Yuu Concentration Fix

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Kabu
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Yuu Concentration Fix

Post by Kabu » Sun Nov 26, 2023 5:04 pm

Application: Yuu
Change: Editing the Etherium Concentration due to rule changes
Etherium:
As a result of an encounter with a centuries old Kitsune, Yuu is now able to summon forth pale purple flames capable of burning according to the Katon passive but lacking the ability to naturally spread, instead having an absorption effect allowing them to draw in jutsu of equal or lesser strength cast within a range equal to the user's control/2 in meters and feed on them thus growing in size, in meters, by an amount equal to the difference in control.

Note: As with Katon itself Etherium is weak to Suiton, being unable to draw it in and being naturally disadvantaged by it

Code: Select all

[center][big][big][b]【Yuu】[/b][/big][/big]
Birth Name: Yoshita, Mayuki

[img=293,415]https://i.imgur.com/DuJTIcS.png[/img][/center]
[hr]

[center][b][big]General Information[/big][/b][/center]

[b]Age:[/b] 16
[b]Gender:[/b] Female
[b]Height:[/b] 5'8"
[b]Weight:[/b] 130lbs

[b]Physical Features:[/b]
[list][*][i]Face/head:[/i] Yuu has fairly soft facial features, rounded with slightly chubby cheeks. She has long purple hair tied into twintails and large eyes that due to a lengthy period of experimentation have turned a deep red similar to that of a ruby.
[*][i]Body:[/i] Yuu is tall and slender with long legs and moderate curves, her assets having developed just enough to be noticeable. She has soft skin, this in spite of a number of scars, and a good deal of muscle though it doesn't show very well, leading her to be far stronger than she appears. 
[*][i]Notable Features:[/i]Yuu's most distinguishing features are her red eyes and a gruesome scar across her abdomen[/list]

[b]Clothing/Accessories:[/b] Yuu's primary outfit consists of a kimono top with long sleeves and tight fitting pants tucked into a pair of knee high boots.

[b]Personality:[/b]
[list][*][i]General:[/i] Having spent most of her life within a research facility Yuu is naive and largely ignorant of social norms, though is highly curious of the world around her. She has a good deal of trouble understanding emotions whether those of others or even her own, being unknowingly blunt and harsh at times as well as having difficulties with expressing herself, often coming across as cold. With that said, despite how it may seem at points she isn't lacking in feelings, being willing to learn and always apologizing for any mistakes she may make. As well, while she doesn't quite understand concepts like love or friendship she very easily grows attached to those that she's formed relations with, being protective and always loyal. She is also highly obedient, following any order given to a T regardless of understanding or intent, simply improvising should she not understand the task at hand.
[*][i]Hopes/Dreams:[/i] Yuu wishes simply to live like a normal girl, to experience a life she had missed out on for so long
[*][i]Fears:[/i] Yuu's greatest fear is to be imprisoned again, in turn leading to claustrophobia and a dislike of medical tools with needles being of particular disdain
[*][i]Combat Mentality:[/i]In combat Yuu is aggressive, attacking fast and hard in an attempt to gain a quick advantage and end fights as soon as possible.[/list]
[hr]

[center][b][big]Battle Information[/big][/b][/center]

[b]Village:[/b] Tea (Heart Empire)
[b]Rank:[/b] D
[b]Power Rank:[/b] D

[list][*][b]Chakra Pool:[/b] 5
[*][b]Endurance:[/b] 9
[*][b]Control:[/b] 1
[*][b]Strength:[/b] 10
[*][b]Speed:[/b] 10
[*][b]Willpower:[/b] 5
[/list]

[b]Equipment:[/b] Yuu's primary weapon is a halberd, nearly six feet in length with the axe head being approximately 15 inches; strapped to her back
[b]Companions:[/b] (1/1)
[b]Affinity/Specialization:[/b] Polearm Weapons
[hr]

[center][b][big]Abilities and Concentrations[/big][/b][/center]

[table=2, Abilities][b]First Ability[/b][c]
[c][b]Second Ability[/b][c]
[c][b]Third Ability[/b][c][/table]

[table=2, Concentrations][b]Ninjutsu[/b][c]
[quote=Katon]A character with this concentration is able to utilize Katon, and can make and use any custom or archived jutsu that require the Katon affinity. Katon has a passive [color=orangered][i]ignition[/i][/color] effect.
[spoiler=Passive (Ignition)]Katon's effect is [b]ignition[/b], which means that all katon jutsu, regardless of effect, start and spread fire from their source. Once a jutsu has been performed, the fire from the jutsu spreads at 1/3rd the speed of the technique, rounded down. That means a C-rank katon jutsu that moves at 13 speed would create subsequent fires that spread at 4 speed. These secondary fires require flammable material to continuously spread, otherwise they will burn out on their own.

Additionally, the strength of burns on organic material from katon jutsu is determined by the strength stat of the individual jutsu. [list][*]1-14 Strength Requirement: First Degree Burns[*]15-24 Strength Requirement: Second Degree Burns[*]25-34 Strength Requirement: Third Degree Burns[*]35+ Strength Requirement: Fourth Degree Burns[/list][/spoiler][/quote]
[quote=Etherium]As a result of an encounter with a centuries old Kitsune, Yuu is now able to summon forth pale purple flames capable of burning according to the Katon passive but lacking the ability to naturally spread, instead having an absorption effect allowing them to draw in jutsu of equal or lesser strength cast within a range equal to the user's control/2 in meters and feed on them thus growing in size, in meters, by an amount equal to the difference in control.

Note: As with Katon itself Etherium is weak to Suiton, being unable to draw it in and being naturally disadvantaged by it[/quote]
[c]
[b]Taijutsu[/b][c][quote=Rigid Structure]The fundamental skill of [b][Rigid Structure][/b] describes the user’s ability to adeptly position and lock in their skeletal structure to efficiently absorb blows with minimal damage to their person. This facilitates their use of related Taijutsu.[/quote]
[quote=Polearm Weapons]The fundamental skill of [b][Polearm Weapons][/b] indicates the user’s proficiency with staves, spears, halberds, pikes, scythes and other like weapons. This facilitates their use of related Taijutsu.[/quote][c]
[b]Genjutsu[/b][c][Place them here][/table]
[hr]

[center][b][big]Jutsu[/big][/b][/center]


[spoiler=Etherium]
D-Ranked

[color=#9C7EFC]Soul Edge[/color]
D-Ranked Ninjutsu
After performing the necessary handseals or channeling Yuu coats a weapon in Etherium flames, for the next five posts granting it Etherium's passive and allowing it to more easily slice through objects with a strength of [Control]

[color=#9C7EFC]Ether Blast[/color]
D-Ranked Ninjutsu
After performing the necessary handseals or channeling Yuu focuses chakra into a single spot within fifteen meters, a small Etherium flame forming. At any point within the next five posts she can snap her fingers, causing it to rapidly expand at a speed of [Control] and gaining a strength of the same until it reaches ten meters in width and height at which point it detonates at a strength of [Control], the explosion being a total of ten meters in diameter itself.

[color=#9C7EFC]Kitsune's Curse[/color]
D-Ranked Ninjutsu
After performing the necessary handseals or channeling Yuu attempts to touch a target, if successful attaching a small Etherium flame to the area struck that over the course of the next post proceeds to spread across the affected area at a speed of [Control]. These flames continue to burn over the next five posts unless extinguished.

[color=#9C7EFC]Draining Web[/color]
D-Ranked Ninjutsu
After performing the necessary handseals or channeling Yuu forms a rope of Etherium flames at a speed of [Control]. This rope when thrown out towards a target forms into a net a total of five meters in diameter, constricting around a target with a strength of [Control] for the next five posts, continuously burning and causing pain over that time.[/spoiler]

[spoiler=Shinden]
[quote=Shinden]Emerging from the depths of the Marsh Country, Shinden is a style of Kenjutsu that focuses on one thing and one thing alone: overwhelming strength. While not completely forsaking flexibility, Shinden techniques are traditionally structured around downward slashes. Using a combination of their strength, gravity, inertia, centrifugal force, and technique, the practitioner brings unsurpassed might and death upon the heads of their opponents. Due to this quirk unique to Shinden, while sufficiently performed with a katana, users of this style typically prefer hafted weapons or heavier blades such as Nodachi, Odachi, and even Zanbatou. These large weapons further enhance the natural strengths the style's core mechanics provide, forgoing defense for brute strength and overwhelming power.

Requires: [Rigid Structure] Concentration; one of [Sword Weapons], [Polearm Weapons], or [Hafted Weapons] Concentration.[/quote]
D-Ranked

*[color=olive][b][Shinden • Swaying Peltandra][/b][/color]
D-Rank Taijutsu Discipline
The use of larger swords and hafted weapons often makes close-quarters maneuvering of the practitioner's weapon more difficult. By placing one hand on the pommel/butt of the hilt or low section of the weapon's haft, the user is able to more easily maneuver, twist, slide, and flip their weapon in close quarters to cover a wider range of offensive and defensive options, using the second hand to give full power to their attacks and techniques. This Discipline represents the practitioner's mastery of this basic concept, allowing them to lessen the impact of their weapon's natural blind spots and weaknesses.

*[color=olive][b][Shinden • Ambidexterity][/b][/color]
D-Rank Taijutsu Discipline
After practicing for a long amount of time with the concept of using both of their hands with equal skill, the user has developed a level of ambidexterity that allows them to utilize both hands equally and as effectively without any penalty. This extends to other methods of combat or simple everyday life as well.

*[color=olive][b][Shinden • Swaying Cattail][/b][/color]
D-Rank Taijutsu Discipline
[b]Prerequisite(s):[/b] [i]8 Strength.[/i]
A practitioner of Shinden must be able to control their weapon as easily as their own breath. This Discipline represents the practitioner's capacity to both change the orientation of their weapon to cover a different part of their body while spinning said weapon and to immediately change the direction said weapon is spinning without loss of defensive or offensive momentum.

*[color=olive][b][Shinden • Stream Splitting][/b][/color]
D-Rank Taijutsu Maneuver
A simple setup technique, the practitioner quickly and continuously spins their weapon in their hands, capable of switching their weapon between each hand if they wish. This technique can serve as a defense against projectiles and attacks, but its primary purpose is to set up the practitioner for their next attack or technique. Any attack or technique used after the practitioner uses this technique will be instantly launched at the practitioner's maximum Strength and Speed.

*[color=olive][b][Shinden • Branch Cleaver][/b][/color]
D-Rank Taijutsu Maneuver
One of Shinden's most basic offensive techniques, the practitioner raises their weapon over their head, using gravity and inertia to add momentum to their next attack. The practitioner then launches a ferocious two-handed swing in any single direction. The practitioner executes the cut in a circular motion, allowing them to quickly bring the weapon back to guard against a potential counterattack.

*[color=olive][b][Shinden • Grass Cutter][/b][/color]
D-Rank Taijutsu Maneuver
[b]Prerequisite(s):[/b] [i]8 Strength, 8 Speed.[/i]
A simple yet devastating technique, the practitioner executes a powerful thrust towards the opponent. At the end of the thrust, or just as the blade is making contact with the opponent if it hits, the practitioner violently rotates the blade in any single direction and finishes the technique with a slash in the direction the sword was twisted. This additional rotation and slash at the end can further damage opponents or catch an opponent that has evaded the original thrust by strafing to either side, ducking, or jumping.

*[color=olive][b][Shinden • Royal Fern][/b][/color]
D-Rank Taijutsu Maneuver
[b]Prerequisite(s):[/b] [i]8 Strength, 8 Speed.[/i]
Using Shinden's superlative strength to bend the earth to their will, the practitioner spins their weapon and strikes the ground with a powerful blow, breaking the ground beneath them. Depending on the terrain, slabs of earth, rock, and stone will be uplifted where the practitioner struck, providing a temporary barrier against projectiles and attacks. These slabs of earth have a Strength equal to the practitioner's Strength, but they only remain for three posts.

C-Ranked

*[color=olive][b][Shinden • Toad Skin][/b][/color]
C-Rank Taijutsu Discipline
Shinden users understand that the size of their weapons cause naturally occurring blind spots and have trained to shore up those weaknesses in their defense. This Discipline represents the practitioner's ability to more finely control the natural blind spots of their weapons, passively strengthening their defenses and even allowing the practitioner to bait ignorant opponents into traps. This Discipline also allows the practitioner to easily wield their preferred two-handed weapon with one hand, if applicable.

*[color=olive][b][Shinden • Snapping Turtle][/b][/color]
C-Rank Taijutsu Maneuver
Charging at the opponent, the practitioner grips the weapon's hilt or haft with one hand and rests their other hand on the pommel or butt of the haft or hilt with the other. As they drive their weapon forward in a thrust, the practitioner quickly torques the muscles in their forearm, wrist, and hand on the pommel/butt of the weapon and spin the weapon in their hand like a drill, greatly increasing the penetrative power of the thrust as they drive it into the opponent's guard and, hopefully, through their bodies. If the practitioner's Strength is 5 higher than the opponent's Endurance, this technique will cause hairline fractures, localized inflammation, and minor internal bleeding.

*[color=olive][b][Shinden • Leaping Toad][/b][/color]
C-Rank Taijutsu Maneuver
[b]Prerequisite(s):[/b] *[color=olive][i][Shinden • Stream Splitting][/i][/color].
Taking to the sky, the practitioner jumps off of the ground, engaging their weapon in a ferocious spin. The practitioner can choose to complete this technique in one of three ways: a powerful diving swing or thrust, a somersaulting overhead strike, or a midair dodge by swinging the weapon in any single direction and allowing the momentum generated by the weight of the weapon and the swing to carry them in that direction. Due to the sheer momentum of this technique, if the practitioner's Strength is higher than the opponent's Endurance, any armor or weapon used to defend against this technique will be rendered ineffective, either by being rent from the opponent's hand or broken outright. This technique is not as effective when performed with a normal sword or katana.[/spoiler]
[hr]

[center][b][big]History[/big][/b][/center][spoiler=Historical Accounts]Yuu began life in a small village as Yoshita Mayuki though possesses no memory of her earliest years. Her memory begins at three years old within the research facility where she would spend her childhood and most of her teen years. She and several other children had been stolen from their homes by a group of researchers intent on a singular goal, to create a group of emotionless super soldiers capable of fighting without even a hint of fear or remorse. The reasons why had never been made quite clear to any of the poor children.

In pursuit of this goal the kids were given the most basic of education and trained in combat, taught to kill and in some cases even brainwashed or experimented on. Having no one to rely on but each other the kids grew close, or at least as close as a group of emotionally and socially stunted kids could get. Over the years their numbers dwindled... some dying from botched experiments, others from illness, and even others still couldn't bear the harsh training and were killed for being weak. In the end there were only three survivors, Yuu herself and a pair of twins. Approximately twelve years had passed by this point and still the experiment had seen precious little success. The one thing they had achieved was bestowing the twins with special abilities. To everyone's confusion and a great deal of frustration... Yuu had none. The girl, while impressively obedient as well as strong and resilient, had nonetheless proven time and again to be a failure. Clearly they needed to be rid of her.

To this end one day she awoke to find herself not in her bed but rather in a cell, chained to the wall. She didn't know exactly what was going on but she did know she was in trouble. The adults had been growing angrier with her by the day and she swore she remembered hearing something about them killing her, calling her a monumental failure. 

For a time she sat in silence awaiting execution but soon help came, a wandering mercenary having caught wind of the situation. She informed the girl that her captors were out of the picture and realizing that she would likely need to be reeducated into the world took it upon herself to free her and take her along The mercenary named Nozomi and her partner had been on the road for some time but with her new charge in tow however, Nozomi decided it was time to go home to the land formerly known as Shark Country, now Tea Country. If she still had a home that was... given the country had been conquered twice over and now had become a part of something known as the Heart Empire.

And so the trio headed home, Nozomi luckily finding that her old house, while in desperate need of cleaning and refurnishing, was still available. Yuu meanwhile simply followed along confused about her new life but nonetheless happy to be free after well over a decade of imprisonment. She was even enrolled into school in hopes that it would help her along in her pursuit of becoming a normal girl, of living the life that she had been robbed of for so long. The future was uncertain and it would certainly be a rough, bumpy road but her life was now her's to live and she was going to live it the best she could.[/spoiler]
[hr]

[b]Username:[/b] [url=https://www.narutosaigen.com/forums/memberlist.php?mode=viewprofile&u=1872224]Kabu[/url]
[b]Ryo:[/b] 4/20
[b]Prestige Perks:[/b] 1/1 [Inheritance: 100]
[b]Stat Trainings:[/b] (0/75)
Payment: Nada
Last edited by Kabu on Sun Dec 31, 2023 5:30 pm, edited 4 times in total.
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Shinsen Kyoko - #99840A
Kyomu Nozomi - #5960A8
Ibakuro Rin - #9E4FA5
Nakiya Hotaru - #9E540A
Nakano Kiyomi - #8E47AD], Nakano Ayaka - #0C1C8C
Fukusha Nezumi - #E00747
Karagata yamada - #CE1126, Makura Ayame - #7251BC
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Niro
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Yuu Concentration Fix

Post by Niro » Mon Nov 27, 2023 8:14 am

1/2
#MakeIwaGreatAgain
NameVillageRankTeam
Tatsuo [color=#940839][b]IwaTsuchikageTeam 18 Jousai
Kinomichi [color=limegreen][b]IwaBanninJousai
Kotetsu [color=slategray][b]IwaGeninTeam 7
Ashura [color=coral][b]SunaGenin
Sai [color=#FF14A1][b]Kiri - MND-Rank
Yamato [color=#C71585][b]KiriA-Rank

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Yuu Concentration Fix

Post by Valkier » Fri Dec 01, 2023 2:29 am

I like it, and I think I'm happy with the range — I'm assuming it applies as a radius from the edge of any etherium jutsu? — but I think the "draw in" effect should scale with the etherium jutsu strength and be relative to the drawn jutsu strength. Perhaps you already intended this but the phrasing is a little ambiguous (does the "should they have been cast with lesser control" section apply only to the 'feed on them' effect, or also to the draw in effect written earlier in that same sentence?)

E.g. I wouldn't expect a C(10) etherium orb jutsu to draw in and divert an S(50) lightning bolt passing nearby. The relative strength of the S(50) should overcome the draw effect in that scenario.
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Aisu NaohiroJouninKirigakure no Sato[Unit 12] [HHD] [#BAE0E2] [#70CEE2]
Hachiya KotoriGeninIwagakure no Sato[Ukiyogenma Jinchuuriki] [H.N.K.][Gold] [#BF8040][Thread Tracker]

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Kabu
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Yuu Concentration Fix

Post by Kabu » Sat Dec 30, 2023 10:36 pm

Oop, sorry it took so long for me to get to this.

Yeah the range applies as a radius from the edge of any etherium jutsu and I did intend for it to apply to both effects. If an etherium tech doesn't have enough strength to draw in a tech then it wouldn't be able to feed on it either.

I attempted to clarify a bit by rewording a bit but if there's still a way it could be better written I'm happy to take any suggestions.
Last edited by Kabu on Sat Dec 30, 2023 11:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
NPCsShow
Shinsen Kyoko - #99840A
Kyomu Nozomi - #5960A8
Ibakuro Rin - #9E4FA5
Nakiya Hotaru - #9E540A
Nakano Kiyomi - #8E47AD], Nakano Ayaka - #0C1C8C
Fukusha Nezumi - #E00747
Karagata yamada - #CE1126, Makura Ayame - #7251BC
Kabu's Test Thread

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Niro
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Yuu Concentration Fix

Post by Niro » Sun Dec 31, 2023 1:02 pm

I would do equal or lesser so as to not handicap the conc. Either way, whether you make it that or not, 1/2
#MakeIwaGreatAgain
NameVillageRankTeam
Tatsuo [color=#940839][b]IwaTsuchikageTeam 18 Jousai
Kinomichi [color=limegreen][b]IwaBanninJousai
Kotetsu [color=slategray][b]IwaGeninTeam 7
Ashura [color=coral][b]SunaGenin
Sai [color=#FF14A1][b]Kiri - MND-Rank
Yamato [color=#C71585][b]KiriA-Rank

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Valkier
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Yuu Concentration Fix

Post by Valkier » Thu Jan 18, 2024 7:13 am

2/2
Sorry for the wait on this one! Looks good to me now.
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Aisu NaohiroJouninKirigakure no Sato[Unit 12] [HHD] [#BAE0E2] [#70CEE2]
Hachiya KotoriGeninIwagakure no Sato[Ukiyogenma Jinchuuriki] [H.N.K.][Gold] [#BF8040][Thread Tracker]

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