Training thread of epic proportions

[SexyPanda]

"Oh Kotoya..."

The boy's heart raced. His mother wanted to do more Iijutsu training again, and that wasn't something he was about to let happen. He had it all planned out this time. Everything was in order; all precautions taken, every path open, and just about every single possible thing that could delay his escape was already taken care of.

th-thump, th-thump

He couldn't tell if that was the sound of his mother coming up the stairs or his heart about to pound right out of his chest. Not that it mattered. His legs tensed.

"Kotoya, it's time for some Iijutsu training! Don't you want to play a few rounds of punching bag? Come on, I know how much you like that game. Surely you must want to play right away. Surely you're not hiding in the hall closet again. SUrely you're going to give up this trivial game of hide and seek. I'm a jounin level ninja! You think I can't find some wrothless kid who can't hide to save his life?"

His mother trudged through the hall way, getting ever closer to the hall closet, ever closer to the trap he set. She opened the door.

SCWHING PLANG PLANG

The two shuriken hidden in the hall closet sailed past... nothing? His mother was standing on the ceilling now, getting ever closer to his true hiding spot, the air duct...

"Oh please. To think you'd hide so close to the trap you set. How did you get in the vent shaft anyway? Through the attaic? By the way, after we're done training, you can come up here and repair the hole in the ceilling."

What hole?

BRRRRRRSCH

His mother's fist slammed through the floor of the vent shaft, barely missing his left lag and grabbing at thin air. Kotoya yelped, crawling along the shaft on his belly like a snake on steroids, hoping to reach the opening to the outside of the house before his mother realized where he was going.

~

Kotoya kicked the grate blocking his exit away, allowing him to finally taste freedom. He leapt from the second story vent shaft, landing on the ground gracefully, only to find his mother standing in front of him, looking rather pissed off.

"How did you get out there so fast?" he asked, in bewilderment.

"It's not that I'm fast, Kotoya. It's that you're slow. You need to buckle down and work on your speed, strength, and taijutsu. It's become apparent to me that improving your strong points only makes your weaknesses more neglected and glaring. I am going to work you so hard you want even know what happened to you. I'm going to make you run so fast that by the time we're through, you'll have to write me a letter from the moon, because I'll make you run there too. You're going to run so fucking fast taht you won't even fucking know a fucking thing about your legs hurting. I hope you caught all of that, you fucking slow fuck face mcfuckington assfuck of fuckshire. Fuck you, fuck your slow ass movement speed fuck your Iijutsu, fuck this house, fuck gravity, fuck your bastard father, fuck all your friends, fuck that good for nothing Nara sensei of yours, fuck everything that can be fucked and more. You're going to fucking sit here and fucking listen to what I tell you, or I will castrate you faster than you can run to the moon, which is where you're going to fucking run if I ever have to come after you for training again, do you fucking understand? Do you? I don't fucking think you fucking do, because if you fucking did, I'd have to fucking murder you faster than you can say fuckity fuck fuck fuck face! I'm going to fucking count to fucking five, and you're going to run! Are you fucking ready? I don't think so, because you've been thinking about that Halcyone girl's fucking bitch tits all day! She's a Hyuuga, and she's fucking hot! You don't have a fucking chance with her, and you fucking drag her to every fucking thing and it just makes you look like some dumb fucktard like our Hokage is! FUCK YOU!"

It was at this point that Kotoya saw the bottle of sake in his mother's hands, which made her surly and prone to profanity more than anything else. She was an angry drunk, and Kotoya had just pissed her off. She broke the empty jug across her thigh and charged Kotoya, kunai out. Kotoya yelped and expelled a jet of water from his hands, causing him to sail high onto the roof of his house. His mother was up and after him in seconds, boasting quite an impressive jump height. She then continued her charge, kunai in hand, leaping forth with bestial agility and lunging at Kotoya with the intent to kill.

"Let's see you dodge this, you little shit! I hope you're ready for me to castrate you when I inevitably catch you and chop off your cock as a result of such insolence!" she screamed, moving in for the kill. Kotoya funsha'd up over the woman's head, then, emitting a burst of chakra from his feet, double jumped over her to safety. Unfortunately, such a burst carried him far over the side of the roof. Thinking fast, he clung to the wall and ran straight down, his mother in hot pursuit, throwing shuriken like a serial killer. Kotoya needed a distraction of some sort...

BOOM

Smoke clouded the area, giving the boy an opportunity to jump into a window on the first floor. As the smoke cleared, the only thing he could see was his mother's fist.

CRRRRRRRRSCHK

The sheer force of his mother's punch threw him back with such speed that he sailed out the window and slammed into the fence across the yard. His mother body flickered in front of him in mere seconds.

"IS THAT ALL YOU'VE GOT, KOTO? REALLY? YOU GOD DAMN LITTLE MOTHERFUCKING SHIT HEAD. ALL YOU DO IS COWER AWAY DURING BATTLES, AND YOU CAN'T EVEN RUN AWAY WORTH A DAMN. I'M GOING TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU SO HARD YOUR FACE WILL LOOK LIKE THE HYUUGA WHORE'S VAGINA AFTER SOME GUY WHO'S FASTER THAN YOU TAKES HER HOME AND FUCKS HER! ARE YOU GOING TO LET TODDLY MCSWAIN DO THAT TO HER? ARE YOU? I'M NOT SURE YOU CAN DO ANYTHING TO PREVENT IT, BECAUSE THE TIME YOU GET YOUR FAT ASS OVER TO HER HOUSE THEY'LL HAVE ALREADY BUMPED UGLIES, YOU LITTLE CUNT. I HOPE YOU'RE READY TO GET YOUR DICK CHOPPED OFF. CHAKRA SCALPEL!" yelled the woman, making a hand sign as a blade of physical chakra appeared in front of her hand. Then, laughing, she brought it down on his crotch.

FWOOSH

Kotoya body flickered out of the way just in time, weaving behind his mother and letting loose a full force chakra burst kick, knocking the woman against the fence.

POOF

Kotoya's mother disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving a log shattered from the force of the impact. His mother appeared behind him with a kunai, ready to strike. Then, all he felt was a splash of water and the sound his back door opening.

"Well, I see my water clone gave you quite a bit of trouble, Kotoya dearest. At least your speed improved a little bit. Now then, come inside and fix that hole in the ceilling while I make lunch."

Kotoya laughed as he jogged back toward the house.

"And then afterwards we can play punching bag!"

The boy groaned.