Since You Been Gone

[Toshi]

Tousha let out a relieved sigh. Head tilted back, a lopsided smile on his face, the Vagabond slipped into an almost dreamlike state. He could hardly tell where his skin ended and the air around him began, such was the state of mind numbing bliss that accompanied the simple act of relieving oneself after a life or death experience. No one ever mentions the true horror of being taken captive and forced to march for hours upon hours against your will: very few captors allow a reasonable amount of time in the itinerary for bathroom breaks.

That probably wouldn't have been as much of a concern for the seasoned Shinobi about a decade ago but time makes fools of us all, and our bladders.

Many minutes later, Tousha emerged from the ramen shop's bathroom with the look of a man far too content with himself. He gave the restaurant a cursory scan, as was his habit, and was delighted to see that it was bustling with completely harmless looking people who were happily enjoying warm meals. Tousha deftly made his way through the throng of customers until he reached the booth Tsubaki was sitting at. In the time he'd been in the little Kage's room their food had arrived, and the sight of a steaming bowl of pork ramen made his soul sing like a morning bird.

"I'm back," he announced, slipping into his seat and beaming at the Kunoichi. "And I feel about ten pounds lighter."

Invigorated by the ramen shop's cozy yet lively atmosphere and the promise of a hot meal, Tousha giddily reached for a pair of chopsticks, broke them apart with a crisp motion, and politely thanked the chef for his food. Then, with reckless abandon, Tousha stuffed as many noodles as he could into his face hole.

"Ohf my goff," the former Kage said through probably too many noodles, closing his eyes in carbohydrate inspired ecstasy. "Delrishershh."

[Amy]

Tsubaki rolled her eyes and shook her head with a small smile as Tousha sat back down. She wondered briefly if his need to talk about his bathroom experiences stemmed from some sort of disorder or compulsion but she quickly put it out of mind. It was just a part of who he was.

They had both been feeling much better that morning after getting some real rest. She had been grateful to only wake up once the sun had risen, her usual nightmares giving her a well deserved break. At first, she couldn’t tell what had woken her but then her stomach grumbled loudly, practically echoing through the room. She hadn’t finished her dinner the night before, falling asleep before she could. That had led them to sitting in a booth at the back of the ramen shop for an early lunch.

“You got that right,” she agreed wholeheartedly as she also dug into her food. Hot, not too salty, the noodles perfectly firm. It was practically a dream come true and a dream that she never wanted to wake up from. It didn’t feel right, sitting in the restaurant with Tousha, eating a delicious bowl of food. She couldn’t stop her eyes from scanning the room repeatedly, watching for attackers or any other type of danger. She reminded herself that it wasn’t necessary but her mind was having a hard time staying out of fight or flight mode. The most she could do was be understanding of herself. They had been through a lot.

“I wish there was some way to travel with ramen. Then we could just stock up on this,” Tsubaki said after she had worked through a decent portion of her bowl. It wasn’t really what she wanted to say but she was trying to find some way to bring up getting on their way. This was only her clumsy way of doing it.

“As much as the idea of walking more makes me want to puke,” she continued with a rueful grin shadowed by something darker, “I don’t want to stay here any longer than it takes to get supplies together.” She twirled her chopsticks around in her bowl, watching the noodles spin. “It’s a nice town and all but I can’t exactly say that I’m fond of it.”

More than though, she thought only to herself. She really just wanted to go home.

[Toshi]

Tousha was nearly finished with his bowl when Tsubaki lamented the portable incongruousness of ramen. "Its only flaw, really," Tousha commented, swirling the remains of his meal absent mindedly. A not so natural silence hung between them for a while longer until the Kunoichi mentioned packing up and leaving the town. That part wasn't so concerning. It was a nice little pit stop, or at least that had been the plan before the whole bounty hunter situation. The people seemed nice enough, and the town itself had a rustic charm that Tousha more than appreciated as a wayward vagabond.

No, the concerning part was the way Tsubaki had said it. As if she was waiting for something much, much scarier to surface from under those words.

Tousha's expression grew thoughtful. "I was about to say the same thing," he said, hoping to settle whatever unease was building behind Tsubaki's grin. "We can swing by the general store, grab some road snacks, yadda yadda, and we'll be on our way in no time."

The former Kage twirled his chopsticks around the last piece of pork, swirling and twirling in the ramen's broth without a care in the world. He always saved a good bite for last, but he didn't seem to be in any rush to finish off the meal. Instead, the Vagabond put an elbow on the table and rubbed at the stubble lining his jaw. Tousha stared at the chef, who was busy tossing and frying a fresh batch of delicious looking noodles.

'Easy does it now. Don't come in too hot.'

"So where to next?" he asked casually, still looking over in the general direction of the kitchen. "I'm down for whatever, but... If you had a place in mind...?"

'Nailed it.'

[Amy]

A heavy sigh practically tumbled from her mouth at Tousha’s leading question. Her back pressed heavily into the seat, her fingers pinching the bridge of her nose lightly. There was nothing wrong with what she wanted to do. In fact, she thought that it showed a lot of personal growth that she was ready to stop running away and face her problems head on. For some reason, it was the talking about it that seemed way more difficult than the actual doing. Plus, a large part of the problem was that she didn’t actually have a place in mind. A region, sure, but not a specific town or city. It was people. That was where she wanted to go. She just wanted to go where her people were, wherever that was.

“Yes and no,” she finally said, lowering her hand from her face. Eloquence had never been her strong suit, mostly because she had always said most of what she wanted to say in her head and not out aloud. “I need to go home. I left a lot of unfinished business behind and I've been gone far too long.” She didn't even know if she would be welcomed back. Akio hadn't wanted her there anymore in the first place and she had outright abandoned Shirai. But even if they didn't want her back, she needed to know for sure. She needed that closure.

“Problem is, they probably aren't where I left them. We never moved around much but…” her voice trailed off, memories of the weeks before she left flooding back. “Things weren't going well when I left. So I have a suspicion that things didn't continue as normal after I left.” It hadn't just been the tension between her and Akio either. The whole camp had been wound up and on edge. Plus, there had been the incident in town that had been the final straw.

“The only thing I can think of is to backtrack and check various towns as we go to see if they've passed through. It could take a while.” She stopped talking but it was clear that she said more than the words she spoke. Traveling together was one thing but Tsubaki was asking him to go on a hunting expedition that could span an entire continent. It had taken her over a year to make it as far as she had and while it would likely take less time to travel straight back, it could mean weeks or months of searching if they were unlucky. It seemed like way too much of an ask.

So, she didn't ask. She tried to rub the exhaustion from her eyes before bringing them up to Tousha’s face. Her expression was one of carefully constructed nothingness, only a glimmer of hope showing in her eyes. Hope that he was willing to take on such an expedition with her.

[Toshi]

Tousha's eyes snapped from the kitchen back to Tsubaki when he heard the sigh. For a heart dropping moment he thought he'd overreached, asking her where she wanted to go next. He knew she had left people behind. People important in a way he didn't understand yet but wanted to. It was only natural that the Kunoichi would want to see them again, especially after going through what she had.

But what did that even mean? Seeing them again. Why had she left at all? Who were they? Would she be in danger if she found them again? Tousha's mind reeled with questions as he watched from across the table, chopsticks now very still, as Tsubaki pinched at the bridge of her nose in silence.

He allowed himself to breathe again when Tsubaki began answering him calmly rather than receding into the bastion of mistrust and self isolation. Tousha listened intently as the young woman spoke of having been gone for too long, that her people were facing difficulties before she even left, and that they might be very hard to track down. Lastly, she asked him a question without really asking it. Tousha could see it in her eyes, clear as if she had carved it into the table resting between them.

There was a sliver of Tsubaki's heart that wasn't sure if he'd agree to help her get home.

Tousha reached for a small, steaming cup. He carefully brought it to his lips and drank the tea slowly, his thin, dark eyes staring over and past the lip. He set it back down on the table and his impassable expression cracked under the weight of his own inability to keep Tsubaki in suspense.

"Well," he said, a lopsided grin growing with each word, "I guess we'll need more snacks than I thought."

[Amy]

She should have known, Tsubaki thought to herself as they walked out of the general store, their packs freshly stocked with new tents, water skins, food, and a few other things that they had lost in the storm. Luckily, both had been mostly packed up so the damage to their coin pouches was more minimal than it might have been otherwise. Of course he would agree to go with her on this adventure. Maybe it was because he was scared to let her out of his sight. She couldn’t deny that she felt just a little bit better when she could see him and know that he was safe. Or, maybe it was some misplaced sense of guilt that what had happened to them had been his fault. She didn’t blame him even a little though. Criminals were going to criminal and it wasn’t either of their faults for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. But Tsubaki knew it was probably a small combination of those things plus one more thing.

They had become friends. Not just travel acquaintances. Not just someone you kind of sort of knew for a little while but then you parted ways and forgot about them. They had become bonded over their shared experiences and it gave them a closeness that could usually only be achieved through time. If their roles had been reversed and he asked her to hunt across an entire continent for his daughter, she would have agreed in a heartbeat. Giving her a head a small shake, Tsubaki hefted her pack higher onto her shoulder, wincing just slightly. Since most of her injuries were superficial, she felt pretty good but there was still an ache that her body still hadn’t been able to get rid of in a place she couldn’t quite identify.

“We should stop by the inn before we head out for good. Don’t need the old lady chasing us down because we didn’t say goodbye.” Her words were spoken with a tone of affection and a grin. Tsubaki would never forget the kindness and care that the woman had shown them. For keeping her and Tousha safe and cared for after he had gotten them back to the town, she would forever be in the woman’s debt. It would be a shame to not make sure that she knew that before they left.

As they turned to head back towards the inn, Tsubaki couldn’t help herself from side-eying Tousha, watching carefully the way he walked, looking for any sign of a limp or other pain. She had checked all of his injuries but she was still just a little worried that she had missed something. Internally, she battled with herself, almost asking if he was sure he was ok and then stopping herself with a reminder that she had already asked him half a dozen times and she didn’t need to ask again.

“Are you positive you’re ready to start traveling?” She had stepped up to open the door to the inn but found herself turning to face Tousha, the words slipping out before she could stop them. “I don’t want you to feel pressured on my account.” A general air of anxiety settled around the young woman as she eyed Tousha, a seriousness in her gaze.

[Toshi]

Hefting his own pack, Tousha felt several parts of his body complain. His low back still ached from spending too many nights leaned up against the base of a tree, his wrists still stung from the manacles rubbing his skin nearly raw, and his hamstrings were tighter than he'd like. But he'd survived worse, and he'd survive this. More so than the aches, pains, and bruises he'd recruited in the past few days, Tousha lamented the general store's unforgivable lack of his favorite brand of beef jerky: Tasty Toshi's Primo Meat. Specifically the mango rutabaga flavor.

He shouldn't have been surprised, really. A small town like this was bound to be ill equipped to cater to a man of culture and refinement such as himself. Tousha had kept a stiff upper lip and opted for the Great Value bulk bundle instead, though he wasn't pleased about it.

"You read my mind," Tousha said, returning Tsubaki's grin with an easy smile. "I think it'd make her day if we stopped by to say goodbye."

And so Tousha followed Tsubaki to the inn one last time. He looked up as they walked, shielding his eyes from the bright sunlight that bathed the world around them. A few fat, lazy clouds took their time inching across the sky, gently nudged by a small breeze that came and went as it pleased. Not a rain cloud in sight. He liked the rain well enough when he could watch it from a place of relative dryness, but starting their new adventure damp and downtrodden would have really soured the whole thing.

When they got to the inn's front entrance Tsubaki stopped, turned to him, and asked if he was really ready to start traveling again. The look the Kunoichi gave him was one of grave seriousness, and despite himself Tousha couldn't help but launch into a bit.

"Now that you mention it," Tousha started, bending forward slightly and letting his legs wobble in feigned infirmity, "My poor old man bones are feeling so old and tired. Would you be a deary and carry me to the next town? I can't takes no more!"

Tousha reached out and held onto a nearby railing, suddenly unable to fight the earth's gravity tugging at his disintegrating body. "Just go... Save yourself... Remember me fondly. Tell my story, child."

The former Kage would continue groaning dramatically and making general old man sounds.

[Amy]

The smallest sliver of fear raced up Tsubaki’s spine when Tousha started to reply to her. Just as she was about to launch into a tirade about how he shouldn’t be keeping things from her, about how even the smallest injuries can turn into something serious if ignored, she realized that he was teasing her. The serious look on her face melted into something much more serene with the slightest touch of malevolence. She leaned forward, squinting against the sun that shone brightly on the duo, until she was nearly nose to nose with Tousha. For the briefest of moments she just stared at him, thinking. They were so much alike, Tousha and Shirai. It wasn’t the first time the thought had crossed her mind but this time it had dredged up a specific memory along with it and while it was a pleasant memory, it caused her chest to tighten uncomfortably. Shoving the unwanted emotions down, Tsubaki finally cracked her stony look and smiled.

“I hope you remember this next time you poison yourself, old man.”

With a quiet humph Tsubaki stood straight and spun to walk into the inn, leaving Tousha to follow behind her. It didn’t take long to find the woman in the kitchen, preparing what must have been lunch. Her hair was done up loosely on the top of her head with criss crossed chopsticks holding it in place. An apron that must have once been white but was now stained with the colors of the rainbow adorned her waist. She moved through the kitchen with the ease of a woman who had done it a thousand times before.

“Granny? We came to say goodbye. It’s time for us to head out.”

”What, you think I don’t know that? The woman replied without turning around. ”You think I didn’t see you two sneak off this morning with your bags all packed?”

Tsubaki rolled her eyes as she leaned against the doorframe. “Sneaking seems a little much, Granny. If we had wanted to sneak out we would have used the window.”

The woman snorted, never stopping what she was doing. ”I thought you two might just stay and relax a little after that ordeal you went through. But you young people are always in such a hurry to get everything done.”

A chuckle made its way through Tsubaki before she could stop it. “Hear that Tousha? Us young people.” She glanced over her shoulder as she pushed off the door frame, sticking her tongue out at him for good measure before turning back to the woman and walking up next to her. Tsubaki herself wasn’t very tall but she was still a good several inches taller than the innkeeper. “We really appreciate everything you’ve done for us.”

There was no response right away as the woman finished tying the bundle of cloth that she had been stacking everything on. She practically tossed it at Tsubaki, leaving the girl no option to refuse it.

”Well?” The woman placed her hands on her hips, staring across the room at Tousha. ”What about you, young man?”

Tsubaki looked in his direction also, shrugging her shoulders at him in the most helpless way she could manage in order to communicate her thoughts. That this woman was almost harder to handle than the kidnappers.

[Toshi]

Tousha's taunting smirk shriveled into a hard, flat line and his brows popped up when the Kunoichi smiled and reminded him of that time he did, in fact, almost kill himself with some mushrooms. Then he watched Tsubaki spin around before promptly walking into the inn, leaving him alone on the front porch.

"Tough crowd," Tousha muttered to himself, pulling at his collar and following after his friend.

The former Kage leaned against the other side of the wide door frame while Tsubaki and the innkeeper verbally sparred from across the room. A carefree smile touched Tousha's lips, enjoying the back and forth more than he cared to admit. Partly because their interactions were always precious and adorable, but also because when he tried to picture Tsubaki having a playful conversation like this back when they'd met for the first time he simply couldn't. Watching her now, casually joking around with the kind, elderly innkeeper, made Tousha's smile spread a little further. He didn't even mind the sheer audacity of Tsubaki sticking her tongue out at him. The nerve of it all.

Then it was his turn to join the song and dance, and Tousha was more than happy to do his part.

"You've done us more kindness than we can repay, Granny," Tousha said, making his way across the room to join them. "And, having walked from this side of the world to the other, I can confidently say you're the finest baker I've ever met. Truly inspired."

Standing next to Tsubaki, Tousha looked down at the innkeeper, who was setting her stony, hard gaze at the both of them. After a breath or two that stony exterior cracked, and the elderly woman's eyes grew watery. She waddled over to the both of them, wrapped her tiny, old woman arms around them the best she could, and brought them all into a warm embrace. She looked up at Tsubaki, then Tousha, and smiled with all her being.

"Just be safe out there, okay?" she said, her voice strained and on the verge of breaking. "You know how I worry."

Tousha knelt down so the innkeeper could hug him properly, and he hugged her back gladly. "Thank you for keeping her safe," Tousha said, his voice barely over a whisper.

[Amy]

Tsubaki tilted her head to the side as soon as the woman wrapped her arms around them. The last thing she wanted was for the woman who had nursed them back to health to see the grimace on her face. It was a testament to her self control that she didn’t immediately extract herself from the embrace. It seemed like the least she could do, letting the woman have this. It was a temporary discomfort for her but she expected that the woman would remember the moment fondly for the rest of her years. Tsubaki wasn’t selfish enough to steal that away from her and she even managed to embrace the woman back. By the time the woman released them, Tsubaki had returned the neutrality to her face.

“We’ll be safe,” she assured the woman, watching with slight envy as the two embraced on their own. It must be nice, she mused, to be able to show affection so easily. She supposed she had been like that at some point in her life but she couldn’t remember when. Tsubaki was so busy thinking to herself that she didn’t hear the short conversation between the other two. The old woman grabbed Tousha’s face between her hands, holding him steady with not an ounce of doubt anywhere in her gaze.

”You’re the one who brought her back.” The words were just as quiet as Tousha’s and they were accompanied by a knowing smile. The smile of a woman who had been through enough hardships in her life to be able to imagine how Tousha felt about the series of events he had recently been through. After another quick but tight embrace, the old woman separated from Tousha and gave him a gentle push towards the door. ”You be a good boy and go wait outside for your friend. She’ll be along in a moment.”

Tsubaki looked down at the woman who simply stared back at her until they were alone. And then, they stared at each other for a moment longer. She knew the woman was trying to figure out something to say to her but Tsubaki didn’t know why. The woman had been very kind to her and Tousha, had provided them a place to stay while they healed. They had enjoyed a few meals together and some pleasant conversation. She was incredibly grateful but her feelings ended there which wasn’t exactly a surprising revelation. Tsubaki didn’t feel close to most people.

”I doubt you’ll listen to anything I have to say,” the woman said in an exasperated tone. It caused Tsubaki to laugh. Few people figured her out so quickly. ”But I’m going to tell you anyway. You’re not responsible for the entire world. Let go a little.”


Tsubaki waited a beat but it seemed like that was the extent of the lecture. She eyed the woman for a moment longer, hit with the realization that she had never had a woman in her adult life give her any advice. It only lasted for a moment, but a rush of emotion flooded through her. Before she could second guess herself, Tsubaki leaned forward and planted a small kiss on the woman’s cheek, a way to express her gratitude for the unique experience.

“Thanks, Granny. Take care of yourself.”

Before things could get any more emotional, Tsubaki exited first the kitchen and then the inn, finding Tousha waiting outside for her. The sun was still high in the sky and a soft breeze wove its way through the street. She glanced away from Tousha to look in the direction of Tea County, longing written all over her face.

“I’m ready,” she finally said, stepping into the road and heading towards the treeline. Towards home.

[Toshi]

Tousha's eyes softened as the innkeeper held his face in her hands, saying he was the one who brought Tsubaki back. He gave the old woman an appreciative smile. There were words he wanted to say in that moment. The Kage wanted to tell her the whole thing had been his fault in the first place, and that he was sorry for the trouble he'd caused her and the town. But he knew this wasn't the time or the place for guilt or remorse, it would only spoil the mood. So Tousha said a quiet thank you, stood up, and allowed himself to be pushed towards the door.

"Yes, ma'am," Tousha said, rounding off a loose salute and grinning like a fool before leaving the inn so she could speak to Tsubaki in private.

It wouldn't be long before Tsubaki emerged from the inn. Tousha was standing on the front porch, leaning heavily on a nearby railing and staring at the dense line of trees across the well tended lawn. His pack was by his feet, and the Kage hefted it over his shoulder at the sight of the Kunoichi. It might have been his imagination, or wishful thinking, but he couldn't help but notice her usual stoic expression had been degraded by something. Something hopeful and insightful.

Tousha thought it suited her perfectly, and he smiled as the Kunoichi spoke.

"Yeah you are," he said easily and fell into his usual spot beside Tsubaki.





Many hours and miles later, Tousha held back a bramble of harsh looking brush so Tsubaki could pass by unscathed. They had silently fallen into a rhythm of clearing the path for one another when they needed to, a quiet acknowledgment of the respect each held for the other. They had said very little to each other while they walked, but not in a concerning way. Or so Tousha hoped. He hadn't expected a deluge of conversation out of the gate by any means, that was never Tsubaki's cup of tea.

But still, they had left the village in high spirits. Tousha had hoped that would have stoked the embers of conversation at least a little.

"You doing okay?" he asked, half concerned and half to break the silence. "Need a break or something?"

[Amy]

The silence that surrounded the two as they trekked through the woods was nothing like it had been mere weeks ago. Before, it had been a tense and uncomfortable silence with Tsubaki doing everything she could to keep Tousha at arm’s length. It had been Tousha trying everything he could to get her to open up just a small fraction which had just made her even more bristly. Nothing had gone right and nothing had felt right. But now, Tsubaki felt totally relaxed walking side by side with Tousha through the wooded paths. Well, she smiled to herself, maybe not totally relaxed. But she wasn’t scanning the forest, planning an escape route just in case she needed to get out of there in a hurry. Well, she thought to herself again this time with an eye roll, that wasn’t entirely true either. Just, instead of a solo escape, she was planning for if they both needed to get out of there.

When Tousha spoke, she wasn’t surprised and she didn’t instantly start dissecting everything he said, wondering what information he was after. It was as natural as anyone from the crew checking in on her.

“Need? No,” she lied easily, showing no sign that her stamina had not been fully restored. “But I think there’s a saying about this. Something about being a marathon and not a race. We’re not going to find them today or even tomorrow so no point in wearing ourselves out too early.” Tsubaki glanced around quickly, picking out one of the older trees within their immediate vicinity. She quickly made her way to the top and looked around for a few minutes before jumping back to the ground.

“There’s a clearing a few miles ahead that butts up against a small stream. Let’s keep going until then and we can stop for the night.”

They hadn’t made it as far as she would have liked because despite her words, Tsubaki did in fact want to race all the way to Tea Country. But they had gotten a late start and she knew that if her body was aching and tired then so was Tousha’s. Part of her knew she could push them, even to injury, because she could just heal them as they went but something about that simply didn’t sit right with her.

The silence may have been calmer but Tsubaki’s mind wasn’t. For several or more minutes Tsubaki fell back into silence. She had been through her fair share of traumatic experiences. Probably more than her fair share. But they had all been experienced alone. For the first time in her life, there was someone who literally knew exactly what she went through. Explaining things had always been difficult for her, never able to find the words that fit what she was thinking or feeling. But maybe, this time, that wasn’t important.

“So, uh,” she started ever so eloquently. “Are we supposed to…talk. About what happened.” She rubbed her hands on her shorts, finding that she was losing confidence by the second. “’Cause usually when bad stuff happens I just pretend that it didn’t. ” She tried to laugh but it came out more like a choked cough. Without turning her head, Tsubaki glanced over at Tousha. Trying to judge how he was feeling about the whole thing. She was not handling this as well as she had wanted to.

“But, you know. If you wanted to talk about anything. I think I’d be okay with that.” She scratched lightly at her cheek in some attempt to displace some of her nervousness or maybe to appear nonchalant. “Just if you want to though, of course. No pressure or anything.”

[Toshi]

"I like the way you think," Tousha said, nodding at the idea of calling it quits earlier rather than later. Not unlike the Kunoichi, Tousha's body hadn't completely healed yet and overdoing it with excess travel would only mean prolonging the healing process.

Without another word, Tsubaki leaped into a nearby tree and made her way up to and through the canopy. Tousha rubbed his hands free of the stray scraps of brush that stubbornly clung to his skin then leaned against its trunk, making a mental note to send a messenger bird back to Konoha before they lost the light. It had been a while since he'd checked in and Sin was probably getting worried, the way she always did when he missed a week or two.

The Kage's thoughts weighed heavily on his daughter while he waited. He wondered how she was doing without him there all the time. If she was in danger at this very moment hundreds of miles away. Would it have been better to take him with her? To remove her from all of her friends and aspirations so there was no chance his past failures could come back to haunt her? Those questions had plagued Tousha in the quiet hours of many nights since he'd set out from the Hidden Leaf.

Still no answers though. He doubted there would be anytime soon.

Tousha was pulled back into to the woods, leaning there against the tree, when Tsubaki came back down with news about a good camping spot only a few miles away. Tousha gave the young woman a thumbs up and said, "Sounds good to me. Lead the way."

More walking and more silence. Tousha tried to push the annoying, buzzing questions out of his head but they were being more stubborn than usual. Whenever he swatted one away, another took its place. Was he a good father? Was Sin angry with him? Did the Leaf think he was a coward? The onslaught was relentless and Tousha could feel the muscles behind his shoulders tighten, radiating a throbbing pain that reached like a stranglehold up his neck to the base of his skull.

Again, Tsubaki pulled him back. Probably without even knowing it. Her body language screamed that she was uncomfortable, but despite that she made the effort to give him a chance to talk about what had happened with the bounty hunters. Against his better nature, Tousha's eyes grew dark and his brow furrowed ever so slightly. When Tsubaki was done speaking the former Kage stopped walked. He looked across a gnarled carpet of roots at Tsubaki. He allowed a few breaths of silence to clear the air between them.

"My first kill was an old woman," he said calmly, though his eyes betrayed him. Tousha was back in that moment, in some woods not entirely unlike the ones they stood in now.


He saw her kind, understanding eyes through the dark. Her breath was slowing but it was still warm against his face. She smiled, and then those eyes closed forever. He hated that he was the last thing she'd ever see because she deserved better.


Tousha shifted the weight of his bag, breaking eye contact with Tsubaki. He was staring past her rather than at her now. The seasoned Shinobi let out a long, hollow sigh. "I don't want you to pretend like it didn't happen, Tsubaki. Because it did." Tousha shrugged, suddenly looking much more like a tired, broken man. "But I can't make you tell me anything. You have to want to, and I know how scary that can be. I really do."

He walked closer to Tsubaki until they were only a few strides from each other. He held her gaze now, his thin eyes dark pools like small, haunted wells. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked simply.

[Amy]

Tousha may have thought he broke eye contact with her but as soon as he spoke, she stopped seeing him. This wasn’t what she had meant. This was not the bad thing that she was offering to speak about. Even more than the first time they had met, a guarded look fell over her face. This time, accompanied by tears that flooded her eyes but never fell down her cheeks. She didn’t understand, not as panic rose in her stomach, so high until it flooded over into her lungs, suffocating her. Why, she asked herself, as she took in his words. They echoed in her skull, more violently with every bounce. Why did he say that.

Old woman. First kill. Scary. Old woman. First kill. Young woman. Initiation. One of us. Kill your former self. Loyalty. Betrayal. Fate. Old woman, young woman, weakness, monster.

It could have been you.

“Why would you bring that up,” she asked, without a question to her voice. Her feet hadn’t moved since he said the word ‘kill’. How had he known? That the panic attacks she had been having, the moodiness, the desperation, everything had been linked to this. It had started and never stopped, no matter how much she pretended. He shouldn’t have known. She just thought maybe he wanted to talk about being kidnapped. About the torture, the threats, the fact that they had thought each other dead at one point. “Yuji, he wasn’t-” Words escaped her. Panic filled her. “I don't care about him.”

He wouldn’t understand. She didn’t understand.

She stepped back as he stepped forward, but the tree trunk behind her stopped her from getting very far. He was still well within arms reach, too close.So close that she didn’t feel like she could look away.

Why, she asked herself. No, she told herself. She didn’t want to talk about it. She hadn’t, not since the day at the lake, crying on Shirai’s shoulder. Entirely unconsolable. But she was just a kid, he had been just a kid. Neither of them knew how to talk about what had happened. Ako was the adult. He should have been the one to talk to. But he was the one who had caused this.

“She-” Tsubaki choked on her own words, in an entirely different place. An entirely different time. “She was fourteen. Almost as old as I was at the time.” Vomit stirred in her stomach. She begged herself to stop. To push it back down. But somehow, it was too late. The words had to come out now.

“Her name was Airi. It was…it was so fucked up.” He was going to leave her. In those woods, against that tree. She could see the look of disgust that would take over his face. Because it was the same way she saw herself. The loneliness had already settled into her soul.

“It was a leftover tradition,” she whispered. “When everything was more brutal. He was going to avoid it. But it was so fucked.” She didn’t know if she was making sense. She didn’t think it mattered. “It was a leftover tradition,” she repeated. “It was how he was trained. It was how you proved your loyalty. They’re my family,” she whimpered. She was a healer. She didn’t kill. Life was everything to her.

How had Akio not known that it would destroy her?

“She was fourteen,” Tsubaki said again, hatred for herself lacing her words. “It was the initiation into the crew. What made you officially a member. Officially a part of the family.”

Tears finally spilled from her eyes, rolling down her cheeks.

“I just wanted a family.”

[Toshi]

He had been so sure. So confident that he was going to say the right thing this time. He was going to help Tsubaki come to terms with killing Yuji, help the Kunoichi see that she wasn't lesser for it. For any of it. Tousha had been certain that was what had been bothering her most, some new emotion that she was having a hard time wrapping her head around. That's why he'd mentioned his first kill, relived how horrible he'd felt afterwards. There were some days that those feelings came flooding back, wracking his mind and soul with the debris of past traumas.

But as Tousha stood there, watching Tsubaki, his friend, fall apart all at once, he realized he couldn't have been more wrong. Yuji hadn't been the catalyst to Tsubaki's suffering, he'd just been another bump in the road. Tousha felt the blood pounding in his ears as the Kunoichi spoke, his eyes widening and shaking in horror with each new detail. His mouth hung open slightly, ready for words that just wouldn't come.

On instinct, Tousha took a half step towards the crying woman. He wanted to console her however he could, to say he was sorry about ever bringing it up. He'd take it back if he could. The words were still fresh on his tongue, and Tousha craved the chance to go back, what? Fifteen seconds? How had everything fallen apart so quickly? Then, something caught in Tousha's reeling mind. He stopped again, no longer moving towards the Kunoichi.

Instead he took a step away from her. And then another. His expression shifted from horror to realization to pained confusion, a raw wave of emotion tearing through and past him like a sudden, errant wave.

She had just wanted a family. The people she wanted to find. The ones who made her kill a fourteen year old girl. And he was helping her find them.

Taking another small step back, Tousha finally spoke. "Your crew," he started, any mirth wrung clean from his tone, "The people you're trying to find. They made you...?"

Tousha shook his head, dumbfounded. He felt his insides roil in disgust for Tsubaki's so called family. A flash of memories struck him. Memories of people who he thought respected him, valued him as a person, just to use him like any other tool. They manipulated him, made him feel special and like he finally belonged somewhere. The same people who betrayed Tousha once it was inconvenient to keep someone like him around.

Another step back. Tousha's face fumbled for understanding.

"Why?" he asked quietly. The depths of his own desperation to understand rang in his ears. He hardly recognized the voice. "Why do you want to go back?"

Before he could control himself, white hot anger creased the seasoned Shinobi's features. Outrage, hurt, and confusion came out all at once as he screamed, "Why didn't you tell me this before?! Did you think I'd be okay with letting you go back to those... Those monsters?!"

[Amy]

She knew it. This moment was the culmination of years of panic and anxiety and fear that she had never been able to get rid of, only pushed down to the depths of her soul. It was exactly what she had always wanted to avoid, why she endlessly pretended that she was fine. Why she only focused on everyone else and never asked for anything from anyone. Why she never opened up to anyone, never let anyone in. She would have done anything to never have to face this dark fact that she knew and ignored. With each step that Tousha took away from her, the light in her eyes dimmed just a little more. Each step cemented what she already knew about herself.

Irredeemable. Unforgivable. Weak. Just a tool, a pawn, a nothing person. She had never been what anyone wanted her to be. For a while she had thought she had found that in Shirai, someone who loved her just for who she was. Not for who she could have been or who she should have been. But she had left him. Abandoned him. Who knew what kind of horrible things he thought about her now. She didn’t know why she kept trying. Why she was so desperate to find someone who didn’t end up looking at her the way Tousha was looking at her in those woods. She just wanted to be good. For a while, she had thought something was wrong with everything else. That she was born in the wrong place to the wrong family. That it was the other people, the other places that were bad. But in her entire life there had only been one common denominator for everything terrible that had happened.

It was her.

So she took in everything Tousha said, every expression that passed across his face. Disgust, betrayal, anger. He had thought he was getting to know her but it had all been a lie. The only her that he had known at all was the one that she invented. The Tsubaki that she presented to the world. The one was easier to swallow, easier to love. She took it all in, filing it away piece by piece to pull back out later and examine and relive, to remind herself of why her life was the way that it was. She was going to let him walk away, she wouldn’t try to stop him. It wasn’t fair to him, to beg him to stay now that he knew what she really was. But he didn’t walk away, not yet. And when he spat those words at her, she pushed herself off of the tree without thinking about it.

“Don’t talk about them like you know them,” she said. Her voice was even and cold. “You don’t know anything.” She wanted him to leave as every ounce of control she had was swallowed up by the rage that had been simmering in her since before she could remember. Always, she had always choked it down and not said the unhinged things that she wanted to but it wasn’t working this time. She couldn’t choke it down because she couldn’t breathe.

“I don’t care what you’re okay with. You can leave right now if you want,” she finally said, gesturing off into an unknown direction. “I chose them. Me. Nobody put a knife to my throat and ordered me to do something I didn’t want to.” She had walked closer to Tousha now, following him as he backed up. She had stopped crying but that emotion still shone in her eyes, even behind all of her anger.

“Are you really going to tell me that you never killed anyone on behalf of your village? What, you think that that wasn’t a show of loyalty? A way to prove yourself to the higher ups? Or are you trying to say that you killed an old woman just for fun and that’s better somehow? Because if that’s the case I think we’re going to need more evidence before deciding who the monster is here.” A cruel smirk fluttered across her face. She wanted to break something. She wanted to hurt Tousha so badly that he would leave now before it got worse. Nothing was right. What Akio had made her do wasn’t right. But she had chosen them and they had chosen her. And if they all dragged each other to the depths then so be it, Tousha didn’t get a say in it. After all, there was nothing else out there for her anyways.

[Toshi]

An all too familiar anger was rising in Tsubaki. He could see it through the pain and fear trying to blot everything else out. It was coming from some broken place inside of the Kunoichi, a festering wound that refused to be ignored any longer. For all her talents when it came to healing others, Tsubaki had neglected a wound that ran through to the core of her being. As she spoke, claiming that he didn't know her crew, that he didn't know anything, the former Kage's own rising anger found itself grappling with the empathy he felt for the young woman.

That internal struggle only worsened as the Kunoichi's words grew sharper and crueler. The outrage sparking in his eyes slowly waned, the anger welling up inside blunted by watching his friend diminish into something worse than he knew she was. The part of Tsubaki that she saw in herself more than anything else, but certainly not the person Tousha had come to know and admire.

Something inside of him grinned, recognizing the thing inside of Tsubaki. A cold finger of dread worked its way down his spine.

When Tsubaki began speaking of the things he'd surely done for the Hidden Leaf, the former Hokage's expression hardened. His mouth formed into a rigid line, his brows furrowing defensively. He could tell that the Kunoichi was deliberately trying to hurt him now, carefully aiming for the gaps in his armor. In the time they'd spent together they had grown close, and with that closeness came an understanding of what could really hurt a person. Choosing to use that knowledge to hurt him now, like this, was almost too much for him to bear.

But Tousha withstood Tsubaki's cutting words and held his ground, though he couldn't stop his eyes from betraying just how deeply she had wounded him. The worst part was that she wasn't wrong about any of it, and the Kunoichi knew it. That was the way of the Shinobi, after all. Kill or be killed. Who was he to call anyone else a monster?

"Tell me to leave, then," Tousha said, his unwavering eyes staring into hers. He felt the hot sting of tears welling up in them as he added, "Tell me none of this mattered to you. That I'm just one more thing you can bury."

[Amy]

She wanted to scream at him that no, she wouldn’t tell him that. But the thing was, it was exactly what she wanted to do. Everything in her life had been made worse by some bond that she formed with someone. It had been her team when she was a child, Akio, then Shirai, and now Tousha. Every time when she was at her lowest and was so close to giving up and closing herself off for good, someone grabbed onto her and pulled her back from the edge. They always thought they were saving her, and she was so tired of it. Because it always ended up like this. Some part of her always ended up more destroyed than it had been before.

“You think I can’t?” She finally said, her head falling slightly to the side. “I could tell you to leave and watch you walk away and not take a single step after you.” It was true, yet somehow, it was the worst thing she said so far. “And I wish I would.”

How did they get to this point? It was all crumbling.

“I-I’m so tired, Tousha. I’m tired of trying to explain myself to everyone and trying to temper myself for everyone.” She turned from him and began pacing, the heels of her hands tapping and bouncing against her legs. “Everything matters to me and isn’t that the problem? Isn’t that how I’ve ended up in every terrible place I’ve ever been in?”

She didn’t know if she was talking to herself or Tousha now, the words tumbling out of her faster than she could stop them, faster than she could think about them. “Everyone always says how much they love me and how great I am and oh, I’m just one of the best people they’ve ever met.” It was ridiculous, her mocking voice betraying exactly what she thought of how people treated her. Why could no one ever see what a liar she was?

“But I’m not. This is me, this is who I am.” She didn’t remember the last time she had admitted this out loud. In fact, she wasn’t sure she could remember a single time she had said it. “I’m so angry, all of the time. But who would want to be around this?” She stopped pacing long enough to gesture at herself, a sob choked scoff falling from her mouth. She could stop now but she didn’t want to. She wanted to keep going until he saw her the way she saw herself. Until he walked away on his own.

“I save people because I feel compelled to. Probably out of some sick need for control. But most of the time? I want to burn it all down.” There was a venom to her words that evens he was surprised by. “I act good. I’m not good. Do you know what it’s like?” She had turned towards Tousha again now, only a few paces away again. Her eyes were dark and intense, as though she was trying to look straight into his soul. “What it’s like to feel rotted from the inside out? Like so many people have reached into your soul and plucked out a piece of you and then one day you woke up and there was nothing left? And people tell you you’re great and you’re sweet and you’re kind and you’re good but all it does is make you feel sick because you know better.”

She paused, her eyes dropping to her feet for just a second before pulling them back up. “Do you?” She implored. “Do you know what it’s like to feel like you don’t exist anymore?”

[Toshi]

Tousha's eyes narrowed when Tsubaki told him that she could watch him walk away. It hurt all the worse because he believed every word of it, and he could feel how much it tore up the Kunoichi inside to know it was the truth. Before they had met, Tsubaki had been completely alone. She was comfortable being alone, probably craved it in a lot of ways. Without anyone around there was no one to disappoint but herself, and Tsubaki could live with that because she had to live with it every day of her life.

Attachments were painful and oftentimes messy. Sometimes it felt like it would be so easy to slip away and never have to worry about them again. How much would they really miss you anyway? Would they really even care?

As the young woman continued speaking, Tousha felt like he was looking into a mirror. The way she spoke about herself, the way she resented how people spoke highly of her only to know the real creature that lurked beneath the surface. Tousha's expression tightened into a grim mask of daunting understanding. It all felt so hopeless. Tousha knew he wasn't going to be able to fix this. There probably wasn't a way to fix something like this.

Still, he had to try. Even if it meant bringing himself down with her. So, as Tsubaki stood there, her eyes begging for an answer, Tousha opened a door he had long since sealed off.

"I do," Tousha answered quietly. He felt all of who he was in those two words. They might have been the truest words he'd ever spoken, and confronting himself in them was more difficult than he cared to admit. Then he started speaking, not knowing when he would stop.

"I was Hokage," he started, not sounding proud but instead remorseful. "I wanted to change things, Tsubaki. Wanted to make everything a little less cruel because I knew how rotten everything was just under the surface. I'd lived it for so long, just another tool to be exploited and used however and whenever and by whoever. We claimed to carry the Will of Fire but I knew it was all a lie."

Tousha looked up at the forest canopy. He took in a long, jagged breath as he tried to steady his voice. A sad smile touched his trembling lips. "I really thought I could do it," he almost whispered, his voice uneven. "I really thought I could change. Myself, the system, the lives of everyone around me. Everything."

He paused for a few moments, trying to collect himself. A fresh wave of past failures and regrets collided with him, threatening to take him clean off his feet. The Nara lowered his head, completely defeated. But still, he pressed on.

"I didn't want my daughter to go through the same things. I didn't want her to see the things I've seen. Become..." Tousha gestured to himself and couldn't even say the word 'this.' "I felt like such a fraud the entire time, you know? Everyone looked up to me, they trusted me with their lives, to make the village better, bigger, stronger. But all I could think about was how much better the world would be if it all just burned to the ground."

Tousha hid his face behind a hand, ashamed that he meant what he'd said. "I couldn't help them. I didn't change anything. The world is still so full of hurt and pain and suffering, and so much of it is because of me."

The man looked down at his hands, his body trembling. His face had become a twisted mess of a lifetime of regrets. "I can't fix anything," he said, falling deeper into despair and self loathing. "These hands can't fix anything. They were made to kill and destroy and I'm so tired of trying to be good." Tousha clutched those outstretched hands into fists, his knuckles blanching and groaning under the stress of his anger.

"When the Leaf was invaded I tried to protect everyone. So many people died because I wasn't the person they needed me to be. So when I found them, the two Missing Ninja responsible, I fought them as the monster I really am. That, at least, I could do. Except that wasn't even enough."

With a furious bellow that surprised even himself, Tousha hauled the bag off his shoulder and threw it with all his strength. The backpack shot out with blurred speed, smashing into the trunk of a nearby tree. The bark splintered under the force of the impact, the bag split open, and its contents spilled out onto the forest floor. Breathing heavily, Tousha glared at the tree and felt the thing that was and was not him waking up from its slumber.

"You saw what I am yourself," Tousha said, his darkening eyes shifting from the tree back to Tsubaki. He allowed the thing inside of him to stare at her as well, but for a moment. "Maybe you are better off without me. Maybe everyone is."

[Amy]

The longer Tousha spoke, the faster Tsubaki’s heart beat in excitement. Was this it? The thing that was always missing when she tried to let some of the anger seep out, just to give her a little relief. Her parents never listened, her team didn’t understand. Akio always rose to match her anger but he ran from it and left her behind, every time. Shirai, out of love, always told her how good she was and that everything would be okay. And it all just left everything simmering inside of her, burning brighter and brighter every time. But the more Tousha outlined how hopeless his own life felt, how useless he believed himself to be, she knew that he meant what he said. He did understand. He knew what it was like to wake up and wonder how many more mornings you would have to drudge through. Wonder how many more long days, desperate for something to come along that would bring any amount of peace or happiness you would have to push through. He knew what it was like to wonder what the point of everything was.

She wasn’t scared when he threw his bag, she didn’t even look away from him. It was like looking into a mirror, watching the rage slowly take over. The way his gaze darkened and the happy-go-lucky wandering traveler was nowhere to be found. She had said she wasn’t a good person and she hoped that this proved it to someone other than herself. Nothing had made her so happy in years as to watch someone be dragged down with her and to just admit the way things really were. Day after day, year after year, she had suffered in silence and pretended that there was hope for a better future. Because she wanted one, for the people she cared about. And maybe there was a better future for them, one that she could build for them with her own sweat, blood, and tears. But she knew where that would leave her at the end of it all.

“Maybe,” she agreed, not giving a first, let alone a second thought to how that might sound. “You said it yourself. You wanted to change everything, you just wanted to make something better for someone you cared about. You gave your life to it and where did it get you?” Every day felt so hopeless. She watched others and she wanted so desperately to be like them. To not feel the suffering of the world in her veins. To not carry the weight of innocents in her heart. To not want to experience what it felt like to be on the other end of suffering. At some point, she had started asking herself when it would be her turn to cause the suffering instead of experience it.

“Why keep trying to be good? You could just stop. We’re two people, what change could we possibly cause on our own?” Everything she ever touched fell apart. Sometimes it took a while, like with her crew, and sometimes it was like with Tousha. But eventually, whatever was inside of her poisoned everything around her and tore it to pieces. “Don’t you just think that some people just weren’t made for this world?” After the thought had appeared for the first time several years ago, she had never been able to let it go. Of all the people in the world, at least a few of them had to be a mistake, right? That was what she told herself. That life, relationships, everything was so hard for her because she wasn’t supposed to be there. There wasn’t anything there for her.

She had always been good. But she didn’t even know if that was real anymore. “Hurting Yuji, when I stabbed him. It was one of the best feelings I’ve ever had.” In the moment, there had been so much going on that she hadn’t even realized. It was afterwards, when she relived the moment over and over that she realized how good it had felt to do it. To give into the desire to do bad and not fight it. “And when I killed him, I-” Her voice faltered. Even with the intensity surrounding them, these words were still hard for her to say out loud. To admit what she really was. “It felt like squashing a bug. Inconsequential. He screamed and screamed and I didn’t care at all. I was glad. I wanted him to suffer.”

Disgust flashed across her face. Disgust with herself.

“Not just suffer though. I wanted him to suffer because of me. I wanted him to be in pain because of me. Before he died, I wanted him to be terrified. What does that make me?”

She tried to shrug, giving up on the motion halfway through. She didn’t have the energy. “I take it back. I don’t think I’d be better off without you.”

“I think we deserve each other.”

[Toshi]

Tousha remained silent while Tsubaki spoke. His eyes wandered from her and settled back on the bag he'd thrown at a nearby tree, where it and most of its contents were scattered on the ground. Every instinct Tousha had was screaming at him to stop her, to try to turn this whole thing around with a little optimism. It was a habit of his to try to keep things light hearted, and when seriousness inevitably reared its brutally honest head he often found he could roll with the punches until it passed. This was different, though. Something told him that somehow this was healthier for the both of them if they acknowledged the pressurized negativity that they'd kept pent up for so long.

He just hoped they could come out the other side better for ware and not worse. Not that there was any turning around now anyway. They were both too deep in emotional freefall to save themselves if there wasn't anything kind waiting at the bottom of it.

Regarding Tsubaki's disgust at killing Yuji and feeling less than distraught about it, Tousha said, "I'm glad you don't feel bad about killing that waste of air," Tousha said bluntly, running his hands through his long, black hair and sighing deeply. He was beginning to regain control of himself, though he looked worn out by the effort. "You did what you had to do. Fuck him and fuck feeling guilty about enjoying getting your revenge. Bastard deserved what he had coming to him."

Tousha thought back on the brief flashes of what he could remember about that day. Being restrained in the Thin Man's lab, allowing the thing inside of him to take over so he could escape and find Tsubaki, killing brainwashed Shinobi, crushing his captor to death with the shadows that enveloped his body. Part of him had been terrified, worried that he'd lose control of himself completely and allow the monster inside to run rampant. Another part of him, a part he didn't like to think about, delighted in finally cutting loose. There was something so intoxicating about it all and Tousha had hated himself for most of his life for it.

Maybe Tsubaki was right. Maybe there wasn't any point in trying. It'd certainly be simpler. Tousha rubbed at the back of his neck, tilting his head from side to side to work out some of the aching tension there.

"I think you're right," he answered, regarding Tsubaki saying they deserved each other. "Good talk. Go team."

Tousha wasn't trying to hide the frustration in his voice. He was glad, genuinely, that Tsubaki didn't want him to leave her side. He was glad that they seemed to be bonding over their trauma, and that they trusted each other enough to be this open and honest. The Kage was just upset with himself that this was what was helping more than anything. Not the patience that he'd built over a lifetime of practice, not helping her see the good in herself, and not his wisdom.

Nope. It was that they were both angry, broken people, and the world didn't seem to want them in it. Fantastic.

Tousha stomped over to where he'd thrown the bag, glaring down at it as he did. When he reached it, the former Kage knelt down and inspected the damage. Thankfully the bag was still in relatively good shape, only one of the fastening straps had broken when it smashed into the tree. Without a word Tousha started gathering the items scattered around before stuffing them back into the backpack.

His movements were slow and deliberate but carried a strong undertone of aggravation.

[Amy]

While picking up his thrown around items, Tousha would hear silence behind him for a while. Tsubaki could only stare at him, a strange new look replacing the rage and hatred that had been eating her alive. His words had struck her and she found herself reeling from them. When Tsubaki finally broke the silence between them it wasn’t with more words of anger or feelings of despair. It wasn’t with musings about how life might not be worth living or an argument on how she should feel about the revenge she enacted. No, when Tsubaki broke the silence that had grown heavy it was with something else entirely.

Tsubaki broke the silence with a laugh.

It started quietly, maybe so quietly that he couldn’t hear at first. But despite her best efforts to quash the strange reaction, it only grew further out of control until she had to cover her mouth with her hand. But even that didn’t help. Soon, Tsubaki was full-blown laughing, one hand still covering her mouth and her other arm wrapped around her abdomen. Even if she could stop laughing, she didn’t think she could explain to Tousha why she had started in the first place. It was all just so ridiculous. They had no business being together. Their lives had individually beaten and kicked them when they were down and by all accounts, they should be dead. But for whatever reason both of them had this undeterrable desire to live despite the world trying to kill them. Or maybe they were desperate to live because life was trying so hard to kill them. A nice solid fuck you to the universe. But somehow, a sad, wandering retired hokage had teamed up with a repressed, angry two time runaway. Go team, he said. It was too much for her to handle.

She didn’t know how long she laughed for but by the time she started to regain control of herself, her abdomen was sore and she could hardly breathe. As she took deep breaths, the smile faded from her face rapidly and before she knew it, instead of laughing she was sobbing. Tears flooded down her face, her hand still covering her mouth. She didn’t know what was happening anymore, full of emotions that were too big for one body. It all just seemed like some kind of macabre joke and she really didn’t find it funny. Not in the beginning and certainly not now. Her shoulders heaved as she desperately tried to wrestle back any amount of control over her emotions but she was fighting against a flood of tears that had been shut away for too long. She spun around, putting her back towards Tousha. Her hand dropped from her face as she leaned over, bracing herself against her knees. Her jaw clenched, but still, the flood persisted.

It was a smooth motion as she stood up straight and drove her fist into the tree in front of her hard enough to shock her body out of whatever free fall she was going through. She wasn’t sure it would work but she was willing to try anything and she was relieved when it did work, control coming back slowly but surely. She coughed slightly, rubbing at her face with the back of her hands as she turned back to face Tousha looking slightly sheeping.

“The throwing seemed to help you, so,” she gestured weakly, suddenly finding herself to be exhausted. “I feel a bit better now, I think.”

She didn’t think she needed to explain the outburst or the rapid change in emotions and she was glad, because she didn’t think she could. It wasn’t something that there were words for. Just a mutual understanding between two people who lived in their own personal hells but couldn’t stop looking for a way to climb out of it.

“I never wanted to find anyone who could understand the way I felt,” she finally said, taking several steps towards Tousha. Towards the clearing that they had been trying to get to before everything went to shit. When she reached him she stopped and looked up with eyes that were full of sorrow and exhaustion. With great care she searched his face, sighing softly when she found what she was looking for. “I’m really sorry you understand.”

[Toshi]

Still stuffing items back into the bag, Tousha thought he heard the sound of laughter over his frustration and self loathing. He really was losing it after all. Now the little voice in his head was actually laughing at him. Not that he didn't deserve it, but it stung all the same. But, slowly, the laughter grew louder and louder, and Tousha realized it was coming from behind him. The Kage turned, still crouching, and watched in stunned silence as Tsubaki completely lost her mind. Hard as she tried to contain the laughter, even going so far as to put her hand over her mouth, it simply would not be contained.

Mouth parted slightly, Tousha's efforts to pick up the items scattered on the forest floor slowed and then halted altogether. His hand rested on a package but he couldn't take his eyes off the kunoichi for even the briefest of moments to see what it was. Tousha slowly got to his feet. He wanted to walk over to her, to help her somehow, but his feet were firmly rooted to the ground like the trees that towered around them both. The Kage could only watch in prolonged silence as Tsubaki's laughter died away, only to be replaced by uncontrolled sobbing.

Despite everything, a sad smile touched Tousha's lips. He couldn't explain how he knew, it was beyond words, but the seasoned Shinobi knew something inside of Tsubaki finally started healing in that moment. He could feel it in himself as well.

They were going to be fine. Everything was still fucked, but they were going to be fine.

"It really did," Tousha answered when Tsubaki said throwing his bag seemed to help. The Kage didn't normally condone punching trees that hadn't done anything wrong, but he could definitely make an exception this time.

Tousha watched, still smiling a little, as Tsubaki made her way towards him. He stared back into her tired, teary eyes and he felt his heart swell with affection for the young woman. He allowed that feeling to wash over him, glad beyond the moment's understanding that nothing had been lost between them.

"I'm really sorry no one else does," he said softly, wiping away a stray tear with his thumb from his own cheek. "And I'm sorry I yelled. You didn't deserve that," he continued, his brows creasing with regret. "I just..."

Tousha faltered, trying to piece what he felt into words that weren't complete gibberish. After a few breaths he said, "I just got you back."

[Amy]

Tsubaki stared at Tousha for just a few moments longer, just until she decided that everything was fine between them. Once she was sure, she stooped down and began picking up and handing Tousha the remainder of his things that were still scattered across the forest floor. She wasn’t ignoring him, she just didn’t know what to say. Where he was coming from, she understood that. But he couldn’t possibly understand where she was coming from, why she had to go back to Akio. Shirai. The crew, all of them, all of it. And it wasn’t his fault. The only real piece of information he had was the worst thing that had happened in her time with them. Of course he didn’t want her to go back, of course he questioned why she would even want to. It probably just seemed like one more dangerous situation, one more thing that was going to hurt her. And the thing was, there was a large possibility he was correct.

She had always held everything and everyone she cared about so close to her chest because when you admitted things like that out loud, the universe tended to take them away from you. It had been proven to her so many times and she had decided to never take the chance again. But now, she was stuck. She could do what she always did and refuse to explain herself, refuse to help someone see things the way she saw them. The risks were too high this time. Because she knew that if she did that, she risked losing Tousha’s friendship and she couldn’t stomach the thought of that. What she needed to do was obvious but forcing the claws of control away wasn’t easy and she was simply so tired.

Step by step, her feet headed them in the direction of the clearing. It was selfish to want both the crew and Tousha. She didn’t deserve it all. But if there was any chance, and there was one, that she could have both, well, then she had to try. So as they walked, Tsubaki didn’t reply to what Tousha said. Instead, she explained. Explained how when Akio found her she had been a scared little kid in a town where she didn’t know anyone. He had taken her in for no reason that was apparent to her but he had done it without hesitation. She explained how Shirai had been an annoying little shit at first but somehow, without him even trying, he had gained first her trust and then her love. Without giving too many details, she explained how even as their relationship grew rocky, Akio always showed up for her. Whether she asked him to or not. She explained that Akio was not the original leader of the crew and the man before him had been cruel and evil by her standards.

When they made it to the clearing, Tsubaki set her bag down and sat against it, continuing to talk even as her mind and body threatened to give out before she could finish.

“The initiation is, was, a leftover tradition from before Akio’s time as leader. He was forced to do it and at the time I joined, Shirai and I were the only two who hadn’t completed it. There was talk that he was going to do away with the initiation and that made a lot of the older members really pissed off. Most didn’t care but the ones that did were loud.” She had always tried to ignore the chatter about it but it was hard when it surrounded you so often. And people never spoke as quietly as they thought they did. “The biggest thing Akio and I fight about is this guy in the crew who is clearly trying to take over but Akio can’t see it. They’ve known each other for so long and he thinks he’s not a good guy but that he has the best interest of the crew in mind.” A little bit of the anger from before weaved its way back into her voice. “He showed up one day out of the blue with the victim of my initiation and backed Akio up against a wall. Make me go through with it and deal with the aftermath of that,” she paused, remembering the look on his face. How much he hated it.

“Or, go easy on me and cancel the initiation for good and risk letting the crew tear itself apart. I understand why you yelled,” she said with a small and unamused laugh. “Trust me, I yelled about it a lot too. But we’ve all done horrible things. You, me, all of the crew. I can’t just give up on them.” Finally, Tsubaki stopped talking. She still needed to say, or rather ask, one more thing. But depending on how Tousha reacted to all of this, there would probably be no point in asking. And to ask and be turned down, she didn’t know if she could handle that.

So she waited.

[Toshi]

Tousha respected Tsubaki's lack of response and wanted to giver her the time she needed to process all of this. After finishing quietly repacking his backpack they made their way towards the clearing Tsubaki had spotted from the top of the tree. They walked side by side in mutual silence for a while before the Kunoichi began explaining how her crew took her in, how she learned to admire and love its members, and how even when things started taking a turn for the worse she could trust them to be there for her. No matter what.

As Tousha listened to Tsubaki explain herself, why she needed to find her family again, he found more understanding in the way she spoke about them more so than the words she chose. This crew mattered to her in a way that few understood because it was rare to find in the world. Despite their flaws, and it seemed like there were many, they were loyal to each other. They would risk their lives for each other.

He couldn't help but feel ashamed of himself for yelling at Tsubaki earlier, calling her family monsters without a second thought. Tousha still worried for the young woman's safety of course, especially knowing more about how volatile things could get in her group. And the thought of her being forced to kill a fourteen year old girl to become one of them still made his stomach turn on end.

But he didn't have the whole picture yet, so he reserved judgment for the time being. Instead, the seasoned Shinobi just listened.

Once they reached the clearing Tsubaki plopped down almost immediately, using her stuffed pack as a cushion to rest against. Tousha decided to join her, placing his back next to hers and taking a seat on the grass. His silence continued as Tsubaki said the last of what she needed to, even laughing at how Tousha had reacted back in the woods. He gave her an apologetic smile at that.

When she'd finished speaking Tousha allowed himself a few more quiet moments until he spoke. This was an important moment for the both of them, and the last thing he wanted to do was say something else in haste.

"I empathize with Akio," the Kage said, speaking slowly and carefully. "It sounds like he just wanted to make things better for you. For all of you. I understand how hard it is to change the way things are."

Tousha sighed, scratching at the stubble lining his jaw. "I'm still worried about you. Being with them, I mean. But that doesn't mean I get to choose what's best for you." He turned and looked at Tsubaki, his eyes melancholic. "I trust your instincts, Tsubaki. You've got a good head on your shoulders. Definitely better than what I'm working with."

[Amy]

“I empathize with him too,” Tsubaki conferred with a serious nod of her head. “I know that I wouldn’t want to be in charge of me.”

His full response wasn’t the best she could have gotten but it certainly wasn’t the worst. Tousha seemed to at least accept that things were not as cut and dry as he had originally made them out to be. He was going to give Akio, the rest of the crew a chance. If that was the best she was going to get right now, she would take it. It was enough to convince her to ask what she needed to at least. She sat up with a heavy sigh, crossing her legs in front of her. In the beginning, asking this had seemed easy. They were just words. And it had been easy at first. There hadn’t been a lot but she had come across a few other shinobi in her travels but none of them had known any more than she did about the subject. With each “no” it had gotten harder and harder to ask. Now, it felt impossible.

“I need your help, Tousha.” She couldn’t look at him, worried that she would break down again if she did. “I’m glad you trust me and I’m sorry that I’m going to immediately put that to the test.” Who knew if he would even believe her? It seemed impossible to her that it happened, she couldn’t imagine how it would sound to someone else.

“Before I left, well, the reason I left is. Sorry, no, what I mean is.” She tumbled over her own words, digging her nails into the ground in frustration. If she didn’t ask now, she didn’t know if she ever could. Plus, if he was going to say no, now was the time to hear it when she was already so empty.

“The guy trying to undermine Akio hired someone to put a seal on him. I don’t know exactly what the purpose of it is or how it's affecting him but I know that it is. I know that he was not himself when I left. He was…unstable. I don’t know much about fuuin but I would be an idiot to not think those two things are connected. I know he didn’t have it done, he denied even knowing what it was when I confronted him aft-about it.” She quickly edited herself, deciding that now was not a good time for Tousha to find out how her and Akio’s last argument had gone.

She finally brought her eyes up to Tousha. Emotion swam through them. Sadness, heartache, desperation. But through it all ran the smallest bit of hope. Hope that her new friend could help her old friend when she couldn’t. She had to believe that he could.

“You can do it, can’t you.” Somehow, it didn’t come out as a question. Tsubaki already knew that Tousha was the one she had been looking for. “You can remove the fuuin?” She wanted to do this correctly so she asked again.

“You’ll do it, right?”

[Toshi]

Though Tsubaki was having a hard time looking at him, Tousha's eyes never wavered from the Kunoichi while she stumbled her way through explaining why she needed his help. They had needed each other's help countless times over their travels but this seemed different. Harder, somehow. Tsubaki was obviously having a difficult time even getting the words out, which spoke volumes about the gravity of the situation.

When she did find the right words, Tousha's brow creased with concern. Tousha had more than his fair share of run-ins with Fuuinjutsu, good and bad. But when it'd been bad, it had been very bad. Every chakra manipulation and nature had the capacity for cruelty, but nothing else did it quite like a maliciously created Fuuinjutsu. In his expert opinion, it was the gift that kept on giving whether you wanted it to or not.

Knowing what little he did about Tsubaki's group, even Tousha could piece together that the man trying to undermine Akio was probably using the Fuuinjutsu to destabilize him. Make him sloppy, irritated, maybe even irrational. Violent. It wouldn't be long before Akio's leadership would be put into question. Maybe it already was.

Tousha held Tsubaki's pleading eyes as she looked to him for even a shred of comfort and hope. Something in the way she looked up at him sent a sliver of pain through his soul, igniting his need to help his friend however he could. That pain radiated to his expression despite his best efforts, and Tousha nodded solemnly.

"Yeah, I'll do it," he answered simply, hoping the smile he managed to give her was more uplifting than disheartening.

[Amy]

For a second, Tsubaki thought she might cry again. She couldn’t honestly say that she expected him to say no but there was so much relief that flooded through her that she was overcome by it. It must have been the third or fourth time that day that she had just stared at him and she felt poorly for doing it. She just didn’t understand. Even though everything had been horrible, even though she had been horrible, to him. He kept showing up for her. Time and time again, Tousha was there for her. And she was so sorry that she had been so horrible to him in the beginning of their travels. Rude, short-tempered, unreasonable. She knew why she was the way she was, and while he had an idea now he didn’t know then. Acting that way towards him had been an unjust punishment for a crime he didn’t commit. Understandable from her side, but unjust all the same.

She stared at him because she knew what she wanted to do and she wanted to make herself do it. She wanted to hug Tousha and attempt to communicate to him through that how important his agreement meant to her. And she hated that it was still too much for her right now. So instead she reached out, placing her hand on his knee, squeezing gently.

“Thank you,” she said with as much sincerity as she could muster. “This, I, you couldn’t possibly know how much…” She squeezed harder, blinking rapidly. “Thank you,” she said again, her voice brimming with emotion. More words than that were impossible for her. The relief of having made it through so much turmoil, finally having a plan to help Akio, was all too much for the still recovering girl. She had the brief notion of setting up her tent or maybe eating something. But all of that seemed like significantly too much effort.

Her body slid to the ground, her head resting on her pack. Just a few moments of rest, she promised herself. A few moments of rest and she would set up camp properly afterwards. That was what she told herself at least. But it was with one heavy sigh of relief that Tsubaki fell into the deepest sleep she had experienced in a long while, not waking until the morning.

“I guess we should get an early start” she mumbled, wincing against the sun, unsure if Tousha was even awake to hear her. Despite her words, Tsubaki made no move to get up off the ground even as her stomach growled at her. She felt like she could sleep for days.

[Toshi]

Watching the relief wash over Tsubaki, Tousha found it hard to believe they'd been so at odds no more than an hour ago. They way he'd yelled at her, the way she'd tried to hurt him so he'd walk away. It all seemed so ridiculous now, and yet Tousha didn't regret a moment of it. How could he, seeing how much it meant to her that he was willing to help? More than that, how much it meant to find someone in the world she could trust with something so important.

Tousha patted the Kunoichi's hand, the one squeezing his knee, and said, "What are friends for?"

Without another word, Tousha watched with a content smile as Tsubaki, exhausted by the day's emotional trials, slid into a comfortable sleeping position on the grass. Tousha would sit there for a time, not wanting to disturb the Kunoichi before she fell into a deep sleep. When he was sure she was dead to the world, Tousha got up, retrieved a blanket from his pack, and draped it over Tsubaki to protect her from the chill that would inevitably settle over them along with the encroaching dark. He only had about an hour of good sunlight left, so the former Kage got to work building a suitable campfire.





An simmering orange halo of sunset lingered on the horizon as Tousha walked away from the crackling fire. A nearly full moon hung heavy in the sky, bathing the rest of the world in pale light that seemed to nip at the retreating sun's heels. With a weary sigh the aging Shinobi sat himself on a boulder near the riverbank. He rubbed at his face, his thin eyes clamped shut. Tousha was tired to the bone from their journey and emotionally fried from his confrontation with Tsubaki.

Thankfully everything seemed to have shaken out for the better, but getting there had been almost as terrifying as waking up in the Thin Man's laboratory. The same flavor of helplessness and hopelessness had tightened around his throat, threatening to choke the life out of him.

Tousha's back straightened and he let out a long, even breath, willfully pulling himself away from the lingering thoughts that he knew would haunt him for many more nights to come. He needed to focus, if but for a few moments. Tousha had a promise to keep after all.

The seasoned Shinobi held up a hand, extending his first two fingers and molding chakra just above them. A small swathe of shadows rushed up to meet those fingers, amassing into a small ball before a gently warm fire bloomed at its center. The fire and shadows unfurled into a small red winged blackbird that, perched on Tousha's extended fingers, looked up at him expectantly. Tousha smiled softly at it and began speaking.

"Hey, kiddo," Tousha began, trying not to let the challenges of the day vitiate his tone, "Sorry I haven't checked in but you know me, always causing more trouble than I'm worth."

There was a long pause. Tousha brought his hand up to his mouth, suddenly overcome with a profound longing to see his daughter again. Just to spend a day with her, go to their favorite place, catch up. Tears welled in the Kage's eyes but his voice remained steady.

"I'm coming home soon. I promise. Just gotta wrap up something with... Well, a new friend. I think you'd like her. She reminds me of you in a lot of ways. Makes me miss you something awful."

The shadowy red winged blackbird tilted its head curiously at the Shinobi, awaiting the rest of the message. Tousha flashed a crooked, broken smile and sniffed away the regret he felt rising in him. "I'd say behave yourself until I get back but I know you better than that. Just try not to get into too much trouble, okay? For me?"

Tousha stood, wiping away the tears from his eyes with a thumb. "I love ya, kid. See you soon."

With that the former Kage raised his hand and sent the red winged blackbird off into the night. He watched its shadowy form disappear through the pale moonlight that would sustain it until the morning hours, when it would hopefully arrive at the Hidden Leaf and find a certain red headed Kunoichi safely. Tousha would stand at the riverbank for a good while, his back dimly illuminated by the campfire behind him. He would finally turn, aiming a melancholic look at where Tsubaki was sleeping peacefully. Safely.





That morning Tousha would wake before Tsubaki. After stretching the stiffness from his travel-worn body, the Shinobi got to work restoking the night's fire and unpacking a few essential cooking utensils. Knowing Tsubaki would be hungry when she woke up, Tousha decided to forgo caution and broke into their good stock of traveling food. By the time the Kunoichi roused from her sleep, several rashers of bacon, a few sausage links, shredded potatoes, sliced carrots, and fried bread sat in a skillet over the fire. The food popped and sizzled in a mouth watering orchestra of wonderful indulgence.

Tousha, holding the cast iron pan in one hand and moving some food around with a spatula in the other, looked over at Tsubaki as he heard her sleep tinged voice carry over to him. "Not too early I hope," he said, turning a thick slice of bacon over and pressing it back into the pan. "Wouldn't want any of this to go to waste, yeah?"

Jutsu usedShow

Kōnton • Messenger
D-rank Ninjutsu
After completing a string of hand seals or utilizing advanced channeling the user will concentrate a small mass of Shadow Fire into the shape of a red winged blackbird sized bird of deep red with black accents. The flames that comprise this bird are gently warm to the touch and will continue burning as long as they are exposed to any amount of light. The user will then speak a message no more than 100 words before the bird takes flight, traveling as far as necessary to deliver the message to the intended recipient.

[Amy]

As though possessed, Tsubaki rolled over and crawled her way to the fire. Sleep still bogged down her eyelids but it was her nose that led her to where she wanted to be. She pushed herself backwards until she was sitting, her legs still splayed behind her. With her hands balancing her she leaned as close to the fire as she dared, inhaling deeply. When she sat back, a languid smile played across her face, her eyes blinking away the last of the drowsiness. A dreamless sleep had done the girl almost as much good as getting some of her frustrations out. Tsubaki adjusted as Tousha spoke, moving to a cross-legged position and tightening the blanket that he had placed on her around her shoulders.

“Definitely not,” she agreed.

For a while, Tsubaki just watched Tousha and the fire. Her brief reprieve from the daunting task that sat before them disappeared as quickly as the morning dew had. It slowly washed over her that she had accomplished her original goal. She had succeeded. Everything that she had been through had led her to this moment. Abandoning Shirai and everyone else. The sleepless nights when she couldn’t stop staring into the shadows. The nights that she did sleep and woke up in a cold sweat. The many strangers she healed. All of the times she thought about just giving up. The ordeal with Tousha. All of it had led her here.

Tsubaki smiled, just for a moment, swiping away a single tear from her cheek before Tousha could see it. She knew that going into this, even if she had been told everything that would happen, she would have agreed. She would have walked willingly into the grasp of Yuji and his group and suffered through all of what happened gladly if she had known it would get her to this point. A new friend who wasn’t afraid or ashamed of the darkest parts of her being. A plan to save the rest of her family. She would have suffered through worse if she needed to. She smiled again, shaking her head to herself. Akio had always hated how self-sacrificing she was. He was going to be so pissed when he found out what she had gone through just to help him. She was sure they would have a good fight about it.

“If I remember correctly it’s about a four day trip to the next town. And about a week to the next after that.” She had done the math. Not counting all of the time she spent in the various towns, villages, and cities it would take about three months to get back to where the camp had been when she left. If they didn’t come across the crew before then at least she could start tracking them from there. Before, it had seemed like no time at all. Now, it seemed like a lifetime.

[Toshi]

Pulling out a couple of wooden plates and utensils from his pack, Tousha carefully transferred a generous helping of breakfast food onto one of them. As Tsubaki talked through how long it would take them to backtrack to the previous towns she'd visited, Tousha leaned forward and handed the Kunoichi a plate of hot, steaming travel fuel before making himself one. The Kage nodded along, stuffing a spork full of bacon grease drowned hashed browns into his face.

As usual, his campfire cooking was excellent and without peer. Anyone who said otherwise was wrong and sad.

"Damn I'm good," Tousha murmured after swallowing and going in for another bite. "Oh!" he exclaimed, interrupting himself. The Kage put his food aside and pulled a tea kettle from a flat stone in the fire and placed it on the ground between them. Then he pulled out two small wooden cups and handed one to Tsubaki.

"Hope you like Tea Country Breakfast," he said, pouring a cup for the young woman and then for himself. He smelled the tea happily, letting its subtle but distinct scent pass through him with a foolish grin. Tousha took a small sip of the piping hot tea, satisfied with how evenly the tea had seeped into the kettle of water.

"How is everything?" Tousha asked Tsubaki, hoping that she was enjoying the meal. He craned down, fumbling through the pack a bit more. "If you want some jam for your bread, we've got strawberry and blackberry. Got some butter too, if'n you like."

[Amy]

Tsubaki gratefully accepted the plate of food, wasting no time before indulging. It was a great way to start their trip, with a warm and hearty meal. Still chewing, she reached out and accepted the cup of tea, nodding at Tousha. “It’s delicious, thank you.” With her initial hunger satiated she began eating more slowly, allowing herself time to finish waking from her deep sleep.

“Blackberry,” she confirmed, accepting the small jar when Tousha held it out to her.

She shifted once again, stretching her legs out in front of her. The stiffness in her joints told her that she hadn’t moved much throughout the night. A little bit of stretching had certainly never hurt anyone and if she could do it while eating it was that much better. Tsubaki enjoyed the rest of her breakfast in a comfortable silence. The day before had been overwhelming even if things had ended up for the better. Hopefully, she thought, as she unfolded herself from the ground, the day ahead of them would be much simpler and calmer.

Her eyes met Tousha’s across the fire and she raised her brow in a question. “Anything else to take care of before we head out?”

There was no denying the impatience she felt with time hanging heavy over her head. With there being no way to know what was going on back at camp, no way to prepare herself, she knew that the sooner she got back the better.

[Toshi]

Tousha gave Tsubaki a wide grin and said, "You're very welcome. Glad you like it." Then, after the Kunoichi chose blackberry jam of the two (the only correct option, really), the pair would sit in contented silence as they finished their breakfast. Tousha had never claimed to be a morning person per-se, if it was up to him he'd sleep in every day for the rest of his life, but there was something incredibly satisfying about waking up early and cooking himself and others a hearty meal. Food tasted better when shared after all, especially if it was among good friends.

The food, the sounds of nature all around them, the crackling of the fire, the comfortable and earned quiet that allowed them to take everything else in... It made the seasoned Shinobi's soul sing.

But, inevitably, the moment passed. Sensing Tsubaki's readiness to depart from their campsite, Tousha gave her a quick wink. "Gotta clean up our mess first," he said before picking the frying skillet out of the fire and heading over towards the small stream flowing nearby. "Could you grab the kettle please? It needs a good scrub."

When he reached the stream, Tousha rolled up his pants and waded into its shallow, cool waters. The Kage crouched down, dunking the sizzling pan into the fire with a satisfying fwoosh. Tousha pulled out a wash rag tucked into his waistline and started scrubbing away at the skillet with diligent but quick movements.

Without turning to look at Tsubaki Tousha said, "From what you've told me about that Fuuinjutsu seal, the quicker we find your crew the better." He knew this wasn't news to the Kunoichi, obviously time was of the essence and a large portion of her anxiety had to have been associated with how long it was going to take to retrace her steps from town to town.

Wanting to help however he could to alleviate that stress, Tousha had a plan. A cunning plan.

"That said... How do you feel about flying?"

[Amy]

While Tousha cleaned the pan and the kettle, Tsubaki began putting the fire out. She poured an abundance of water on the flames, watching the steam billow into the air. Keeping an eye on it, making sure that nothing re-lit she made sure everything else was packed up and ready to go so once the dishes were cleaned they could get going. Tousha’s words caught her off guard.

“Flying?” She repeated, her voice somewhat incredulous.

Shaking herself from her stupor she went back to tidying up the camp and finished making sure the fire was out. If he was offering, it likely meant that it was going to be much faster than walking. Even if it wasn’t much faster, a little faster would add up. It could save weeks of travel time. Plus, she still wasn’t totally sold on the idea of doing anymore walking.

Grabbing the pack the dishes would go into she walked back over to where Tousha was so he could more easily pack them away.

“Well, it sounds horrible,” she chuckled slightly. “But also fast ” With a shrug, Tsubaki gazed up into the sky, her eyes following the birds that circled above them.

“Could be fun, I guess. Just don’t drop me.”

[Toshi]

Tousha cracked a mischievous smile as he waded over to Tsubaki, the clean frying pan in hand. "So needy," he said in a mocking tone, stuffing everything back into the pack she was holding. "'Help me with this Fuuinjutsu, Tousha. Don't drop me to my death, Tousha. Do this, do that.'"

With their cooking gear packed away, Tousha pulled a fastening strap tight and patted the side of the pack, grinning at Tsubaki as she stared up at the birds circling high overhead. "If it makes you feel any better, my passengers have a great survival rate. Not perfect, but not bad either."

The former Kage stepped out of the stream and stretched his shoulders, swinging one arm and then the next in great, looping arcs. He craned his neck from side to side, cracking his neck with a few satisfying pops. Lastly he interlaced his fingers and stretched both arms straight in front of him, the stiffness seeping out of his fingers.

"Let's get to it, then," Tousha said to himself before rounding off a string of hand seals with practiced speed. Chakra flowed into the Kage's own shadow, causing it to twitch and expand in all directions. The inky blackness raised off of the ground as it mixed with the air around it, creating a shadowy, smoky mound that lifted Tousha into the air. In mere moments the shadow unfurled a pair of feathery wings and settled into the shape of a massive blackbird. Tousha, standing atop the bird made of dark, shifting shadows, looked down at Tsubaki and spread his hands out proudly.

"Not too shabby, eh?" he called down to her, all too pleased with himself. "Climb on up. Plenty of room for the both of us up here. Unless you'd like to ride in its talons."

The smoky blackbird turned its head and gave Tsubaki an inquisitive look, bobbing slightly as it did.

Jutsu usedShow

Kōnton • Blackbird Smoke
B-rank Ninjutsu
After completing a sting of hand seals or utilizing advanced channeling the user will saturate the air with Shadow and Fuuton chakra, creating a mass of smoke-like particles in the form of a massive blackbird at a Speed and Strength up to the user's Control. This shadowy form has a wingspan of 10 m and will remain apparent for up to 8 posts without making contact with the user, in which case it will maintain its form as long as the user supplies it with additional chakra. The Blackbird Smoke is capable of flying at a Speed of up to the user's Control, maintains a cutting Strength up to the user's Control on contact with an enemy and can comfortably carry up several allies on its back and a single passenger in each of its talons.

[Amy]

She was quite intrigued as the shadow bird began to form right in front of her. It was both terrifying and oddly beautiful at the same time. It was much larger than she had anticipated it being though she supposed it had to be large if he expected it to carry two people. Her fingers wrapped tighter around the straps of her pack as she did her best to not look afraid. People probably weren’t intended to fly but he did seem pretty confident about it. And so far, he hadn’t let her down. With a deep steadying breath, Tsubaki walked slightly closer to the bird before jumping up and landing next to Tousha.

“I most certainly,” she said, her arms out to her sides in an effort to balance her. “Do not want to ride in his talons.” Once she was sure she wasn’t going to fall over or fall off, she lowered her arms and looked around slowly. “This wasn’t what I was expecting,” she murmured, bending down to touch the shadows, finding the sensation to be quite curious.

“Well,” she said as she stood straight again. “Let’s hope for a favorable survival rate.”

Giving Tousha a solid nod of encouragement, Tsubaki braced herself for lift off. It was smoother than she expected but also exactly as terrifying. And fast. She couldn’t help it, the math that started in her head. This would definitely save them a lot of time. Even if she got sick, it would be worth it. Anything to find them faster. Hesitantly watching over the side of the bird, the trees below surging by before she could even register them, Tsubaki couldn’t help but marvel.

“If nothing else, this is definitely better than walking. Thank you, again. For thinking of this. I know it was a bit of a change, my sudden rush to get somewhere.” When they had met, Tsubaki was as much a wanderer as Tousha had been. Nowhere to go in no hurry at all. “I appreciate it.”

[Toshi]

Tousha gave the Kunoichi a confident thumbs up when she mentioned a favorable survival rate. Then he widened his stance, stabilizing himself on the blackbird's back. He'd used this jutsu countless times and it had a special place in his heart, even going so far as considering it one of his signature techniques. Tousha would bet his own life that he could launch them safely into the sky with his eyes closed, but he resisted the urge to show off.

Instead, Tousha willed the bird to flap its massive, shadowy wings slowly and deliberately. The smoke particle blackbird would lift gently off the ground before gaining speed, knifing high up into the air and clearing the nearby treetops in no more than a few seconds. The Kage willed the blackbird to maintain an altitude that put them a dozen or so meters over the treetops, giving them a nice, safe buffer of airspace that wouldn't require any fancy tree dodging. He'd save the theatrics for next time, when they weren't on a time crunch.

"No problem at all, I get it. You miss your family. I know the feeling," Tousha replied, speaking a little louder than he normally would to compensate for the wind that rushed past them. Thankfully the blackbird's head mitigated most of the wind as it flew so they weren't being battered by gusts, but it was still a smidge blustery. Still beat the hell out of walking for a few weeks, though.

Then he turned to Tsubaki from where he was standing atop the blackbird and added, "And you're very welcome. Just tell me where you want to go and go we will."

Jutsu continuedShow

Kōnton • Blackbird Smoke
B-rank Ninjutsu
After completing a sting of hand seals or utilizing advanced channeling the user will saturate the air with Shadow and Fuuton chakra, creating a mass of smoke-like particles in the form of a massive blackbird at a Speed and Strength up to the user's Control. This shadowy form has a wingspan of 10 m and will remain apparent for up to 8 posts without making contact with the user, in which case it will maintain its form as long as the user supplies it with additional chakra. The Blackbird Smoke is capable of flying at a Speed of up to the user's Control, maintains a cutting Strength up to the user's Control on contact with an enemy and can comfortably carry up several allies on its back and a single passenger in each of its talons.

[Amy]

Tsubaki looked around, taking in as much as she could. The trees whistling by below them, the breeze ruffling through her hair and spreading it out behind her. She closed her eyes and focused on the way the sun warmed her skin and the way it called to her. So many things that she had forgotten to enjoy. Life had simply been passing by her for so long. She could reach out, touch it, but everything floated by no differently than if she had stuck her hand in a river. Everything was out of reach, everything was untouchable. She was untouchable. And for so long she had thought it was a good thing. Something to be proud of.

She had been wrong. Living life locked inside of herself wasn’t better. It was just lonely.

Opening her eyes, Tsubaki glanced around once more, taking in the position of the sun. It would be much easier to travel as the crow flies, literally, rather than following the winding paths through the forest. She pointed forward, yet slightly to the side. “That way.”

More quietly, speaking only for herself and for the wind to carry off, Tsubaki spoke again.

“I’ll be there soon.”