[color=#fb8a00]
Takara, MorikoGeninIwagakure[color=#ffeb66]
Inji, AyakoC-RankWaterfall[color=#8080ff]

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Mre-face
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[Accepted]Yūgana, Mondai

Post by Mre-face » Fri Apr 20, 2018 9:04 pm

Currently speaking with Jin
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Jinsoku,Enzaragi S-Rank MN: Iwa Setsuzoku
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The Swordsman

Yūgana, Mondai B-Rank : Kiri Seven swordsman
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The Angry

Shaolóng, Gōkariki A-Rank : Konoha

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Jinan B
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[Accepted]Yūgana, Mondai

Post by Jinan B » Sat Apr 21, 2018 10:29 pm

As it stands the family thing is fine as long as it's understood that the ancient family was just a sub contracted family (prominent or otherwise) as opposed to being greater than that. Perhaps clarify it just by saying who the ancient family was contracted to or something like that? Something to the degree of "his father showed him that Mondai was part of an ancient shinobi family that had fallen centuries ago" would also work.

Also it's very likely that he would be approached to sign a contract before becoming a chuunin. Either during his time at the academy or when he becomes a genin. Due to just how large the proportion of kiri that are bled for one of the principle families are, it seems odd that Mondai would go so far before that happened unless he actively resisted signing a contract (in which case, please add that to your history)

Another thing to consider comes from this quote from the what Kiri is like page:

"Anyone who is willing is able to volunteer themselves to the Academy, but that does not necessarily mean that they will be permitted to attend, or become a ninja. Submitting oneself to the Academy means participating in a series of mental and physical challenges to ensure the volunteer is up to par, and doing an invested background check on the person's history and their family’s history.

Many times, it's this family background check that gets people eliminated from the running. Those without a thorough enough family history are not able to be accepted due to risk factors, additionally, those with family members that have poor history are often excluded for the same reasons. Due to this, typically the people accepted into the academies are children of ninja in the ninja caste, and nobles. It is a rarity to find children of the merchant class attending the Academy, they often have to use what influence they have to even get a chance at the lowest level Academy in the village."

I'd like you to explain why Mondai was let into the academy despite being an untouchable from a family with a poor history? Tying into being contracted earlier, you could have it that a Karagata contracted Mondai and vouched for him, getting him a shot at the academy as a result.
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NameRankVillageOrgColour
Karagata, Kinsue
Jounin
Kirigakure
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Test Thread Saigen Census V2

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Mre-face
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[Accepted]Yūgana, Mondai

Post by Mre-face » Sun Apr 22, 2018 12:15 am

Fixed! Made his family previously contracted to the Karagata and then later fell. So they resigned to the family and Mondai showed of his skill to a Karagata member, Having them voucher for him. Getting him in to the academy.
The Scorpion

Jinsoku,Enzaragi S-Rank MN: Iwa Setsuzoku
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The Swordsman

Yūgana, Mondai B-Rank : Kiri Seven swordsman
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Kabu
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[Accepted]Yūgana, Mondai

Post by Kabu » Mon Apr 23, 2018 10:08 pm

1/2 assuming the history is okay
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Fukusha Nezumi - #E00747
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Kabu's Test Thread

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Niro
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[Accepted]Yūgana, Mondai

Post by Niro » Mon Apr 23, 2018 10:23 pm

Asking Jinan to check on this and if it's good to go I'll give it the good 'ol 2/2

EDIT: [3:26 AM] Jinan B: Umm it's fine except for the fact that face forgot to remove the mention of him being contracted after chuunin exam so now it says he got contracted twice

fix that up and we'll be good to go
#MakeIwaGreatAgain
NameVillageRankTeam
Tatsuo [color=#940839][b]IwaTsuchikageTeam 18 Jousai
Kinomichi [color=limegreen][b]IwaBanninJousai
Kotetsu [color=slategray][b]IwaGeninTeam 7
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Mre-face
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[Accepted]Yūgana, Mondai

Post by Mre-face » Tue Apr 24, 2018 8:10 pm

There fixed my forgetfulness!
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Jinsoku,Enzaragi S-Rank MN: Iwa Setsuzoku
Companion
The Swordsman

Yūgana, Mondai B-Rank : Kiri Seven swordsman
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Niro
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[Accepted]Yūgana, Mondai

Post by Niro » Tue Apr 24, 2018 8:55 pm

Accepted

This application has been accepted. Congratulations! Any necessary changes will be handled by the moderating team.
#MakeIwaGreatAgain
NameVillageRankTeam
Tatsuo [color=#940839][b]IwaTsuchikageTeam 18 Jousai
Kinomichi [color=limegreen][b]IwaBanninJousai
Kotetsu [color=slategray][b]IwaGeninTeam 7
Ashura [color=coral][b]SunaGenin
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