[Graded]Goodbye Cruel World?

[Tsedas]

Tosh had been locked in his room for days. His parents only opening the door to leave food he would eat or make sure he was still there and still alive. They'd eventually tried forcing him to eat only with minimum success. His mind was addled, his will to do anything fading away. He didn't even let the one person he loved see him. He felt like a freak.

It was a late in the night now, everyone in the house was asleep. Tosh lay in his bed, staring up at the ceiling but his gaze was going miles beyond, mind wandering. He wasn't going to get any better, not after this, not after what he's become. His mind and his body would never let him forget it. With a sigh the teen slipped off his bed and began gathering some things. He had to get ready, he knew what he had to do next and he was going to be very busy trying to do it.

Tosh finished his note after packing and taped it to the outside of his bedroom door before tossing a black trash bag out his window and following after it. The light drizzle pelted him as he landed right, as in he didn't have any injuries or broken limbs. He shuddered before grabbing the trash bag and adjusting the one over his shoulder.

Tosh gripped the bag tightly, the contents being nothing but most of his female clothing which he planned to stash in one of his little hideaways, *That's if I ever need it again...* Tosh thought to himself as he slipped through the dark, quiet streets of Konoha. The rain wasn't overly cold until a soft breeze slipped through the streets. *Don't burn a bridge if you don't have to, right Subaru?*

Tosh made it to his hideaway and ducked inside, having found this little nitch behind a wall leading between two buildings. It was a isolated spot but it made for a nice place to hide things you didn't want you folks to find. Like girl clothes from your double life. The absolute last thing Tosh wanted right now, if he decided to come back, was to be in the hot seat for a bag of stuff like that.

After ensuring no one had seen him he slipped back down the streets, staying to the shadows as he zig zagged his way through Konoha. He didn't know where he was going yet but anywhere was better than home when it came to thinking. Let alone what he might wind up doing. Tosh ran as he felt his heart ache and his eyes burn from the tears starting to well up in his eyes.

After so long he came to a bridge overlooking a body of water that ran through Konoha. He stopped and caught his breath for a while. Tosh leaned heavily against the bridges railing as he looked to the side. He could see the shadow of Konoha's closed gates looming in the darkness, topped with small lights from watch posts. He sniffled in the rain as he felt his head swim. Turning around he leaned against the railing before sliding down into a sitting position.

Holding his head in his hands he cried. He wept and cried, his voice being muffled by the rain as he let it all out. His life was over. Once his friends found out, once his team found out, once his village found out... Once Nabiki found out. He'd have nothing, he'd be alone and abandoned. What was the point of living if he was just going to be a footnote of shame to his family and friends? An outcast to his village? Tosh's hand moved down, pulling something from his pack.

It was a slick, black, and normally called a kunai by every other person. To Tosh it was little more than a knife right now. A knife sharp enough to cut flesh, more specifically a knife that could slice open his wrists. Tosh was never a fan of pain, but frankly a quickly gash in the wrists or a lifetime of heart ache and suffering? Tosh swallowed as he wiped his sleeve against his face to clear away the rain and tears. Sniffling hard, he yanked up his sleeves and held his kunai steady.

Tosh felt his lip tremble as he held his kunai with its point aimed at his arm. Trying to brace himself he shut his eyes and gritted his teeth, moving the tip toward his arm. "Why did this have to happen to me?" He sobbed to himself.

[Yasashikaze Seiken]

Seiken had been keeping an eye on Toshio ever since the attack. And he knew something was up.

Ever since Oburi's slip of the tongue got resolved, things seemed to have been slowly looking up for the genin. He eventually healed from his wounds, his friends came over constantly to see him, and he seemed to getting along quite well with a young blonde in his group. From a distance, he observed the festivities of the large party that was held in one of the parks... and he seemed to be enjoying himself.

That was the last time he had seen the young man's face before this evening.

He had spent days locked in his house, and the people who entered and exited the house were not happy; on the contrary, their eyes and faces showed the concern they held in his heart. Even the young blonde who was presumably his girlfriend was met with apparent failure. Even though he didn't know her, it made Seiken cringe to see a young lady so forlorn. It was at that point that Seiken made his decision: he'd shadow the house and look for any changes.

As the days rolled on, he came to find that it wasn't what he had originally thought it was. His intimidation tactics had made sure to silent the spineless young man. It was something else... something Seiken wasn't privy to. Then, one evening, there was a rustling sound and movement on the far side of the house, and Seiken saw Toshio's form darting across the muddy street.

Seiken was quick to pursue without being seen, his mind working on the possibilities. Each one he presented to himself was knocked aside by logical thought and conclusion by deduction. 'What is Toshio doing... and, more importantly, why?'

It took every ounce of control for the jounin to not walk out from cover and try to console the genin as he burst into tears. To try and startle the child now would only end disastrously, especially if he had it in mind to do something foolish. When the kunai came out, however, his eyes shot open, and as the tip started approaching his wrist, Seiken knew what he had to do.

Without a word, he jumped straight into action, grabbing the boy's wrist and twisting it quickly to release the kunai before deftly socking him in the gut, knocking him out. As Toshio's startled body slumped on his fist, Seiken sighed in relief as he scooped him up and jumped out of site.
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When Toshio awoke, he'd find himself under a warm blanket with a cool damp towel on his head, having just recovered from a fever he contracted while having been caught in the rain. The couch he lay upon sat in a cozy apartment lined with deep brown wood and floors of an identical make accented by beige walls A startlingly beautiful woman sat directly beside him dabbing a cool towel upon his cheeks. Her eyes were filled with concern... even though they had never met. They brightened considerably when he awoke, though her countenance was still quite serious. "Sei-kun, he's awake," she announced softly.

Walking up to her, a man with snow white hair and golden eyes looked at Toshio with a similar gaze of worry, much as an older brother might give to their hurt siblings. Kissing the woman tenderly on the brow, he thanked her and she moved to an adjacent room, closing the door.

Seiken sat in the chair where she had been sitting. "Well... you had a little bit of a close call there, eh, Toshio-kun?" he said quietly, a comforting smile adorning his face.

[Tsedas]

As the man spoke up Tosh just clenched his eyes shut as he cried again. It flooded back to him like a shock to the system. Tosh sat up and curled into a ball, hugging his legs. "Why? Why did it have to be me!?"

Tosh cried, hard as he seemed to block out the man, let alone that he'd just saved his life. The young man didn't even bother asking how he knew his name, let alone where he was. The unfamiliar room seemed to not even exist to him. He just hurt, down to the bottom of his soul. Tosh started shaking, he was crying so hard. OR maybe it was from being in the rain like he had been.

Either way he didn't care. What would be let for him when people found he he wasn't a man. His chest hadn't been swelling from irritation, it was swelling because he was growing breasts. He didn't look girly because he hadn't reached puberty, he looked girly because he had reached puberty. The only problem was that instead of having puberty like boys normally do his brain and body were confused. He was going through puberty like girls do.

His skin was clear and soft, his chest was growing breasts, the hair on his legs and pelvis were fine. One look at his face was all it took to confirm this. Hell, Osh had even noticed his hips getting a bit bigger over the time he was grounded. He thought it was fat because of the lack of physical activity, but no. Tosh wasn't a man like he'd though, nor was he a woman. He was a fence sitter, nothing but a fusion of the genders. "I'm a freak..." the boy sobbed as he pulled himself tighter into a ball.

[Yasashikaze Seiken]

Seiken was expecting some sort of erratic reaction, but he hadn't been quite expecting this. He had sent a clone to the hospital to see if Toshio had been predisposed to suicide, but there had yet to be a result. Watching this young man suddenly burst into tears left Seiken feeling helpless. Walking over to the couch, the jounin wrapped his arms around the young man in an embrace, slowly rocking him during his misery-induced spasms.

His ears caught wind of Toshio's whisper. 'Freak?' he wondered, his eyes widening in shock. Seiken was about to ask, but almost as if on cue, the clone dispelled and the information went flooding into his mind.

Seiken knew everything. He closed his eyes and shook his head, holding the young man even closer. "Toshio-dono... you are not a freak... Sleep for now. Tomorrow, we'll talk..." he reassured the genin, cradling Toshio until he fell to sleep.
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It was morning, and Seiken awoke early, seeing the young man still sleeping on the couch across from him. With a quiet yawn, he rose and grabbed two glasses, reaching into the fridge and pouring orange juice into them. Setting the juice on the coffee table directly between the two couches, Seiken waited for Toshio to awaken.

The jounin's hands were a little shaken; he had spent a good portion of the evening sending clones out to do more research than a dog could wag its tail at. Hopefully, it could pay off.

[Tsedas]

Tosh groaned softly, stirring as his eyes slowly opened. He thought for a moment it was a nightmare. Then he saw he wasn't in his bed, let alone his room or house. He sniffled as he looked wearily at the ceiling. Sitting up he held his head, it hurt from all the stress he'd been through. Pulling his legs around he put them on the floor and noticed the coffee table with a glass of orange juice.

Looking up he saw someone sitting across from him. Tosh ran one of his long sleeves across his eyes and under his nose before sitting there. His head drooped, as he stared at the floor. "Where am I?"

Tosh licked his lips before he looked at the glass. He reached out and picked it up, feeling the coolness of the liquid within through the glass. Tosh sipped the contents a bit to wet his whistle and sooth some of the ache in his throat, all the crying last night taking its toll it seemed. He put the glass back down before glancing up at the other person. He didn't recognize him, but he knew his name.

"Who are you? How did you know my name?" Tosh started before lowered his eyes. "Why did you bother saving me?"

[Yasashikaze Seiken]

Seiken watched as Toshio finally woke from his slumber. "Good morning, Toshio-dono," he said simply, allowing the genin to take in his surroundings on his own.

Despite his fatigue, Seiken kept his shaking under control. It wouldn't do any good to show his current frailty, especially when he's trying to inspire and encourage a young man... one who's been faced with an issue of a unique nature.

For now, he started with the basics. "For now, my name isn't important. I know your name because I saw you get attacked in the streets a while back... and I stopped you because you were making a huge mistake," he answered simply.

Seiken leaned forward, holding his torso up with his arms on his knees, his hands cupped together. "Now, it's my turn to ask a question," he started, already knowing the answer. "Why did you try to kill yourself?"

[Tsedas]

Tosh grabbed the blanket and wrapped around himself. He pulled his legs up on the couch as the man asked him why he'd tried to do it. Tosh lay his chin on his knees as he looked at the glass on the table. *Huge mistake? Was it really? Was trying to save myself the shame and future pain of this curse so wrong?*

"Why should I tell you?" Tosh scoffed. "You just show up out of no where and now you want to play psychologist with me. I'm not even worth it." Tosh said as he felt that welling of pain growing in his heart again. Tosh hugged himself as he clenched his jaw.

"My life is over, I'm just a freak!" Tosh snapped as his eyes, confused and angry eyes filled with fear of what could await him. If anything he was more scared about facing his future than the man stopping him. The boy felt his lip tremble briefly before he bite it lightly, trying to keep from losing it again.

[Yasashikaze Seiken]

As the genin scoffed at the prospect of people actually caring about him, Seiken paused. "Toshio-dono... let's get one thing straight: you are more than just a teenager. You're a shinobi of Konohagakure no Sato... and you are my comrade, one who gives of himself daily to this village and one who will carry on the Will of Fire. You will alway be 'worth it,' regardless of what you might tell yourself... and regardless of how different your body is from everyone elses," he finished, the sign of knowledge in his eyes.

If Toshio had any doubts before, Seiken made it fairly clear that the jounin knew exactly what was so special about the genin that sat across from him. "Toshio-dono, this world... this village is filled with people who are different from those around them in more ways than one. My thirty-year-old partner is both physically and mentally frozen as a ten year old. How do you think she feels when she fights next to people she's literally watch grow up?" he asked rhetorically.

He took another drink of his glass. "But she fights on... because she has friends. She has me and Yuki-dono, people who would give all we have to see her happy," Seiken continued. "And so do you. I saw that party in the park and the way everyone there treated you; I bet there was nary a person there who wouldn't stand up for you. And yet, you tell me you have nothing to live for, that people who've known you for their entire lives will simply abandon you? Do you really have such little faith in the people who love you, Toshio-dono?"

He let the question hang in the air, hoping the genin would understand the point he was trying to get across.

[Tsedas]

They always say the truth hurt, they never tell you how much being wrong hurts. Tosh closed his eyes as he pulled his legs closer to his chest. Tosh let the memories come up of his birthday before choked on a sob before speaking. "That was my birthday, I thought nothing bad could happen to me. At least nothing this big and not this soon."

Tosh opened his eyes as he looked at Sei. It was like those blue eyes reached for something, but they didn't know what. If anything Tosh felt unclean suddenly with the man implying he knew what was going with Tosh's body. Tosh felt sick thinking about it as he shuddered. "Yeah? How do you know? How would you feel suddenly having an ovary and-an-"

Tosh slapped his hand over his mouth as he sobbed quietly. The doctor had examined him using Iijutsu and found an ovary and part of a fallopian tube inside Tosh's abdomen. Tosh had vomited the first time he'd heard that at the Doctor's office. Now someone offhandedly knew about his condition. If anything he should have this man reported for breaking into his medical records because there is no way the doctor would have violated doctor-patient confidentiality so easily.

Tosh let his head lay on his knees, wishing there was a dark place he could hide from the world. "Why did this have to happen to me? Was this my lottery ticket win or something? I'd rather get millions of Ryo than this." Tosh sniffled again. He didn't even wanna go home now, because now he'd have to explain the note he left. Then he'd have to explain what he was doing.

"Fuck, I'm going to have to listen to everyone lecture me about shit now." Tosh groaned, leaned sideways till he was laying on the couch. He uncurled from the ball and pulled the blankets around him as he was starting to wonder if it would have been better to leave no note and let them assume he was staying at Makoto's house or something.

[Yasashikaze Seiken]

Seiken eyes narrowed in sympathy. The jounin could understand how he felt more than the genin realized. "Toshio-dono... I know that bitterness all too well, my friend. And it's not a lecture, but rather, a story... my story."

He stared out the window as he began to delve into his past. "My parents were killed right before my eyes when I was ten years old, Toshio-dono," he started. "And I asked myself that same question: 'Why? What did I do to deserve this? What will I do now?' I was lost... and when my friends tried to help me, I did nothing but push them away. I let my own bitterness get to me, and I took a path that left me with many... many regrets."

He looked back at Toshio, the sun beginning to shine down through the window as they peeked out from the clouds. "It was only after I met Yuki-dono, the woman who was tending you, that I realized exactly how miserable I was... and how foolish I had been. Even when I degraded her, insulted her, and belittled her, she didn't move from my side. It was like she saw something in me that I couldn't even see myself. And eventually, she helped me open my heart back up... But Toshio-dono, that didn't shield me from the consequences of my choices. I've hurt many good people, including my teammates, and there are those who, to this day, refuse to talk to me because of how harshly I treated them."

Recalling so much at one proved to be a bit much; though he tried to blink them away, a few tears slid down the jounin's cheeks. He shook his head, still disgusted in his past self as he wiped them away. "Please, Toshio-dono... don't make the same mistake I did. Don't let that bitterness get the best of you, no matter how great it seems. And don't push your friends away, especially when they want to help you... They deserve better than that."

There was a knock on the door. "Come in," Seiken called simply. The door would open, one of Seiken's clones standing next to a familiar blonde...

[Tsedas]

Tosh bolted upright on the couch as he stared at the door. "Na-n-Nabiki!" Tosh stammered out quickly as he stared in disbelief. His head swam with so many emotions, he didn't know which one was right. The blonde approached him with glazed eyes, maneuvering around the furniture as she made a bee line for Tosh.

"Asshole!" Her arm went out as she slapped him hard. Tosh looked up at her, having been knocked down by the slap to the face. She started shaking as tears streaked down her face. The blonde practically dove on top of him as she scooped him up into a hug. Holding his head to her chest as she started to audible cry, "What the hell was that stupid letter for? You should have come to me if you were scared!"

Nabiki rocked Tosh as she went on to say how Tosh's disappearance had shocked everyone. Haruko, Tosh's mother, was a mess while Soun, his Dad, was furiously looking for the boy. His friends had enlisted all the friends from Tosh's birthday party to help find him. Tosh didn't say anything, he just wrapped his arms around Nabiki as he held on tightly. It was like he'd slip away if he let her go.

Nabiki pulled Tosh's head back enough to look him in the eye. "He told me what has happened to you." Tosh shot a fear filled angry glance at the man before Nabiki's fingers turned Tosh's head back to her. "I'm here for you Tosh. I love you." Tosh felt something wash over him when she kissed him. He didn't know what to make of it but it was nice. The young couple kissed on the couch as they sobbed, the blonde happy that the boy was alive and safe. Tosh on the other hand really needed to think about his life. What the hell was he going to do now? But the one thing rushing through his mind now was *She said she loved me. I think that's the first she's said that to me.*

[Yasashikaze Seiken]

'Ah, young love,' he mused internally, grinning at the spectacle as the clone closed the door and dispelled. 'I remember what that was like.'

Though the jounin was loathe to break up the tearful reunion, he had to interject. "Nabiki-dono... before you continue, I owe both you and Toshio-dono an explanation."

And with that, he explained everything. He explained how he had stumbled upon the last part of the attack and had pursued Oburi with his clones. He explained that he had went back the day to Oburi's house to either force an apology or to use his rank to pursue the necessary legal avenues for his incarceration and then that he followed the group back to Toshio's house to prevent them from too badly injuring Oburi. He explained that he heard about Toshio's secret and, afterwards, kept tabs on Oburi so that he held up his end of the bargain... and he admitted that he kept an eye on Toshio out of concern for the injuries he had suffered. He explained that Oburi's silence was his doing. Heck, he even admitted that he saw the party from afar.

Then he explained that as he passed by Toshio's house, that his windows were closed shut... and that the people who came to and left his house were not happy... They were worried, even afraid. Seiken explained that he figured something was up, especially when he saw Nabiki turned away.

And then he explained the entire course of events up to this morning. The reason Seiken found out was not because he had forced the information from the doctor, but rather that he had gone to the hospital asking if Toshio had been predisposed to suicidal thoughts and that he was very concerned. It was then that the doctor explained exactly what happened. Seiken also made the doctor swear to keep the information about the attempt to himself, which he readily agreed to do so.

Seiken sighed deeply after his explanation. "I'm aware that my methods were unorthodox, and the last thing I wanted to do was insinuate that your family and friends were incapable... But I've had bad things happen to me, too... and I've made horrible mistakes because I thought I was alone... The last thing that I want is for someone to repeat my errors... to become like me... Gomenasai, Toshio-dono, Nabiki-dono, for all the trouble I've caused."

His apology came with a deep bow, his head almost touching the floor as he sank to his knees.

[Tsedas]

"It's fine. I'd thank you, but the way you went about doing everything seems a bit too much like a stalker. I'm just glad Tosh is safe." Nabiki said, squeezing Tosh's shoulder as she held him close. The brown haired boy seemed a bit better with Nabiki there but he still looked depressed. Nabiki saw this and ruffled his hair, "What's wrong?"

"You realize what will happen to me right?" Tosh asked, closing his eyes for a brief moment as if to draw up the courage to tell her. "I'm not going to become taller like I thought, let alone less girly looking. You've seen my family, I won't look like my Uncles or cousins, let alone my Dad. I'm going to look more like my Mom and Ryoko. I'm going to grow... breasts."

Nabiki smiled at Tosh, he couldn't tell if it was sad or not. The look in her eyes told him she was worried though. She leaned down and whispered into his ear, Tosh blinked before he pulled back to look at her. Nabiki just ruffled his hair and looked at the man. "I never did get your name. I'm sure Tosh's parents will want to thank you... Did you send a clone to tell them about Tosh yet?"

Tosh groaned at the thought of his parents showing up and started to voice those complaints till he squeaked in surprised. Nabiki gave him a sideways glance since she'd goosed him. "Hush you, I'm trying to keep the backlash from getting you grounded for the rest of eternity."

[Yasashikaze Seiken]

Seiken's only response was a sigh. He was just glad that Nabiki forgave him. As he saw her eyes brighten, however, he realized that she must have had an idea. He rose to his knees and motioned to the clone. "Not yet, but that's something that can easily be remedied by my friend here. What specifically did you have in mind?"

Seiken was simply hoping that it didn't involve anything too dangerous... or anything that could leave permanent scarring.

[Tsedas]

"Just tell them he's okay. I think I'll have to help Tosh do the rest." Nabiki said as she looked to Tosh. He sighed but nodded, knowing sooner or later he was going to have to put himself on the chopping block for this one. "And tell them he's safe, that I'm with me. They'll feel better knowing that he's with someone they know will take care of him."

"It'd be nice if you could knock them all out and erase their memories of this entire thing. That would be great." Tosh scoffed as Nabiki chuckled and rubbed his back. She told him it wasn't likely before Tosh looked around as he remembered something. "Where's that bag I had with me?"

"Thanks for your help." Nabiki said, despite her earlier comment she was more than grateful that the man had saved Tosh from making a huge mistake and killing himself. She was in shock herself for a good hour or two after finding out but managed to pull her hist together to look for him. She still felt like crying deep down, but she held herself together as she wanted to to be alone with Tosh when she did let go.