Day 26 Cash In

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Golnax
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Day 26 Cash In

Post by Golnax » Sat Jan 19, 2019 1:20 am

Application: Aimi Kaguya
Change: Addin' in some jutsu, 2 specifically, one bought via the December give away and one trained.

Death Bone Pulse • Dance of the Seedling Ferns
S-Ranked Ninjutsu
The user will channel to ossify the bones in their body, sending the bones underground where they will form a lattice and spread over a 60 meter radius at a Speed of 30. The bones will then jut out from out of the ground in huge, rib-like spires up to 10 meters tall at a Speed of 30 and a Strength of 40. These spires are capable of impaling even the largest of creatures when they erupt from the ground.

Death Bone Pulse • Life's Finale
S-Ranked Ninjutsu
Prerequisite: Death Bone Pulse • Heterotopic Ossification, Death Bone Pulse • Dance of the Seedling Ferns
A variation of Death Bone Pulse • Dance of the Seedling Ferns, the user will channel to ossify the bones in their body, sending the bones underground where they will form a lattice and spread over a 60 meter radius at a Speed of 30. The bones will then jut out from out of the ground in huge, rib-like spires up to 10 meters tall at a Speed of 30 and a Strength of 40. These spires are capable of impaling even the largest of creatures when they erupt from the ground. Structurally different from the spires created with Death Bone Pulse • Dance of the Seedling Ferns, these are jagged, sharp and twisted. Once impaled, a creature's soft tissues will rapidly begin to be converted into a layer of bone at a speed of 5 until all that remains is a mummified corpse over the next 5 posts. This is only effective if the users Control is greater than the targets Stamina. This ossified flesh can be forcefully removed, requiring a Strength of 35 to do so - though at the risk of catastrophic bodily harm.
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[b][color=#FFFFFF]Death Bone Pulse • Dance of the Seedling Ferns[/color][/b]
S-Ranked Ninjutsu
The user will channel to ossify the bones in their body, sending the bones underground where they will form a lattice and spread over a 60 meter radius at a Speed of 30. The bones will then jut out from out of the ground in huge, rib-like spires up to 10 meters tall at a Speed of 30 and a Strength of 40. These spires are capable of impaling even the largest of creatures when they erupt from the ground.

[b][color=#FFFFFF]Death Bone Pulse • Life's Finale[/color][/b]
S-Ranked Ninjutsu
Prerequisite: Death Bone Pulse • Heterotopic Ossification, Death Bone Pulse • Dance of the Seedling Ferns
A variation of [i]Death Bone Pulse • Dance of the Seedling Ferns[/i], the user will channel to ossify the bones in their body, sending the bones underground where they will form a lattice and spread over a 60 meter radius at a Speed of 30. The bones will then jut out from out of the ground in huge, rib-like spires up to 10 meters tall at a Speed of 30 and a Strength of 40. These spires are capable of impaling even the largest of creatures when they erupt from the ground. Structurally different from the spires created with [i]Death Bone Pulse • Dance of the Seedling Ferns[/i], these are jagged, sharp and twisted. Once impaled, a creature's soft tissues will rapidly begin to be converted into a layer of bone at a speed of 5 until all that remains is a mummified corpse over the next 5 posts. This is only effective if the users Control is greater than the targets Stamina. This ossified flesh can be forcefully removed, requiring a Strength of 35 to do so - though at the risk of catastrophic bodily harm.
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Last edited by Golnax on Wed Jan 30, 2019 11:27 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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Ace Trainer
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Day 26 Cash In

Post by Ace Trainer » Mon Jan 21, 2019 7:31 pm

I think Life's Finale might be a little overpowered.
Quote:
~Death Bone Pulse • Petrifying Touch
S-Ranked Ninjutsu
Prerequisite: 45 Ninjutsu, 40 Control
The user channels chakra into a likely immobilized target's body, the target's body slowly and painfully turning into bone over the course of the next three posts, starting at their arms and legs lowering their movement speed by 8 and strength by 7 through the first post, and then spreading throughout the rest of their body over the second and third, resulting in death at the end of the third post unless contact is broken or the target's control is equal to or higher than the user's.
This is a jutsu from the archives. While it occurs over 3 posts, it requires physical contact, and constant channeling. I'd like to see, at a minimum, the same stat requirements for your jutsu.

DM me when you make whatever changes you'd like and I'll check this again.
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[Shinwa Basuta no Suihouheki Yasahii :: Kirigakure No Sato – Mizukage :: Spirit of Capricorn, Topenga]
[Futokutei Hitoare :: Konohagakure No Sato – Pestilence (Four Horsemen) – Jounin]
[Aisu Koiji :: Kirigakure No Sato – Jounin]
[Shitagane Sakki :: Kumogakure No Sato – Genin]
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Golnax
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Day 26 Cash In

Post by Golnax » Tue Jan 22, 2019 8:56 am

Yeah I'm going with a hard no on that one.
Quote:
Death Bone Pulse • Heterotopic Ossification
A-Ranked Ninjutsu
The user creates a spike of bone with three hook like prongs in the palm of their hand then rams it into the target's flesh. Pulling their hand away, the user leaves behind a skull shaped "plug". Over the course of 10 posts, this plug will spread a layer of bone throughout the target's soft tissues, gradually spreading out from the point of origin until the entire body is covered at a speed of 1. This technique acts as a paralytic as it spreads through the limbs of the victim. This is only effective if the users Control is greater than the targets Stamina. At any time, the person afflicted by this jutsu may forcefully remove the plug, stopping the jutsu, or break off sections of ossified flesh at the cost of massive physical trauma. Removing the plug or breaking ossified flesh requires 20 Strength.
This is the jutsu that's in the prerequisite of Life's Finale. This is a jutsu that has been approved before, and is currently on my profile. The set up for these two jutsu are quite similar - in that it requires the target to be impaled with bone in order for the petrification to take place. Granted, in Hetertopic Ossification, you have the option to remove the plug which is causing this petrification in the first place. But frankly. I didn't think I needed to include a clause like that in Life's Finale since, you know, these are 10 meter tall spike that, if you get impaled on them, you're probably gonna die regardless of the petrification.

Life's Finale is a very dramatic jutsu. It is NOT an overpowered one. It can be dodged and thus the entire effect can be avoided at any stage. Moreover, the petrification effect doesn't even take place unless the afflicted's Stamina stat is less than the user's Control, a stat battle which is not present in the archived Petrifying Touch mind you. MOREVER, this takes LONGER to take effect than what Petrifying Touch does, and comes with no stat debuffs like the aforementioned archive technique does. Yes, Petrifying Touch requires constant contact over the course of 3 posts and channeling, but when you get down to it what Life's Finale does is fundamentally different. It changes the field of battle over a wide area more than it has the potential to kill someone via petrification. It has the potential to effect multiple people over said area, yes, but so does any number of base S ranked archive techniques that already exist in other styles. Such as the following:
Quote:
*Ash • Rock you like a Hurricane
S-Rank Ninjutsu
After performing the correct hand seals the user will create a concentrated sphere of ash roughly 3m in size. The ball will then rotate and move at a speed of 35 and spew ash across the battlefield until it is broken by a force of 35 Strength or higher or until it runs out of ash in 4 posts. The ash that is thrown by the sphere flies in concentrated chunks that erupts into 3m clouds on contact. When the jutsu is completed, there will be an area with a 15m radius covered in ash from the center of anywhere the ball went. The ball will stop moving after a maximum of 100m. Anyone who comes into contact with the ash will immediately receive 1st degree burns. Sustained contact will result in 4th degree burns over the course of 4 posts.

*Salt Style • The Fury of Sodom
S-Ranked Salt Jutsu
After performing the correct hand seals, the user will generate a 30m tall, 40m wide tidal wave of salt crystals. This wave will be expelled from the user and move up to 50m from the point of origin with a strength of 40 and a speed of 30. Once it settles 50m from its start point, the salt will cover the ground with a 3m high zone of Salt, with a clear zone 2m around the user. This salt will apply the salt passive at the beginning of every post for 5 posts, making it deadly for those trapped beneath.

*[Desert Prison]
S-Ranked Ninjutsu
Prerequisite: Large volumes of sand
A powerful capture method, the user will perform the needed hand seals and release their chakra into the ground, turning all the ground within a 20m radius of their body into loose sand at 35 speed as they do so. The sand will begin grinding and churning, sucking in the terrain, and turning the ground into a sand pit. Anyone in the area with less than 35 strength will be unable to resist being pulled into the ground, where the ground will begin to grind and tear into them. Any defenses that formed from the ground will be sucked into the sand pit as well, only adding to it's strength.

*Raiton • Thousand Birds Current
S-ranked Raiton Jutsu
Prerequisite: Raiton • Thousand Birds
After performing the hand seals similar to that of the Thousand Birds technique, the user will begin to spark with various bolts of electricity. For up to 6 posts the user will be surrounded by crackling lightning, which will immediately lash out at any person or metallic object within 30 meters of them at 35 speed. This will then strike with 20 strength and apply second degree electrical burns to those it hits. The user cannot cast any other techniques while this technique is active.
To name a few. Oh, and for extra poignancy, in case this might be brought up as a reason for it to be 'overpowered' as well:
1.) Rock You Like A Hurricane has an effective range of 100 meters, just like Life's Finale does. Granted, that's in a line and not a circular radius, but that leads me to
2.) Life's Finale AOE is based on Dance of the Seedling Ferns, which you didn't say anything about. So I'm gonna assume it's fine until told otherwise from another soruce.
3.) Not that this is especially comparable given that this is a KKG technique and these are elemental style techniques, but all of the above jutsu, including Petrifying Touch, have secondary effects that just... happen, regardless of what an effected person's stats are. Life's Finale has a stat battle in it which, if beaten, completely negates the secondary effect of this jutsu. The primary effect remains making a bunch of boney spires in a large area.

So there's all that. The long and short? I'd like a second opinion given what I've just posted as a counter argument.

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Ace Trainer
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Day 26 Cash In

Post by Ace Trainer » Tue Jan 22, 2019 11:36 am

You had me convinced at the A-rank. Good enough for me.

1/2
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Genin
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[Shinwa Basuta no Suihouheki Yasahii :: Kirigakure No Sato – Mizukage :: Spirit of Capricorn, Topenga]
[Futokutei Hitoare :: Konohagakure No Sato – Pestilence (Four Horsemen) – Jounin]
[Aisu Koiji :: Kirigakure No Sato – Jounin]
[Shitagane Sakki :: Kumogakure No Sato – Genin]
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Sanjuro
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Day 26 Cash In

Post by Sanjuro » Thu Jan 24, 2019 6:36 pm

All of the 'radius' techniques you listed in your argument only cover 30m at maximum. Rock you like a hurricane create a 15m radius around it and can be moved up to 100m but to create a circular radius around the user would require moving it in circles which would reduce the effective range of the technique and because it needs to move to create the affected area it isn't instantly covering that radius.

Death Bone Pulse • Dance of the Seedling Ferns <- Reduced range.

Death Bone Pulse • Life's Finale <- Reduced range. The explosion AoE after a complete ossification is a bit much in addition to everything else, it essentially means this technique can theoretically go forever. The ossified flesh needs a strength it can be removed at the same as the parent technique.
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Golnax
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Day 26 Cash In

Post by Golnax » Sun Jan 27, 2019 3:38 am

Made edits to both Dance of the Seedling Ferns and Life's Finale.

Reduced the range of both to 60 meters. Removed the part about merging with the bones of Dance of the Seedling Ferns as per mod suggestion, though I may make that a separate technique at some point in the future! Also removed the additional explosion and ossification effect, IE the second half of Life's Finale, from Life's Finale, as I will be making that into a seperate jutsu at a later date. Also added in Life's Finale that removing ossified flesh is possible, it just requires a Strength of 35 and a butt-load of physical harm to do it.

Ready to be reviewed again.

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Day 26 Cash In

Post by Kabu » Fri Feb 01, 2019 9:58 pm

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Post by Niro » Mon Feb 04, 2019 10:00 am

[Accepted]
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