Pt. 2 May Death Find You Alive

[Amy]

Link to Roleplay: May Death Find You Alive

Link to Original Grading: See here

Roleplayers Involved: Amy and Toshi

Characters Involved: Tsubaki and Tousha

Notes: This is the fourth thread in a consecutive series, the previous one is linked above, and Tsubaki has [Accountant]. No really specific feedback, we are just interested how the pacing is between all three threads I have posted

[Kanade]

Grading this right now, starting with the first in the series.

[Kanade]

Alright, in the spirit of the peer review I'll be doing a bit more of a detailed grade for this thread with the context of the previous threads and having read the other threads after before I graded his one (for a more cohesive whole to the story)

For what you're asking for (I am going to copy and paste this part in all 3 gradings) I thought that the pacing was fine. It did drag a bit in the bath house as your characters got to know each other, but they played off of one another well, so that was a bit less distracting. The pacing is always funky when there are bits of the previous post or quotes in your post (I find) so that part is a bit jarring every time I read it, as I have already read the post above, and don't usually need a highlight of exactly what was said. That being said, it's hard to interrupt and let the flow happen like a novel and I understand the creative drawbacks to a forum roleplay so for a forum roleplay where you aren't able to edit in responses but have to do a block response the pacing was well done. It seemed that you both knew where to end it and didn't god-mod eachother.

The climax (which I believe this is) of the story really got me into the deep intricacies of the plot and where the characters were going. It gripped me and I was wondering (with some genuine fear) what you all were going to do to your characters and what all the villains would make them do. This was the descent into the deepest darkest place and every turn for the better was met with two turns for the worse. It didn't seem like it was two godly characters battling it out with impunity, the scene was set and the action flowed well enough for it to be gripping and seeing the eventual failure at the end which spiraled into the deepest part of the story was fascinating. I would put this as the 'climax' of the story.

This grading was out of a scale of 13 and I thoroughly enjoyed watching the characters who have got to know each other interact with not only themselves but with the background characters who seemed more three dimensional than a lot of the villains here. So I will be giving this a 13/13.

As you both were equal contributors and the posts were roughly the same length, I don't see a reason to differentiate your scores.

That would put this grading at 13+2+3=16x2 for Tousha = 38 ryo.
Amy would have an additional 2 (accountant) for 40 ryo.