Pt. 3 Two Birds

[Amy]

Link to Roleplay: Two Birds

Link to Original Grading: See here

Roleplayers Involved: Amy and Toshi

Characters Involved: Tsubaki and Tousha

Notes: This is the fifth thread in a consecutive series, the previous one is linked above, and Tsubaki has [Accountant]. No really specific feedback, we are just interested how the pacing is between all three threads I have posted

[Kanade]

Grading this right now, starting with the first in the series.

[Kanade]

Alright, in the spirit of the peer review I'll be doing a bit more of a detailed grade for this thread with the context of the previous threads and having read the other threads after before I graded his one (for a more cohesive whole to the story)

For what you're asking for (I am going to copy and paste this part in all 3 gradings) I thought that the pacing was fine. It did drag a bit in the bath house as your characters got to know each other, but they played off of one another well, so that was a bit less distracting. The pacing is always funky when there are bits of the previous post or quotes in your post (I find) so that part is a bit jarring every time I read it, as I have already read the post above, and don't usually need a highlight of exactly what was said. That being said, it's hard to interrupt and let the flow happen like a novel and I understand the creative drawbacks to a forum roleplay so for a forum roleplay where you aren't able to edit in responses but have to do a block response the pacing was well done. It seemed that you both knew where to end it and didn't god-mod eachother.

The ending was fantastic, to a point. The action dragged on a bit and it seemed like some of the wording was clunky when they both were captured, but it made up for it in the ending and the escape. I think that the ending is fitting for an adventure such as this (they flew off into the distance seems adequate for what seems like a heroes journey.) I always think that the denouement is probably my least favorite part of the book, and as such because that part is partially in here, it seemed to... draw out a short and sweet ending. The story that was told was a good one, and I'll probably read through it again sometime when I get the time for actual enjoyment rather than trying to look for story elements, pacing, character development, believable villains, and imagery. All in all, well done.

As you both were equal contributors and the posts were roughly the same length, I don't see a reason to differentiate your scores.

That would put this grading at 11+5=16x2 for Tousha = 32 ryo.
Amy would have an additional 2 (accountant) for 34 ryo.